to think large ladies proclaiming themselves 'real women' is offensive to us slim types?

[madmn52]

I am so sick of hearing some (stand back from the flame throwers!) big ladies being so defensive about their weight that they even try and claim a monopoly on womanliness. I like being slim and much prefer to be - although I have never really been overweight. I am sick of hearing women saying - 'men prefer a real woman' - or ' men prefer curves' - or 'something to grab hold of' etc.etc. As a slim woman - if I were to walk in the office and announce that men prefer a woman like me to a larger woman - because for example, 'they dont like all that excess flesh ' - then all hell would break loose !! Or if I was to dare say that women over a size 14 were not 'real women' - there would be outrage.
So large ladies - if you are happy and satisfied with how you look - fine - no-ones asking you to put yourself down - but please could you stop putting others down in the process !

Golly gosh, hmc this whole darn thing seems to have you most awfully riled.

Aries seemed to be making a most reasonable point about vaginas, and you seem to have taken umbrage with her lack of attention to your posts....

Dearie me..... manners cost nothing!

Its just an example of that 'aggressive defensiveness' mallarkey that this whole thread is about really Salty.

Ahhh..there does seem to be lots of that around suda....

Just to pop in my two pence worth. My mil and fil spend a good 10 minutes every time I see them discussing, in front of me, my weight, and whether I have gained or lost recently. I have been told that I am too skinny/scrawny etc and that my dh will not find me attractive if I don't put on weight. They say that a man likes something to grab hold of. After putting up with this for far too long I no longer visit them. They no longer visit us, as after the final time they said that dh needed something to grab hold of, I said "more than a handful's a waste". They shut up after that.

I regularly have women sit and discuss over me whether they think I'm anorexic or obsessed with my weight and how unattractive I look because of my size. I have no eating disorder but I do like to be slim, so if I put on a couple of pounds, I'll cut back on the wine and chocolate for a few days to get back to a comfortable weight.

I would never in a million years dream of commenting on someone's weight and say how unattractive/unsexy it was.

Very true Suda - it seems some people cant make their point or defend their corner without being aggressive to other people. As you say that is exactly what this whole thread is about - that some bigger ladies cant say anything good about themselves without putting slim women down in the process.

Eh?

Oh hi hmc, I was just pointing out that you were really terribly rude to Aries, when she was merely chipping in with an excellent argument.

I had always taken the phrase to be referring to the airbrushed supermodel types. I hadn't realised it was perceived as a "fat" versus slim.

I'm big, I wish I was slim. There you go. I don't call myself "real" but I don't call myself much of anything.

saltyair - do you need a lie down?

No hmc I'm good, but thank you for asking.

Well...I was beginning to wonder....

Really? Why were you wondering?

Bless you - because you are not making a great deal of sense. Look, I think the kindest thing to do is to leave you to it. Perhaps an early night would help?

/ checks to see if real woman

Boobies...check
Fanjo...check
Not made of play doh... check
PMT = chocolate...check
Can put the toilet seat down...check

Yep I am a real woman

I don't care how other women refer to themselves. It doesn't affect how I view myself or the size I want to be.

Real women can be thin, fat or in-between but only real arseholes can be patronising...

Well quite!

runawaywife

fanjo - i still love that word!

hmc your opinions are being discredited by your rudeness

fanjo fanjo fanjo (still pissing myself laughing at that word)

"All fat women are greedy, lazy and stupid.
All slim women are vain, shallow and neurotic.

Fat women are a drain on the NHS
Slim women exist on a diet of coffee and cigarettes and all have osteoporosis...

WHEN WILL WE STOP WITH THIS FAT/THIN BULLSHIT ?
Surely noone has the monopoly on insecurity and hurt feelings and we, as women, are in this together, when it comes to being judged on our looks. Divisive crap like "real" women is totally unhelpful."

ulyanka I love you. I think everyone should just copy and paste your post over and over again.

I always understood the 'real women' as meaning not model/film star sample size which is a uk 4/6.

I've only read the OP.

I can understand you finding it a bit annoying, but finding it offensive? Really?

Bigotry is offensive, not this.

I'd suggest it's inappropriate and exceedingly bad manners to negatively comment on the shape, weight or dress size of anyone else, whether fat or thin. I've been a size 10 to a size 16 at various times, which has attracted comments when I was thin about me looking haggard and at size 16 someone asked me if I was planning to go on a diet so I would look nice for my wedding.

I think it goes both ways and it's nice to be nice regardless of how fat or thin you might be.

Yes - Tech - some of us do find it offensive - as the point of the OP - and I mean the whole of the OP - is about women having a go at other women because they are slimmer. We are not as offended by someone on telly saying 'real women' etc - its when (and this happens regularly from watching this thread) women say these things when looking at a slim woman or even pointing up and down her to hold up as an example of a less attractive woman. That is offensive. My daughter used to go and sit in her car to eat her lunch some days to get away from comments from her 'permanently on a diet' co-office workers if she dared to get a plate of chips - one put her fork down from her salad one day and said - "Now you are really taking the piss - eating that right in front of us when you know we're on diets" But then if ever DD got a plate of salad - they would still take the piss - "Why tf are you eating salad ?" She couldnt win basically.
Hunting in packs indeed !

I think the thing that irritates me about this thread is the way that a kind of general disdain towards thin is being compared to the hugely negative attitude towards fat.

I'm not referring to the personal insults - of course those are never okay. But as a petite woman who is usually a 6 or 8, I have always felt that my body shape is much more approved of and accepted by society.

Those 'oh you're skinny' or 'eating chips, you lucky bitch' don't bother me because I know that all the messages sent out by the media, by doctors etc tell me that I'm fine. But too many of our social messages deride, ridicule and alienate fat. You really can't compare the experiences of the two. Thin is usually lauded, a few generally negative comments should not be a big deal.

So yes, it's mildly annoying the 'real woman' thing but really I don't find that it matters too much. Unless someone is actually personally insulting me, I can't care too much.