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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel uncomfortable about this.........

257 replies

keepeverybodyhappy · 22/09/2010 20:36

My DD (v.v.nearly 8) has been to a number of sleepovers at her friend's house.
At these sleepovers they have had baths together, often following muddy/messy playtimes.
However, at the most recent sleepover they had a shower together, and what makes me feel uncomfortable is that her friends Dad was sat watching.
AIBU to feel uncomfortable by this?
Thank you.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 22/09/2010 22:16

huw...how did OP discover this happened then if her dd didn't "tell her" ????

supersalstrawberry · 22/09/2010 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HuwEdwards · 22/09/2010 22:19

anyfucker, maybe OP asked her what she did, she says 'we had shower'. OP knows mum isn't there and asks 'where was dad?' etc. etc.

A nearly 8yo, feeling 'uncomfortable' about a friends dad being present...? Christ, what's the world coming to..

BabyDubsEverywhere · 22/09/2010 22:20

Well from this thread alone i have decided not to do baths or showers on sleepovers, they can all miss a night whatever state they are in. Grin

Thank god i have a while!

Curlybrunette · 22/09/2010 22:20

I also find this really sad that it is deemed as weird that the dad was there. OP you put that the dad was watching them shower. How was that, was he sat actually staring or was he generally around - he could have been pottering around the upstairs sticking his head in every now and again.

I've got younger boys, aged 4 and 2 so I don't know what they'll feel about showering with me around when they're 7 but I really trust everyone one of my close friends fathers. There isn't one of them that I would worry about near my boys. I hate to think I would be at the point where it's 'guilty until proven innocent'. I would never take risks with my boys and I don't feel that one of their friends fathers, who I know and trust, is a risk.

Now if your dd was upset by the situation and felt threatened or upset in any way by the dad's behaviour then that's a whole other story!

HuwEdwards · 22/09/2010 22:21

Profiterole, yes, my DP would too, but we all parent in different ways, can't believe that because he was supervising IN THE ABSENCE OF ANY OTHER ADULT that the finger points to him being a paedophile.

LISTEN to yourselves...it's tragic.

AnyFucker · 22/09/2010 22:21

I did ask the OP for further clarification about what the actual context of the "watching" was, but she doesn't know (doesn't want to quiz her dd further)

Personally, I wouldn't quiz further, nor ring the family in question....but I would quietly stop the sleepovers

supersalstrawberry · 22/09/2010 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 22/09/2010 22:22

I find this thread so sad. if we had children here in the same circumstances i would do anything necessary because of threads like this but personally if i trusted someone enough to let my dd go there for a sleepover something like this wouldn't bother me in the slightest. And those of you that say 2 children of 7 don't need supervised, have any of you put 2 over excited girls of that age in a shower together? Accident waiting to happen i've tried it.

Original poster
keepeverybodyhappy · 22/09/2010 22:23

DD told us she'd had a shower, after general "what we did" talk. She said that her friends Dad had sat on the toilet seat whilst they were in the shower. As the father also has a son, it seemed odd that he sat there, whereas he could've popped in now and then

OP posts:
Anenome · 22/09/2010 22:23

Sick of people "finding it sad" who gives a shit if it's sad?! It's weird! Lots f thing aren't the same as they used to be and we're all a lot bloody better off for it! When I was at schoo in the 70s parents NEVER questioned teachers or schools and as a result MANY kids were very unhappy....abused, slapped....ridiculed...its not taken for granted anymore that ALL adults are good...and that's a GOOD thing! Not a sad thing! FFS!

BitOfFun · 22/09/2010 22:23

I wouldn't think that a sensible adult would think it advisable to watch other people's children showering.

TheFallenMadonna · 22/09/2010 22:24

My DH would not take himself out of the house. How odd. I don't think he would supervise bathing either though. IME, it's not something that happens on sleepovers. Mine always come home knackered and filthy. Isn't that the norm? Probably for this very reason!

SixtyFootDoll · 22/09/2010 22:24

Huw - I am with you.
Why is the assumption that the Dad was sat there getting a thrill form it?

Maybe he was watching thinking what fun to be a 7r old messing about with her BF in the shower?!!

Why does it have to be dodgy/ sexual?

HuwEdwards · 22/09/2010 22:25

thanks god some sane people have joined this thread. No wonder men won't GO NEAR a crying child in the street - because of all you NUTTERS.

Makes me so angry.

supersalstrawberry · 22/09/2010 22:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 22/09/2010 22:25

but you don't need to watch them, in the same room

personally (because I hate kids messing about in the shower...), I would make myself busy elsewhere upstairs, keeping an ear out to check they were ok and not trashing all my facecreams Wink

but I wouldn't necessarily stay in the bathroom to supervise so closely

JaneS · 22/09/2010 22:25

Surely there is a huge difference between supervising your own child, and someone else's?

I mean, I see my DH naked all the time - if I saw another adult like that I'd call the police. It's nothing to do with calling this man a pervert, but he's obviously out of order for not realizing that the OP's daughter could feel very uncomfortable about it.

Anenome · 22/09/2010 22:25

Sorry for typos...bit wound up there Blush
keepingeverybodyhappy

The point is what are you going to DO about it? I tink att he least you need to question carefully...your DD made a point of telling you he was there...I would ask her "who dried you?"

Arses to the people who are sad about it all...make sure your DD is ok...she probably is...best to make sure though.

supersalstrawberry · 22/09/2010 22:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HuwEdwards · 22/09/2010 22:26

BOF just maybe not watching, just maybe supervising....dear god...

supersalstrawberry · 22/09/2010 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 22/09/2010 22:28

huw...you are getting hysterical now

you were the first to mention the word paedophile Hmm

Original poster
keepeverybodyhappy · 22/09/2010 22:28

TheFallenMadonna -I'd never consider a bath / shower as part of a sleepover.......that's why I started to be concerned. I wouldn't do it. It's never happened at any other friends' sleepovers.

OP posts:
brassband · 22/09/2010 22:28

i am wondering if these people who think it's sad that we are questioning the man's motive's actually have girls of 8?