To argue with his family's Etonian tradition?

[wisteria12]

My DH has never been uptight or proper; that's why I married him. We never really discussed education properly before our two DSs were born - I suppose I was afraid that this would happen, and it has. DH and I will never come close to being able to afford any private education personally, and he knows I'm totally against it. Despite this, his parents (who are uptight and proper) keep dropping hints about them "financing" our son's education.

He personally doesn't seem in raptures about the idea, but I know that he feels very pressured to conform; he, his father, his grandfather, his great-grandfather and so on have always automatically gone to Eton. His family are direct descendants of Charles II and the royal houses of Europe, and then there's me, about as far away from that lifestyle as possible. I have a feeling that his parents will never speak to us again if we don't appease them, and I don't want to cause fractures in the family, or make things tense for our children.

However, I, and to an extent, my DH, have very different views and ways, and I can't help feeling that I will never be able to live with myself if I let his parents commandeer the most vital and formative years of our son's lives. Not only do I not agree with private education in concept or practice, having had plenty of experience of the people in produces, I don't want to send my two boys away from us and from their sister in an impenetrable bubble over a hundred miles away.

I really don't know what to do, the registration deadline for our eldest is approaching, tensions are high and nothing seems to be resolved. So I ask you this; am I being unreasonable?

Yes I know England, but YKWIM! To certain people it's a no brainer - it's less a case of why on earth wouldn't you want your child to go? as, 'They simply must go, or we will never hold our heads up in high society again.'

A lot to read.

You should be grateful for the opportunity and not just complain. Eton is one of the best schools in the country, possibly the best.

Be happy that they want to pay for it. If they want to pay for another great school like Westminster or maybe even St Pauls than great, but be reasonable - why should they pay for some noname local school near your home? Eton is not only about grades and address book, its also about the experience which most schools will never give him (while some arguable will give him a better one). If you would go there you would understand. The buildings, staff, nomenclature, dress code - this is all like in the movies, and I think that it would be great fun if one has a right approach to it. Think about it.

We are not rich, and our son passed exams into the local grammar, but we will send our son to Eton and pay the money we can just about to pay (lucky its only 5 years vs 7 years at other private schools), as we feel it would not be fair on our son to take this opportunity away from him. He earned it, we have the cash - just, so we will give it to him. Would i prefer a new car or another holidays or investment property? Maybe... but this would be as egoistic as your approach is. Always try your best.

At very worse, you should apply and later decide once he is accepted. Its not exactly that they will take him onboard just as he is some distant to Charles II. These days are long gone at Eton, or anywhere actually. League tables are also important, and not by aaccident or heritge this is a top 10 school by league tables in the country.

Think about it and be 100% supportive of your child and your husband, at least for now. Later you can raise your doubts, once you offered a suitable alternative and reason.

What about the child? Surely he is old enough to have a significant say in this?

"I asked him if he wanted to live away from mummy, daddy and his brother and sister, and he cried and asked me if I didn't like him anymore."

That's heartbreaking. Maybe he would thank you when he's a rich city banker but he might hate it as much as your DH did. Your instincts and those of your DH are both saying don't do it so I think you've got your answer.

kris123 Do you realised the thread is 5 months old?

Very interested to know the outcome of this if the OP is still around?

Get some perspective, your PILs are offering to pay a significant amount of money to give your children the best education they can get in this country.

Boarding is a wonderful experience that will set your children up for life and teach them true self sufficiency and independence. I did it from a young age, hated it and learned to like it in time as did all my friends.

Eton is not a bubble but a wonderful environment to learn in and a place where your sons will be taught by great teachers (a vanishing rarity these days).

You should, however, say their offer is conditional on a similar provision for your daughter to go to a good girls boarding.

My parents chose not to send my privately (grandparents would have paid) but sent me to the 'local' school.

Initially it was fine and then we moved. It was spectacularily unfine and I ended up in the boarding sector.

I feel that my parents sacrificed my teenage happiness for their own political beliefs. It still angers me today and it was a long long time ago.

Boarding is a difficult lifestyle choice but for the right child it can be an amazing opportunity.

I also agree that they (grandparents) shouldn't discriminate against your daughter.

How old is your son BTW? The way you have described asking him sounds a touch manipulative.

Oh my God you have made me laugh.

If you are anti-Eton then why are you boasting about your DH being an OE, and all his family?

You clearly LURVE showing off about him being quite posh ("direct descendants of Charles II AND all the royal houses of Europe") - for fuck's sake.

FFS THIS IS A THREAD FROM JULY

Don't Eton take sixth formers too? it might be a nice compromise to send him when he's a bit older, by which time, if he's a regular teenager, he'll avoid you like the plague due to you being a constant source of embarrassment to him

'Not only do I not agree with private education in concept or practice, having had plenty of experience of the people in produces'

That is a wild over judgement. You aren't possibly able to know that all people who went private are one type. They aren't.

And you admit this by saying in your OP that your husband isn't like this.

I wonder how this turned out?

OP please update.

OP, from some of what you've written, you appear to be alternative-but-not-very, and you're concerned about how your ABNV credentials are going to hold up with a son at Eton. Don't be, you'll be in good company. Well, maybe not good, but there'll be plenty of it.

Other factors: girls love Etonians. Sorry, but they do, so you'll be doing your son's sex life (heterosexual, the other I won't mention) a lot of good by sending him there. And from the reluctance of your DH to discuss this with his parents I infer the possibility that they are already funding you more than you know and that he is concerned that they might cut off supply if you don't accept this offer. You might want to check this before making any decision.