to think leaving your 4yr old to play in the park while you read a book is wrong?

[ttalloo]

I was going up and down the slide at the park today with my two DSs, when a little girl started asking me if she could come down the slide with me (I was sliding down with both boys). She seemed all by herself, and was very polite and sweet, so I said yes, and we played on the slide together for about half an hour.

After that, the boys got tired of the slide and wanted to race around, so she joined us. I asked where her mother was, and she pointed to a woman sitting about 50 feet away from us in the sun with her nose buried in a book. The boys started jumping off tree stumps, so the little girl joined in, and all the while I was feeling increasingly uncomfortable at having the responsibility for someone else's child thrust upon me in this way.

Don't get me wrong - I didn't mind the little girl joining in with us. She was a nice little thing, who obviously wanted company, and DS1 seemed to like having her around, but I just don't think it was right for her mother to bring her to the park, and leave her to her own devices, talking to strangers, while she spent at least an hour, during which I was babysitting her daughter, reading a book.

AIBU to think the mother was lazy and irresponsible, and to feel sorry for her little girl, who clearly needed some attention?

YABU. I let my now 5.5 yo play as she wants in the park since she has been about 3.5. Sometimes it is with other children (who could be younger or older), sometimes with the mums.She is not bored or negleted, she has always liked interaction with other people and she is curious.
I don't read and I interveen if there is something wrong. But I could read (if I didn't have a 7 months old in tow and DD1 was a bit less adventurous ). I always tell (remind) her not to bother other people and check she is OK.
I also have plenty of nice girls come and chat with me because of DD2 ("how cute she is" and so on, because she is a baby) they are neglected either.
How old are your boys.
I play with DD1 if the park is empty but let her in her own devices if she can find children to play with. Free playing is good for confidence building!

Lazy and irresponsible? Only if you are overbearing, meddling, judgy and little miss perfect.

And the slide is for kids, you'll rip your judgey pants if you're not careful.

I wish my ds would do this and let me read my book. I resolutely try to ignore him and sit on a bench reading, but can hear him shouting "Mummy muuummy, MUUUMMMY" across the playground so have to go and participate in his games of cafe or whatever. He's an only child and I would love it if he could start learning to make friends and play with other children, which is why I try to leave him to his own devices as much as possible.

so YABU to think she was neglecting her child but YANBU if you were just annoyed at having some other kid interupt your time with your dcs.

northernlurker, DS1 is three and a half, and DS2 is nearly two. DS1 has always been quite clingy, and gets nervous doing anything physical if I'm not around, while DS2 is a daredevil, who would fling himself off a 6-foot climbing frame if he's not carefully supervised, so I can't let either of them out of my sight, never mind sit and read a book in the park while they play without damaging themselves or howling for my attention.

I fully appreciate that everyone has different parenting styles, but I still think that letting a four-year-old depend on the kindness of strangers for an hour at the park just isn't on.

But I do accept that calling the mother lazy and irresponsible was a bit strong.

But even though I may be guilty of judginess, I am not swanking, goblinchild, that I can fit on a children's slide! The one in question is a triple-width slide. Which is why the children like me to go on it with them, and I don't mind doing it because it's fun. In fact it's more fun than pushing swings till my arms ache, and I don't understand why more grown-ups don't do it. (Yes, before any of you ask, I was the only adult on the bloody thing today.)

But the park is as dull as fuck. I'd have been reading and had a bottle of wine with me. The whole point of going to the park is so that they can hook up with other children, and leave you in peace, no?

I must admit that I have been down one of those slides myself. I am so fat though that I seemed to reach terminal velocity before I hit the bottom rather painfully, so I have never repeated the experience

I'm going to differ here. YANBU. I've been in similar situation though DS was younger. The mother concerned has a reputation for doing this. We played with her son for awhile. She then didn't notice when he made to go outside the playground. I kept an eye on him and would have intervened if necessary but luckily didn't have to.

Can I just say I was at the park the other day and a mum did this, she chose to sit on the field reading her book whilst her 4 year old (about that I'd say) played in the fenced park. She barely looked up and her ds started playing with my ds. After 15 mins or so my ds wanted to play football so we went to the field but right by the park. Some older boys came in the park and as they were going round the roundabout they spat in the little boys face about3 times. I shouted at them and they stopped and left the park. His mother didn't even bloody notice what was going on.....

I thought lazy bitch would rather have her head in a book than watch out for her own son.

YANBU

YABU

All children are different - some are not v confident and like to have their mum's company / reassurance when out in public. Others often want their own space to make friends and play with other children without adult interference. So what you may feel is right for your children may not be right for others.

My is definitely of the latter type. I often leave my DD to her own devices in the park, and she's only 3.

