To be livid about a police visit regarding the safety of my VERY SAFE children?!

[adamadamum]

It was my son's sixth birthday party yesterday. Only four kids plus their mums, I keep it small as I am on my own with them, my daughter has special needs and even for special occasions I can't manage to get all the housework done, so the house is never perfect and I generally only have kids who's mums I feel would not judge me for this, knowing my circumstances. Plus I don't want to bite off more than I can chew!

Anyway I foolishly invited a kid who's mum didn't know us that well, as my son wanted him to come. And she happens to work for social services. She did already know I'm a single mother, and my son's sister has special needs.

Today I had a visit from two very nice police officers, who (almost apologetically) explained they had recieved a call saying that my children may be in danger, that there were padlocks in the kitchen (there are child locks on some cupboards!) and that I am bipolar (I am not) and haven't been taking my medication!

They actually said that as soon as I opened the door it was obviously not the case! I told them the truth, I am not bipolar, though I do take antidepressants for mild "reactive" depression because of my circumstances.

They asked why there was talk of padlocks in the kitchen - I showed them the normal child safety locks on the cupboards, from Boots!

I do have bike chains on the legs of my dining chairs in the living room, held closed by padlocks (with my daughter having no sense of danger, I came up with this, linking one leg of each chair to a table leg, to stop her constantly moving chairs to reach things she shouldn't! I don't use them now but I've lost the keys to the padlocks!)Anyway I volunteered this information and they were happy with it!

Plus as I mentioned to the police officers, I liaise with the Children's Equipment And Adaptations Service regarding everything to do with my daughter's safety - they themselves actually put an extra door handle, high up on her bedroom door, to more or less "lock her in" her room at nigh, it was essential for her safety, and I got the fire service to put a smoke alarm in her room. That's real bad mother stuff!!!!!

How would YOU react to the mum you are pretty sure made that call? I sadly see her regularly at the school gate....
Anyway, I know that no other mum would have made that call, two know me, and my circumstances very well, and the third I have chatted with today, in detail, including all this stuff. She even tried to get advice for me about how to deal with it, so I think it's very unlikely to be her.

I would expect social services to understand the need for locks when a child has SN. We have extra locks all over our house to keep our son safe (and some missing- eg no locks on the inside of bathroom doors- the last thing we need is him locking himself in the bathroom - we have locks on the outside so we can shut it when he has a particular interest in the medicine cabinet or in flooding the bathroom or eating soap).

Mind you OFSTED kicked up a fuss because ds1's respite centre has a locked front door (6 kids with severe learning disabilities - hmm and the alternative to a locked door is run over children - that would be good - honestly I despair of the lack of common sense amongst people who should know better ) so who knows).

If she has experience through SS of SN I really would expect her to understand the locks though- it's pretty standard and SS can advice on making rooms safe via the use of things like Safespaces etc was anyone else there for the first time?

It really does sound more like someone acting on whispers rather than someone who has actually been to your house. As I said before. I really don't think a SW seeing what you have described would have reported it. I would think twice before you accuse anyone.

people do jump to conclusions though.

Someone jumped to the conclusion that these children are at risk based on a couple of child locks and bike chains.

But equally the op and others have jumped to the conclusion that it was this one mother that did the reporting based on the fact she is a social worker and hadn't been to the house before.

Whoever it was that did the reporting must have had some fairly serious concerns to fetch the police out on a Sunday afternoon. Perhaps these concerns were seriously misguided. In fact perhaps the information was transferred second hand and was misconstrewed.

I certainly don't think that child locks on kitchen doors constitute a call to the police, but we don't know what information has been passed on to the caller or by whom, and so I don't actually think we can judge them if their concerns appeared legitimate to them based on the info they were given, perhaps by another person..

maryz the chairs were not chained to the table or anythin, as I have previously said! And if they were it would be for my disabled child's SAFETY! I have mislaid the keys to most of the locks, that's why the chains are still on there. Childrens equipment and Adaptations services were happy with it, and I think they are connected to social services, plus it just makes sense to me!

Yes the fact that adaptations etc are under SS is what makes me think it probably wasn't the woman you suspect (unless she has only ever worked in child protection). If she has any experience of learning disabilities she will know that locks are completely normal.

Watch the beginning of The Black Balloon (about severe autism, written by someone with a severely autistic brother). It starts with close ups of all the locks (including a padlocked fridge).

Incidentally adaptations suggested an internal metal grill over my son's window (I said no).

There are sensible explanations for all the things in your home adamadamum and you know your kids are loved and safe.

But some of the things you describe are a little odd and if heard about via gossip/whispers could be concerning. You don't know it was this woman.

