To think you should put "No Children" on the wedding invite if they're not allowed?

[SirBoobAlot]

Yes I'm bitter and I'm upset

But we received a wedding reception (not ceremony) invite a few weeks ago. I treated myself to a new dress for it, spent more than I normally would (not particularly expensive, I just don't generally shop outside of Primark ), and was really looking forward to it.

A week after DP had RSVPed, he's told that its no children.

I don't have a problem with people not having children at a wedding, that's their choice. But it would have been helpful for it to have been obvious from the off. I was really excited about going, and wearing a pretty dress for the night. I can use the dress for another wedding at the end of the year but still feel a bit put out. The reception starts at 7.30, which is DSs bed time, so there's no way I can just pop along for a bit, either.

So AIBU? Or just over sensative? (Highly possible, that...)

Who was the wedding invitation addressed to? Coz that's who is invited.

YADNBU. I have never understood "No children" weedings, even before I had DS, and I was not a baby orientated person at all. Anyone who has a "no children" wedding doesn't deserve guests.

Am inclined to say yanbu but it depends on who the invite is addressed to.

When invites come for us it tends to say Geek, MrGeek + kids, if it was just our names I would clarify whether our children were welcome.

As BAFE says really.

no I don't think YABU. I don't "get" no children weddings, but wouldn't get het up if I was invited to a childfree one.

However, I think they should have said on the invite.

I'm not sure BAFE's "who does it say on the invite" really works.

Last year exH got an invitation to his cousins wedding.........all 5 of us were going to go (the reasons for not going are completely irrelevant - although he did get an earful for us not all turning up).

Why would you want to take children to an evening reception anyway?
They'll only get tired and grumpy...not much fun for them and no fun for you.

YABU. I would never assume my children were invited to a wedding unless it was specified.
Poppymouse: That is a very unfair comment. Apart from anything else, if someone is on a limited budget and all their friends and siblings have children why on earth should they be expected to invite and pay for 30-40 kids meals.

I guess that's where some of us differ, I would assume that we were all invited unless it stated otherwise.

Personally I think if they can't afford that many children's meals they'll have to invite fewer people

People who don't invite children don't deserve guests? How ridiculous, poppymouse.

SirBoob, I can feel your disappointment but it's clear from the invitation who is and who isn't invited.

Why should they invite fewer friends or relatives so that children can come?
To be honest, this could be a cultural thing. In Ireland it is considered incredibly rude to turn up at a wedding with your kids in tow if they haven't been specifically invited and it is also quite unusual to invite children other than nieces, nephews or children of very close friends.

500? tocca ??? Where was this feeding of the 500? That is a lot of friends you have!

but it's NOT clear - as swanandduck says - cultural, or even regional difference can make a HUGE difference to how the "name/s" on the invite are interpreted.

Totally disagree Toccata. I'd rather invite all my friends rather than just half of them and their children.

cravingcroissants, not necessarily, it depends on the children. Our [big, Irish Catholic] family has had kids at every wedding since I've been born except one, and they always get on fine. Mostly because they/we were around to amuse one another! I spent one wedding when I was about fifteen exploring the hotel with my four year old cousin till eleven pm, when his family left 'cause his mom was knackered, heh.

lol - this feeding of the 500 (actually think more turned up than that - have no idea) took place in Zimbabwe. We sent out 80 (mostly to exH's large family) invites......

Normal there for people to "attend" 2,3,4+ weddings in a single day. So pop into one reception,then go onto the next, and to bring their own extended family as well

I have no idea who half the people at my wedding were .

I don't think it's a cultural thing. If the names aren't on the invitation, they're not invited. If in doubt, check with the happy couple, and accept the response.

But toccantanfudge, that's making an assumption that (a) they are inviting a ridiculous number of people and (b) they would rather have small children that they perhaps don't even know over close friends that they do and really want there.

I agree it should specifically state on the invite if they're allowed but ultimately it's up to the bride and groom whether or not they want children there at all

I love children at adult parties, it's part of my culture and it's great. But I would always assume that it's the person whose name is on the invite who is actually invited: e.g. if it's my name only, the invite does not extend to dh. In case of doubt, or if children really needed to be where I was (e.g. in case of new breastfed baby), I would make discreet enquiries.

This happened to us with a wedding last winter.

DH only found out from a chance discussion shortly before the day that our three children weren't invited to his brother's wedding.

The actual invitation did not have any names on it. We assumed the children were invited as the brother has his own three children of very similar ages to ours and the girls we knew were bridesmaids, plus there are some single parents on DH's side and their affordable babysitters (i.e. Grandma and aunties) would be at the wedding so it just didn't seem likely that he would decide to exclude children.

Perhaps the envelope was only addressed to DH and I but we hadn't studied or retained that.

As it turned out we both had suspected swine flu so couldn't go anyway!

But the point is a lot of people DON'T list everyone on the invite.

If I invited my best friend over for a house warming...........I would fully expect her to bring her DH and 3 youngest children.

When I invited my ex SIL to DS2's Christening I put her and her DH on the invite - but fully expected her 2 children to come along.

I myself have turned up at things "I" have been invited to and been asked where the rest of the family were (and these were English people asking).

We got married in Ireland because it was my home place but dh is English. We specifically invited nieces and nephews but no other children. My Irish friends didn't bat an eyelid as this is quite normal there, but some of our the English guests got quite huffy about it. In the end we had to invite some of their children as well. My family thought those parents were very rude and pushy and a bit ignorant. As tocca has said, cultural differences make a very important difference to how things are interpreted.

oh yes mystery - we've had the invitation with no names on at all thing as well, like you I tend not to study the envelope they came in before I throw it away

Every wedding that my children have been invited to has had their names on the invitation.

Every wedding that my children have NOT been invited to has NOT had their names on the invitation.

seemed pretty clear to me.

I agree SirBoobAlot.

We had this recently - and the wedding was two hundred miles away and involved a two-night stay in a B&B.

Only our names were on the invitation, so I RSVPed with a note saying 'just wanted to clarify whether DS is invited or not'.

Not, apparently. All that stuff about 'can't afford it'.

We couldn't get childcare, so we couldn't go.

I don't mind it so much at evening dos, but I do have a problem with only inviting certain family-members to all-day events. (I realise I am MN minority here, but there you go).

I did think at the time they should have written 'so sorry but we're not inviting children' on the invitation to be clear. If you are excluding, you should be explicit imo.

'All that stuff about can't afford it' is actually a very valid reason. It's not just your child they'd have to invite, but dozens more.