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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

no disiplin!!!???!!!???!!!!???!!!!

201 replies

natz23 · 15/09/2010 17:00

my 11 month old daughter gets watched by the mother in law 2 days a week while i work, she also takes her grandson who is 2 and a half,
i cant stand it any more that i may just give up work.
he is a little shite!! to be honest..
i have recently witnessed him throwing his toys at her when she is trying to play, snatching them off her, standing on her feet while she crawls, pushes her.. and so on.
my mother in law, and the boys mother, ina very calm tone say... no no thats not nice
which has no impact whats so ever, hes not listeneing, i want to pull him from her and give him a right good shouting at!! what is wrong with them!! or am i being out or order?
his mum has said to me.. aww hes only 2 he dosnt know!!
bullshit! because when he stands on her hands he looks about to see whos watching! and im sorry but if he dosnt know, im pretty sure he should by that age!! no means no!!!
im so worried about my little girl, she dosnt understand why he does it and just sits and crys! i witnesed this and not one of them even payed it any notice! i was livid!!!!!!!!what is the matter with them?

apart from that hes a lovely little boy but i am starting to dislike him more and more, and dont want olivia or myself around him.
do people not know whow to give disicplin to thier children anymore??? a smack to my arse whne i was young did me no harm, and i soon learnt my lesson!
he gets away with murder!

cant wait till shes older and she can hit him back!!!

OP posts:
prozacfairy · 15/09/2010 18:18

What does OP's age have to do with anything? Confused

I understand disagreeing with other peoples' points of view, but there's no need to be sniffy about their age surely? As is assuming they are young. Hmm

Original poster
natz23 · 15/09/2010 18:20

sorry no, the other ladies guesses were right, i am totally new to this! i thought you were best using different names, my friend that recommended this site told me she had used names and got herself into a bit of bother lol. so if i was going to use names change them, aw i should just start this all over again, i started with wording things really badly also, it took me about an hour to figure out how to regsiter lol. not a huge internet user!

OP posts:
Original poster
natz23 · 15/09/2010 18:21

um im 28 by the way lol

OP posts:
BoysAreLikeDogs · 15/09/2010 18:23

v sensible to change names, your friend gave good advice

booyhoo · 15/09/2010 18:27

natz you don't even need names. use the abbreviations. it saves any confusion.

DD is daughter and DS is son. there is a page somewhere here wih the list of abbreviations.

Pixel · 15/09/2010 18:27

Well I'd be upset and angry too if another child was hurting my little one and all the adults just ignored. I wouldn't be able to help wondering what was going on behind my back. That's only natural surely when you have to leave your baby with someone else?

Just shrugging and saying "that's what 2 year olds do" really annoys me tbh. They don't all do it, and if they do they need to be stopped or when/how will they ever learn any different? 2 year olds are quite capable of understanding what the word NO means.

Original poster
natz23 · 15/09/2010 18:28

i appreciate those who have tried to understand where im coming from, and will use the good advice, but im a little shocked to how many people can be quite nasty and talk about you like a stupid peice of shit, theres really no need for it, ive already apolised for using certain words or phrases! but i was so angry at the time of posting it i didnt really think about how much it would anger people, i genuinley just feel so concerned for my little girls safety.
i know 2 years olds can have a temper and be a bit mean but this boy knows what hes doing, he sort of looks around to see whos watching him then launches things at her or stand on her little hands when shes trying to crawl, with a nasty little grin on his face.

i watched him do it and everytime went to my daughter and took her away from him, but i dont feel like i can get him into trouble when hes not my son, i expect them too but they dont. im maybe just too overprotective

OP posts:
Original poster
natz23 · 15/09/2010 18:30

just saw the abreviations list, how the heck do you remember all them!!

OP posts:
booyhoo · 15/09/2010 18:32

you get used to them and if you get stuck just ask. i only know a handful Grin

booyhoo · 15/09/2010 18:34

also wrt to him knowing what he is doing, yes he does know he isn't allowed to do it but like ALL kids, he is testing his luck. trust me ALL kids do this. they all try their luck to see how much they can get away with and younger children are usually the 'victim' because they can't fight back. but really do speak to MIL about how she is dealing with it.

cory · 15/09/2010 18:35

"i know 2 years olds can have a temper and be a bit mean but this boy knows what hes doing, he sort of looks around to see whos watching him then launches things at her or stand on her little hands when shes trying to crawl, with a nasty little grin on his face."

Yes, but it is very likely that you will see exactly the same nasty little grin on your daughter's face when she gets to the boundary pushing age. Hopefully, you will then understand that it is not because she is an inherently nasty person, but because she has just understood that she can get a reaction from doing something naughty, but is yet too little to understand the concept of hurting another child. She will be naughty in situations where it seems like "she knows what she is doing"- it's part of growing up.

Original poster
natz23 · 15/09/2010 18:37

i will, she just looks so helpless sitting there crying, when hes done somthing, i almost cry too!! thats kind of what i meant by the hitting back also, i didnt mean i want my child to use violence, but if he hits her and has been getting away with it with her for so long, i would want her to stick up for herself, if mam isnt there to protect her lol.
i think my partners mum just thinks ah its normal she will be fine, but knowing that its being allowed to happen when im not there, just gets me so upset

OP posts:
BrightLightBrightLight · 15/09/2010 18:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Itsonme · 15/09/2010 18:54

You'll soon learn OP. Before you know it your child will most certainly be that little 'shite' with the nasty little grin on her face. It's not even a maybe, it's a fact! Just you wait. You are going to be dishing yourself up a massive portion of humble pie, and hopefully hanging your head in shame at what a twat you were.

