to think its irresponsible for my OH to leave our 2 yr old downstairs on his own?

[YummyMummy1208]

Argh!

I'm so angry with him rite now and generally since our little boy was born cos he just has no clue how to watch him properly but if i ever have a go at him its 'oh shes off again...' and switches off.

Is this just a general 'men' thing??

Thismorning is a prime example, hes been taking over morning duties of late due to me being 7 month pregnant so thismorning he takes DS1 downstairs and then i can hear him saying 'So r u gonna stay downstairs and be a good boy while Daddy has a shower?' now forgive me if im being unreasonable but surely im not the only one here thinking you dont leave a 2.5 yr old downstairs - on his own - while u go upstairs to have a shower??

Whats everyones opinion on this one - Am i being unreasonable to have a go at OH??

[Aitch]

oh it probably has everything to do with it, tbh. do you think your marriage is in a tricky patch?

[YummyMummy1208]

He is the one who doesnt watch DS enough to need to childproof so y hasnt he gone about it himself to put locks/stairgates on?

Becos he doesnt think he needs them on.

so unless i spend evry penny i have on things to put in place due to his lack of parenting the house wont get child proofed.

but i supose this is my faut as well, i should pay for everything, do all the work all becos he doesnt watch DS enough.

Oh please.

[YummyMummy1208]

We arent married.

[prettybird]

Mentioning children climbing over stair gates reminds me of the time when we realised that ds was ready to move from his cot to a bed: age 2.5, he shuffled into our bedroom in his sleeping bag, rubbing his head and saying "ouch"

We can only presume that he someone managed to swing his (encased) legs up over the cot side. A stair gate would have been a piece of cake!

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

The first thing you need to do is sort out shared finances, otherwise your relationship is NOT going to be fine once your children are out of the the baby phase. What will happen when you are on maternity leave? What money will you have access to.

Far more going on here than a difference of opinion over leaving a toddler alone for 5 minutes or not.

[lifeas3plus1]

Well, I just got out of the shower and ds is still very much alive..... The Argos catalogue however, is not.


I think you should just go and spend 10 minutes re arranging your kitchen so it's actually safe for your child rather that being sat on here accusing people of neglectbecause they dare to have a shower!

[MilkNoSugarPlease]

But if your so bloody worried then PUT.THEM.ON.YOURSELF. and quit frigging whining...you sound about 5

[nancy10]

Who is supervising your son while your on the computer???????????????????????????

[Oblomov]

I leave ds2 1 and 3/4 downstairs ehile i shower or do somethjing upsatirs. i do this all the time. he plays. or he comes up and sits with me.

why all these mums seem to think you can't leave a child on their own is beyond me.
some children are terrors and would paint your lounge blue in 2 seconds. but not all. you probably haven't trained them properly. or are too helicopter parenting to notice that they can do things on their own. they don't need ot be attached at the hip 24/7 you know.

but i see this thread has moved on to other marital issues !!

[MmeLindt]

Ok, leaving aside the concentrating on having a shower (LOL at MIFLAW) you really need to have a chat with your DH about being responsible with your DS without you feeling resentful and nagging.

Can you give us examples of the kind of thing that you find unacceptable?

Tbh, I think that the car window thing was just an accident. My Dad shut the car door on my fingers by mistake when I was about 8yo.

Child proof your house. Why are you bickering about whose responsibility it is to do it, or who should pay for it?

If your DS takes a swig of that bleach while you are emptying the potty, it will do youno good to say that it was your DH's responsibility.

[mumeeee]

UABU, I used to leave mine downstairs at that age or would try to. They often just followed me upstairs! You can't always be taking them with you.

[YummyMummy1208]

The only issue in our relationship rite now is this and its causing problems. We dont really argue as such - i will step in and look after DS wen OH leaves him and OH will walk off mumbling 'here she goes again..' and there is love there between us so its not having an effect on DS yet.

The only way i can see this being resolved is meeting half way - i am prepared to tone it down, let him learn by himself but he needs to up his barrier a teeny bit aswell. He cant expect it to be all give and no take yet he wont listen - if i talk to him calm or scream, either way he doesnt listen.

Im not a 'keep the child strapped to you 24/7' person - in fact, around my mum i look like im not looking after him properly but OH just goes to another level.

The simple question was y didnt he just bring him up to me? I was rite upstairs. If i wasnt in then fair enough, child proof the downstairs but i was and he brings him up every other day. Its not too much to ask is it??

[BonniePrinceBilly]

I'm a woman you nobber, although I do know how to use a screwdriver.

And if you were looking for "nice support" to be a sexist nag, then Bounty is ->

[IMoveTheStars]

This does remind me of the helicopter parenting/henhouse thread

But OP, yes - the issue actually sounds more about financing for these things. Why don't you have money? Don't you have a joint account for house things or similar?

[traceybath]

Oh dear - you've reached the 'angry' stage of your pregnancy - I had that too

But you know - I frequently leave ds2 who is 2.5 downstairs whilst I have a bath. He normally wanders up to chat to me though but he is a very easy going/unadventurous child.

I think you need to get your finances sorted out with your DH so you're not paying for everything and you can get some more stair gates.

And perhaps just ask him to sort the draws out if you don't want too.

Good luck

I did lol at Seeker and MIFlaw.

[YummyMummy1208]

nancy10 Im at work so my mother is at home with my DS. albeit not doing much work but im having a boring day.

[MmeLindt]

I agree that he should have brought your DS upstairs. That was this morning.

You have to sort things out for every other morning.

And you have to take a step back and stop "protecting" your DS from his father.

It is hard, I know my DH lets the DC do more than I would allow them to do but I have to bite my tongue.

[Casmama]

I think that you should post in relationships instead. It sounds like your relationship is making both of you unhappy and this cannot be of benefit to your ds regardless of stairgates or locks or any of the rest of it. I don't think this is the source of your unhappiness and as such you will be constantly feeling that you are trying to justify yourself on this thread so that everyone knows quite how hard done by you are.
You need to talk to your dp and let him tell you how he feels too. Bitching to your mum and allowing her to get you even more wound up will not help anyone.

[Oblomov]

I think we better stop ladies. Op can not see that she is being irrational and unreasonable. no good trying to convert the unconvertable.

[YellowDaffodil]

YABU - for what its worth my DD could open the stairgates at that age - and ours were 2 different makes so no point replacing them with a different brand.

I leave DD while I have a shower, DH is away a lot and I like to have a shower before work. This has been happening since she has been in a bed, prior to that she would play in her cot. I am not neglectful by the way.

Just out of curiosity whilst you are upstairs for a couple of minutes doing your makeup would you hear your DS drinking bleach? Seriously is your hearing that good? To be honest I would consider a shower a more reasonable excuse for leaving a child than putting on my face - but thats just me.

As for him not putting the cupboard locks on - do it yourself. DH asked me to sow a button back on one of his shirts last week, I haven't done it yet and if I don't get round to it he'll just take it to the dry cleaners to get it done. He won't go on the Internet and slag me off and suggest that I am in fact a man because I am thoughtless!

[MajorPettigrew]

It doesn't matter that you were there or not.

Child proof your downstairs - stop whining about who's responsibility it is. You are a grown woman, so get off the computer and go and do it yourself.
Clearly your DP doesn't think it needs to be done, but as YOU do, then you flipping well do it.

How exactly are you going to let your DP 'learn' how to be a responsible parent if this is your reaction to (mostly) sensible people?