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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

no disiplin!!!???!!!???!!!!???!!!!

201 replies

natz23 · 15/09/2010 17:00

my 11 month old daughter gets watched by the mother in law 2 days a week while i work, she also takes her grandson who is 2 and a half,
i cant stand it any more that i may just give up work.
he is a little shite!! to be honest..
i have recently witnessed him throwing his toys at her when she is trying to play, snatching them off her, standing on her feet while she crawls, pushes her.. and so on.
my mother in law, and the boys mother, ina very calm tone say... no no thats not nice
which has no impact whats so ever, hes not listeneing, i want to pull him from her and give him a right good shouting at!! what is wrong with them!! or am i being out or order?
his mum has said to me.. aww hes only 2 he dosnt know!!
bullshit! because when he stands on her hands he looks about to see whos watching! and im sorry but if he dosnt know, im pretty sure he should by that age!! no means no!!!
im so worried about my little girl, she dosnt understand why he does it and just sits and crys! i witnesed this and not one of them even payed it any notice! i was livid!!!!!!!!what is the matter with them?

apart from that hes a lovely little boy but i am starting to dislike him more and more, and dont want olivia or myself around him.
do people not know whow to give disicplin to thier children anymore??? a smack to my arse whne i was young did me no harm, and i soon learnt my lesson!
he gets away with murder!

cant wait till shes older and she can hit him back!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
natz23 · 15/09/2010 17:30

thanks mrsgravy, thats just it he is a little bruiser, shes just tiny, breaks my heart.
defintaley going to talk to MIL, i suppose how can he know whats right from wrong if hes not taught?

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 15/09/2010 17:30

I do remember the enraged lioness feeling

in fact I still have it because my ds1 has ASD and is frequently ostracised/bitched about by other parents

which is why I take a very dim view of somebody calling a child names and recommending violence and shouting as a remedy for behaviour - normal behaviour in this case

Original poster
natz23 · 15/09/2010 17:31

the only nursey rounf about us, is in the paper all the time because of fights outside it. its nect to a pub, wouldnt feel happy puting her there at the moment.

OP posts:
booyhoo · 15/09/2010 17:33

haaaaaaa!!! at this OP.

please please please come back in two years and tell me your DD has never misbehaved or acted out. and tell me you 'disiplin' her every time.

you will learn, trust me.

hmmSleep · 15/09/2010 17:33

I agree that calling a 2 year old 'a little shite' isn't on, however I agree that it sounds like he needs more discipline. If my ds hit, threw toys at or otherwise purposefully harmed another child I would strongly tell him it was wrong, why it was wrong and tell him to apologise. If he continued he would be put on the naughty step. He may only be 2, but this is how they learn what is acceptable behaviour and what isn't. I wouldn't be encouraging my child to hit back, but would be irritated that the mother and grandmother were doing nothing to help his violent behaviour. I do agree it is normal behaviour for a 2 year old, I have had to tell off my own ds for throwing toy bricks at dd's head etc., but they do need to be told it is wrong.

Lulumaam · 15/09/2010 17:33

look into a childminder, small numbers of children. and professional and trained unlike mIL who is having fun with her babies

Bunnyjo · 15/09/2010 17:34

Sorry, I cannot get past the part where you describe your 2yr old nephew like this 'he is a little shite!! to be honest..' Shock I know you have since apologised, but you have to accept that calling a child such an awful name was hardly going to endear you to the average MNetter!

YANBU for being frustrated that your DD has been hurt by your nephew, BUT YAB amazingly U to think that he should be hit, smacked or given a 'right good shouting at' for doing so.

Igglybuff · 15/09/2010 17:36

I read it differently - yes calling a kid a little "shite" isn't nice but easily done in the heat of the moment.

I'm not offended by spelling mistakes etc either so I strongly suspect that that is colouring peoples' responses to the OP.

booyhoo · 15/09/2010 17:38

what is it about this OP that tells me she hasn't been on MN for very long?

juicy12 · 15/09/2010 17:39

im just more upset for posting in the first place and getting called names Seriously?? You're upset for being called names, yet you think it's appropriate to describe a 2 year old boy as a "little shite"?? I've got a picture of you in my mind, OP, and it ain't pretty, that's for sure.
HAve a look for a childminder, if the nursery isn't up to scratch.
HTH

Morloth · 15/09/2010 17:39

OMG!!!!!! wait until your daughter is 2 and is the 1 doing the throwing/standing/hitting!!!!!!?????!!!!

TheCoalitionNeedsYou · 15/09/2010 17:40

To many exclamation marks.

theQuibbler · 15/09/2010 17:52

Oh dear - it's horrible when you see your small baby being hit. It's enough to make you spit feathers! Especially if nobody is doing anything to stop it.

I used to hate it at playgroups when larger toddlers snatched and hit and pushed, and their carers just sort of shrugged and were all "boys will be boys", so I do understand.

But, really, it is 'normal' behaviour, even though it needs to be curbed.

I'd have a word with your MIL (or get your DH to do it) about how to discipline the children (if you talk about both of them, it's less likely to get her back up and make her defensive). Ask her if she will move him away, and actively distract him, with a firm "no, we don't hit". He does need to learn that it is not OK to hit and push, but it does take a while for the lessons to sink in, so don't expect an overnight change.

Hope that helps. Smile

thesecondcoming · 15/09/2010 17:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 15/09/2010 17:57

Childminder?

Original poster
natz23 · 15/09/2010 18:05

thesecondcoming my daughters name isnt olivia, although lovely lol. thanks for advice, probably best to just talk with partner first and ask him to maybe talk to her, would be easier him doing it, i would just clam up, and i wouldnt want her to think i dont apprecaite her taking my daughter for us.

had considered a childminder but they are a fortune!!

OP posts:
mamatomany · 15/09/2010 18:07

"had considered a childminder but they are a fortune!!"

And there lies the problem, you pay peanuts you get monkey's Wink

Original poster
natz23 · 15/09/2010 18:08

very true

OP posts:
Tippychoocks · 15/09/2010 18:11

Lordy me.

OP, I understand and certainly thought of children at nursery who hit/bit/hurt my DD as little shits, I have an overactive protective instinct Grin. I think your wording was unfortunate but I understand what you meant (I hope).

Your DD will almost certainly do this to another child at some stage though. In the meantime, I suggest you talk to MIL. If you're not happy then move your DD to a nursery (where this will happen again but it may not be as awkward to address).

Ofsted registered childminders and nurseries will be eligible for childcare payments through working tax credit, have you looked into that fully?

brassband · 15/09/2010 18:14

Your DD will soon be giving as good as she gets

cory · 15/09/2010 18:14

Also don't suggest any discipline that you won't be happy for your MIL to dole out to your dd when she reaches the hitting and throwing stage (most children go through it).

Original poster
natz23 · 15/09/2010 18:15

thankyou, it did kind of come out wrong in the heat of the moment.we dont get any government help at all, somthing to do with my partners salary so i dont know how that would work, also he works away a lot, so half the time im left to deal with most things myself

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/09/2010 18:16

"apart from that hes a lovely little boy but i am starting to dislike him more and more, and dont want olivia or myself around him."

But she isn't called Olivia?

Bunnyjo · 15/09/2010 18:18

Was posting the same Fanjo, but you beat me to it...

ShadeofViolet · 15/09/2010 18:18

and dont want olivia or myself around him

my daughters name isnt olivia

Hmm
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