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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

no disiplin!!!???!!!???!!!!???!!!!

201 replies

natz23 · 15/09/2010 17:00

my 11 month old daughter gets watched by the mother in law 2 days a week while i work, she also takes her grandson who is 2 and a half,
i cant stand it any more that i may just give up work.
he is a little shite!! to be honest..
i have recently witnessed him throwing his toys at her when she is trying to play, snatching them off her, standing on her feet while she crawls, pushes her.. and so on.
my mother in law, and the boys mother, ina very calm tone say... no no thats not nice
which has no impact whats so ever, hes not listeneing, i want to pull him from her and give him a right good shouting at!! what is wrong with them!! or am i being out or order?
his mum has said to me.. aww hes only 2 he dosnt know!!
bullshit! because when he stands on her hands he looks about to see whos watching! and im sorry but if he dosnt know, im pretty sure he should by that age!! no means no!!!
im so worried about my little girl, she dosnt understand why he does it and just sits and crys! i witnesed this and not one of them even payed it any notice! i was livid!!!!!!!!what is the matter with them?

apart from that hes a lovely little boy but i am starting to dislike him more and more, and dont want olivia or myself around him.
do people not know whow to give disicplin to thier children anymore??? a smack to my arse whne i was young did me no harm, and i soon learnt my lesson!
he gets away with murder!

cant wait till shes older and she can hit him back!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
natz23 · 15/09/2010 19:25

thanks veyron, thats all i want is it nipped in the bud.
oh god my spelling is terrible its because ive gone and got these big bloody acrylic nails on and i keep typing things wrong lol.
i had been ignoring the snidyness, just blew up a bit there, your last comment made me laugh thanks x

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 15/09/2010 19:26

Well, telling him right from wrong won't have much of an effect unless someone is going to physically separate him from the baby and give him some consequences too. Even a time out has to be policed for some DCs depending on how wayward they are.

It's hard to mix ILs with paid childcare -- it's easier to deal with problems when the carers are not related I think, as Inertia says.

hmmSleep · 15/09/2010 19:28

My dd has never hit another child, not even her brother, (not that I can say the same about ds], what I'm trying to say is, yes, it is normal 2 year old behaviour to hit, but it is not something all children do, which some posters seem to think.

veyron · 15/09/2010 19:30

oh christ you'll be slated for fake nails next
"well fancy having acrylic nails with a 11mth old baby...tut tut"

don't worry about those particular types on here. some people like to get on the bandwagon of trying to make others feel like shit. fuck em

FrameyMcFrame · 15/09/2010 19:36

Haven't read the whole thread but the responses to the op are a great illustration of bad Mumsnet.

Snobbery over spelling, inability to understand people expressing themselves in a slightly different way to the norm here on MN. Shouting troll, and telling the op to go to Bounty forums.

Try not to be so judgy people...

MadAboutQuavers · 15/09/2010 20:09

Lol @ veyron's post
Natz I think that's good advice all round.

MN does seem to be getting worse lately with regard to personal, aggressive attacks on posters.

petitfromage · 15/09/2010 20:21

I agree he should be told firmly but natz this really is typical 2 year old behaviour - if you want to avoid it put your dd in nursery where she will be in a baby only group.

FYI I consider myself a fairly strict disciplinarian and I had the joy of watching my normally lovely 2 1/2 year old ds kick my 10 mth old god daughter in the face. And yes I've been hit, kicked, scratched, pinched and had loads of toys thrown at me. He's JUST starting to grow out of it (every no hitting day is a bonus) but I can only reiterate what everyone else has said: "It's what (spirited) 2 year olds do." As they say to me at nursery you'd be more worried if they didn't! Give it 18 months and you will look back and go oohhhhhhh I see!!!!

But consider other childcare options in the meantime maybe. Childminder??

mumbar · 15/09/2010 20:24

YANBU, OK he's 2 fair enough but that doesn't make it OK for him to be allowed to carry on hurting your DD. I would imagine 2 year olds would do this but they need to be stopped. A firm no, then removal, then a time out or whatever. The looking round sounds like attention seeking. Maybe MIL needs to play more with the LO to stop this bordom behaviour.

