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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think leaving your 4yr old to play in the park while you read a book is wrong?

305 replies

ttalloo · 18/09/2010 20:50

I was going up and down the slide at the park today with my two DSs, when a little girl started asking me if she could come down the slide with me (I was sliding down with both boys). She seemed all by herself, and was very polite and sweet, so I said yes, and we played on the slide together for about half an hour.

After that, the boys got tired of the slide and wanted to race around, so she joined us. I asked where her mother was, and she pointed to a woman sitting about 50 feet away from us in the sun with her nose buried in a book. The boys started jumping off tree stumps, so the little girl joined in, and all the while I was feeling increasingly uncomfortable at having the responsibility for someone else's child thrust upon me in this way.

Don't get me wrong - I didn't mind the little girl joining in with us. She was a nice little thing, who obviously wanted company, and DS1 seemed to like having her around, but I just don't think it was right for her mother to bring her to the park, and leave her to her own devices, talking to strangers, while she spent at least an hour, during which I was babysitting her daughter, reading a book.

AIBU to think the mother was lazy and irresponsible, and to feel sorry for her little girl, who clearly needed some attention?

OP posts:
Bingtata · 18/09/2010 23:34

To be more serious I'm with you Sixtyfootdoll. I actually have had 'looks' from other parents because DD is not only playing 'on her own' (sounds like I kick her out the front door and tell her to fuck off to the park!) but she is also doing various 'dangerous' things.

I also think that there is something strange about adults joining in as starlightmckenzie says. I do not join in. That is possibly why DD is quite happy to chuck herself off the top of a scramble net?

bumder · 18/09/2010 23:35

I do go round the softplay with DD cos it's massive and I can't really supervise her properly from the bottom - I always think she'll give me the slip or escape out of the fire exit.
If the OP thinks it's bad having to entertain one child in the park she wouldn't like to be my DH in the softplay. Kids follow him round like the Pied Piper (I think it must be the novelty of him being a bloke who doesn't mind getting in the ball pond). That's what you do when you go to kids places though. Sometimes I'm pushing DD on the roundabout in the park and she jumps of after about 2 secs but I still push the other kids on it if DD is happy playing on something else. Tis all part of the fun.

Anenome · 18/09/2010 23:37

Oh...I'll have one more bash at this...I always hng around the climbing frame because my 2 year old is a good climber but she's too small to get down! Sometimes I have to get up there! I'm not weird though! My 6 year old loves to have a go on the See saw with me....and I think it's fine!

StarlightMcKenzie · 18/09/2010 23:39

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CharlieBoo · 18/09/2010 23:40

I've heard it all, it's 'strange' to play with your kids now!! Bloody hells bells!!!

I'm off my iPhone dying and my eyes going!! This is why i never post on aibu!

mymotherisveryold · 18/09/2010 23:42

I can probably piss you all off.

I take my dd2 (4) and ds (2) to the park and I like to play on the equipment for older children whilst they learn to play on their own/with each other/with other children.

I attend to them when they want a push or something.

Polishes worst mother badge.

StarlightMcKenzie · 18/09/2010 23:42

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bumder · 18/09/2010 23:43

IMO it's neither strange to play with your kids or neglectful to sometimes not. If DD is making friends in the park and I try to play with her she inevitably tells me to go away Blush

cremedelacreme · 18/09/2010 23:49

YANBU wanting to spend time with your DCs and about feeling resentful having to babysit someone else's child for AN HOUR. It's okay for people to say that you didn't have to take responsibility but actually, if you're a fairly responsible kind of person, I think it's quite normal to do so after a certain amount of time.

In the park I sometimes play with my DC (and there are times when they ask me to because, hey, I can be fun to play with) and sometimes I leave them to play on their own if they've hooked up with other kids and seem to be having fun. But I would definitely go over and join in a bit if they were hanging on to someone else for an hour or so, just to check in, check how the adult was feeling about it all, because maybe THAT adult has things to deal with and wants a bit a space with their own kids.

