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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be livid about a police visit regarding the safety of my VERY SAFE children?!

176 replies

adamadamum · 18/07/2010 21:56

It was my son's sixth birthday party yesterday. Only four kids plus their mums, I keep it small as I am on my own with them, my daughter has special needs and even for special occasions I can't manage to get all the housework done, so the house is never perfect and I generally only have kids who's mums I feel would not judge me for this, knowing my circumstances. Plus I don't want to bite off more than I can chew!

Anyway I foolishly invited a kid who's mum didn't know us that well, as my son wanted him to come. And she happens to work for social services. She did already know I'm a single mother, and my son's sister has special needs.

Today I had a visit from two very nice police officers, who (almost apologetically) explained they had recieved a call saying that my children may be in danger, that there were padlocks in the kitchen (there are child locks on some cupboards!) and that I am bipolar (I am not) and haven't been taking my medication!

They actually said that as soon as I opened the door it was obviously not the case! I told them the truth, I am not bipolar, though I do take antidepressants for mild "reactive" depression because of my circumstances.

They asked why there was talk of padlocks in the kitchen - I showed them the normal child safety locks on the cupboards, from Boots!

I do have bike chains on the legs of my dining chairs in the living room, held closed by padlocks (with my daughter having no sense of danger, I came up with this, linking one leg of each chair to a table leg, to stop her constantly moving chairs to reach things she shouldn't! I don't use them now but I've lost the keys to the padlocks!)Anyway I volunteered this information and they were happy with it!

Plus as I mentioned to the police officers, I liaise with the Children's Equipment And Adaptations Service regarding everything to do with my daughter's safety - they themselves actually put an extra door handle, high up on her bedroom door, to more or less "lock her in" her room at nigh, it was essential for her safety, and I got the fire service to put a smoke alarm in her room. That's real bad mother stuff!!!!!

How would YOU react to the mum you are pretty sure made that call? I sadly see her regularly at the school gate....
Anyway, I know that no other mum would have made that call, two know me, and my circumstances very well, and the third I have chatted with today, in detail, including all this stuff. She even tried to get advice for me about how to deal with it, so I think it's very unlikely to be her.

OP posts:
Shaz10 · 18/07/2010 21:57

Can you put in a complaint?

scurryfunge · 18/07/2010 22:00

She probably made the report in the interest of the child....you have since explained yourself, so there shouldn't be any further problem.

I would not say anything to the other mother.

Nancy66 · 18/07/2010 22:01

It seems pretty likely it is the woman you suspect - although I guess you can never be 100% sure.

How odd - the fact she's a professional makes it less understandable. She must have at least thought she saw something untoward.

I think the only sensible thing you can do is just have nothing more to do with the woman you think reported you.

mistressploppy · 18/07/2010 22:01

Could you gently ask her, when you see her, if she was the one who made the call, and if so, why? Without confrontation, if possible (hard, I know!)

It would be interesting to find out what on earth her problem was!

And then come back and post here to tell us what she says

mumeeee · 18/07/2010 22:03

As you know the other Mums quite well, Would it be possible to be chating to one or more of them at the school Gate and say something about the police visit. Perhaps say I don't know how they got hold of my address and though they should visit, Also mention the fact that they were surprised to be called to your house and that they said they could see that your children were not in any danger

thefirstmrsDeVere · 18/07/2010 22:03

What a nightmare!

Why didnt she ask you about your adaptations?
Why the police? Did she imagine they were going to take the children to a place of safety? What for?

I have proper locks on some of my kitchen cupboards. I have to put certain foods in them or DS would eat them i.e. sugar, cake mixes, ceral bars or anything special like a birthday cake.

Is it illegal or classed as child neglect?

Those of us with children with SN have to be creative when it comes to keeping our kids safe. I use a baby video monitor to keep an eye on DS. It gives him a bit of freedom but means I can make sure he is safe.

Do you think you are brave enough to ask the mother politely if it was her?
If she says yes at least you know and you can think about making a complaint.

Sorry.

Vallhala · 18/07/2010 22:05

Unlike Scurry, I'd rip the mother's head off and shove it where she'd been talking from... up her arse!

It's not an approach which everyone would be comfortable with but I know that I'd seethe and simmer until I did say something.

