to think leaving your 4yr old to play in the park while you read a book is wrong?

[ttalloo]

I was going up and down the slide at the park today with my two DSs, when a little girl started asking me if she could come down the slide with me (I was sliding down with both boys). She seemed all by herself, and was very polite and sweet, so I said yes, and we played on the slide together for about half an hour.

After that, the boys got tired of the slide and wanted to race around, so she joined us. I asked where her mother was, and she pointed to a woman sitting about 50 feet away from us in the sun with her nose buried in a book. The boys started jumping off tree stumps, so the little girl joined in, and all the while I was feeling increasingly uncomfortable at having the responsibility for someone else's child thrust upon me in this way.

Don't get me wrong - I didn't mind the little girl joining in with us. She was a nice little thing, who obviously wanted company, and DS1 seemed to like having her around, but I just don't think it was right for her mother to bring her to the park, and leave her to her own devices, talking to strangers, while she spent at least an hour, during which I was babysitting her daughter, reading a book.

AIBU to think the mother was lazy and irresponsible, and to feel sorry for her little girl, who clearly needed some attention?

YABU, no-one forced you to be responsible for the child.
Children asking you to do things like put them in swings or help them on climbing frames is just what happens in parks but you don't have to do it - if you don't want to, you can always say something to the parent like 'I think your child would like you to put her in the swing!'
Either do it with a good grace or don't do it - don't be all grudging and martyred about it.

Think aristomache has the key. Fine to leave them to their own devices but once they are latched onto another family you do need to do the is she ok there with you?" or "she's not pestering you is she?" thing every so often.

YABU. I love it when we go to the park and DS befriends someone. He has more fun playing with someone around his own age than me (who to be honest is crap at playing Ben 10 games as I'm always reading a book at home whenever he watches it).

Dancegirl My eldest IS at school...she is 6...and yes...I have hidden once and checked up on her in the playground I'm getting better all the time though..haven't done that for a whole year now!

This isn't about me thinking that people who let their children play independently at the park are doing something wrong. I don't think that at all, and if DS1 wanted to befriend other children, or play without me, I wouldn't have a problem with it. But I would be keeping an eye on him and I certainly wouldn't be distracting myself from what he was doing by reading a book.

And this isn't about me thinking that I'm superior to the rest of you because I play with my boys at the park and even (heaven forbid) go on the slide with them. I do that because I work full-time and don't get a chance to play with them as much as I would like. I fully appreciate that a SAHM, for example, would be only too grateful to leave her DCs to amuse themselves at the park while she sat on a bench and did something grown-up instead.

What I do have a problem with is someone leaving such a young child alone for as long as this mother did. It's not fair on the child, and it's not fair on the people that do end up taking responsibility for her. If the mother had come up and asked if I was OK with it, or checked me out at close quarters to make sure that I seemed like someone who might be trusted to take care of her child, I might not have minded so much, but she didn't.

Really, all of you who think that IBU would sit with your noses in a book for an hour while your four-year-olds tank around the park with strangers, and not go near them?

YABU
I always take a book to the park or soft play, bliss! Not that DD2 would leave me be for an hour (but 10minute chunks are good)!
No wonder your 3 and half yr old is glued to you, and has no confidence, you actually have let them be independant for their confidence to grow.
Actually TBH I think you're a bit bizarre, down the slide

I would think it most odd to see a mum going down the slide

Weeeeeeel, I'm in two minds here.

On the one hand, YANBU not to have wanted this little girl tagging along after you all afternoon. After a while I would probably have gently encouraged her to go and bother her own mother.

You are BU to expect other mothers to rush about the park actively playing with their children. I try to have a quiet sit down whenever mine let me. Playgrounds are for children to play in.

The mother didn't need to be helicoptering about her DD, but she should have been paying enough attention to realise that the girl had attached herself to you and was being a pest. It's not fair to inflict your children on complete strangers.

Macdoodle...how do you know her child is glued to her with no confidence?

I don't think the OP said she expected other parents to play with their kids all the time...she said she understood not everyone wants that...and what on earth is wrong with a Mum on a slide? I cannot believe that MOST women on here have not tried to cram their arses down the slide at one time or another! I often do...my kids like to see me be a fool.

ttalloo posted 18 sept 9:04pm
The child seemed happy, notanotter, and I was impressed at her confidence (DS1, who's 3 and a half, doesn't like to leave my side at the park), not just in terms of playing alone, but also in being able to talk to people.

I wouldn't be happy if my kids had to wait their turn,while some mummy was whizzing down the slide

I am very of those who read books in the park. I've tried it, i cant.

I can sit back and let them play, i can listen to i-phone or surf a bit, but i cant read a book. i need to look at them.
For me to read books i have to be alone and in peace. And i do love books. Am i weird?

OP, YABabitU.

macdoodle, is it your turn to wear the judgeypants or something? How, as anenome says, have you reached the conclusion that DS1 has no confidence and is glued to me?

He doesn't like to run off at the park and play with people he doesn't know. He lacks physical confidence (but you don't know the reasons for that, and I don't see why I should tell you) and is wary of strangers, but it doesn't make him or me weird. He's a happy, lively little boy, who loves being with his mum at park. And I love the fact that he and DS2 want to play with me, and I love going on the slide with them, since they enjoy it so much. And I even let them go on the slide without me.

And once again - I don't expect other mothers to rush about the park actively playing with their children annielobeseder. It's ignoring them for an hour that I object to.

No need to get so defensive, I did say that the mum should have been paying better attention than she was!

and usualsuspect, I whizz down the slide with my children on either side of me, so since they are going down the slide anyway, any children behind us would be waiting their turn whether I was on the slide or not.

There's some awesome AIBU blindness going on. Two or three people thanked for their posts...and about 60 YABUs just blinked away, like an errant fly.

What's wrong with a mum going down the slide? Don't most kids love it when their parents join in? We used to have one of those huge slides at the park earlier that I used to go down, we don't have one now but I still go on the swings sometimes if it is quiet at the playground. Or walk that long narrow log (not sure what you call it) that you try to balance on.

YANBU about people who ignore their kids at the park. My DC have loads of fun playing with other kids but every now and then you get one who'll come and attach themself with superglue and follow them around and it's so difficult to shake them off.

The mother is not BU to read while her DD plays, I do that sometimes too, as long as she's looking up every few minutes to check that everything is ok and her DD doesn't need anything.

Blimey thats one hell of a wide slide

'can't think of anything worse than going down slides and shit'. What a bundle of laughs it must be in your house Morloth.

You have never gone down a slide for/with your kids usualsuspect? Seriously, lighten up and have some fun with your kids!!

Macdoodle - very rude about op's precious ds! Tut tut tut

Obviously a lone voice here then but I would expect the parent of a 4yo to keep an eye on them and if the mother really was buried in her book for an hour to the point where she didn't even look up to see if her child was even still in the playground then YANBU. I don't see how it matters if she needed some headspace or whatever other daft expression was used. If you have a small child then you look after them. No question.

YABU she could have spent hours playing with her child and then took an hour break while her child was happily playing.

I've been down many a slide ..usually when pissed though..my kids were quite capable of sliding on their own

"But the fact that she wanted to join in with us suggested to me that she was lonely, and tired of trying to entertain herself."
that is a MASSIVE and totally illogical leap.
Talking to other people isn't a sign of "loneliness". It's a sign of.... wanting to talk to someone and play with them.

YADBVVU.