Ok am going to try and get this into one post without missing anything.
Stay My exact words to the head of house were "I have relayed the schools message to ds and explained to him he cannot return to school with this haircut. He is in his room atm (which I thought he was as when the phone rang he legged it out the living room where the front door is) I am just about to take him to get it cut off"
Cue him screaming behind me "I am not getting it cut you can't make me i hate you you are mistreating me" etc etc
I sighed and said "Sorry" to the head of house "Is there any chance that some work can be sent home for him as this is going to be lengthy"
She then replied "This is not worth any of us stressing over send him into school tomorrow and he can sit in the unit, it will give us a chance to do some 1-2-1 work with him"
She then spoke to DS and told him the same that he would be in the unit - end of conversation.
RE: getting his hair cut - when he came in from school I said hello to him and asked what had happened - i like to hear his version as well rightly or wrongly- he said he had only just gone through the gate when the head of attendance pulled him up about his hair took him to the office and called me. I then said to him "well what are we going to do now? you can't go to school with your hair like that and you've got sports day on wednesday, you don't want to miss it do you? you've been looking forward to the events you are in"
He didn't reply straight away and then a few minutes later without any provacation started screaming that he hated me and he was not having his hair cut as it would ruin his life - ok slight over exageration there on his part.
I asked him to calm down and we could discuss things like mature people we are. cue more screaming and shouting, crying, throwing things, me having to grab DS2 off the floor where he was playing and DS1 throwing a dining chair across the room.
I didn't back him into a corner I explained things and asked what he thought - not what he wanted to do.
I have been guilty of shouting in the past but can hand on my heart say I have not for at least 12m although i do talk in a stern voice to him - i.e not softly softly when he is in endangering himself and others. Because at that time i need to stop his actions there and then.
Theboss
I am all for authority and am a great believer in it and rules. I stick to my rules with both DS's regardless of who it upsets and offends. My rules are simple and easy to follow. To say I rail against authority is so wrong on so many levels I am the complete opposite. What I say on here about things is not what I say to my son or near him tbh.
DS has always been told by me and shown by me to respect others and authority - no child likes rules but his reactions are extreme - i will get to that in a minute though. I was brought up to know that respect comes from respecting and being respectful - the same way I have brought DS up.
I don't opt out of parenting, i don't allow him to rule the roost in anyway. I have an option when he is having a meltdown I put him in his room and lock the door with a key (landlord had locks on all doors before i moved here) where he will smash up his room, kick things punch things, headbutt things and kick holes in furniture/doors. or leave him where i can see him and just deal with things as they occur and try to prevent them as i see them arise. which is what I do or rather try to do.
He doesn't choose where or how he lives, he does try to make things difficult but I stick to my guns and will carry on with things.
A prime example is Saturday DP wanted to take us all out, he had a rare day off work and he and I discussed where to go. We decided to go to Gullivers as we have been there a few times and both DS's enjoyed it. So come Saturday morning DP who had stayed over and I got up, packed the lunch, got clothes and buggy ready etc then got the boys up. Thats when the fun started....this was at 7.15 we were leaving at 8am - we eventually left at 10 when i dragged ds to the car in his boxers threw his clothes into the car and said he had a choice get dressed or spend the day walking around in his boxers. This was after having asked him to get dressed at least 30 times. DP was all for not going anywhere but I was sticking to our plans and not letting DS ruin the day. He did get dressed and then spent the day sulking, we didn't go to Gullivers but down the coast instead. Everything became a reason for him to moan - I bought a drink for us all and it wasn't good enough,bought him an ice cream it was the wrong one, bought him a sandwich (which he had chosen) it was the wrong one - you get the picture?
Either way we had a good day even if he did sulk and act stroppy all day bar 5 minutes in the aquarium when i actually managed to get a nice few photos of us all.