The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Spring into Summer 2026

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the ones I use, I Am Sober and TryDry. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.
Lighter evenings, blossom and birdsong are with us once again. Pull up a chair, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

@REP22 your mother sounds absolutely toxic. I don't know if you've heard of the scapegoat/golden child dynamic that can occur when a parent is narcissistic (I first found out about it by lurking on the Stately Homes threads). Basically, in the eyes of the narcissist parent, one child can do no wrong and another child gets scapegoated for everything. In your case it sounds like there could be a gender element as well, with your brother favoured over you. Anyway, I'm glad you've had counselling. Your mother should be very grateful that you haven't just walked away from her. My family had something of that dynamic too, except I was more the golden child and my DSis was the scapegoat. Trust me though, being golden child wasn't a picnic either. I was supposed to be my mother's mini me. When I finally rebelled (following a lot of therapy), the golden child status evaporated fast. I still know though that my sister had it tougher than I did.

Yet we survive. And we lavish onto our own children (and dogs!) the unconditional love we never had.

On a lighter note, thanks @WendyWagon for making me grin with your golden showers rose story!

@Carpetburn your location sounds idyllic! @TickleMeElmo1 I'd also love to see some of the items on your list.

One good thing I did today was book a tiny airbnb cabin in Snowdonia, for a weekend away in July. (Note to self: when you are not drinking, you do get stuff done!) I have a friend who has a beautiful holiday cottage in Wales, next to an estuary, and she sometimes invites a group of women friends to join her there for a weekend. I've been before and it's lovely. However, this time several people are bringing dogs, and I'm badly allergic to dogs (yes, I know, it's awful! Sorry Sid!). So I managed to locate this tiny one-room cabin only a short walk away from my friend's cottage. I can hang out with everyone during the day and then go to bed in my own allergy-free zone. When DH saw the photos, he was massively envious and made feeble noises about coming along, but no! It's very much an all-female weekend 😂

Good night shipmates, thank you for this comradely space.

@elusivehopeyour trip sounds heavenly. A little peace of paradise just for you. It’s such a beautiful part of the UK.

I read that there have been 7 children and 2 adults pass away due to water this weekend @elusivehope- I read the headline to my DD to explain how dangerous open water is.

in terms of planting peonies, you can buy the tubers from pretty much anywhere in spring but personally I’d buy one that’s already growing from a garden center as there is a lot more variety that way. They like their tubers to be at the very top of the soil. They don’t always flower in year one but when they do 😍😍

@TickleMeElmo1 well done on booking the test.

For the rose lovers - has anyone seen the Kings Rose from David Austin? I am itching to order one but have no space for one.

Anyway, the storm woke me up and my brain is busy. Hoping to drop back off soon.

Wow what a storm! I got up to watch hoping to see some fork lightening but was all sheet.

Morning all.
The steroid has worn off and I'm turning into a wizened crone again.
It might be the heat. I've been stealing the DHs vests (he's a Tom Selleck so wears one old schooly). Not a lot of sleep here.

I love Peonies.
I wish I could take part in one of those garden make over shows but the risk from my stalker is too much. I do have a lady coming today, so we'll see.
We are two months without a viewing on the house. We've had thousands of clicks but no in person enquiries. The DH thinks a stair lift would be better than losing money. What to do lads? Tbh there is only one decent photo as the rest seem to be very odd. The DD is talented in that department so perhaps she needs to get snapping.

That’s awful @elusivehope, we’re by the sea this week too and all the teenage deaths are a bit triggering aren’t they. Just so desperately sad. Whilst most children have swimming lessons, lots don’t understand currents, rip tides etc.

I’ve tried and failed at holding my tongue with the amount of sunburn around too, so many kids just red raw, boils my :(

My energy levels jumped up so much after 6 weeks, sleep improved so much, you’ve got this, just keep swimming.

Not sure if it helps anyone but if I was in the supermarket, corner shop I used to pretend play in my head the song - Poison. Helped me. Now I do Freedom. I know I’m odd!

I don't know Wendy. Moving is an upheaval but if you find the right house then losing some money and being happy there is priceless. But, if you're happy where you are and just need a few structural changes then Kirstie would say love it.

