to think its irresponsible for my OH to leave our 2 yr old downstairs on his own?

[YummyMummy1208]

Argh!

I'm so angry with him rite now and generally since our little boy was born cos he just has no clue how to watch him properly but if i ever have a go at him its 'oh shes off again...' and switches off.

Is this just a general 'men' thing??

Thismorning is a prime example, hes been taking over morning duties of late due to me being 7 month pregnant so thismorning he takes DS1 downstairs and then i can hear him saying 'So r u gonna stay downstairs and be a good boy while Daddy has a shower?' now forgive me if im being unreasonable but surely im not the only one here thinking you dont leave a 2.5 yr old downstairs - on his own - while u go upstairs to have a shower??

Whats everyones opinion on this one - Am i being unreasonable to have a go at OH??

[knickers0nmyhead]

op, you are very very sexist! And you are the irrisponsible one! Read the fucking instructions with the clips! 'thats why you have a man around' what a load of bollocks! Get a grip and shift stuff that can harm your ds!

I have one stair gate, and that is on the kitchen. Dd can now climb it, so the door handle has been turned around, and guess what, I DID IT ALL BY MYSELF! POOR OLD ME, A FEMALE, HAVING TO DO SOMETHING!

[knickers0nmyhead]

op, you are very very sexist! And you are the irrisponsible one! Read the fucking instructions with the clips! 'thats why you have a man around' what a load of bollocks! Get a grip and shift stuff that can harm your ds!

I have one stair gate, and that is on the kitchen. Dd can now climb it, so the door handle has been turned around, and guess what, I DID IT ALL BY MYSELF! POOR OLD ME, A FEMALE, HAVING TO DO SOMETHING!

[Patsy99]

Op - as I've said I think YABU about the safety side - it's definitely not neglect!

But from what you say you're pretty fed up with your OH about several other things - fairness about money in particular - and it is all boiling up into a scrap about safety.

If your OH doesn't think it's necessary to supervise all the time (as I don't) he should be prepared to put effort into making sure downstairs is reasonably safe. And your fianncial arraangements sound really unfair. Is it this that you're really angry about?

[OrmRenewed]

Was your OH supposed to sit in the van without taking his eyes off your child all the time? Or was he allowed to blink?

[mayorquimby]

"is it not simple enough to bring them upstairs to play in their room?? "

So is it the altitude at which they are left literally the only sticking point?
How is alone downstairs any different to alone upstairs?

[IMoveTheStars]

knickers, calm your self

[MilkNoSugarPlease]

Of course he can't blink Orm! You BLINK when looking after your DC's?! how neglectful

[DreamTeamGirl]

I 'neglect' my child by having a shower

yet I am not the one with bleach and sharp knives left lying around and an unlocked door...
because I put on door locks ...
FFS ...

What sort of windows do you have on car that lets him trap his fingers???????

[IMoveTheStars]

(argh!) yourself

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

Headbanger

OP - seriously?? 'That's why I have a man around' (sorry I can't bring myself to replicate your spelling)

If you haven't got a stairgate at the top of the stairs, then how is he safer upstairs while you are in the shower?
DS normally sits on my bed while I have a shower - I leave him with some books and often an episode of Peppa and he is fine. If he gets bored then he climbs down and either plays in his room or comes into the bathroom to talk to me. But I have a stairgate across the top of the stairs so that he can't hurl himself down by mistake.

You have another baby coming and your toddler will have to fend for himself a lot more, so I suggest that you do some more childproofing.

[YummyMummy1208]

can u not shower when the kids are in bed??

I manage fine without showering when he's awake so im sure all u single parents can do just the same!

And the reason its ok to leave him upstairs without the stairgate on the top is -1)i would either shut the stairgate on his room so he can play nicely in there or 2) he is still within earSIGHT ( ) so i can communicate with him and hear where hes at - plus i leave the bathroom door open so i can see if he walks towards the stairs.

good enough answer?

