Children getting changed in front of the opposite sex for PE-age 8 and 9

[Ayerightyouare]

I am new to posting,not lurking,and after a fab glass or two of Spar 2 bottles for £7.50 am off and running dear children at their grans for a sleepover,ahem
My children,boy age 8,and girl age 9,expressed extreme anxiety over the "changing for PE arrangements"...ie the girls had to get changed in front of the boys and vice versa,in the same classroom.
I saw the headteacher about this before the end of last term,and, to the point, was told that "Well,Mrs insert name,you are the only parent who has brought this up,I like children to be children,innocent,there is no problem,we don't have the staff to supervise 2 different sex groups,there is no problem,the children are okay with it,and you are welcome in to come and see them change in front of each other"
I told her about some of the,for want of a better word,pornographic things that I had heard children of this age speak about.
I do not agree with her,for the sole reason that my children have told me that they do not like this.And,I will not come in as a stranger and watch children changing when I know my own children's feelings on the matter.I explained that children in the school system are not going to go against their teacher when they know that they have no choice in the matter.
I really felt patronised TBH.
Now,in the last week,I have had an example of "creative writing" left on my kitchen table by a 10 yr old girl.I have lots of my children's friends around,and they often do "arts and crafts" at the kitchen table.
Here is what she wrote:

"My Daughter's name, you are a dick head, you suck dick, eat shit, you fancy name of boy,and have sex withname of other boy every night.
name of other boy has cheesy nipples and you suck them every night.Just to tell you how do you know boys name has cheesy nipples do you suck them, got it, you suck other boys name dick don't you? "
I mean,come on,this is a 10 year old girl.It is not her fault,she is just showing what that age group has been exposed to via the media.Her Mum is very very strict.
When the school term commences,I am making an appt with the headmistress and basically demanding that she allows children to retain their dignity when getting changed.I have spoken to my daughter regarding this piece of creative writing,she has just turned 9,and she is very uncomfortable about getting changed in front of boys considering what she has now been exposed to."Sucking Dicks" indeed. Am I being Unreasonable ?

I didn't call you anything, PixieOnALeaf.

stop bickering you two.all this i said/she said...

Pixie, it is mad for you to conflate a need for privacy when changing with body image issues. Do I have body image issues because I don't want to change in public?

It is not difficult to see how children might mature differently and reach milestones at different ages, with it all being completely normal. Don't understand why you feel the need to read something abnormal into the OP's situation.

And Scottishmummy - I know opinions differ. Great that they do! Expressing them vociferously I'm all for.

Personal attack is different. You can disagre with someone, and stand up for your own opinion, without resorting to attacking them. And when I say "you", I'm not talking about you, scottishmummy!

did you call my pint a puff.is you sayin i is fick

ah niver said nuffink.never did

lol at you two

Lougle, the screen is a good and practical idea.

maq,aye do understand the plural we addressing many not an individual

maq,aye do understand the plural we addressing many not an individual

Whilst I do think the OP has come across badly and the Spa offer has a lot to answer for, DS1 has expresed to me that he doesn't like the female staff supervising the boys getting changed at swimming. He's 8.

Thing is, I know they don't have enough male staff to supervise all the swimming trips so it's just one of those things. I can't imagine she's really trying to look at their willys, even though DS1 seems to think she's very interested.

I get that he doesn't like it but I suspect it's really because he'd prefer to mess around getting changed and she stops that.

He seems quite happy running round the garden naked.

OP you have come across as being a bit of a loon, come back and try again

did I kill the bonkers thread?

sorry

as you were

pretend I didn't post

Pixie, My DD hasn't got any body image issue but she likes her privacy. I think it needs to be respected.

Lougle Wed 04-Aug-10 22:23:49
""What about suggesting that the school has a screen that can be pulled across the classroom to provide separate changing areas, OP? They are very inexepensive, and then there is no issue regarding supervision. Perhaps you could fundraise to purchase it for the school.""

I think this is the most sensible advice on this thread.

Pixie, unless you are being deliberately obtuse, the sexual language is not that of the OP's dd, it is that of a 10-year old child. OP raised it as an example of the sexualised language her dd was involuntarily exposed to.

Also, as for your dcs' Prep school, did you interview every dc and/or their parent? Why should you necessarily know if a child of that age might have concerns, which were being dismissed in the same way you have deemed that a child that age should not have those concerns.

The solution can simply be a temporary screen, hardly 'changing rooms'.

"Next term, my DD2 will change alone: away from anyone, but that is a different matter, and not something we can avoid."

You do not have to answer that Pixie but what makes your DD's case different to everyone else's?

Oh I see.

Sorry for being so nosey!

Which countries are you refering to? There are also plenty of countries were there is abolutely no way girls and boys are changing in the same room. It is neither here nor there in the argument though, if someone feels uncomfortable changing in front of others (regardless of sex) be it for personal self conciuosness, medical or religious reasons, they should not be made to. As well, if the issue was not a concern in the school you were a gouvernor at, it does not mean it is not a concernand to anyone.

Pixie, my DD ? just finished Y7 ? wears an insulin pump 24/7 (www.typefreediabetes.com/Articles.asp?ID=287). She?s now at the age when although she doesn?t mind people seeing it, she wants it to be her decision, not on general display to all and sundry IYSWIM

That said, I do think you?re being a bit harsh to assume that a 9-year-old girl must have body image issues just because she wants a bit of privacy ? a desire for privacy is surely going to hit different children at different ages??

Pixie, I hope to god the governors at my dcs' school are not as dismissive as you, in the face of what other people are saying about similarly aged children or themselves at that age having concern about changing.

You are still equating concern about changing to having "great anxiety about your body."

Sounds like a brick wall I am dealing with. No well, none so deaf ...

my DS is 8, his classmates 8 and 9. All children, male and female, change for PE in front of each other and in front of their (male) teacher

I would be extremely sad for them if they had been influenced by this age to be embarrassed about their bodies. It's not arisen which is healthy and right imo.

Of course for specific reasons such as health needs as posters above have mentioned, or other special cases, there needs to be flexibility

but otherwise, 8 and 9 year olds should be able to change for PE without shame

Pixie, "A body is a body. When children get changed for PE, they are not removing all their clothes and, to be honest, school underwear and a vest is similar to wearing a top and shorts - do children also have concerns about boys seeing them in those during the summer months?"

Oh dear, you still keep using the term 'children' as if they were indistinguishable and cut from one template. Is it so difficult for you, a governor to boot, to not see that children are different?

I really AM dealing with a brick wall. So I will save my breath.