To think you should put "No Children" on the wedding invite if they're not allowed?

[SirBoobAlot]

Yes I'm bitter and I'm upset

But we received a wedding reception (not ceremony) invite a few weeks ago. I treated myself to a new dress for it, spent more than I normally would (not particularly expensive, I just don't generally shop outside of Primark ), and was really looking forward to it.

A week after DP had RSVPed, he's told that its no children.

I don't have a problem with people not having children at a wedding, that's their choice. But it would have been helpful for it to have been obvious from the off. I was really excited about going, and wearing a pretty dress for the night. I can use the dress for another wedding at the end of the year but still feel a bit put out. The reception starts at 7.30, which is DSs bed time, so there's no way I can just pop along for a bit, either.

So AIBU? Or just over sensative? (Highly possible, that...)

Gah! asleep and sensitive.

at someone turning up at dinner parties and evening dos with baby always in tow.

In answer to your original question, no yanbu. I do think it's up to the couple whether they allow children or not but i would also be annoyed if i had spent more than normal on a dress, then to be told that dcs can't go and therefore meaning i couldn't either

I personally find people who can't attend any sort of social event without their children in tow most odd - but each to their own.

If my child's name isn't on the invitation, I assume he's not invited. Not rocket science.

We have a wedding to go to in just under a month's time - children are invited. I will take DD-to-be as she will be brand new and breastfeeding, but will be leaving toddler DS behind, as we want to be able to enjoy their day, enjoy the meal, catch up with friends, etc, etc, rather than spending the entire time running around after DS, stopping him from inadvertently killing himself and annoying people who don't see him as the centre of their world...

"Not, apparently. All that stuff about 'can't afford it'."

And you didn't attend because of all that stuff about "not being able to get childcare".
Just as trivial/valid a reason as theirs for not inviting children.

wukter - mainly Dundalk ish area. Though I don't live there anymore, everyone came over to England. But have been back for weddings, plus the Irish contingent continue to have their Irish weddings over here and the kids thing is still in vogue. Maybe we're just weird .

if i get an invite with mine and partners name on i would expect that dd was not invited, if i wasnt sure i would check,
be nice to have them there during the day but as for evening, better of at home as they will no doubt be tired and grumpy!! its a shame that u were so looking forward to it and i see y u r dissapionted but i think it was clear

I assume my children are not invited unless it states 'and family'. I don't tend to take them to evening only dos as they get grumpy past their bedtime and I have so little adult time that I enjoy it without them!!

I didn't invite children (except close family ones) to my evening wedding party, neither did my sister although one couple turned up with their DD who obviously hadn't been allocated a seat or a meal, we all thought it was naughty! Also she ran around screaming and using my nieces crayons to draw on peoples clothes all throughout the speeches

Terrible sorry, swan... Lucky you won't be inviting me to any of your dos, then, really, isn't it? FWIW I'm taking DS to a party tonight, as long as this wind dies down.

Waitingfor - I wish! But he won't take a bottle I did thing about feeding him, getting him to sleep then going, but he usually wakes about 10 for a feed, so I would only be there for maybe an hour or so with travelling time.

I had a no children wedding, someone chose to deliberately ignore it and arrive with baby in tow - presenting me with essentially a suck it up and accept it, or make a massive scene. It's my abiding memory of my own wedding - being backed into a corner quite calculatingly like that - I'd worded invites carefully, put a note on the attached sheet with directions to the venue etc and briefed my mother that I really had very strong feelings that I didn't want kids there.

Yet someone decided to, not only do the demand that children HAD to be invited to weddings, but to completely ignore a very clearly stated request anyway. It was shocking behaviour.

The person who posted that children HAD to be invited... how would you feel paying for a very very very expensive party and being told that everyone's mother-in-laws had to come? You've got no right to dictate to anyone who they invite to their wedding that they're paying for - don't go if you've got issues, but the number of people who think that it's acceptable to do that is not on.

Thing is if you put no children you're damned, if you name things specifically to the invitees you're damned, if you put nothing you're damned - you simply cannot win.

My shock is at the thought that you assume he's invited to all night time dos. Not criticising, just have never seen that before. I would be a bit taken aback if I opened the door to a couple I had invited around for an evening dinner party and they had their children with them. Maybe, again, it's a culture thing.

Swan - I do think its a bit different with a small baby especially if its one who won't take a bottle.

DC3 has only recently started taking a bottle at nearly one and its been a pain to be honest as she's also been an unreliable sleeper.

However I've tended to just not go out much or at least stay locally so I could whizz back to feed.

Am assuming though that SirBoob's friends know the score and had a good idea that baby would be coming too.

It is a cultiural thing; as an oldie this whole child free weddings thing is pretty recent IME

Now I don't care if you want kids there or not, up to cyou (the only one who annoy me ar are the few who tehn get annoyed wehn I politely decline as a result) but make it clear because its a rather new fashion

Personally the kids at my wedding were the most treasured guests and I spent far too much time and effort choosing little table gifts for tehm compared to the adults. But as I say each to their own

Well, that's the point I suppose I was trying to make traceybath. I agree if you ring your friend and say 'is it alright if I bring xxx. He'll be asleep in the pushchair and we'll leave if he starts getting fractious' that's one thing. I just wouldn't assume I could bring my child.

