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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Children getting changed in front of the opposite sex for PE-age 8 and 9

331 replies

Ayerightyouare · 03/08/2010 22:25

I am new to posting,not lurking,and after a fab glass or two of Spar 2 bottles for £7.50 am off and running dear children at their grans for a sleepover,ahem
My children,boy age 8,and girl age 9,expressed extreme anxiety over the "changing for PE arrangements"...ie the girls had to get changed in front of the boys and vice versa,in the same classroom.
I saw the headteacher about this before the end of last term,and, to the point, was told that "Well,Mrs insert name,you are the only parent who has brought this up,I like children to be children,innocent,there is no problem,we don't have the staff to supervise 2 different sex groups,there is no problem,the children are okay with it,and you are welcome in to come and see them change in front of each other"
I told her about some of the,for want of a better word,pornographic things that I had heard children of this age speak about.
I do not agree with her,for the sole reason that my children have told me that they do not like this.And,I will not come in as a stranger and watch children changing when I know my own children's feelings on the matter.I explained that children in the school system are not going to go against their teacher when they know that they have no choice in the matter.
I really felt patronised TBH.
Now,in the last week,I have had an example of "creative writing" left on my kitchen table by a 10 yr old girl.I have lots of my children's friends around,and they often do "arts and crafts" at the kitchen table.
Here is what she wrote:

"My Daughter's name, you are a dick head, you suck dick, eat shit, you fancy name of boy,and have sex withname of other boy every night.
name of other boy has cheesy nipples and you suck them every night.Just to tell you how do you know boys name has cheesy nipples do you suck them, got it, you suck other boys name dick don't you? "
I mean,come on,this is a 10 year old girl.It is not her fault,she is just showing what that age group has been exposed to via the media.Her Mum is very very strict.
When the school term commences,I am making an appt with the headmistress and basically demanding that she allows children to retain their dignity when getting changed.I have spoken to my daughter regarding this piece of creative writing,she has just turned 9,and she is very uncomfortable about getting changed in front of boys considering what she has now been exposed to."Sucking Dicks" indeed. Am I being Unreasonable ?

OP posts:
SirBoobAlot · 03/08/2010 23:23

And I agree with Pixie - you're going to make their self esteem worse, and make them feel their bodies need to be hidden away.

elphiethropp · 03/08/2010 23:24

I personally think that children of that age should not change together.

I find it totally hypocritical that children who take part in a dance school show in a theatre legally have to change separately fromthe age of 5 onwards yet in schools children approaching puberty are often expected to change together.

My own dd is only 8 but is becomaing aware of things and yes, there are some silly boys (and girls too) especially those who have older siblings who make silly comments about their bodies.

scottishmummy · 03/08/2010 23:25

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PixieOnaLeaf · 03/08/2010 23:29

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ParanoidTwit · 03/08/2010 23:30

No, I think that putting the boys in one classroom and the girls in another to get changed is what can and should be done. I really feel sorry for your daughters if they ever come to you and say they feel uncomfortable. Although somehow I don't think you'll say "tough or suck it up"!

So I can now get changed in front of a group of 8-9 year old boys in the same way a fully early developed girl should! We have the same body features and I'm sure the boys won't notice my tits or hair creeping out from under my undies as they couldn't possibly notice it in a 9-10 year old girl and it wouldn't cross their minds!

I'm talking to moron's tonight!

scottishmummy · 03/08/2010 23:32

talkin to morons?naw just you being ParanoidTwit

PixieOnaLeaf · 03/08/2010 23:34

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BitOfFun · 03/08/2010 23:35

Moron's what?

SirBoobAlot · 03/08/2010 23:35

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MiladyDeSummer · 03/08/2010 23:36

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scurryfunge · 03/08/2010 23:36

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ParanoidTwit · 03/08/2010 23:37

So you are happy for me to get changed in front of a class of 8-9 year old boys then?

I do get changed in front of my son but he is my son, I understand him and his comfort boundaries and I would never assume that all children are like him, especially girls as statistic say are always 2 years ahead physically and emotionally.

SirBoobAlot · 03/08/2010 23:39

Lovey, if you want to get changed in front of a class of 8-9 year old boys then, off your trot.

Though the nice men in white coats who come to collect you might have several things to say about it.

You're making an absurd comparison.

AnyFucker · 03/08/2010 23:42

In my day as a child, we all wore biiiig knickers and vests, so getting changed in the same room (not exactly the same as in front of, is it...) as the boys was very discreet

all the thongs and crop tops the little girls wear these days...

well.... < ahem >

Ayerightyouare · 03/08/2010 23:43

Scurryfunge,

I need you to clarify what you mean re Peadophiles in my home? Just me and the kids.

My 2 children,age 8 and 9 have told me that they do not want to get undressed in class in front of the opposite sex.

My daughter has told me several times since the "creative writing" episode,that she does nnot want to undress near boys.

I accept that my original post was a bit of a all around the houses due to 2 glasses of wine,and didn't come across all that well.

I wouldn't get changed in front of the eejit across the road,who is a male.Why the eff should my daughter get changed in front of a male.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 03/08/2010 23:44

But the note was written by a girl, yes?

PixieOnaLeaf · 03/08/2010 23:45

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scurryfunge · 03/08/2010 23:46

You are seeing paedophiles everywhere. You are creating an histeria that just isn't there with your children......let them be children.

AnyFucker · 03/08/2010 23:46

in front of a male

your latest post is equally weird, OP

PixieOnaLeaf · 03/08/2010 23:48

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SirBoobAlot · 03/08/2010 23:49

You're sexualising your children, and applying your own character traits and adult feelings to them and the other children in the room, you know that, right?

"In front of a male"? Its a nine year old boy FFS.

And would you care to classify what you mean by "eejit"?

Ayerightyouare · 03/08/2010 23:50

"Spar bottles 2 for £7.50" refers to the offer on re South African red wine.My Mum has the kids tonight,am all alone,and decided to indulge,at last....or alas,lol,...as have joined mumsnet and posted evil grin

OP posts:
PixieOnaLeaf · 03/08/2010 23:55

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serotoninbutterfly · 03/08/2010 23:56

This thread really confuses me.

OP seems to think that her DD is affected by a 'creative writing piece' that has made her not want to get changed in front of boys?

This makes no sens to me - its not like they are forced to look at each other, and from what I can remember of getting changed for PE in primary school, we tended to stick to either side of the classroom and get changed with our backs to each other.

I think the word here is 'overreaction' and OP is running the risk of sexualising her children by maing them feel there is something wrong with their bodies.

What exactly is complaining to the head going to do?

They are still innocent children, not sexualised beings (I hope). If they feel uncomfortable about their bodies then that is telling about what they learn in the house isn't it?

Chill out, OP.

Ayerightyouare · 03/08/2010 23:57

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