to think leaving your 4yr old to play in the park while you read a book is wrong?

[ttalloo]

I was going up and down the slide at the park today with my two DSs, when a little girl started asking me if she could come down the slide with me (I was sliding down with both boys). She seemed all by herself, and was very polite and sweet, so I said yes, and we played on the slide together for about half an hour.

After that, the boys got tired of the slide and wanted to race around, so she joined us. I asked where her mother was, and she pointed to a woman sitting about 50 feet away from us in the sun with her nose buried in a book. The boys started jumping off tree stumps, so the little girl joined in, and all the while I was feeling increasingly uncomfortable at having the responsibility for someone else's child thrust upon me in this way.

Don't get me wrong - I didn't mind the little girl joining in with us. She was a nice little thing, who obviously wanted company, and DS1 seemed to like having her around, but I just don't think it was right for her mother to bring her to the park, and leave her to her own devices, talking to strangers, while she spent at least an hour, during which I was babysitting her daughter, reading a book.

AIBU to think the mother was lazy and irresponsible, and to feel sorry for her little girl, who clearly needed some attention?

Cat64 Yes..I do let mine go off and play with kids if they want to...but it took DD 1 until she was 4 or 5 t hve the confidence to do that...not all kids are crazy about approaching strangers and that is fine. Mine hav excellent social skills and lots of friends...but my eldes was like the OPs little by at the same age...I allowed her to find her own feet. And she has.

Well, YAB a little U.

I have three. They all play by themselves. DS is only 20 months so I hover a little closer to make sure he's safe, but quite honestly he's oblivious to me if he has things to climb and slide down so I will sit and chat with a friend or whatever and leave him to play as long as I can see and hear him.

I agree with you a little about having other people's children latch onto you, but personally, I'd have backed off and let the little girl play with your dd on their own, rather than assuming responsibility for both of them.

It seems as if the majority of posters agree that the OPIBU.

What is this world coming to? Parents cannot take their kids to the park so that the children can and the parents can .

I thought this was the whole point of going to the park?

We regularly go to the park, a group of mums and kids together. The kids play in the playpark and the mums drink wine . We don't get hammered but we do have a lovely time. The kids run together in a big pack (aged 3 - 9), we share a huge picnic and the kids entertain themselves.

When we (or the mum in question), bring out the crack pipes and red high heels, perhaps there could be some cause for complaint until then, I think, OP you are being a bit unreasonable.

Still PMSL at the Op going down the slide with the DCs.

Cut them there apron strings.

I don't think for a minute that the other mother was not looking out for her DD. Ok she was reading a book. As you say OP you, your DC and the other little girl were having fun so maybe you missed the other mum periodically looking up from her book?

BTW Your comments about the possibility of the child being abducted is way off the mark. The mother may not have been hovering over her child at all times but I am pretty damn sure she would have been aware if her DD was being abducted, after all she was in the park - not the other end of town FFS.

I have no objection to parents who want to be with their children the whole time at the park, or even joining them as they go down the slide but I cannot see anything wrong with taking your DC's to the park so they can play with other children - and as you said yourself you did not object to the child playing with your DC's, and it sounds as if all the children were having a great time playing together, so the other mother was probably unaware that you resented your DC's socializing with her DD.

SixtyFootDoll why are you laughing at the thought of a parent playing with her kids? Is that really alien to you?

Err no but to go down the slide with child is not really necessary.

Surely the fun is for child to go slide by themselves?

AIBU.

I took DD (4) to the park today. She loves to just go off on her own is is usually to be found hanging precariously off the monkey bars or jumping from great heights for no apparent reason. She is in an independent phase so if I go near her whilst she is playing like this she will invariably say 'go away mummy, I am a big girl now!'. To save dying of boredom I take a book with me to the park, but I always keep an eye on her, it is just she is really independent.

Luckily she is quite sociable, so when another mum and her children started playing on the slide too DD started chatting to them. This is good as I like DD to be polite and talk to other children, but then they just wouldn't leave DD alone and the other mum kept looking over at me as if I were doing something wrong! I mean I'm all for playing with children when they need you, but why would I when DD makes it very clear that she prefers to play on her own/with other children at the moment? This woman was going down the slide herself FGS! Seemed abit helicoptery to me, but each to their own. I mean honestly, what other people do with their own children is up to them, but to try and get my DD involved!? I just didn't see the need to have to get up and start doing what she was doing just because she was shooting me terrible looks! So I just carried on reading my book. AIBU?