I'm getting increasingly annoyed at my family sending stupid videos or photos all related to wine. "Lol look at me with my massive glass" or "Haha getting my vitamins with some grape juice" and on and on.
It's not so much that it's triggering, it's that they know I don't drink. I don't want them to tip toe around me but, using the nut allergy analogy, I wouldn't be sending "funny" videos about how much I love snickers, or if one of them was really trying to get healthy by not eating chocolate and cake I wouldn't send videos of me snarfing a load of eclairs. Haha look at me. Or hey look at me with all my marlboroughs.. I'm mad me!
But then I guess it's just that I genuinely don't find it cute or funny or wild any more. And I can't get into the mindset of it being cute or funny or wild. I just find it sad and frustrating and I can't say so because I don't want to be a judgy person. So I just have to ignore it and then they probably think I'm being a judgy person anyway. Sigh.

I don't think I ever sent a photo or video related to haha wine drinking even when I did drink because even then I knew that heavy drinking wasn't funny.

@Lavrander we're at the point that any further reduction means a loss. We did a low guide as the agent advised to get higher offers, that strategy didn't work.
I love it here. It's quiet, good neighbours and handy for the shops but I did want to get settled.
I would have to go back to work full time to stay here. My lender is awful and I can't seem to get a new deal.

I hear you @Lavrander . I am ashamed to admit I did occasionally post photos of my wine glass in the sunshine

Hi all, just checking in. On day 12 again now. This is as far as I got before. Trying not to be annoyed with myself for giving in last time and reframing it as being proud I got back into it instead if giving up completely.

I can already feel good effects from not drinking- I feel a lot less bloated and have a lot more energy. Recently I was drinking a bottle of wine on Tuesday nights because I have Wednesdays off work. Then I’d feel fuzzy headed all Wednesday as a result. Instead yesterday I was the most productive I’ve been in a long time!

Today was a bit shit though. I work with teens and generally love it, but today was difficult and made me question my ability to do my job. Normally I’d drown my feelings in wine and now I have to sit with them instead. Which is HARD!

I also have a challenge on Sunday- I’m going to a brunch, where there will be an open bar. And I don’t really know anyone there (I know them, but just as acquaintances). I’m going to drive and feel comfortable that I can stay sober. I don’t feel so confident about the social aspect though. Has anyone got any tips?

Well done on day 12, @VillageIdiott , I'm on day 13. I admire anyone who works with teens. I'm sure others will be along with better advice than I could give on how to manage your Sunday brunch. Maybe tell yourself you can leave early if you want to!

The young person DS told me about yesterday did drown; he was a 14 year old boy. 😥😥So sad. DS didn't know him, but has a lot of friends who knew him. His poor poor parents. It's still unclear how he got into difficulty. Ironically my DH had just sent an article to our family whatsapp group yesterday morning about water safety. It's a shame there aren't more swimming pools in the UK; there's one outdoor pool in my city, but it gets booked up very quickly in weather like this, and the temptation to go into the river to cool down is understandable. And warm weather is still a relative novelty in the UK, so it's not as though most people are used to doing outdoor swimming year round. I'm thinking of taking some flowers to the site where it happened. I feel very sad about it.

Thanks @TheMentalMentalLoad for the peonies advice. I have indeed seen photos of the King's Rose, and it looks lovely.

Sympathy about the lack of sleep, @WendyWagon . That's a real conundrum, what to do about your house. In some ways staying put sounds like the best idea, were it not for the financial considerations. Hmm. I feel for you, being stuck in a bit of a limbo.

@Lavrander your family aren't being very considerate with all the not-so-funny boozy photos, ugh. Usually my DH is fairly sensitive, but when we went out with DS2 the other day (who recently had the alcohol-induced mishap at the festival), DH started to tell him that it was very important only to drink in moderation, because (according to DH) otherwise he might develop an alcohol problem, and would have to give up drinking altogether, and that would be 'very sad'. I was miffed and pointed out that actually there are many people who don't drink alcohol at all and not 'very sad'. FFS. Just stop with the alcohol propaganda already! Our culture seems to be inundated with messages saying that if you don't drink, you're missing out. What I want to happen in my own case is for my dopamine receptors to start working more normally again, so that I can feel happy and relaxed without having to resort to an addictive chemical substance. Sigh.

This week has seemed long, probably because of the heat, and I'm looking forward to the weekend.

Afternoon shipmates
Sorry to hear of your continued house selling stress @WendyWagon -the market has been very slow where we are-I always keep an eye out and our neighbour has been struggling to sell. Hopefully the right buyer will come along.
Ive had a fairly relaxed week-caught up with a couple of colleagues who commented how well I look now I’ve left my yucky job. New one starting soon but I’m taking things steady.

Evening Shipmates, ;late on today.

