to think its irresponsible for my OH to leave our 2 yr old downstairs on his own?

[YummyMummy1208]

Argh!

I'm so angry with him rite now and generally since our little boy was born cos he just has no clue how to watch him properly but if i ever have a go at him its 'oh shes off again...' and switches off.

Is this just a general 'men' thing??

Thismorning is a prime example, hes been taking over morning duties of late due to me being 7 month pregnant so thismorning he takes DS1 downstairs and then i can hear him saying 'So r u gonna stay downstairs and be a good boy while Daddy has a shower?' now forgive me if im being unreasonable but surely im not the only one here thinking you dont leave a 2.5 yr old downstairs - on his own - while u go upstairs to have a shower??

Whats everyones opinion on this one - Am i being unreasonable to have a go at OH??

[knickers0nmyhead]

not read the whole thread but yabu. I live on my own with the dcs, how the bloody hell do you expect lone parents to get anything done if you expect the child to be with the the whole time they are awake.

[theQuibbler]

Oh, YummyMummy - you're really going to have a hard time of it with the new baby if you can't learn let go a little bit.

If the downstairs is childproofed, then childproof it. Stop waiting for someone else to do it.

Let your DH be a parent, too. His way isn't necessarily wrong; just different. You are so not going to have the time to micromanage every aspect of your DS's time with your DH when the baby arrives.

And if you try...
..my God, you are going to get so pissed off and resentful. Even more so than you already are - trust me.

YABU.

[EvadneGreenspan]

and if he is such a crap parent why are you having a second child together ?

make your house safer?

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

YummyMummy - you are bizarre. Every time someone disagrees with you particularly strenuously you're assuming they're a man!

WTF at needed DH to put a few cupboard locks on! If you really are that incapable then hire a handyman to do it.

[foureleven]

And why anyone would wait a year for someone to do something for them is beyond comprension.

[DaisySteiner]

Please answer my question about why it's OK to leave your ds upstairs without a stair gate while you have a shower, but not downstairs. Pleeease.

[mayorquimby]

"I was just wanting some NICE support either way, not comments saying they 'feel sorry' for my OH. if you feel like that then dont comment as its not really helpful is it"

So basically you posted in AIBU but only people willing to post "YANBU" are allowed to respond.
I would have thought by the volume of YABU responses you would have noticed 2 things
1: In most people opinion YABU
2: you can't dictate or control the responses of other peoples answers to a question simply because you are the one who asked the question.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

Yes please do answer Daisy's question.

IMO it is more important to have a gate at the top of the stairs than a gate at the bottom.

[YummyMummy1208]

so i should do everything myself then should i? - is OH just allowed to get off totally guilt free here and me look like the irresponsible one. r u all women that just believe the men shud do f all in bringing up kids and women should do all the work???

jesus christ, most of u have blinkers on and im shocked at how many people neglect their children to go shower leaving them downstairs without a thought, is it not simple enough to bring them upstairs to play in their room??

and yes i must be helpless as i have no idea how to put locks on doors - thats y i have a man around, y is this such a hard thing for him to accomplish?? surely he should be looking out for the safety of his own child aswell? if i left him alone enough to benefit from all the childproofing then id go get it myself but i dont need it.

perhaps with a new baby coming we may consider baby proofing a little more as i agree he will be alone more often.

i do feel like i treat OH like a child himself as to be honest thats how he acts. what am i suposed to do if he doesnt watch him enough - letting DS trap his fingers in the car window cos OH was reading a CD cover and not watching him, then having to comfort DS whilst he sobs as his fingers hurt for example?? before u ask, DS likes Daddys van and so he took him out to sit in the van and play whilst i served dinner.
its not like this is a one time thing, its happened his whole life so it grates a bit when ive tried the whole making suggestions thing and saying it nicely but he never listens and i really dont know what else to do other than moan. Im just tired of feeling as tho i have 2 kids to watch, not just one.

[lifeas3plus1]

YABU.

My do works away Monday to Friday and has done Since ds1 was a week old. If he didn't get left on his own I wouldn't have been able to have a shower for 5 day's in a row.

As soon as he started moving around I made sure the house was child friendly. It takes 5 minutes to put any chemicals out of reach and either put a gate on the kitchen or lock the kitchen cupboards.

I don't know anyone who would leave chemicals and knives in reach of children whether they watched their dc 24/7 or not.