SofiaAmes · 18/07/2010 22:06

I think you should say something to her along the lines of, "I'm sorry you felt the need to call the police to come to my house. I would have thought that as a trained social worker, you would recognize validity of the safety measures I use around the house for my special needs daughter. Perhaps you might want to contact the Children's Equipment and Adaptations Service for some additional training on dealing with special needs children, so you don't make such a terrible and disruptive mistake again. In any case, I am very surprised that you didn't just ask about the things you saw in my house, instead of just calling the police."

rupert22 · 18/07/2010 22:06

God, what a nasty, nasty thing to do. And it doesnt inspire my that social services know what they are doing.

She saw a bike chain and deduced your kids were in danger! And no one spotted baby P's broken back. What a shambles

Please ingore her, it will drive her mad as she will want to know if the police came to you. Bitch.

nickschick · 18/07/2010 22:08

Was it the police?

Id have thought social services would do the 'visit' and was it today (sunday?).

This is all a bit odd.

Im not sure about the bike chains and the padlocks btw.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 18/07/2010 22:08

You know what I would do? I would make sure I was standing next to her. Then I would say the following to my friend.

You'll NEVER guess what happened to me! I had the police at my door! Someone had reported me! Saying I'm mentally ill and a danger to my kids! I couldn't believe it. Anyway, I let them in and we had a chat and they looked round and they said they could see it was all rubbish! So I told them that I want to press charges against the person who made the complaint, and they're going to come back to discuss it with me.

Just to be bitchy, you understand.

erm, it's possible I'm a bit mean and childish but oh, it would be satisfying.

GiddyPickle · 18/07/2010 22:09

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspect · 18/07/2010 22:09

I would have to ask her wtf her problem was ...I wouldn't pussy foot around if someone reported me

GiddyPickle · 18/07/2010 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nigglewiggle · 18/07/2010 22:10

If she works for Social Services then, I'm afraid to say, I would expect her threshold for when to contact the police to be much higher. I can't imagine that she would ever have expected the police to be concerned about what you describe. On this basis I would not jump to the conclusion that she is responsible.

2shoes · 18/07/2010 22:11

what a horrid woman the mother must be.
don't blame the police who were just doing the jobe.

nigglewiggle · 18/07/2010 22:13

Also, where would she have got the (mis) information about bipolar. Did you discuss your mental health with her?

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 18/07/2010 22:15

I'd take the same approach as Sofia - but would want to to the same thing as Vallhala!

I would imagine that if she's made the complaint with her social worker hat on she'll get a formal response from the police, so will know they've been to visit you. Once the complaint has been found as unnecessary and without grounds by the Police, are you entitled to find out who made it? If so, and it was her then I'm be making a formal complaint about her in turn - but I'm aware I tend to pursue things to the bitter end.

Morloth · 18/07/2010 22:16

Hang on, how often on here are people saying "Give SS a call just in case?".

There was that poor little girl who was starved to death in a house full of food a year ago, padlocks on the fridge there wasn't there? Or was it on the kitchen door?

Why must it be malicious and not a misunderstanding?

SpeedyGonzalez · 18/07/2010 22:17

How bloody rude of someone to do that! At the very least, since she apparently genuinely believed there was something wrong, the least she should have done was to speak to you first!

I agree that you should ask her, politely at first, whether it was her that called. If she says yes (or looks awkward - same thing!) then you're free to rip her head off. And then ignore her.

PixieOnaLeaf · 18/07/2010 22:18

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Message withdrawn

fedupofnamechanging · 18/07/2010 22:18

Do the police have to tell you who made the complaint. If so, I would be inclined to send a stiff solicitors letter to said person wrt slander and making false accusations. If it is the person you think, then I would also make a formal complaint to SS.

If the police are not obliged to rell you, then I would ask her outright and make it clear that she was out of order.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 18/07/2010 22:20

Morloth - if it was the social worker, then she's been in her house and has witnessed it for herself. If it wasn't her, then it's perfectly possible that it was a misunderstanding, but I wonder if it's possible to find out by requesting the name of the complainant? If it's not, then I'd have to ask her - I couldn't keep quiet.

BeerTricksPotter · 18/07/2010 22:20

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Message withdrawn

DuelingFanjo · 18/07/2010 22:21

She can't really work for Social Services, if it WAS her then she has gone about it all wrong.