If it was this woman then there is a good chance she was honestly concerned rather than making trouble and if I believed that there was something dodgy going on in someone's house in relation to their children, the last person I would speak to would be the person I thought responsible, because I would be worried about repercussions for the children.

Sounds very strange behaviour for a social worker. I'd put money on it not being her and it being someone else tbh

I don't think it was this mum either actually. It sounds to me like it's just a coincidence that you recently had people over.

I expect someone else who has not been in your house heard something your child said or one of your children's' friends said about locks and medicine and made 5 from 2 and 2.

here about 1min 40 secs in And shots of locks are repeated throughout the film. It's normal.

We have holes in our walls too from ds1- don't worry about it - I'd be pissed off if someone reported us too (although it wouldn't go anywhere as obviously we have an ongoing package of support from SS).

DH often refuses to take ds1 out alone now as he is so concerned being reported by someone if ds1 kicks off - he says I'm less likely to be because I'm a woman. Which is a shame as dh is physically more able to handle ds1 kicking off than me.

"DH often refuses to take ds1 out alone now as he is so concerned being reported by someone if ds1 kicks off - he says I'm less likely to be because I'm
a woman. Which is a shame as dh is physically more able to handle ds1 kicking off than me." That is

wannaBe that "guest" didn't know us very well, but she had known us since nursery (my son is in year 1) and we had the odd chit-chat type conversation, she knew my daughter has sn, and I'm alone with them. I doubt if I would have thought to mention chaining the chairs to the table for her safety, but she has always know my daughter has sn and therefore I have to do things differently for her safety! She has also met her several times, as if she's poorly or has one of her many hospital appointments, she is with us at the school gates.

Well you'd be amazed how many people are too thick to spot that ds1 has severe learning disabilities! I just get the tuts and harrumphs but I think dh is scared of the 999's. . TBH he usually takes him when we go out together but I think he just worries that if he had to physically restrain him (which you do sometimes to stop him leaping into traffic) then people would think he was abducting him if he was alone.

I thought dh was being extra fussy but then a male friend of mine independently said the same thing so I figured he had a point maybe.

You don't know it was her though adamadamum, you are assuming, much the same way as whoever reported you assumed that the locks/chains/locked door was cause for concern.

If she's a SW, she'd have just flagged you up as a concern at work tomorrow, not called the police. It would have to be something causing serious and immediate concern for the police to make the first call. and that quickly.

Something doesn't add up here.

thing is though adamadam even if people know about a child's sn they may not realize the lengths parents have to go to to keep that child safe.

Some people just dont comprehend for instance the fact that some children with sn just have no concept of danger and cannot, for instance, understand how a six/seven/ten year old might still do a runner across a road and that the parent might need to take particular steps to deal with that.

You say she is a social worker but which department does she work in. She might have nothing to do with children. She could work with pensioners for example.
If she is a social worker and does deal with children then surely she would have went down another route rather than phoning the police on a Sat night/Sun morning from her home. Did you not ask the police who reported the complaint to them, if not phone them NOW and ask them.
What makes you so sure it is her? Because she was new to your home environment even though you have known her for 5 years or so.

Agree with maryz. Sometimes things just have to be followed up. Unfortunately, you will just have to take it on the chin.
Sounds like you are doing a great job in difficult circumstances; just another feather in your headdress, I'm thinking..?

Is your dd noisy? I am sometimes stunned that the police aren't called by a random passer by when ds1 kicks off (especially if he bashes windows at the front - doesn't do that anymore but we had a phase). Or we find him naked standing looking out the window (aged 11) everything on dispay and I always think someone who doesn't know him might call the police if they saw that. The neighbour's wouldn't but we have quite a few passers by on our street and I guess given his age they might do now.

Of course people never act when you need them too (such as when he ran off in B&Q, or if he runs away from me and I'm struggling to catch him).

It would irritate me too, because it's one more hassle to dea l with but I think I would just console myself by thinking that the person concerned doesn't have a clue and wouldn't last 2 minutes in your shoes. That's what I do now if someone starts getting stroppy with ds1 when we're out and about.

Of course people never act when you need them too (such as when he ran off in B&Q, or if he runs away from me and I'm struggling to catch him).

It would irritate me too, because it's one more hassle to dea l with but I think I would just console myself by thinking that the person concerned doesn't have a clue and wouldn't last 2 minutes in your shoes. That's what I do now if someone starts getting stroppy with ds1 when we're out and about.

I am a SW - I needed to report something about a friend of a friend - i purposefully went to the police and not to SS because i thought it was less likely they would think it was me. Sorry to be a bit sketchy