sex life problems

[notsue]

Have name changed for this, will try to give as much info as i can.

DP and I have been together for about 11 years, have kids etc and our sex life is particularly non existence and has got progressively worst.

Problem is dp 'sulks' when he doesnt get sex as and when he wants it. He will go a lot, not talk to me, make snide remarks about me being frigid, stop helping out etc, etc.

We have tried discussing it, but always reach stale mate. I tell him its not acceptable to carry on like a spoilt child when he doesnt get what he wants and that i find the sulking unbearable. I refuse to be 'sulked' into having sex with him.

I ask him to stop sulking, he says "well have sex with me then"

He says he is not sulking and goes out a lot because "whats the point of staying home, if no sex is on offer"

He refuses to accept that his behaviour is unacceptable and that i am the one being unreasonable for not having sex with him.

He says i have a problem with sex and need to sort it out and that he doesnt sulk, only i view it like this because i have a problem with sex.

Have to go out in a minute, but will be back later and will show him this thread with other opinions on his behaviour or mine as the case may be.

I think I am agreeing with SGB's viewpoint now, having done my very best to see things from where your DP might be.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

From the OP, he sounds a little abusive if he has been given a no.

SGB mentioned the possibility of him sexually assaulting you , im glad she did as i wanted to raise it but didnt want to seem dramatic. I was married to someone similar, constantly pressurised into sex , mauled, groped, nasty dirty comments constantly.

Towards the end, when he realised hed started to lose control he did exactly as SGB said . I wasnt even safe in my own home .
Its highly likeley his behaviour will escalate ( it always does when you start to stand up to them ) so please be carefull.

Managed to have a proper conversation yesterday, without the kids around.

Seems we have been talking at cross purposes (thats what sulking does to a relationship!). A lot of what he was saying ie me being controlling, me sulking etc didnt make any sense.

When i asked him to explain exactly what he meant. He thought i was saying that i wanted a sexless relationship, that he had no say in it, i didnt want to discuss it and if he didnt like it he could leave.

I have explained that what i am saying is, if he is not happy with any aspect of our relationship i am more than willing to discuss it, thats what adults do! But if the answer is no, for whatever reason, he just has to accept that and not behave unreasonably.

He says that over the years he has behaved this way, as he felt hurt and rejected, but he accepts he shouldnt have and that it has been damaging to our relationship.

I have said that i do feel a sexless relationship would be doomed. But at the moment i dont want sex and i cant put a time limit on when i will want sex. I simply dont know how i will feel next week, next month, next year, if his behaviour changes.

He says after thinking about it, he would be prepared to have a sexless relationship (without sulking) if that is what i wanted, rather than lose me and the kids. He would make the appointment with the psychiatrist today.

He has apologised for the hurtful things that he said and said that he did this out of hurt.

He was tripping over himself to be helpful yesterday.

So time will tell i suppose.

Hmm. GOod luck with this. Of course it is possible (I think you have mentioned that he has past issues with rejection etc) that he misread what you said and is going to put some effort into being a proper partner now he understands that it's not a total rejection.
To be fair, one partner saying to the other 'I am never going to have sex with you again, end of story, put up with it or piss off' is selfish and unfair. But that wasn't what you were saying.

Bear in mind though that he might also be sweetness and light for a couple of weeks or so and then go 'Well I've been a good boy, what about some sex? COme on how long am I supposed to wait?' and you will be back in the same situation again.
Best of luck with it anyway

SGB, yes he has very big issues with past rejection from his parents and he has taken 'not now' for 'never again'.

Then when i was saying i dont want sex and havent had sex for 4 weeks, he thought over the years when i had said 'not now' it was building up to 'never again'.

So when i said we need to sort this out or end the relationship and i am no longer prepared to have sex (if you continue to behave this way). He is not hearing if you continue to behave in this way, just the i am not prepared to have sex and if you dont like it the relationship will end.

This will be our last go at trying to make it work, obviously it works both ways. If either one of us are unhappy with the situation, we will call it a day.

Thanks very much for listening.

Yes I´d be thinking that he will "behave" for a while & then start asking for his "reward".

I also am a bit tbh that he thought you said you wanted a sexless marriage, but didn´t actually clarify this with you.

Still thinking that he needs to talk through his issues tbh.

Hope you get sorted out, OP.

Just one more thing: the fact that he has been mistreated in the past does not entitled him to mistreat you indefinitely. Past abuse of a person is not a Get Out OF Jail Free card in an adult ie everyone just has to tiptoe round that adult's misbehaviour because that adult has had past trauma.

Hope everything works out for you nitsue :)

Hello I have a problem, I'am so satisfied with my hubby penis but we have a problem that he think his penis is small we discuss it several time and told him its okay Iam satisfied and i cant come if iam not on the top and he always think that his penis is small...any help

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