SixtyfootDoll...did the OP say she went down at the same time? I never saw her say so...but even if she did what is funny about bloody joining in? My kids like to go down slides in a row! Why is it "surely the fun" to go down alone? Now I'm pmsl!

I think SixtyFoot thinks that the child is on the mother's lap while they go down the slide .

Crikey anemone who took the jam out of your doughnut?
THe way I read it OP was going down the slide with her kids.

Hmmmm.... inclined to be a bit on the protective side myself, but FGS, the park is not just for kids, it's for parents too - there would never be benches to park your arse otherwise. Parks are safe.

Bit concerned at :(DS1, who's 3 and a half, doesn't like to leave my side at the park), not just in terms of playing alone, but also in being able to talk to people.

Perhaps the answer's in the observation?

YABU. Some kids, like yours, want to play with their mums and some kids prefer to play with other kids.
I often take my DD (nearly 3) to the playground and sit on a bench a little way away and relax/text/feed her little brother. She is very confident and prefers to play with the other kids - some accompanied by parents and some not. I would never consider other parents responsible for her as they are complete strangers and I am watching her the whole time.
On the occasions that I do play with her sometimes kids 'tag along' while their parents watch from a distance and I don't find that a problem at all - I didn't think anyone would before I read this tbh.

Nothing wrong with going down the slide imo (I prefer the swings myself ) but why would the reading mother do anything when there wasn't a problem? Her dd was playing very happily, she hadn't left the park, nobody spat in her face, she didn't need or want her mother to play with her. Presumably if she had she would have vocalised that. If you didn't want her hanging around with you then why not tell her to go away? And if you didn't mind then whats the problem apart from your self imposed idea that you have sole responsibility for her.

Sixtyfootdoll- how do you know it's not necessary? Op's dc may have been afraid, may just have wanted mummy to come down for fun?? You know FUN?? pmsl??? Who do you think you are!!!!

Bingtata, start your own thread! :-)

SixtyFootDoll

Ah jeez... the jams been missing for about three days now...can't find it anywhere...bloody kids have probably taken it to park to chuck at all the kids who slide with their Mums. feeling slightly hormonal I think. Sorry!

Crikey

Whats everyoen picking on me for?

I just thought it was funny that OP was sliding down the slide with a the kids on her lap.

Pardon me for having an opinion.

I can't do that. It would be a thread about a thread and I have good manners

Well I have a dd and she's 6.

For the first few years of her life i went to the park with her and helped her on the equipment and helped her make friends. She was always being adopted by older girls and would play quite happily while i looked on - I never sat down, just kindof followed her around in case she got stuck on something.

Now she's very happy to play with her peers and they all tear around screaming like banshees, and I sit on the bench with the other mums and we discuss our pelvic floors and work/ childcare arrangements.

I used to be very hands on with other children if they were stuck on climbing equipment, if I was nearby, and help them down / across. But one day I was giving a lad some help after he had been shouting to his Ma, and as soon as he was down, up puffed this huge woman who very aggressively told me on no uncertain terms that I was to keep my hands off her son.

So I do feel for the OP that sometimes, it's difficult not to help out if the stray has got into trouble, but I've since made the decision that I call for the minder / parent if a child is shouting for his Dad/Mum, and don't go near the child myself.

When your DCs are older OP you will no longer be required to test the equipment and play with your DCs. In fact in our lcal park you would be kicked off the equipment as it's only for children under 12 and not built for adults, no matter how skinny..
Your DCs will need to make peer friends and your presence will be interfering with that.

In the meantime, enjoy playing, but do keep an eye out for mums of DCs of similar age - YOU are also allowed to kick back and have a laff on the benches also.

Your kids will be learning life skills by watching you make friends. And it will help them solve problems and have more confidence if you step back and let them actually play with each other and other children.

So in ways I would say you are being unreasonable, and in ways I can see where you are coming from, having had that very unpleasant experience myself.

Maybe a time for a re think about how you allow your children form bonds with each other and their peers. A balance needs to be made - perhaps sit for half an hour, chatting with the other parents / minders if a book seems too much, and play for the rest of the time??

MAy I be permitted to PMSL at SM eating a doughnut, without causing almighty offence?