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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think leaving your 4yr old to play in the park while you read a book is wrong?

305 replies

ttalloo · 18/09/2010 20:50

I was going up and down the slide at the park today with my two DSs, when a little girl started asking me if she could come down the slide with me (I was sliding down with both boys). She seemed all by herself, and was very polite and sweet, so I said yes, and we played on the slide together for about half an hour.

After that, the boys got tired of the slide and wanted to race around, so she joined us. I asked where her mother was, and she pointed to a woman sitting about 50 feet away from us in the sun with her nose buried in a book. The boys started jumping off tree stumps, so the little girl joined in, and all the while I was feeling increasingly uncomfortable at having the responsibility for someone else's child thrust upon me in this way.

Don't get me wrong - I didn't mind the little girl joining in with us. She was a nice little thing, who obviously wanted company, and DS1 seemed to like having her around, but I just don't think it was right for her mother to bring her to the park, and leave her to her own devices, talking to strangers, while she spent at least an hour, during which I was babysitting her daughter, reading a book.

AIBU to think the mother was lazy and irresponsible, and to feel sorry for her little girl, who clearly needed some attention?

OP posts:
SloanyPony · 18/09/2010 21:03

Took her on, even.

heymango · 18/09/2010 21:03

I generally play with my DCs in the park, but have no problem with other mums chilling out for a bit. If I feel uncomfortable (or bored of) entertaining their children I extricate myself politely and concentrate on my own.

I think I will take a book next time and see if I can get away with it.

YABU

MoonUnitAlpha · 18/09/2010 21:04

YABU

She wanted to play with other children - maybe if you'd left your kids to it they could have all entertained each other and you could have joined the other mum on the bench Grin

TheSistersGrim · 18/09/2010 21:04

"But the fact that she wanted to join in with us suggested to me that she was lonely, and tired of trying to entertain herself."

Really? Do you only talk to people when you are lonely, and tired of trying to entertain yourself?

YABU. A child playing with other children in park isn't wrong.

suzikettles · 18/09/2010 21:04

I like ds playing with other children at the park. Ds likes playing with other children at the park.

He'd play with you too if you were around, but forgive me for not joining in. I'd be the woman reading the paper, keeping an eye on what's going on and intervening if need be.

Is this a new thing? I can't remember my mum or any of my friends' parents playing with them at the park, swing pushing excepted.

upahill · 18/09/2010 21:05

YABU I could have written becauseImworthit post word for word. The boys used to like going to the same small park every single day and I grew to loath it.

Once we went to other places that was ok.
Going back to your post OP it your last line of the post was mean spirited.

NotanOtter · 18/09/2010 21:05

agree moonunit

justonemorethen · 18/09/2010 21:06

If she wasn't pestering her mum though (which mine would do) I don't think there is much you could do/worry about.

As a childminder I would end up with every child in the park playing with me. I can remember being at at the pool and literally the whole of the shallow end was playing stuck in the mud with us.

This doesn't happen now I am a parent Hmm

BitOfFun · 18/09/2010 21:06

You went down the slide yourself? Grin

Er, I think you may be overdoing things a bit, you know.

shimmerysilverglitter · 18/09/2010 21:07

Crikey thank goodness so many people disagree with the OP.

I have only very recently started luxuriating in not having to be quite so hands on with dc (7 and 4). I sometimes take a book or the paper to the park and glance at it, although I do look up and check my kids every couple of seconds though. I am a single parent as well so it is a double bonus to be able to do this. Their Dad is involved but works long hours so I don't get much time off.

I do tend to take a non fiction book though (currently The Challenging Child!) so that I don't get too caught up and can dip in and out.

I think YABU OP.

mellifluouscauliflower · 18/09/2010 21:07

I was still helicoptoring around my son at 3 1/2 but by 4 he was happy enough on his own. Maybe you'll be getting some reading done yourself this time next year.

moominmarvellous · 18/09/2010 21:07

I take DD (3.5) to the park and sometimes read the paper if I can. I do the same at softplay.

I can always see her from where I'm sitting and what I'm trying to achieve is her doing something she likes and me getting half an hour to do something I like. I dont see it as being lazy.

