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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel uncomfortable about this.........

257 replies

keepeverybodyhappy · 22/09/2010 20:36

My DD (v.v.nearly 8) has been to a number of sleepovers at her friend's house.
At these sleepovers they have had baths together, often following muddy/messy playtimes.
However, at the most recent sleepover they had a shower together, and what makes me feel uncomfortable is that her friends Dad was sat watching.
AIBU to feel uncomfortable by this?
Thank you.

OP posts:
Anenome · 22/09/2010 22:29

Same thing here Brassband!

AnyFucker · 22/09/2010 22:31

attending to a crying child in the street is very different to watching children who are not your own showering with no other adults around

to compare the two is ludicrous

SixtyFootDoll · 22/09/2010 22:31

Maybe OP i nthe house you DD stayed at they DO still supervise their DD in the showe, and this man thought that your DD needs supervison too.

Its a reasonalbe an explanation as any.

OR he may well be a peadophile like every other man out there Hmm

HuwEdwards · 22/09/2010 22:31

Not part of a sleepover?

My 2 dds had a friend over in the summer and they were playing with the water hose in the garden. They all arrived at the back door naked and drenched. They had a whale of a time.

Any Anyfucker, yes I just wrote what the rest of you are implying.

supersalstrawberry · 22/09/2010 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JaneS · 22/09/2010 22:32

Huw, why is it so important to you that you want to argue whether he was 'watching' or 'supervising'? If the child thought enough of it to mention it to her mum, isn't that enough of a problem? It is very natural for children to get very modest, and adults should be aware of that - anyone who isn't, risks looking at best insensitive.

Anenome · 22/09/2010 22:32

In this day and age ALL men in the UK who have kids are aware of the suspiscion whih can fall so easily....even if he helps his own DD he MUST know it's not usual to help other girls of the same age when they are in the shower!

supersalstrawberry · 22/09/2010 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 22/09/2010 22:33

the only thing I was implying is that he made a mistake

Like it or not, huw (and I don't like it either), society will not look favourably on a man who watches other children showering

My Dh would never do it, and I would be very angry he put himself in such a vulnerable position if he did

Original poster
keepeverybodyhappy · 22/09/2010 22:33

HuwEdwards-are you suggesting that this is ok? Should I send DD again?
Anenome-will gently question DD further-thank you

OP posts:
HuwEdwards · 22/09/2010 22:35

Anyfucker, don't you see? this kind of hysteria makes men like that!

BitOfFun · 22/09/2010 22:35

I'm am about as far from a hysterical paedo-spotter as you can get, but I still find it strange that a male parent wouldn't see the inappropriateness of this. It's nothing like comforting a crying child.

AnyFucker · 22/09/2010 22:36

be very gentle, OP, your dd did nothing wrong and would be a shame to spoil her experience

I would just quietly drop the sleepovers

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 22/09/2010 22:36

I have a daughter of 7 and though i wouldn't expect her to be bathed at a sleepover mainly because all the shrieking and splashing would be hell, i also wouldn't think it strange if she was. Also while writing this i'm thinking about the possibility of any of the fathers bathing her at any houses she would be sleeping over at and can honestly say i wouldn't't mind.

supersalstrawberry · 22/09/2010 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Anenome · 22/09/2010 22:36

Good on you keepingeverybodyhappy it wont hurt to ask....YOU were bothered enough to post on here and thats enough to feel uncomfortable about it all.

FingandJeffing · 22/09/2010 22:41

I'm usually one of those people who do think it's sad when people think the worst.

I can clearly remember sleeping over at my best friends a lot at this age, I think it is a touch odd to have any parent supervise bathing at a sleepover especially for 7 year olds.

I don't have a 7 year old daughter at the mo, but I would think most could manage this sort of thing without constant supervision. Like AF I would quietly stop the sleepovers.

AnyFucker · 22/09/2010 22:41

huw, I believe you are the hysterical one

makes men like what ? Sensitive to a growing child's modesty ? Aware that society, like it or not, will judge a man who watches children that are not his own in the shower ?

Yes, I'll have my husband just as he is, thanks

HuwEdwards · 22/09/2010 22:41

KEH she's your DD, I wouldn't presume to tell you what you should do with your own child.

You asked if it should make you uncomfortable. I don't think it should, but if I was uncomfortable with any aspect of my child staying at someone's house, then I'm sure I'd follow my instinct.

I just don't agree with you.

Original poster
keepeverybodyhappy · 22/09/2010 22:43

I like to think that I'm a "go-with-the-flow" type person, but this has bothered me. I'm just reassured by the majority of posts to see that I'm not alone. Thanks guys

OP posts:
Original poster
keepeverybodyhappy · 22/09/2010 22:45

I have to go to bed now...early start. But PLEASE keep posting.............will be back again tomorrow. Thank you.

OP posts:
SixtyFootDoll · 22/09/2010 22:46

MY DS aged 7 slept at a frinds, they had a bath together.
THe Mum put them both in swimming trunks and made sure she told me that.

I realy felt it was not necessary as I trust her and really would have thought nothing of her bathing her son and mine BECAUSE she has a son the same age as mine, I know she would never harm her son and that she would not harm mine.
Is this very different from the OP?

Teitetua · 22/09/2010 22:47

I don't think it's unreasonable to have some concern about this, but on the other hand (having read the second message) if it's someone you basically trust, I'd also say the reasonable thing to do is let it drop. But at the same time, don't forget that it happened, and be somewhat alert for anything like a repeat! That would be worrying to a much higher level.

Anenome · 22/09/2010 22:47

Seeya then and don't worry! Its in all probability nothing..but you ar doing the right thing in checking it out.

HuwEdwards · 22/09/2010 22:51

KEH, I'm off. Hopefully somehow you'll get the reassurance that your suspicions, (founded from what you've told us, on the square root of bugger all) will prove wrong.

Sincerely, I do wish you piece of mind.