I don't think smacking will solve it, and actually you didn'y suggest it just said it worked on you so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/09/2010 20:28

Natz- are you Scottish?

it's just the phrase "wee shite" is used more colloquially up here to mean a naughty kid, and isn't quite so offensive as it is down South.

CheckingCheques · 15/09/2010 20:28

Hope you get it sorted natz. Sometimes the grandpatents option is over-rated (paid or not). Check out other options b4 talking to MIL so you know your options beforehand. And like sp,eone else said, do the LOUD PARENTING thing. I do this with kids at toddlers groups etc - it works quite well.

fwiw, I have generally found boys to be more physical in boundary pushing than girls (will likely get flamed for saying that, mind!)

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/09/2010 20:30

I thought that might explain the outrage directed at OP.

LostInZug · 15/09/2010 21:02

It's pathetic to take the piss out of someone because of their spelling. It reflects badly on those pointing the errors out rather than on the OP.

OP: My dd is two years old. She knows not to hurt other people and she cries if she thinks she has accidentally hurt her little sister. I know not all children are like this though and I believe you when you say that he is aware of what he is doing.

I understand how upsetting it is. You need to focus on the MIL's reaction to the behaviour rather than the lads behaviour. She is obviously ineffectual and has a duty to protect your dd.

Suggest you talk to her and if you get no response-look for a childminder

booyhoo · 15/09/2010 21:03

also quite common here in northern ireland fanjo, but still not a nice thing to say about a child.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/09/2010 21:13

booyhoo,yes,not nice but i think its just a phrase used colloquially so not quite meant in the way some who aren't used to the phrase have taken it (understandably)

Itsonme · 15/09/2010 21:18

Please come back and tell us when what I have said turns out to absolutely right, won't you?

At some point, your child WILL upset another and I hope the parent reaction is as ridiculous as yours.

I'm not worried by how annoyed you are with me. It just proves I hit a nerve. I always call a spade a spade (or rather twat in this instance)

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/09/2010 21:22

itsonme-you are either on the wind up or way too bothered about this, can't decide which.

Itsonme · 15/09/2010 21:26

That's quite a funny thing for you to say since you have replied more times than me..... Pot kettle black....

fiordgirl · 15/09/2010 21:29

Itsonme, since calling a spade a spade is the order of the day, I have no hesitation in calling you a sanctimonious c*nt.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/09/2010 21:30

counting my replies? What a mature argument Hmm night night,am off to sleep.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 15/09/2010 21:32

Grin Fiordgirl

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/09/2010 21:32
TonariNoTotoro · 15/09/2010 21:35

Just marking this thread to read tomorrow when I get in early at work...

Only read OP but predict lots of PFB accusations, lots of wondering about your childcare arrangements/payment/etc, and lots and LOTS of predictions of your PFB in 2 years time.

For extra brownie points I'll be expecting a thread from you soon about soft play.

Wink
thefirstmrsDeVere · 15/09/2010 21:48

I am not in the best of moods and my tolerance for ridiculous whinging is very low (my tolerance for bad spelling however is fairly high).

So I am going to pull rank. I dont do this often but FFS.

I have 5 children. 4 are boys. I have studied child development and child psychology for more than a few years.
I work within an Early Years Developmental Team.

So I feel I have the right qualifications and experience to say this:

HE IS TWO YEARS OLD.
He is not being evil he is being a normal two year old. I agree he needs to be shown by the adults around him how to behave but you appear to want them to show him how to beat someone up.

Get a grip and if you dont like the way your child is cared for put your hand in your pocket and pay for a nanny to keep your child away from others.

MIssAnneThrope · 15/09/2010 21:49

I think this is my favourite thread title EVER.

dandydorset · 15/09/2010 22:00

im getting pretty tired of all the swearing,name-calling,and basically pretty poor manners in some of the recent threads

my opinions are mostly different from most on here but i dont resort to some of the bloody rude and offensive comments that get posted

i take my hat of to you mners that reason with the op and see beyond sometimes miss worded quotes,when some are just basically being totally horrible

no wonder i only have a few close female friends,sometimes all this nastiness reminds me of teenage girls being bitchy and ganging up,im sure this is putting some lurkers of posting

we will all never agree but cant we all just rub along together without all this hostility,god lifes tough at the best time without it happening on something that is supposed to be dare i say enjoyable fun and supportive

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