To have an MN name which doesn't show that I'm a dad not a mum?

[Cleggy36]

I assume that most people's working assumption (if they think about it) would be that posters on MN are mums not dads. Sometimes I feel that it's slightly cheating to have a name which doesn't clarify things, so I always end up trying to make it clear in anything I post that my point of view is that of a 46 year old bloke not a 23 year old woman.

The problem with FathersQuarterly and several other 'Dads' forums I have looked at is that there is just not a big enough quorum of posters to make it flow. Look at Dadsnet on MN and its just the same on Netmums.

In reality, only the parenting forums that are mainly for mums really work as a vibrant community.

That is why I am here and I like it. I go on lots of other forums related to my work and politics. MN is what I look at for the other equally important side of my life as a parent.

I am Advanced CRB checked as well.

My username has my occupation and my name in it... yet still some people think I'm female, until they start following me on twitter and see my photo. Which is a bit odd, given that there is a photo on my Mumsnet profile.

Mumsnet is a forum related to my work... that's how I found it, that's the main part of the board you will find me posting on. Though having been here for years... I do venture onto other boards.

Based on my own experiences of me and my friends, basically, at a fundamental level, I don't think married women can be friends with men.
There is always something going on with the bloke that isn't friendship IMHO and IME.

However I do not think that men and women should not be friends as prettybird has maybe implied I said.
If you want to be friends with a bloke, well then go for it! Knock yourself out.

I'm thinking that maybe cultural differences come into play in how I feel about this? I'm not posting from the UK and I'm not British. Indeed the Queen's English isn't my Mother tongue. So who knows? Maybe British men are 'superior' specimens?

TheLadyEvestar, I used to go for a pint and was one of the lads too, until I realsied how very boring they and their little hierarchy struggles actually were! Maybe you'll change your mind after you are married? Maybe not.

TiggyD,"You're ignoring half the population in case your partner gets upset? He's not allowed to make friends with people who happen to be female?

Eh, have you got me confused with someone else TiggyD, from your (P?)past or another Dimension - Scapegoat land perhaps?
If you re read - or hell, even read my posts, you'll see that nowhere did I say that I control my Dh or his choice of pals, or that he is upset if I want male pals. You think too highly of me to think I can somehow control anyone!
Crikey, paranoid much?

Pan, there there now, don't be afraid, I am quite mature thank you. My opinion is founded on my personal experience and observations for more years than I actually admit to
I have added your experience to my graph, but it doesn't skew the result as much as you obviously think it does, and is certainly not statistically significant enough for me to change my mind in a heartbeat, and align to your world view - but admit it, you are equally intractable. Yes?!

"Sorry, also zazen I know you can't 'spot' blokes on here"
I have to say : wow really Pan, that's unbelievable
Let me get this straight: I've said I do recognise posters' gender based on their posting style, and you've said that you "know that I can't". Well well, who put you in charge?

Are you saying that prettybird's DH is also misguided or lying, because he has asserted to being able to do this very thing also?

Stretch your mind man, sometimes people can do things you don't even dream about.

Thank you Anyfucker. I get you too, and not just on the dodgy threads with the fuckhead blokes!
Ohh I do love a scandal was this pre mouldie?

years before then....

Zazen, I will not stop going out for a drink with my friends just because I am married I am my own person and am not going to change because I am married. The only reason DP doesn't come is because someone has to look after the DS's on those nights.

Hmm, I can see how culture can make a difference. Some places do seem to quite different gendered socialisation. Zazen you seem less nutty in light of your most recent post, although I still find it sad if you've actually not come across any trustworthy men!

Also, in reference to a poster way way back in the thread, I interpreted BeenBeta's name as a shortened version of 'been better', rather than a reference to Beta positioning.

Great news TheLadyEvenstar. I thought the same too, until I got bored of them!! Maybe you'll change because you are married - and if you are determined not to change at all, well I'm now wondering why bother getting married!!?? I did feel differently after getting married.. maybe I'm not the only one? Please be assured that I am not in charge of you: you are free to have your own life!

