to think leaving your 4yr old to play in the park while you read a book is wrong?

[ttalloo]

I was going up and down the slide at the park today with my two DSs, when a little girl started asking me if she could come down the slide with me (I was sliding down with both boys). She seemed all by herself, and was very polite and sweet, so I said yes, and we played on the slide together for about half an hour.

After that, the boys got tired of the slide and wanted to race around, so she joined us. I asked where her mother was, and she pointed to a woman sitting about 50 feet away from us in the sun with her nose buried in a book. The boys started jumping off tree stumps, so the little girl joined in, and all the while I was feeling increasingly uncomfortable at having the responsibility for someone else's child thrust upon me in this way.

Don't get me wrong - I didn't mind the little girl joining in with us. She was a nice little thing, who obviously wanted company, and DS1 seemed to like having her around, but I just don't think it was right for her mother to bring her to the park, and leave her to her own devices, talking to strangers, while she spent at least an hour, during which I was babysitting her daughter, reading a book.

AIBU to think the mother was lazy and irresponsible, and to feel sorry for her little girl, who clearly needed some attention?

Sounds like she just wanted some attention and play mates.
Curious isn't it, some parents play with their kids at parks and others, like this Mum, take a different approach.
My DD wouldn't let me have the luxury of reading...I have to push the swing until my arms ache!

I think you are being unreasonable

children should be able to socialise with their own .... did she seem happy?

You did not have to take responsibility for the child. You made the decision too. Perhaps the child is fully capable of playing alone at the park and just wanted to make friends. Perhaps the mother was keeping an eye on her and you did not see it.
The child was not abandoned in any way. But perhaps I am all for children to explore things independently.

Go to any park on a Sunday morning
you'll find loads of dads Reading the paper on park benches whilst the kids are having fun

I'm of the vareity of parent that Jaynie describes - I'm frequently to be spotted a little distance away from my children in the park reading/texting/smoking - and very very rarely do I get up and play with them.

I agree with Hows - you didn't have to take responsibility for the child. You chose to.

I'd sit & read - but then I've got 3, & they'd be happily playing together/with any other children who were about.

But I'd be looking up from my book every couple of minutes, & wandering over if any of them attached themselves to another parent; as you say it's unfair if someone else ends up 'babysitting' - & could leave them feeling uncomfortable.

YANBU.

YABU-you have no idea what is happening in the mother's life that means she has to 'escape' in that way.
Come round to my house and you may see me with my nose i n a book and 1 of 3 dc having to say 'Mum' 5 times before I realise. For various reasons I sometimes just need some head space.
It may not happen a lot and you have no way of knowing.

Golly.

YABU.

Very.

I have been known to take a book to the park to read whilst my children played.

Now I send them out on their own [hooray]

YABU.

phew!!!

YABU

Yabu the little girl wanted to play with the other children at the park ie your DC, its kind of what kids do, play together.

YABU. I read in the playground every chance I get; that is, all too rarely. Should I get the chance to read for a whole minute, the shock of makes me look up and check my kids are ok.

I used to hate, hate, hate going to the park with my DC when they were little. They loved it, and didn't need me to play with them, so having a book or the paper was something that made it half bearable for me.

Was she in danger? No. She was having fun, and hooked up with you/your DC to make it even better.

YABU and very judgey.

The child seemed happy, notanotter, and I was impressed at her confidence (DS1, who's 3 and a half, doesn't like to leave my side at the park), not just in terms of playing alone, but also in being able to talk to people.

But the fact that she wanted to join in with us suggested to me that she was lonely, and tired of trying to entertain herself.

And although I'm all for giving children the chance to explore things independently, howstheserenity, I just don't think that burying yourself in a book from which you scarcely looked up while your child is playing in a reasonably big playground, is appropriate when the child in question is only four.

Gosh ds is always tackling random strangers in the park to play with. Started when he was 2 and continues to date now he is 6. He got two ten yr old girls today!

Most memorable was when he was three and he went up to a 17 yr old in the park with his girlfriend and got him to push him on the roundabout. Didn't realise that made me a delinquent parent.

YABU! Very, very harsh to describe her as lazy and irresponsible. You have no idea how much she has done with her daughter for the rest of the day, maybe she sees the park as her 'break' - and why not? There's plenty to occupy her child there, including other kids to play with.

How old are your boys?? My elder 2 are 3 and 5 and they are definitely at the stage where they play by themselves at the park while I watch from the sidelines. I used to helicopter around/play with them when they were smaller and liable to get stuck on play equipment etc.

If it was 15+years ago, the woman would have been me. I was always within earshot and visible to my DD. I chose not to be a helicopter parent unlike my sister.
LOL at you actually going on the slide, my children would have told you that the equipment was for children.

YABU - and judgemental.

Is it really so much of a chore to have to interact with somebody else's child for half an hour?

And your comment about 'talking to strangers' makes me feel sad. I think it is lovely when children are confident enough to chat to new people. It takes a village to raise a child, and all that...

YABU - the little girl didn't want to play with you she wanted to play with your DC. Such is the way children are.

You didn't need to take any responsibility.

(However you would not BU to be mildly irritated by an additional child interupting your play time if you felt she was.)

i take them to the park so that they can play

It is a lesson in itself teaching children independent play. I could equally say the parent fussing round their child is too 'lazy' to teach the child this...

Ah x-post, just seen how old your eldest is!! I reckon you're just jealous because your youngest is presumably still at an age where he can't be left alone....

No judgement intended on parents reading etc, but if my child spent a lot of time playing/chatting with another family, I think I would want to just make sure she was ok - plus, and maybe I'm being a bit anti-social, I don't always like it when other children latch on to me when I'm trying to spend time with my DD.

I think YABU. Its like you too her on just so you could be all outraged.

She was not in danger. She should, at that age, be able to play a bit. I personally would wander over if my child seemed to be attaching themselves too much to a parent, this scenario you decribe never occurs, but my son once followed a boy he'd been playing with to his table and tried to join him for lunch (!) so I rescued the parent from that! But it wasn't for food, he was being sociable! (Talking about soft play, not a park by the way)

My son is 3 and can easily play alone at a park/soft play as long as I am in sight.

Its not your problem really or your business, unless you make it, which you did, so your problem I'm afraid and I think YABU.