shit-stained pants left on kitchen floor

[YesBut]

Am I unreasonable to find this offensive?

IMO she doesnt really want to leave him at all(still washing his shitty pants ffs). If really wanted to leave then would or kick him out and change locks. If you have kids then he has a resonsibility to help you out financially. Sounds liek this is passive/aggressive relationship and never going to change.
ps how is letting kids she you being treated like a skivvy creating a good atmosphere?

meant see you.

ewww YANBU

Do you not want to move?

Is it your house?

Are you scared of him?

I can give you some advice if you want (worked in housing for years)

It may seem impossible to sort but it isn't.

bibbitybobbityhat because i only read the OP

It seems to me he is goading the OP towards leaving,and I really think she shouldn't do it. He should leave, but obviously won't unless someone makes him.

You have to leave him.
No location is worth this. Children recover when they move schools.
Please do not let him treat you like this any longer.
Take care.

Is it just me or is being an arse / shouting at children not necessarily the same thing as abuse? Sympathy with you YesBut it sounds a horrible relationship to be trapped in and hope you can sort the practical stuff and get out.

Bunty - who can make him leave? Am genuinely interested on behalf of friend in similar situation.

The landlord, as a duty to protect tenants from domestic abuse.

I'd pick them up using his favourite clean item of clothing to do so & bin them both.

Gross - poor you!

(Oh. My friend doesn't have a landlord).

But not to hijack your thread OP.

Sorry, I know its hard, but you must DO something. Ask for help in rl. People will be happy to help you.

lyns2 needs to join the real world.

OP, have you spoken to anyone in RL?

That's the first thing you should do. Tell someone you trust. One step at a time.

SAF, I think I have seen on other threads that you can't legally do that.

YesBut, try not to think about how huge a task it is going to be to split. Make a list of all that has to be done and do it bit by bit.

He is being abusive to you and your dcs and you all deserve better.

Do you own a dog? I have one he chews or scent marks anything that is left in his bed. And anything left on the floor is placed in his bed by me. After all if it is on the floor then I can only presume that it has been left there for the dog.

Or put them on his pillow - shit side down.

YANBU btw.

SAF, it doesn't sound like it would be pretty if the OP did that. Even if it was legal. She sounds intimidated by him and she's worried about the repercussions for her DC.

Eurgh!

Put his things in the garden and change the locks. Deal with the legal aspect afterwards.

Something tells me that a Man who doesn't change his shitty pants for a week or more is going to be pretty much incapable of getting his act together leglly.

What a foul pig !

leave them in his pillow case so that he can't see them but will smell them when he is tired and just wants to go to sleep.

what a disgusting man!

Okay have read the whole thread now. Trust me when I say I understand how it feels to know it is over and to know things need to change but to not feel ready to make the break yet, or even be sure you ever will

I trust it is just emotional abuse/laziness and not violence? If he is violent or you are scared of him phone womens aid now. They will help you with the next step.

Firstly things needs to change. You will never feel happy/ier until they do. Start with you. How are you feeling about yourself atm? Pretty shit I suspect or you wouldn't allow yourself to be treat this way. When was the last time you had your hair done? Bought new clothes? Felt attractive? DO something today to change that.

Don't pick his stuff up and wash them for him. Obviously they can't be left there and throwing them out/confronting him about them probably won't be much use. Pick them up and either place them in your dogs bed (if you have one) or leave them in a pile on his side of the bed.

If he starts calling you/being aggressive/abusive just practise a "don't mess with me look" and firmly but simply state "Do NOT talk to me like that" and then walk away. If he follows and insists on arguing get the dc's coats on and leave the house. He will soon learn in order to communicate with you effectively he needs to treat you as an equal. Another good trick is calmly ask "Why are you being so aggressive/nasty?"

Who pays the rent? Is it both of you? Is there anyway you could do what others have suggested - talk to your landlord and see if you can get the lease changed so that it's just in your name?

MN is defo the right place to come for advice. There are muchos lovely ladies who will be able to help you and tell you who the best authorities are to contact.

Good luck!

I do agree with you, SAF, but I suspect it's not as simple as that for the OP. She's been worn down by this prick over a long period, I'm willing to bet.

ShinyandNew, great post.