shit-stained pants left on kitchen floor

[YesBut]

Am I unreasonable to find this offensive?

YesBut, I hope you are OK and still reading.

Thanks all. Am reading, digesting and composing next post...but I have an extra child today and dammit they all seem to need feeding, so may be slow

yesbut I'm in a similar but different position to you so havent got much useful advice really, but wanted to give you a very un-MN like ((hug)).

Hugs always appreciated

Sincere thanks to those of you who are being supportive.

To those of you who think it is easy...if I was good at these things, maybe I would have left when he nearly forced me to have our first child aborted, or when he made me have sex with him against my will, orwhen he smacked dd1 so that she fell flat on her back, or when he treated ds1 in such a way that although it is definitely not right, gp and social worker said it was borderline, not necessarily abuse, or when he used to fall asleep whilst driving with the kids in the car and shout and swear at me when I voiced my concern. Or when he told dd2 at age 4 to shut the fuck up. But hang on, he does this regularly.
Maybe I am just a crap person. I am terrified of confrontation, partly because I have a v volatile mother and spent my childhood trying to keep things calm.

It has taken me years to get to the point where, mentally, I can a) tell him I want to break up and b) think of actually doing it, rather than just quietly wishing hewould die or beabducted by aliens.

But he makes me feel that I am the unreasonable one, and it really fucks my head up.

Please listen to these posters above, they honestly are some of the best posters here on MN in situations such as these.

Call womens aid. Now.

You and your children ARE being abused, The CAB can help you too.

Stay close to us here on MN, we will all do what we can to help you through this.

I have managed to keep my distance since dd2 (5) was conceived. We don't share a bed. He has been sleeping on sofa for some time but because he sometimes slept in the bed during the day, and made it smell, and because we needed the space, I dismantled the bed. I have been sleeping on bedroom windowsill for a couple of months.

Is it abuse? I can never trll. NowI mean. I can't pursue the stuff from yearsback.

yesbut, it is most certainly abuse, ring womens aid they will give you loads of sound advice.

you and your children deserve a lot better.

I have worked with so many women in situations similar to yours. The positive change in their and their childrenss lives is dramatic. but do be careful. check he can't read this thread/see you've been to wa website (they tell you step by step how to remove evidence) but don't do nothing.

be strong x

Phoning womens aid costs 40p/minute from a mobile, I never have the house to myself. The timesI have tried from a friend's house, lines are always busy, and non-emergency callers are told to call back another time.

Just wanted to add my support for you and your children, YesBut.

Feel like more of a fraud than an emergency.

Oh and apparently vodafone charge £2 per minute.

Seek help for yourself and your DC - think how much better you will all feel once you're out of such a damaging situation.

Think how proud you will feel that you have done this.

Think of your childhood and give your children better.

I don't mean this to sound harsh but you are the only one who can help them so please do it.

Please trust me when I say that your DC will be fine - just please get out of there :(

0808 2000 247 - site says it is a freephone number

www.womensaid.org.uk

And please stop telling yourself this bullshit about staying together for the kids / dont want to disrupt the kids and so on... it sounds like a lovely situation to live in as a child, does it? What do you think.

Please get help.

Yesbut: who is your best friend in rl? Please ask her/him if you can sit in their house and phone until you get an answer. You do not have to use your mobile or your own home landline to make the call.

I have a poo marked babygrow on my kitchen floor right now and it's all good. YABU.

Whatever it costs, isn't it worth it to get out of there?

Oh didn't read whole thread before posting and see OP is upset. Sorry! xx