Re the culture difference, here is a link to a similar conversation on an Irish website that my sister showed me a while back. Interesting the difference in views.

www.askaboutmoney.com/showthread.php?t=110095

Actually, if the link doesn't work just google children at weddings askaboutmoney
and it will be the first option that comes up.

Oh and also- babies are different if breastfed: many people will assume they are coverd becuase of teh very obvious reasoning. Be specific if youa re not having that exemption

And sorry but we had a few nasties at our wedding- MIL faking a fainting fit so she could do a centre stage walk in mid speech, etc- and I would never allow that to be the over riding memeories of my wedding: theya re laughing with my friends, marrying DH, intriduing BIL to kebabs the next day ..... don;t let one eprson ruin such a day for goodness sake!

Sasha02 Wow how rude of those people at your wedding. You would have thought that when it became obvious to them that they had made a mistake about bringing their DD the very least they could have done was keep her under control.

At my BIL and SIls wedding a woman who knew SIL, but who wasn't even invited herself, turned up to sit at the back of the church so she could watch the ceremony. She brought a baby with her who started to wail and cry during the service. She stayed throughout the service, despite the disturbance her (uninvited) baby was causing. They were having the wedding videod and when it was played back later you can't actually hear the voes because of the noise this kid was making

Phew! Just checked kids names are on our Niece's wedding invite. Though of course I have been chatting about it before even the invite arrived, and with it being 300miles away, I'm hardly in a position to arrange child care for a weekend for them (here or there).

I had kids at my wedding and they were lovely. My kids just need someone to chat to them, or the teenager will sit in a corner with his iPod-touch. They will be there for the evening, actually the other Niece's wedding had more children at the evening bit, as lots of families arrived for it. We will probably go when Grandad gets tired as we're looking after him.

I am not inviting any family children to my wedding - mainly because I have an insane Irish family - Mum one of 12 and dad one of 5 - so I have 25 aunts and uncles and over 50 first cousins - ranging from 40 to 8 years old (and who have about 20 husband/wives and 10 kids between them so far).

So aunts and uncles only for me. If I invited that lot, it would double the guest list (and they would all come!) Meaning I would have to change my venue as the one I've chosen couldn't cope with that size of a wedding. Given that my fiance has 2 uncles and one aunt coming, it would be also be ridiculously one-sided.

We have invited children of friends but that's mainly because they don't have very many. So far, only one couple is planning to bring their child - the rest are leaving them at home and have actively said they are looking forward to the break without any prompting from us.

I had a no kids wedding last year, i didn't have kids, and to be quite frank after experiencing other weddings where not only the children were badly behaved but also their parents, we didn't want any there.

We did though specify this in the invite and not just by writing 'no children', but explaining that we had carefully planned our day, and that we wanted everyone else to have as good a day and evening as we were hoping to have ourselves, and hoped they would treat it as a night out for themselves. Not one complaint.

Personally if i am looking at an invite and it says to myself and my husband, that means myself and my husband, no additions!

5Foot5 It wasn't my wedding it was my sisters, which was very formal and she clearly stated no children!

SirBoobAlot I hope you and LO thoroughly enjoy your wedding later in the year and you feel gorgeous in your new dress

Aw, cheers Sasha

Just to clear up a few things -

• Its not that I never go to anything without DS. I have had two nights out without him before, but he now refuses EBM. So he has to come with me.

• I don't have a problem with no children at weddings. Honestly I feel its a bit odd, because every wedding I have ever been to has had children. But each to their own, and I will always respect individual choices. My problem was that it was not stated, no one mentioned it when DP RSVPed, despite DS having come up in conversation.

• There wasn't a name on the invite, it just said "You're Invited".

• DS is not a toddler, who would not be running around, and if he started to fuss during speeches etc, I would of course take him out, had he been invited.

I only popped my four pennorth in because these MN discussions on child-free weddings always feel a bit unbalanced to me.

To be clear to those of you who are heaving your bosoms and huffing at me, I did not mind missing the wedding, I minded that they'd not been explicit on the invitation.

As Sanctimoanyarse (I think) pointed out, child-free weddings seem to be a fairly recent phenomenon in England at least, and seem to me to be symptomatic of the me-me-me society we live in.

I am judgy about this, but I do not express this judgment to the bride and groom.

Weddings in the past were family occasions, not just for the bride and groom.

That's how I saw mine.

I am very aware that others have different views, but those are mine.

Yes, but in the days when weddings were family occasions, they were usually simpler affairs often celebrated in a community centre or the mother of the bride's house. Now that people are organising larger, more expensive weddings that go on into the night (and that's another issue.I'm not saying I'm in favour of that) it is a bit unfair to assume that your children are invited as well.