Original poster
natz23 · 15/09/2010 19:00

itsonme, do me a favour and take your snotty comments and shove um, dont you dare tell me what my child is going to turn out to be, its not a fact, i dont know where you get allll kids turn out that way, maybe just maybe ill teach my daughter whats right from wrong at a young age. dont think for second that im stunned by what you just said, get a grip of yourself, calling me a twat who do you think you are?

OP posts:
FioFio · 15/09/2010 19:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted

booyhoo · 15/09/2010 19:05

natz, bit of an over reacion there. itsonme is only echoing what other posters have said. it is highly likely that at some point in the next 2 years your DD will throw a toy at a child and enjoy doing it. that does not make you a bad parent. it makes her a normal child. of course you will teach her right from wrong, but really, do you think that your child will never misbehave?

Original poster
natz23 · 15/09/2010 19:08

off course not!! im just sick of hearing people sneering and writing things that really isnt necessary, i dont think im over reacting at all, ive taken a lot on this, and ive apologised for things that i should have worded better, im pretty sure my daughter will be a menace at some point but i certainly would just let it happen!

OP posts:
BrightLightBrightLight · 15/09/2010 19:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pixel · 15/09/2010 19:09

Oh fgs! Neither of my children went round bashing other little ones or throwing toys across the room at them, and neither did most of the children at their playgroup so it is far from being inevitable. (with four years between dcs I spent plenty of time taking my turn as parent helper so I did see what went on). I don't think there is any need to start telling the OP that her little girl will definitely be behaving the same in a year's time. She might or she might not. Hopefully if she does, then someone will gently teach her it is unacceptable behaviour, not just let her get on with it because 'the younger kids will be like that soon'. I suppose they will if they never see the older ones told off for it.

mathanxiety · 15/09/2010 19:11

YANBU. I would look for somewhere else for my child, though, and not bother trying to change the MIL, especially if her DD is the mum of the child and they are there together with your baby. How is the local nursery inside? Maybe in a bad area but it might be better inside than out.

I think Natz has been given a hard time here. I would be equally furious if some toddler was allowed to throw his weight around while my crawling baby ran the risk of getting hurt. It is possible to restrain a toddler from hurting another child and keep them from throwing things, etc. Maybe they won't understand right from wrong until a later age, but they can be taught to expect negative consequences for hurting someone smaller, and taught to take care around babies so there are few 'accidents'.

Original poster
natz23 · 15/09/2010 19:11

yeah i know, im going to try and sort somthing out, whether its me talking to her or my partner. i understand some people are just making a point, i appreciate that, but is there anyneed to be calling me a twat plank and everything else ive had.

OP posts:
Original poster
natz23 · 15/09/2010 19:15

mathanxiety, really thankyou so much for that, im only new to this and ive been giving a lot of nasty comments thrown at me, and the name calling .. theres just no need.
i havnt actually been in the nursery, i suppose you cant judge a book by its cover, maybe worth looking up more about childminders as well, its her daughters son, the first grandchild, he is spoilt rotten by them, which is understandble! but as you said its more that hes being allowed to throw his weight around, and not being told its wrong. thats what concerns me. hes called me a cow, a few weeks ago i grabbed him before he nearly ran out in front of a car! i grabbed him hard, but not to hurt him and he flung away from me shouted cow, and then screamed and ran away. his mum??? just laughed, but then said careful of the cars sweetheart. ummm

OP posts:
Inertia · 15/09/2010 19:21

I doubt your nephew will learn that violence towards another person is wrong from somebody punishing him in a violent manner. His behaviour is typical of many 2 year olds- he doesn't really understand what's acceptable , he's pushing boundaries , and yes, he is looking to see what he can get away with. That's what toddlers do, it's part of how they learn. Doesn't make it acceptable to let him get away with it though, and part of the learning process is to make it clear to him what is and what isn't acceptable.

There are many avenues open to your MIL- removing the 2yo from the situation, removal of the toys etc being thrown, setting up the child care provision so that these situations are less likely to arise...she should be dealing with it. Calling a 2yo offensive names and wishing for him to be hit back isn't going to solve the problem- your MIL is meant to be the reponsible carer here.

If you are that unhappy with the childcare, you need to move your daughter to a nursery or childminder. It's likely that she'll still come across toddlers displaying similar behaviour (she'll probably do it herself at some point)- but at least the staff/CM will have a procedure for dealing with it.

veyron · 15/09/2010 19:22

natz23 first of all, I would be very Angry too if this had been happening to my dd. I think you need to speak to your mil about this and explain how it's making you feel.

My DD is 7 now and tbh she was never spiteful like this (If i ever saw a hint of that kind of behavior starting, i would have nipped it in the bud asap)

Oh and don't worry about the spelling mistakes - it's that important to all of us.

Unfortunately there are plenty of stuck up bitches people that are intellectually superior on here that get a hard-on when pointing out other people's errors with their red biro's.

Just ignore Grin