to think leaving your 4yr old to play in the park while you read a book is wrong?

[ttalloo]

I was going up and down the slide at the park today with my two DSs, when a little girl started asking me if she could come down the slide with me (I was sliding down with both boys). She seemed all by herself, and was very polite and sweet, so I said yes, and we played on the slide together for about half an hour.

After that, the boys got tired of the slide and wanted to race around, so she joined us. I asked where her mother was, and she pointed to a woman sitting about 50 feet away from us in the sun with her nose buried in a book. The boys started jumping off tree stumps, so the little girl joined in, and all the while I was feeling increasingly uncomfortable at having the responsibility for someone else's child thrust upon me in this way.

Don't get me wrong - I didn't mind the little girl joining in with us. She was a nice little thing, who obviously wanted company, and DS1 seemed to like having her around, but I just don't think it was right for her mother to bring her to the park, and leave her to her own devices, talking to strangers, while she spent at least an hour, during which I was babysitting her daughter, reading a book.

AIBU to think the mother was lazy and irresponsible, and to feel sorry for her little girl, who clearly needed some attention?

Its OK Rollmops, my wine glass is faux-glass and comes from my John Lewis (TM) wickerware picnic hamper with Cath Kidston lining

That's the best post so far rollmops!
I'm sat here laughing out loud. You know how to get a reaction!!!!

omg Bitchin city on here. Where's the sisterhood? also Rollmops- soooo judgemental- I've been on the dole in between jobs- doesn't make me a bad person, just an un-employed one. Not everyone is as perfect as you, evidently. The competitive relaxed parenting is funny! I like to think a lot of you are posting with your tongues firmly in your cheeks!

No. Not tongue in cheek
Filly and hobnobs actually are posting on here from their park bench

Mail them
Fillyandhob @ ParkbenchBitchinCity

Hey guys picked up some sausage rolls and fruitshoots for the kids (where are they anyway?). Here's a couple of WKDs, what have I missed. (Dione lights up a ciggie and exhales slowly, looking around for her DS).

YABU.

WKDs...classy!

I've never posted in this bit of mumsnet before but I just can't believe this thread - surely it's not about whether or not you do helicopter parenting (or whatever it's called), it's the basic fact that it's RUDE to let some stranger who's also got two small boys to look after, look after your kid for an HOUR without, after a bit, joining in, or checking everyone's OK...? Making someone else feel responsible for your kid when they hadn't signed up for it is RUBBISH in my view. The book-reading woman took advantage of the OP's good will and politeness and sensitivity to the little girl's feelings. The consensus seems to be that it's somehow WAY cooler to opt out and not play and not check up on your kids and above all not have a laugh going down a slide because parks are boring. Well, I think the OP is the cool one here.

well said averagemum. Part of the fun of having kids is surely to play with them while they are still little enough to not be embarrassed by your presence,

Yes...well put averagemum....it's not on...this thread reminds me of school! Where only the un-cool girls actually did any work! The cool ones were too busy sniggering and dossing about behind the bike sheds.

By the way . No one is saying it's wrong to play with your children just please don't judge those of us who are sometimes happy not to.

YUBVU - if you hadn't been playing with your children on equipment meant for children then all the children could have played together. I often read (or work) when my children are playing happily and I don't think that you are necessarily doing yours any favours by paying with them all the time (I'm asuming from your post that you are not in the habit of just letting them get on with it). Many 4 year olds are at school - they will be left to get on with play on their own then :) . Part of growing up is learning to amuse yourself and learning to interact with others.

Nothing wrong with playing with your kids. Something wrong with calling the mother of a happy little girl in the park lazy and irresponsible for not doing so. Obviously the little girl did not want her mother's attention, as we all know when kids want you to pay attention they make that fact very well known.

averagemum if someone goes to the park so that their child can play while they supervise and read then why should they have to suffer because someone else chooses to play with their child. If the OP didn't want to play with the child then surely she could haev told her to go away? The actual problem here appears to be the tendancy of some parents to want to isolate their children from all free contact with other children. I actually often find it irritating when other parents do play with my children when I, as thri parent, have decided that they need some practice at playing on their own. Not all o fus want our children to grow up as socially dependant but want them to be able to amuse themselves occasionally and this is a skill which needs to be learnt like any other.

Oh yes aveargemum! Because I routinely tell small children to "go away" when I play in the park with my DC's!

As if! I in no way want to isolate my kids...they talk and play with others all the time...but I DO resent being hassled by small children whose own parents are too busy to ensure they're not hassling people.

I had a kid the other week...it was around 2 or 3...could not speak very well...I had just put a coin in a ride on machine and this kid thought he could "join in"....er...no...there's room for ONE child here...where's Mummy? I asked him...no reply...he just gave my DD a shove and screamed at us....I look around the playcentre and locate Mummy...chatting with her mates....ask her about the kid who is runing my DD's ride (though I never said that)...she rolls her eyes...tuts and sniggers as though I were a big baby for not allowing her DS to puch my child off the ride on machine!

Equally....a kid came up to us today in the school playground and tried to join in a game with my 2 year old DD....but I cant be ARSED to play with someone elses kid ...it's hard enough t repeatedly catch my own child as it jumps off the steps a hundred times...I wont be catching someone elses too!

TSC "I'm as cool as fuck" ROFL Take your head out from up your own arse now there's a dearie!!

"The consensus seems to be that it's somehow WAY cooler to opt out and not play and not check up on your kids and above all not have a laugh going down a slide because parks are boring. Well, I think the OP is the cool one here".

Another vote for what average mum said. Good on you.

And my kids play quite happily by themselves at school wihtout me all week - so I like playing with them at the weekend in the park rather than ignoring them. I don't think that's strange. They are only small for goodness sake, they're not teenagers!

I'm confused. Why if you don't play with your kids in the park, is it okay to get cross when people assume therefore you never play with them?

But if you DO play with your kids in the park, it's alright for others to assume that you never at any opportunity leave them to their own devices to learn to be independent?

It's not about being cool, it's about being different and not having someone in their best judgy pants calling you lazy and irresponsible for doing so.

TSC I suspect irony is something you need to practice spotting

oh dear, gone are the days of yor where kids would go play from dusk till dawn independenly without over anxious parents hovering and cotton wooling children. No wonder we are raising a society of Wii when they should be playing them outside with their friends. Where healthy competition is frowned upon incase it harms the delicate sensitivities of children and you are not allowed to play conkers unless you are wearing full protective gear .

I do not need anyone taking responsibility for my child in the park when i am doing it myself. Yes I do occasionally bring my magazine, but will glance up from it and I god and check on my child every so often.If you are concerned you can come up to me, I don't bite. Noway would I fit onto the slides around here, they are made for children not size 14/16 ladies with wide hips.

Sorry meant children playing the Wii, thoughts getting ahead of myself again.