Anyway been busy this morning so I'm off to have a shower whilst my 15 month old occupies himself for 10 minutes.

[prettybird]

Well, dh and I must both be totally irresponsible, as we never had stair gates (taught ds how to use the stairs) and frequently left him on one floor while we were on another. Now while I acknowledge that no everyone would choose that approach, the point is that dh and I agreed it.

There are lots of things that dh does with ds that I wouldn't do - but the point is that we are all individuals and have different ways of doing tihngs - which includes different levels of risk pereception.

I presume that your OH loves your ds. Well, then let him get on with doing what he thinks he should do and stop micro-managing him. Yes, he'll make mistakes (especially if you have told him what to do for the last 2 years) - but that is how you learn.

I agree with others that if your downstairs is really that unsafe , then you are both at fault. If your OH geeuinely won't do it - and your not capable of it - then get someone in to do it.

[omnishambles]

I would concentrate on the kitchen and front door tbh and get that done (if necessary yourself) before the baby comes (and congrats btw).

The stairgates imo you shouldnt really need at 2.5 -they should be learning to come down by themselves - specially if they are potty training then surely they can do the stairs? I know its awful when they fall but then they need to learn to bump down on their bums or to turn round and slide down - you wont be able to carry baby and toddler and negotiate the stairgates anyway.

[IMoveTheStars]

"most of u have blinkers on and im shocked at how many people neglect their children to go shower leaving them downstairs without a thought, is it not simple enough to bring them upstairs to play in their room?? "

Now you're accusing people of neglect?!

[sits back and waits for thread to explode]

[MajorPettigrew]

Fair enough then - if you only have a man around to fit locks then I can see why you are pissed off at it not been done for over a year.

I only keep DH to lift heavy things, so I know what you mean.

FFS

[Headbanger]

"Thats y I have a man around"



That is all.

Oh no hang on, here's another for your grammar:

[nancy10]

YABU! Why don't you stop being so lazy get out of bed and supervise your child while your OH has a shower. If your well enough to nag him constantly, your well enough to get out of bed!! Child proof your house FGS. If you can't put locks on your cupboards, get another stair gate. Put bleach up high!! I agreee with OP that it depends on your child, but then you child proof more!!! Cut the guy some slack and take a chill pill before your new baby arrives!

[MIFLAW]

"FYI our house isnt very child proof downstairs - there is no stairgate on the kitchen, knives scissors etc in the draws and bleach and other products in the cuboards he has easy access to." Ditto - so, rather sensibly i feel, I have put these things out of reach as far as possible (quite easy as she is less than a metre high) and also taught my daughter not to play with knives or go in cupboards when I am not there.

I am also not seeing how playing UPSTAIRS in his room is safer than playing DOWNSTAIRS in another room, given that the results of falling down the stairs are potentially worse than those of falling up them.

[knickers0nmyhead]

op, you are very very sexist! And you are the irrisponsible one! Read the fucking instructions with the clips! 'thats why you have a man around' what a load of bollocks! Get a grip and shift stuff that can harm your ds!

I have one stair gate, and that is on the kitchen. Dd can now climb it, so the door handle has been turned around, and guess what, I DID IT ALL BY MYSELF! POOR OLD ME, A FEMALE, HAVING TO DO SOMETHING!

[nancy10]

'Letting ds trap his fingers in the car window cos OH was reading a CD cover and not watching him..' Children do hurt themselves, it's called learning. It's not neglect to read a CD cover whilst in the car. Yes, it's unfortunate that he trapped his fingers but he was ok!

[MIFLAW]

"I personally wouldnt actually be able to concentrate properly whilst having a shower."

Concentrate? What on? Put some soap on the sponge, move it over your body - shoulders first, arse last - and rinse with the water falling down from above your head.

It's hardly a John Le Carre novel, is it?

[MilkNoSugarPlease]

"thats y i have a man around"

Fuck me!

[MrsFC]

Leaving my child alone on the sofa while I have a shower is NOT neglect.

Having cupboards at child height containing bleach IS.

And if you can't put on a child lock on, then shame on you.

[MilkNoSugarPlease]

[DaisySteiner]

You still haven't answered my question. I'll make it easy for you as there are only two possible answers that I can think of.

Either:

1. You hadn't thought about having a stair gate upstairs because you think it is safe not to have one.
   
   or
   
   
2. You're locking your ds in his room while you have a shower.
   
   Which is it? 1 or 2?