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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my Bridesmaids to wear what I've chosen and paid for!

194 replies

IveStillGotIt · 23/07/2010 17:17

DP and I are getting married next May, and I'm just starting to organize things, dresses, venue e.t.c.

My two sisters, two best friends and DP'S sister are going (or maybe that should be supposed) to be my bridesmaids, and I'm paying for their dresses and shoes e.t.c.

However, DP'S sister is refusing to wear the dress I've chosen. Instead she has said "I'll wear the bridesmaid dress I wore at X's wedding last year"!!! WTF, it's MY big day, I'M paying for the dresses, and I want all my bridesmaids to wear the same thing, or else it will just look daft in the photos. And if I was ever a bridesmaid, I would never dream of saying to the bride "I'm not wearing that, I'll wear this instead".

So, basically I've said to her that if she wants to be my bridesmaid, then she has to wear what I've chose and will be paying for, or if she wants to wear her own dress, then she can't be my bridesmaid.
DP agrees with me as does future MIL!!!
But, one of my friends has said it is abit mean of me, and I should just let her wear what she wants, which I do not want to do, as it will ruin my colour scheme and look daft?
What to ou all think? AIBU?

OP posts:
LadyBiscuit · 23/07/2010 18:48

Why is it an honour to be a bridesmaid? It's not really a fun job and the only good bit is looking a bit spangly. If the bride makes you look like a fat pink meringue though it's more of a punishment surely?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 23/07/2010 18:49

Sparkly wands? Is this a wind up?

Tootlesmummy · 23/07/2010 18:49

My sister bought the BMs dresses when she got married but given the different sizes of the bridesmaids and skin tone etc she decided not to go with one colour/style but had 3 different colours for each of the BMs (3 of us) and we were given a set amount of material and we then got it made into a dress of our choice. It worked well as she then had the flowers to compliment the different colours we were wearing. Is this an option?
If not then I'd say it's either your way or not at all but remember this could cause some ill feeling (and I know it wouldn't be your fault) and do you want that!?

sprogger · 23/07/2010 18:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
IveStillGotIt · 23/07/2010 18:59

I knew you'se would scoff at my sparkly wands!!! My dad shook his head and said "your aff yer heed", but it's what I want, although I am letting the bridesmaids have boring flowers!!! DS thinks it's a good idea!!!
I originally wanted DP and best man in white suits with pink ties, but he moaned about it and MIL to be, has offered to pay for their suits and DS'S kilt (he has to be awkward, and not want a suit!!!) so I've agreed to a navy or grey suit, with a pink tie!!!
I just want everything to be a fairytail (on a budget!), and it's only going to happen once, so I want it to be what I would regard as perfect.

OP posts:
Allora · 23/07/2010 19:00

Grown ups in matching bridesmaids dresses

BOAK

hot pink balloons and sparkly wands

BOAK

Maybe your friend is just really worried that you are going to truss her up like a giant pageant princess?

you need to have an open chat with her. You are getting married, yes, and that is special, but it ain't the G8 bloody summit is it! Try to keep it in perspective or you'll do everybody's heads in. I have been bridesmaid 4 times and by far the most fun and special weddings were those where the bride stayed cool.

YABU unless you have a grown up chat with her and say that you want this colour but would love to go shopping together for a dress she likes. Non matching dresses in the same colour is all right. Also, like someone else said, she may be relieved for an opportunity to say she doesn't want the gig. imho you are being greedy with the number of bms in any event. Or are you in fact Kate Middleton? in which case, fair dos...

LetThereBeRock · 23/07/2010 19:03

White suits with pink ties now?

You have to be taking the piss.

LadyBiscuit · 23/07/2010 19:04

I have always loved being a bridesmaid sprogger except when my sister made me wear a really vile dress.

I think it's nice to be a bridesmaid but I think if you as the bride kid yourself that you are doing them a favour rather than the other way round, you're deluded. The clue is in the 'it'll look daft in the photos'. That's people as accessories which is fine but don't kid yourself that it's much more than that

howdidthishappenthen · 23/07/2010 19:08

How about letting her have a paler shade of pink, but with hot pink touches (a sash, for example?)

LetThereBeRock · 23/07/2010 19:10

I think you should get some fairy wings and descend from the ceiling in a shower of pixie dust while your fiance rides in on a unicorn.