I didnt suggest that evryone must agree with me, but nasty comments about me personally rnt really useful.

i was honestly wanting opinions as i wanted advice on firstly am i going crazy and secondly how can me and OH come to some sort of agreement on child rearing which doesnt leave me angry and resentful and leave him feeling like shit? Maybe its a family thing as my mum totally agrees if not inspires me to moan yet his mum is more like him and doesnt really 'watch' DS as much.

I really do want to lose go a little as i am so angry with OH inside all the time as i feel he's not listening to me or doesnt see where im coming from and i would like to get our rship back to how it used to be before all this crap started.

but unless i spend 50 odd quid on babyproofing then the situation is still going to be the same is it not? I can do all the moving bleach etc around but i do not have the money to be buying stairgates/cuboard clips etc when as selfish as this sounds, its not me who needs them.

[Patsy99]

Actually I expected my DH to put the cupboards locks on, DIY is one of the few things he does around the house. His job imo.

[IMoveTheStars]

ergh, no. I shower in the morning.

[Shodan]

Gaily flinging around accusations of neglect and/or 'being male' isn't going to help your cause at all, you know. Those of us who have child-proofed our homes (in whatever way, be that door/drawer locks, moving dangerous items our of reach, stairgates or whatever else) may well feel that a parent who doesn't do these things is neglectful, in fact.

Don't be so wet, either. You're claiming that your OH isn't as responsible as you because he watches your child differently- but you won't shift yourself to fix a few locks on! Screwdrivers aren't that difficult to understand, you know.

In answer to your question, yes, YABU. If you don't want to hear the answer, don't ask the question.

[DaisySteiner]

What if you shut your eyes while you're concentrating in the shower?

Seriously though, you are a bit deluded if you think that a toddler wouldn't be able to sneak past a bathroom quietly. Frankly, I'm surprised he hasn't started climbing over the stair gates.

You do need to accept though that your dh may want to do things differently though and that is no bad thing in itself. Why not just make downstairs safe so that you can both do things the way you want? Why is your way the only right way?

[YummyMummy1208]

Thank you Patsy99. I fail to see y its my job to do all the safety netting in the house?

What job do men have in bringing up the kids then if im expected to do everything??

[MilkNoSugarPlease]

If it concerns you that much, and your OH hasn't done it...quit bitching about it and go bloody do it ffs

[Patsy99]

I agree with Stewie - this is just a surface problem. Why does your OH have more money than you? Why is it your responsibilty to pay for childproofing stuff?

God knows there are zillions more thing to argue about when there are toddlers about.

[Headbanger]

OP, presumably he goes out to work?

[Aitch]

you sound a little controlling, he sounds a little lax. annoying, but you are going to have to meet in the middle if your home isn't to become a battleground.

[MajorPettigrew]

But equally there is no use in fuming because he hasn't done something you see to be his job.
You sound like a stroppy child 'if he's not going to do it, I'm not going to do it...' attitude will get you nowhere.

[YummyMummy1208]

I can see thru the bathroom door and our floorboards are so creaky i hear every move he makes on the landing.

Downstairs i am unable to hear him at all.

I am trying to accept he does things differently but my head will not allow me to just sit back and watch my DS hurt himself in situations that i wouldnt hav let happen myself. How can anyone do this? Serious question, as i would love to know how to let go of this fear!

I did get out of bed myself in answer to another comment. OH has been trying to be more involved in the last month and so he gets up with DS as he leaves for qork at 7:15am and so is up anyway. as soon as i knew he wanted a shower, i got up myself. I am not some sort of lazy mother who does nothing, i work full time andusualy do most of the child rearing due to OH never being around. not that this has anything to so with the subject!

[nancy10]

What's more important, tittle tattling and getting over who puts cupboard locks, stair gates up or your dc safety and independance. I've asked my dh to do lots of things around the house which STILL need doing, I imagine most people are the same.

[MrsFC]

'nasty comments about me personally rnt really useful'

Then don't say that leaving a child alone while I shower is neglect.