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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be very upset by friend demanding something back given to me 15 years ago??

555 replies

rockinhippy · 08/09/2010 11:39

I'll try not to ramble, but already feeling ill & now very upset, so excuse me if I do....I would apreciate opinions as to whether or not I am being unreasonable in, a being upset, & b, refusing.

Some 16 odd years ago, probably much more, ........my friend ...(who is one of my DDs 2 GodMums) gave me a vintage astrakan coat, passed to her by her uncle, but not her style at all, but very much mine..........she said at the time something along the lines of "if you change your mind & don't wear it, or want it in future, don't get rid of it, but let me have it back, maybe I'll keep it or pass it on"

Now I love this coat, repaired the lining & keep it for winter going out for special occasions & have looked after it well, so its still in as new condition

the other day I recieved an e-mail, telling me her DD now 17 had been looking through old family photos, & has fell in love with this coat...& wondered if I still had it & was it used..& could she have it back....at first I was confused & thought she meant a 1 she had passed over to my DD....

e-mail yesterday clarified what she meant....so I replied saying, yes, I still love it & wear it with pride & even included a recent photo (we don't live close to each other anymore)

Just now recieved a reply along the lines of....

Sadly DD feels just as strongly about the coat & DD takes precedence over friend, will be popping down to your town next Monday I will collect it then Shock

Confused
OP posts:
Goddammit · 08/09/2010 11:42

Jeez, I think YANBU at all. Also legally am sure it is now yours as possession is 9/10 of the law, you've had it all this time, spent money on cleaning and repairing it.
You are old and close friends, can you point this out to her?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/09/2010 11:42

It is sad, for you and DD, so YANBU to be upset.

But she did tell you she might want it back in future to pass it on.

Feel for you though, but I think you should pass it on, and not fall out with friend.

BuntyPenfold · 08/09/2010 11:43

Can't the dry cleaners have lost it? (you were having it cleaned for her.)

What is astrakan anyway?
Something very expensive I presume.

saintlydamemrsturnip · 08/09/2010 11:44

It's a coat?

Sorry I think YABU.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/09/2010 11:44

I think it would be pretty low to pretend the cleaners had lost it so you can give it to your DD and not hers!?

Hassled · 08/09/2010 11:44

Ouch. Weird behaviour over a coat - there's little you can do but hand it over with good grace on the basis that it was hers to start with, but still, bloody weird

A shame you didn't tell her you'd lost it/charity shopped it/had it nicked Wink.

cumbria81 · 08/09/2010 11:45

What?

She is being totally unreasonable!

I think you're going to have to give it back to her, since in not doing so you will probably have some kind of fall out but I can't believe her cheek in asking for it back.

YANBU.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 08/09/2010 11:45

Tell her to fuck off. Her DD would probably destroy it or get bored with it within a couple of weeks.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/09/2010 11:46

I see I am a lone voice here Blush

senua · 08/09/2010 11:46

I see where you are coming from but, seriously, it's only a coat. Isn't a friendship worth more?

DuelingFanjo · 08/09/2010 11:46

It's a little weird but you don't need to make a big fuss about it. YABU to do so IMO

Goddammit · 08/09/2010 11:47

However, I do think that maybe there is a silver (coat)lining in all this. Astrakhan coats are f-in horrible, this ain't the 70s any more, one that was worn by an uncle won't even be cut to fit womanly curves. It;s probably quite true that it would be better worn ironically by a 17 year old.
So why not have your say (and i do think she is being horrible), give her the coat back and buy yourself something really gorgeous, up to date to replace it. Go to a dept store and ask a personal shopper to transform you from Rockinhippy to Madame Fabulous. Have a glass of champagne while you are out and raise 2 fingers to your petty mean-minded pal while you are at it.

BuntyPenfold · 08/09/2010 11:47

Pretty low? And I thought it was a cunning plan.Sad
Anyway your friend is unreasonable, but sounds quite determined.

TrillianAstra · 08/09/2010 11:47

Bit weird of her to promise it to her DD, rather than say 'I don't have it any more', as you normally would if someone saw a picture of your from 16+ years ago.

senua · 08/09/2010 11:48

Agree with both fanjo.Grin

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/09/2010 11:49

two fanjos in agreement Grin

BuntyPenfold · 08/09/2010 11:49

Is Astrakan the dead-goaty-sort of coat?
As in later Beatles pics?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/09/2010 11:49

or do you agree with both my statements..wasn't calling you a fanjo Grin

LtEveDallas · 08/09/2010 11:50

Fanjo - I dont think OP wants to give it to her own dd?

Isn't an Astrakan a type of fur coat? Surprised any 17 yr old would want to wear it!

Also surprised by your friend - I think you will have to give it back - otherwise your friendship will suffer - but if you dont mind that then ask for the cash you have spent renovating it.

Shame you sent the photo really - you could have said it was completely threadbare after 16 years use!

scaryteacher · 08/09/2010 11:50

I don't think YABU, as you still wear it. I'd be out next Monday if I were you. Do you value the friend more than the coat? I think she has a bloody cheek, and is pandering to her DD who has shown no interest in it before, and who will probably not like it at all and bin it.

neuroticrobotic · 08/09/2010 11:51

It's yours.
Don't give it back!

Unless you want to ruin a friendship, but maybe she's already done that?

Giddyup · 08/09/2010 11:51

YABU, Be a bit miffed but just give it back

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/09/2010 11:51

LtEve - oops, my bad Blush

scaryteacher · 08/09/2010 11:52

Fanjo, the OP says she still wears it, and not that she was going to pass it on to her own DD.

Pennies · 08/09/2010 11:53

Friend is being totally unreasonable.