It's all about being polite and getting the balance right, really.

bratnav · 18/09/2010 23:49

Ha, you could be my DH when we met and the other mother was me. I would sit and read and keep an eye out for my 2 DDs 4 and 3 then, DH would go on everything with DSD and she would scream if he let go of her hand. We compromised, DSD learned to play with other kids and DDs got a few more eye meets from me :o

mumof2children · 19/09/2010 00:01

my son is 4 and does not like me playing with him at the park, he is bored of me playing with him at the parks....after all i have been taking him since he could sit up approx 4 months old.

another parent it is new and excited that another 'mum' is playing with him....i will always have 1 eye on him and tbh if you are looking at me reading then who is your eye on me or your child

nooka · 19/09/2010 00:18

My dd was always a great detector of potential adults who might push her on the swings or play with her, because I too am a book reading at the park mum. ds on the other hand was always more keen on teenagers, and amazingly successful at getting them to talk to him. I made sure I had an idea of where they were and who they were with and that the interaction seemed positive, but if it was I'd leave well alone. I am sure that I did get judged for it, but I really didn't care so long as they were happy and active. dd did have a few minor scrapes at times and I suspect I got majorly judged for not leaping up to her every scream, but she was the sort of child that if no one saw the bump would get up and go without much fuss, but if she thought anyone would pay attention was likely to get into a total state. So if another parent noticed and leaped up my heart would really fall, not only woudl I be embarrassed but dd would lose a big chunk of play time.

merrymouse · 19/09/2010 00:41

YANBU at all.

Children do like to play with adults and children like to play with their parents whether they are 4, 8 , 18 or 32. The game might change, but enjoying having fun with somebody else doesn't.

Playing with your child is not helicopter parenting.

Having said that I often have a book in my bag when we go to the park, and wouldn't have a problem with somebody else reading a book while their child played with my child. However, if it were obvious that I was acting as chief entertainer I would expect a "Hope she isn't bothering you, looks like she is having a great time" after the first 20 minutes or so.

Anything else is just plain unfriendly.

Chandon · 19/09/2010 08:40

aha, we have reached the famous aibu-U-turn!

can I still chuck in a yabu, or is it too late?

prozacfairy · 19/09/2010 08:53

YABU

My DD will often make new friends while at the park and they will either join in with us or I will sit back and watch while texting and listening to my mp3 player. It never occured to me that I was an unpaid babysitter.

Mind you, one little girl DD was playing with fell over and hurt herself and it took me ages to fnd her mum because she had walked off round the playing fields to yell into her mobile. I was left to look after a sobbing 4 year old who ws to upset to even tell me her name while a couple of boys playing football ran off to fetch her mum.

mssoul · 19/09/2010 08:58

YABU
A few years ago when I was a single parent and studying, I spent half my life reading while dd1 played in the park. Once she even took her book and sat on a woman's knee on the train while I attempted to write an essay Blush Woman delighted to read book to cute little kid, dd1 stopped whingeing and I got my work done! She's now 13 and appears unscathed unless her door slamming tendencies are a result of my neglectful parentingGrin
Can't wait til DD2 (2) is old enough to play in park without me running around after herwith my heart in my mouth.

ivykaty44 · 19/09/2010 08:58

breaking playing equipemnt - was it you?

belgo · 19/09/2010 09:05

YANBU, She should stay home and read the book, and stick the child in front of Cbeebies.

Librashavinganotherbiscuit · 19/09/2010 09:06

I never venture near a playground unless I have a magazine, flask of tea and packet of biscuits with me. Every 5 minutes or so I look up and shout "DS NO!" so other parents think I am paying attention, as he has no fear I am usually right but sometimes it does catch him slightly off guard as he is coming down a slide nicely.

GeekOfTheWeek · 19/09/2010 09:13

YABU

Morloth · 19/09/2010 09:17

DS actively prefers it if I take stuff to entertain me/pick up a coffee, because that means we can be at the park for hours and hours, if I get bored (which happens about 5mins after arrival if I don't have something) then my tolerance for the place is around 20mins max.

I will play rugby, lego, light sabres etc but I am NOT making a dick of myself on the children's play equipment.

zapostrophe · 19/09/2010 09:18

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IsItMeOr · 19/09/2010 09:32

Just caught up with this thread, and am surprised to see the OP criticised for:

  1. playing with her children
  2. enjoying playing with her children
  3. expecting other parents not to assume she wants to play with their children

Okay, the tone of how you expressed your OP has been fairly criticised, but the 3 criticisms above are just bizarre.

And the girl in question did not choose to play with other children, she was playing with another adult and her children. Not the same thing at all.

You sound like you're doing a great job at the park OP. Enjoy it!

Besom · 19/09/2010 09:34

I was pushing my dd on the swing the other day and the wee girl next to us (about 4), with one eye on me, said to her mum 'you're tired now mummy go and sit on the bench'. She then asked me if I would push her.

So she spent the next half an hour playing with me and dd while mum sat on the bench. I didn't mind at all. She just wanted to interact with someone else for a while.

ruddynorah · 19/09/2010 09:43

OP you are going to be devastated when your kids tell you to sit down and stop embarrassing them.

Dd is 4 and always dashes off on her own to make friends with other kids. She too does all the dangerous stuff she looks too small to do. I've never been a hovering type.