MaamRuby · 23/07/2010 19:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Biscuitbreaker · 23/07/2010 19:10

Your wedding, your money, your decision. I've worn some nice BM dresses, some not so nice. Never once have I so much have given a negative remark. If she doesn't want to wear it then that's ok, but she won't be a bridesmaid then. Simple.

Everyone has different ideas and opinions on what wedding should and shouldn't be and you won't please everyone, but in this instance the only opinions that you should worry about are yours and your husband's. It's your wedding!!!

slushy · 23/07/2010 19:11

I would want matching dresses but the fact is you can please some of the people but not all someone needs to suck it up and only 1of6 bridesmaids has a problem.

I mean come on ladies I am sure if we all put up pictures of what we thought was a nice dress someone here would dislike it. The op has backed down on wands, backed down on style saying they may all choose their own but wants this colour.

mummylin2495 · 23/07/2010 19:12

i think this poster is really Jordan

wubblybubbly · 23/07/2010 19:14

I think you should get some fairy wings and descend from the ceiling in a shower of pixie dust while your fiance rides in on a unicorn.

That's what we did

I know a very reliable unicorn suplier

Ingles2 · 23/07/2010 19:17

bless...she wants to be Katie Price

ticktockclock · 23/07/2010 19:20

It is YOUR day and what you say goes, SIMPLE! It is INCREDIBLY RUDE that she would insist that she wear a dress of her own choosing.

Why exactly are you having her as a bridesmaid???? I certainly would not have anyone in my wedding party that behaved in that sort of manner. There is etiquette to be followed when it comes to weddings and if she can't understand that etiquette then she can take a hike.

And people who suggest that you should allow her to choose something in a similar colour but different style? PAH!!! How RIDONKCULOUS!

madridhermione · 23/07/2010 19:22

YAD NOT BU
It is your day, she is being a madam, it is not all about her, it is about you and your wedding. Good luck and have a fabulous day and don't let this ruin it for you - stick to your guns with confidence.

QueeferSutherland · 23/07/2010 19:23

Hmmmm.

Yanbu, although I wouldn't go there.

I asked my BMs (who had always wanted the role)to pick a black dress they liked-didn't have to match.

I was however prepared to wear pistachio satin for my sister.
(Shite on any complexion. Made me look positively consumptive.)

cat64 · 23/07/2010 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
IveStillGotIt · 23/07/2010 19:25

All the other bridesmaids have agreed to my hot pink theme! It's just DP'S sis thats being awkward!!!
Like I've already said, my mates and sisters have laughed and more or less expected the bright pink, cause they know what I'm like!!! It's just DP'S sis that has said an outright NO to ANY shade of pink, she said she's only wearing 'neutral' (i.e BORING IMHO) colours or that dress she wore to someone elses wedding last year.
DP agrees with me as does MIL to be, in fact MIL to be actually said to DP (not in front of me, but he tells me everything) that she doesn't think I should have DSILTB (Darling sister in law to be) as a bridesmaid, as she's 'piling on the weight!, which I thought was an awful thing to say, especially as it was about her own DD, and it made me feel quite sad, as I could never imagine my mother speaking about me like that behind my back (she would come out with it to my face!!!) which is why I would like her to be my bridesmaid, even though we've never saw eye to eye about things in general, because I want her to feel part of our day, but not to the extent that she's telling me what colour scheme to have!!!

OP posts:
mumeeee · 23/07/2010 19:27

YANBU. DD1 chose the colour scheme for her Bridesmaids dreses and didn't consult with her bridesmaids although she did tell them what the colour was going to be. They were all happy to wear what she wanted. In my experince this it what always happens the Bride chooses what the Bridesmaids are going to wear.

LetThereBeRock · 23/07/2010 19:28

Can we please see the wedding photos?

PatriciaHolm · 23/07/2010 19:29

I think we've been invaded by Barbie....

JaneS · 23/07/2010 19:31

Please, please ... tell me this is a pisstake? With the sparkly pink and all?

If not, obviously your sister is being very rude but you are totally, utterly BU to insist on adult women wearing big pink dresses!

I shall show this thread to my bridesmaids and they will be kissing my feet all the way to the altar (they chose their own dresses ... being, you know, adults, they actually managed it fine on their own and not one of them chose a binbag! Who'd have thought it?)