to feel uncomfortable about this.........

[keepeverybodyhappy]

My DD (v.v.nearly 8) has been to a number of sleepovers at her friend's house.
At these sleepovers they have had baths together, often following muddy/messy playtimes.
However, at the most recent sleepover they had a shower together, and what makes me feel uncomfortable is that her friends Dad was sat watching.
AIBU to feel uncomfortable by this?
Thank you.

I understand what some of you are saying that it's a shame that Dad's are doubted in this way, but it does happen.
I had concerns about it, but DH is not happy AT ALL, saying that a phone call is neccessary.
WWYD?
DD may well have felt uncomfortable aboutit, as she offerred the information to us. Haven't questioned her further as didn't want to make her feel she's being quizzed

YANBU
I would think that is a bit odd. 7 year old girls can shower themselves. Am sure he had no motives but I just wouldnt like it

I find it really depressing that adults have to protect themselves in these types of situations. I do understand why they feel like like this - it just saddnes me deeply.

I don't think it would bother me if as you say the mother was out for the evening and he was in and out of the bathroom but to sit their watching seems strange. But TBH mostly because we now live in a society where it is so unusal for people (especially men) to do this sort of thing because they are so worried about consequences.

FWIW I have 'actively' showered DD's school friends (although they are only 5 and I am female) and not thought anything more of it other than I was being helpful and I would appreciate someone doing the same for my DD.

I think a phone call would be wise.

Maybe just say that you are ok with how they do things with their own dd, but when your dd is there they did x, or your dd just not be washed.

YANBU and I wouldn't allow my dd to go there again.

This thread makes me hugely sad. It's terrible that we are now in a society who genuinely think this is unacceptable, and that most men have the potential to be branded perverts.

precisely sal

keep a listening ear out to prevent kids messing about, yes

to watch proceedings ??

errr, no

personally i wouldn't worry unless the DD said she was uncomfortable in which case i'd call and say that DD was growing up and beginning to feel shy and could she have more privacy in future.

7yr olds vary grately in how body conscious they are and it can be totally normal in some households to be naked in front of each other and if it's normal in their house he wouldn't have though about your DD any differently than his own.

I run a sunday school class for little ones, and also help out with the youth club for the teens. DD is 16, DS1 is 5 and both are at church. I know all the kids there. I have been CRB checked and am no threat to anyone.
I would never put myself in any situation like this - not because I am in any way dodgy, but because I need to protect myself and them from any potential minefield.

The Dad should have thought it through. If it were me, I'd give him a call and just say it along the lines of 'DD mentioned you kept an eye on them when they showered in case of any accidents, maybe in future it would be better to give a shower a miss as if DD mentioned it casually elsewhere someone might get the wrong end of the stick'
You're not then implying anything but bringing the potential minefield to his attention.

Would people be so bothered if it was a mother keeping an eye on her son and his friend in the shower?

I know the risks ( I have worked in CP) but maybe the two girls were having fun and he was innocently just enjoying thier fun?

It is sad that there is an abusive slant to everything...

I'm not saying he is in the right, just mulling it over here.

I wouldn't be in the bathroom with 7yr old girls. I think it would make them - and certainly me - very uncomfortable. And their parents even more so.

7 yr olds don't need to be watched in the bathroom (tho keeping an ear out is sensible).

The child is nearly 8. Quite a few 9-year-olds have started their periods. It is not about calling the dad a pervert, it's about how your adolescent daughter might feel. Most kids, I think, feel a bit self-aware when they come to that stage, and though he presumably knows his daughter isn't going to feel self-conscious, he can't possibly tell if the OP's child would or not.

OP, can you not simply tell him your daughter isn't comfortable with it because of her age? Clearly this is true, or she would not have told you about it.

I think if DH was in that situation he would probably wait in the next room and listen out or depending on how messy they were just let them clean hands and face in the sink or maybe call the kids mum and ask if they are allowed to shower by themselves and that is what I would do as well.
I think it is sad that adults (particularly men) are presumed to be predators these days but I don't think kids that old need to be supervised or helped when showering so it is odd that the mum or dad would do that imo.
I wouldn't assume that the man was up to no good though if your daughter has nothing else to report and you trust him I would just get your daughter to tell him she is allowed to shower by herself and to phone you if it comes up again or she could just have a quick clean up in the sink and a proper shower/bath when she got home.

I feel the same as some of you guys........it's a shame that it's got to the stage that we doubt men/women with our children, but there is a reason for it.
I agree also that if they'd decided to do the same at our house, popping in/out would be ok, but full supervision is inappropriate.
Where do we go from this-not let her go again/talk to parents and risk offence/quiz DDD further?

sorry "DD"

I think the word that's inflammatory here is watching.

His OH wasn't about and he had charge of the children. Just perhaps he was sat there bored out of his tiny skull wondering when visiting kid would go home, he could get his own kid to bed and could crack a beer open. Maybe just maybe his wife said something like " make sure you watch them".

I mean presumably he wasn't sat there fondling himself...

What a suspicious, horrid world we live in when someone who no-one has any suspicions about, whom the OP was happy to leave her child with, makes one "mistake".

All of you saying no way and fgs, 'call them' are bloody bonkers.

For those who asked would you care if it was a woman supervising? Yes, I personally would still be uncomfortable. NT DC do not need help to wash at that age, if they want you there that is one thing, but otherwise there is no need for an adult presence.

and OP did not say her DD "told her" about it or "felt uncomfortable"

Fucking ridiculous!

This is why I asked yesterday how people can just send their kids to relative strangers homes for sleepovers...not saying the Dad is a perve...but...it just gets too awkward for everyone! My DH ould probably have put them both to bed uddy rather than watch them shower! In fact...if I were the Mother I wouldn't have GONE to a bloody barn dance the night my DD wa having a sleepover!

I would not be happy and would not send her there again.

i think this is very very dodgy,what possible motive could there be for watching someone else's 8 yo daughter in the shower

I have a 7yo DD and unsupervised she cannot reach the shower controls, and is known to use gallons of shampoo, conditioner etc if not supervised.