She's confident so has usually made friends with someone within 5 mins. And often when she has made a friend and I interfere in some way she does that whole "go away mum, you're cramping my style" face at me

YABU. I used to sometimes read a biook in the park when my children were that age. If they asked me to come and play with them or help them then I would, Aslo although I was reading a book I would still be keeping an eye on them

If someone had spat in my childs face,while I was being a lazy bitch ..I'm pretty damn sure my child would have come and told me

If I was at the park while kids spat in my Childs face and another parent had to tell them off because I could barely lift my head from the book, I'd have to accept I was a lazy bitch.

I did went down the slide too and kept an eye on unsupervised children too. My DD1 was (is) a daredevil (DD2 seems to be even worse). But at 4 she was big enough to be on her own playing with other and would come in only if she misbehaved.

YANBU....I agree with JanieB...other people's kids are great at times..but I like playing with my DD's in the park..it's a specal time for us...yes I sit back at times and let them get on with it...but I don't necassarily want another persons kid joining in...and the OP is responsible for the child if the child is playing near her/joining in with their games.

You cannot say things like "Takes a village to raise a child" and at the same time deny her the right to WANT to raise someone elses child or say she has no responsibility for the child.

It's personal...I don't like playing with kids we do not know beecause I am the anxious type...what if it's a hitter? Or a swearer? When my kids are big enough to go to the park alone then they will be able to choose playmates....until then I reserve the right to not have to chat to other folks kids because their Mum/Dad is reading.

As someone else has posted, I can take pride in the fact that I clearly looked fun to the little girl, which is why she wanted to join in with us, and yes, I did give another mum a break (although I think she would have carried on reading whether I was there entertaining her daughter or not) so my halo is well and truly polished, even if in danger of falling off, but I still can't believe that so many of you think that there was nothing wrong in the girl's mother leaving her alone to play with strangers in the park for an hour.

What if she had hurt herself (whether on my watch or not), what if she had got lost or someone had tried to abduct her? Don't you think that the mother reading a book for an hour would have been a pretty bad idea then?

And thank you to essiew and charlieboo - it was nice to read that it's not just me.

yabu
I used to take ds and my friend took her ds to the park and we sat and chatted, and the boys played......

I loved going to the parks and watching the parents hovering around their children, it is so funny

'It's personal...I don't like playing with kids we do not know beecause I am the anxious type...what if it's a hitter? Or a swearer?'

OMG Anenome - what the hell will you do when your children go to school? Hide in the bushes with binoculars every playtime?

YABU and ridiculous. Her mother was reading a book in the park, not the comfort of her own her home. Hardly neglectful.

Once we get to the park both my dc are off looking for other children to play with. They re-appear intermittently with various new faces asking for ice-cream or drinks.

YABU.
Very unreasonable IMO.
Some people take their children to the park so that they can have 5 minutes peace.
I take my children to the park/soft play centres etc etc to get a bit of time 'off' and a chance to sit down.
maybe this mum plays with her dd at home and just wanted a break, and what does she get for it? Some jumped up parent who comes across as thinking she is some kind of hero because she'll go down the slide.
get a grip OP and get the hell off that high horse

YABU. The whole point of parks is that children can play by themselves and make friends.
I take my DD generally when she needs to burn off some energy and am almost always on the sidelines (usually BF DD2). It doesn't mean I'm not interested. She calls me if she wants me but LIKES to meet other people and the bit of independence I'm giving her.

At first I thought ywbu, as I am the parent wth the newspaper/book/magazine - soft play,magazine & coffee you can't have one without the others!!

But, on the other hand, if I'd seen that my DD had attached herself to a family, after a certain amount of time, I would have felt the need to just check..."is she ok there with you?" or "she's not pestering you is she?"

so dunno really

Anenome - I'm with you on this, but it seems we are the minority on this issue.
I too like actively playing with my DD - I don't get the chance to go to the park with her more than a couple of times a week, so I haven't got bored of it and she likes it too. Sometimes she plays with other kids, sometimes not.

YABU, can't think of anything worse than having to play on slides and shit.

You do what you want and I will do what I want, but don't pretend that your way is better.

Personally I prefer for DS to play with other children when I am playing with him he only plays with me and therefore doesn't really learn about people his own age.

i was in the park the other day with three of mine - a friend - and her three

We sat and chatted as they played and I commented to the friend that I felt judged

A load of teens came and took over the roundabout first and then the toddler swings. Everyone kept looking over disapprovingly until a couple of lads climbed onto the tiny swings and started swinging. I got up from my 'lazy' position and asked them to move on saying their behaviour was inappropriate. I then sat down again albeit heart pumping.

An australian bloke said more people needed to be like me !!