And sno - that's a personal attack. Name calling is against the roolz. Do you feel better about yourself now that you've thrown your weight around like the bloke you are?? I bet you don't consider yourself a bully, but you are one.

WMMC LOL

I'm out of this witch-hunt now.

Reread my posts if you still think I have said that men "should" not talk to women and vice versa you will see that I never did..

But it hasn't changed my opinions about the men who post on mumsnet one iota.
Ciao.

I won't get bored of them, I didn't during my first marriage either.
Why am I marrying DP? well I love him and we want to get married. He doesn't expect me to change no more than I do him. I am the same person he met and he knows i won't change for anyone. I am not "one of the lads" just my friends happen to be men.

zazen - it would have been helpful if you had explained that there s a cultural reason why you feel the way you do.

Most people on here in the UK and what you said runs completely counter to UK cultural experiences. That is why people reacted so strongly to your post.

I still think you are very wrong about why men are on MN.

I'm not clearly stating that I'm not a mum in my user name - should I be? Do I have to wear a big symbol on my chest? A label saying 'Warning: Not A Parent'?

OMG! There is a non-parental unit here!

I thought BeenBeta was referring to his previous posting name of ABetaDad - which in turn I thought was saying 'I'm not an Alpha male type', maybe being a pun on 'better dad' and possibly also referencing the Beta Male column in the Times by the lovely Robert Crampton.

And you know what's worse? I'm not even trying to have children. I am currently actively avoiding it! because you have all put me off with your poo stories

Trillian - didnt you know that you get used to cant smell your own childrens poo?

All three interpretations of my nick name are correct by the way. I'm planning a change quite soon to stop Twitter/Facebook/Google following me about.

ZacharyQuack, you are my favourite book character EVER!

I am about whether Men post on here, whether their names give them away as male or female.. it might be called Mumsnet but it is ''by parents for parents'' so not gender specific.

Saying that, I have no issue with none parents like Trills posting either.

I love the tapestry of MN and all it's threads.

Somewhat ironically, one of the best pieces of advice re childcare I have ever recieved was on \mumsnet of a poster who did not have children nor was involved in childcare!

Actually, my dh wouldn't claim to be able to spot all the men on here - just that there were some posters that he could identify as men who were pretending to be women (this was quite a long time ago, so maybe they've gone now )

I still think it is :( that some people thing that it is not possible for men and women to be just friends. I apprecaite being able to get a male perspective on occasion (both on here and in RL) and I know that it actively helps my relationship with dh that he can get a female perspective from his female friends. I don't feel the need to chaperone him - nor him me.

It's called trust. :)

prettybird;

Men & women can be friends, but I wouldn't want my dh going out with women socially without me, (and I know he'd feel the same about me with men)....nothing to do with trust, it's just a bit odd, that's all.

We're all different :). Dh is a "new man" and already had many female friends when I met him. I just couldn't imagine curtailing his freedom to socialise.

As it happens, most of the time, we socialise together, but there are times when he, for example, has lunch with a female friend and I am doing something else - and vice versa.

Also, many of our friends are also business contacts and we are not going to constrain each other from doing business or interrogating each other about "are you seeing so and so socially or for business reasons"

In fact, dh is in town at this very moment having coffee with a woman I even gave him a lift to the station

Ahh, you see I married a caveman....grrrr

Which is kinda how I like it, I don't get all this "new man" stuff, I want dh in touch with his masculine side at all times, and having lunch dates with females is a bit drippy imo.

Maybe if you have to do it for business reasons it's different.

FioFio - PMSL laughing at "you say you are a man who has a tesco account?"

Made my day that.

at fiofio.

There's a very straightforward explanation. Years and years ago it wasn't all that easy to get free email accounts - tesco were one of the first places to offer one. Nothing at all to do with shopping...you can relax.

"fuckhead blokes"

That's not sexist at all. Well done Zazen.

sno, that is unfair

zazen is referring to a well-used saying of mine used in a very specific context

that very specific context is on some of the threads where more extreme forms of male bad behaviour towards women is being clearly described (I am sure you know the kind of thing I mean...)

she wasn't calling all men "fuckheads"

why would you try to resurrect an argument ?