I let her chat to people a bit, but if I think she may be bothering them I'd go and play with her instead.

Some adults (myself included sometimes) just look like fun to children and they feel comfortable enough to want to join in with them and their children, sounds like you looked like fun to her. I think you should take it as a compliment and feel that you inadvertently did a good deed for a fellow Mum Grin

bulby · 18/09/2010 21:08

Crikey. Yanbu, the little girl only wanted to play but totally agree that after more than10 mins or so you start to feel responsible for her in some way and you should not have to, you took your boys to the park and manners alone suggest that the other parent should have joined in or even just ' checked' in. I wander if other posters would have different reaction if the little girl not so polite and obviously well brought up. I think you sound like you did a smashing job( I get fed up of 'hangers on' kids after a while)

bytheMoonlight · 18/09/2010 21:09

Oh I can't wait till I can actually sit in the park while dd (2) goes and plays with other children

YABU

usualsuspect · 18/09/2010 21:10

YABU

Original poster
ttalloo · 18/09/2010 21:10

It wasn't a chore to interact with someone else's child - I really didn't mind it, and neither did my children. I just don't think that her mother was being fair to her in leaving her to play by herself, when she was so absorbed in something else that she would have had no idea where she was or what she was doing.

And yes, I did choose to take responsibility for her, but what else could I do? Say no, you can't play with us, and hurt her feelings?

And I do appreciate that I don't know what her mother's circumstances are - she could be a single mother with no support, she could have had a really shitty day and just wanted some time and space to herself in the sun, but she didn't go near her daughter for an hour, and only made eye contact with me once.

She only stopped reading her book in the end when her daughter asked me to take her to the toilet, and I thought enough's enough, and told her to go and ask her mother to take her.

OP posts:
giraffesCantDanceInBrokenHeels · 18/09/2010 21:10

yabu - sounds like a great plan. I leave them to get on with it and help/watch when asked.

Goblinchild · 18/09/2010 21:12

"You went down the slide yourself?

Er, I think you may be overdoing things a bit, you know."

I think she's just swanking that her arse is small enough not to get stuck BOF. Grin

imregular · 18/09/2010 21:12

yabu. Helicopter parenting taken to a whole new level - choosing to helicopter someone else's child! She was perfectly fine and building her social skills independently

Northernlurker · 18/09/2010 21:13

I think you're being a bit miserable about this. The child was having a nice time and socialised well. The mother was having a pleasant time and responded to her child when the child needed her. She wasn't following around all the time yes - and the child's probably better off. How old are your sons btw?

tattycoram · 18/09/2010 21:13

I think you probably were being YABU but an hour without any interaction at all is quite a long time.

I never play with my DS in the playground, I perch myself with a paper somewhere I can see him - he wants to play with other children, not with me and he is very sociable.

But, he does pop over for a chat every now and then and if I think he is badgering a parent too much I go and intervene.

Hard to know, you could interpret that as an hour of me ignoring him. Otoh, the mother you describe might not have been paying attention, but perhaps she was desperate for a break.

Dancergirl · 18/09/2010 21:14

Yup, I agree too - YABU

Children don't need entertaining all the time, in fact it's not good for them. They need to develop ways of entertaining themselves and to play with other children without adult input.

Hooray for the other mum!

And as for 'talking to strangers'....WTF??!! That's how we make friends isn't it, by talking to strangers! You didn't have to babysit her - you chose to. If your ds was happy with her company, you should have left them to it!

I'd take a book with you next time you go to the park Wink

Faaamily · 18/09/2010 21:14

YABU. I think the way parents hover around children in the playground these days is really weird. It didn't happen when I was young (which was in the 80s and 90s, not in the dark ages!).

loopyloops · 18/09/2010 21:16

YABU, and have you thought that you maybe should try giving your own children the opportunity to play without you? In the long run I think it's more likely that they have social issues than that little girl.

Northernlurker · 18/09/2010 21:20

If the child hadn't been happy playing with you I'm sure mum would have interacted with her sooner.

We spent about two hours on the beach once with two little girls who found our two little girls. I didn't think their mum was slacking, I didn't think anything other than it was nice to see the kids play together.