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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you should put "No Children" on the wedding invite if they're not allowed?

203 replies

SirBoobAlot · 16/07/2010 12:21

Yes I'm bitter and I'm upset

But we received a wedding reception (not ceremony) invite a few weeks ago. I treated myself to a new dress for it, spent more than I normally would (not particularly expensive, I just don't generally shop outside of Primark ), and was really looking forward to it.

A week after DP had RSVPed, he's told that its no children.

I don't have a problem with people not having children at a wedding, that's their choice. But it would have been helpful for it to have been obvious from the off. I was really excited about going, and wearing a pretty dress for the night. I can use the dress for another wedding at the end of the year but still feel a bit put out. The reception starts at 7.30, which is DSs bed time, so there's no way I can just pop along for a bit, either.

So AIBU? Or just over sensative? (Highly possible, that...)

OP posts:
toccatanfudge · 16/07/2010 12:49

my children have never been named on a wedding invite that they were actually allowed to be at [sob]

actually they've never had their name on an invite for anything where we were all expected to attend

traceybath · 16/07/2010 12:50

I agree with BAFE - if my children's names or it doesn't say 'and family' on the invitation I assume they're not invited.

So come on OP - what exactly did it say on the invite?

Also if its an evening thing - they probably assumed your child/baby would be in bed.

Beveridge · 16/07/2010 12:52

We are going to a friend's wedding next Saturday and it's not a 'no children' one, it's just close children (nieces etc.) who will be there.

Personally, I'm delighted DD (13 months)isn't invited as it means me and DH can have a lovely grown up day with lots of adult conversation, wine and no fear of getting snot on my frock(I don't get to wear nice ones very often at the moment).

DD is going to her aunties and will be spoilt rotten. Result all round.Even if DD was invited, I wouldn't have taken her.

We didn't have children at our wedding (no close ones in the family so not an issue there)and we did put only adults on the invites and spelt it out on an information sheet by putting something like "unfortunately on this occasion it will not be possible to cater for children" along with the 'let us know if you're vegetarian' bit.

If you could rely on the parents to keep the little blighters under control it would be fine but as we all know, that is not always possible.

sausagelover · 16/07/2010 12:53

No, I don;t think 'no children' should be written on invites. If their names aren't on the invite, then they are not invited. It's not difficult.

Beveridge · 16/07/2010 12:55

Oh yes, Traceybath, overexhausted tinies screeching round the dance floor waaaaaaay past their usual bedtime. Imagine the drama when you finally put them to bed. Shudder.

wukter · 16/07/2010 12:57

I'm in Ireland too, so I think swanandduck is right, it's cultural.

Weddings here quite often last til morning, I would imagine children would be doing that tired whinge from about 10 o'clock, doesn't sound like fun to me.

zippy79 · 16/07/2010 12:58

I personally find people who do not like having children at weddings most odd- but each to their own. YANBU- they should have stated so on the invite

callalilies · 16/07/2010 13:00

Assuming they didn't specifically invite your children then YABU to assume they are invited, particularly when it's an evening do only invite. You say yourself it doesn't start until your DSs bedtime, so it probably didn't occur to the bride and groom that you might even consider bringing him.

swanandduck · 16/07/2010 13:00

I personally find people who get into a huff if their children aren't invited to everything are often the parents who allow their kids to go around annoying everyone and looking to be the centre of attention on the day.

PuppyMonkey · 16/07/2010 13:01

I've also been to loads of Irish weddings and kids always come to them... don't know what part of Ireland you're from swanandduck but I don't recognise that "only nieces and nephews" thing at all. I think putting no children on the invitation would have cleared things up.

swanandduck · 16/07/2010 13:02

Well I am Irish PuppyMonkey and it is not the norm to have loads of children at weddings.I have only ever been to one wedding in Ireland where everyone's kids were invited and was only invited to one wedding when I was a child.

Original poster
SirBoobAlot · 16/07/2010 13:03

See I have a big family, and like others have said, children are always invited; names are not necessarily on the invite, but if they're not invited it says, if that makes sense?

IIRC, as invite is at DPs, there were no names, just said "You're Invited".

OP posts:
wukter · 16/07/2010 13:04

All those children might well be nephews and nieces, PuppyMonkey. As Swanandduck says, it's not the norm here at all.

toccatanfudge · 16/07/2010 13:05

" personally find people who get into a huff if their children aren't invited to everything are often the parents who allow their kids to go around annoying everyone and looking to be the centre of attention on the day."

  • nice. I think if you read the OP you'll see that the OP's problem isn't that her children weren't invited (ie she thinks they "should" be there) - rather that she's in a "huff" because it wasn't clear on the invite.
lilmissmummy · 16/07/2010 13:05

Our wedding was close family and friends children only. We stated on the invites that this was the case.

We had 8 children in total there including our own 2 and we paid nannies to sit with them at dinner, play games and supervise them and then take the littlest ones off to bed at 9 ish to allow the adults to enjoy themselves.

My cousin has 7 children, her brother has 5 and her sister had 2. An additional 14 children to feed would have cost us around £400 just for that family alone! One of the reasons not to invite friends children.

We are invited to 2 weddings next year - one where the children are invited (childrens names on the invitation and one where their names are not on the invitation so we have arranged childcare (not sure if they have been invited or not!)

swanandduck · 16/07/2010 13:05

But surely SirB you would not assume that a night time invitation would automatically include a toddler? If you're invited to an evening housewarming or dinner party do you just bring him along as well???

PuppyMonkey · 16/07/2010 13:05

I'm Irish too. It is the norm for us.

swanandduck · 16/07/2010 13:05

Tocc, that was in answer to Zippy's rather insulting post.

wukter · 16/07/2010 13:07

Really PuppyMonkey? It's news to me, whereabouts are you?

(I'm not doubting you btw!)

IndigoSky · 16/07/2010 13:07

I wouldn't take my 2 dc to an evening reception - they are rubbish at staying up late.

Can you not get a babysitter and go along and have a fab time?

toccatanfudge · 16/07/2010 13:08

oh - sorry swan

Original poster
SirBoobAlot · 16/07/2010 13:08

Swan - he's not a toddler, he's eight months. And yes, tbh, I would, unless it was stated otherwise.

OP posts:
swanandduck · 16/07/2010 13:08

No worries toc.

toccatanfudge · 16/07/2010 13:10

my children are far too goo at staying up late .

I have taken all of them to late evening things in the past when toddler/baby age - they just went to sleep in the pushchair and slept through it all.

Now............well they'd probably all stay up as late as me if I let them (actually DS1 would probably stay up later than me)

waitingforbedtime · 16/07/2010 13:11

OP - couldnt your parents watch him after he's alseep so you can go?

I think you are being a little insensitive. Fwiw, we invited children to all day but didnt even think to invite them to the evening reception tbh (though obviously the daytime kids stayed!).

My friend called and said she wanted to let me know she's booked a date for her wedding as she wanted to give me as much notice as possible as am pregnant and have toddler etc. I asked her if kids were welcome I wouldnt have assumed.