@elusivehope - you are not wrong. I lurk on the Stately Homes threads (and Cockroach Cafe). Mostly I can manage; holidays en famille are what always brings it to a head. I am so, so sorry about that poor lad near you and his family. It must be devastating - and so close to home, where your own DS had also been swimming; just awful. I heard that there have been at least 11 deaths over the weekend and BH in water. So sad. People do underestimate the currents, silts, depths and, indeed, the temperatures - I think even the hottest sun only really warms the top 10cm of water (or something like that) and then the rest beneath is very, very cold still. Awful.

I think the fact that you're driving @VillageIdiott will help. You can feel powerful in your sobriety and enjoy the evening to the full, without disadvantaging yourself with poisonous swallowings. You don't owe anyone an explanation, a breezy "no thanks!" (easier said that lived, I know), and smile serenely on.

@Lavrander those emojis and such would rile me no end. Especially if there is a whiff of doing it deliberately to wind you up. All they are telegraphing to you are their own discomforts and failings, possibly also envy that you are winning and they're stuck where they are. It's nasty, but it's often the case that they don't like what they see in themselves by comparison and do what some do best - try and make themselves feel better at your expense by sneering and sticking two-fingers up with goady emails. Best to make no comments or likes against the posts and ride them out, if you can. Silence often says more than words ever could. Just because they are trying to drag you down, it doesn't mean you will topple. You are strong.

@WendyWagon - how would you feel about the stairlift thing? Might it be the least-worst option? Especially if stalker might re-enter the fray...

I cracked this morning lads. One barb too many and I began to cry. Ashamed of myself. But it released some tension. M chose to attribute it to something else, DB was kind, and Sid has wagged his magic tail. Feel better now. And - in an exciting development - our cabin boy / powder monkey might ACTUALLY be taking to the high seas tomorrow! We shall see if the sea is ready for Sid to set sail. I will arm myself with Sizzlers, lest there be bark of mutiny in these here waters...

Strength and courage Shipmates. All shall be well. xx

@REP22 Sid’s setting sail? On the high seas? Oooo aaaarrr. Salty old sea dog xx

@REP22 a tear or two, or a giant flood can be very cathartic, I’m sorry you are always a target it must be very grating.
Have to say, the sea air looks like it’s agreeing with Sid.

I’ve had a very gluttonous holiday. Will have to jump back on the SW train when I get home! The scales are not going to be kind.

Oh @REP22 sorry about the mother. Mine had a tongue like a viper but she could switch to Apple pie.
Excited for you and Sid on the high seas.
Ahoy and shiver the timbers.

I've had a gardener round but it's a no, too much so I've a few to talk to.

I had cravings tonight but I got myself upstairs. Blue top as my night cap!

I used to live in a small city with a lovely outdoor pool and swimming in the river too @elusivehope and now feeling waves of lovely nostalgia.

I live in hope for a lido where I currently live. There's a lake close by with regular organised swims, but I like my water chlorinated.

@REP22 sending hugs your way. Crying is very cathartic. I love Sid, aren’t dogs amazing when you’re feeling a bit down? Mine usually puts his head on my lap . My mum was a narcissist and also had BPD- she could be so mean to me and caused me
so much pain. I shed many many tears and had so much anger towards her but also loved her very much. Very complicated and conflicting time which attributed to my drinking issues, especially after her tragic death 😢 My dad is also a nasty human being and he’s still around but in a country far away from here.

@VillageIdiott well done on day 12 🎉 I love the energy I have when not drinking, also putting it to good use and exercising more. Keep in touch here before the brunch. I’m not great at advice her as so new here

@Carpetburn good luck with the new job

@elusivehope so sad about all the teens - one boy that died at weekend is not far from where I live. Just awful 😢 well done on day 13 🎉

@Lavrander that is very insensitive of your family!

DD is back for a week from uni- so happy to have her home for a bit. Going to have a good chat tomorrow as planning an evening walk and will tell her about my AF decision - she’s not really a drinker but sometimes we’d have a vodka and coke/orange in evenings. Her one, me 3+ 🙄

Ahoy shipmates.
A bit cooler here and we've had a spot of rain.
I have a different cleaning lady coming to view today and she's insured and a professional company.
My Brazilian girls were excellent but they let me down twice and I didn't even know where she lived. Very gagey about that. It worried me and the DH said what if they break your china? Probably nothing but the bff said would you give them a key? That would have been a no.

I've been cleared for my new RA drug due a week Monday. Makes me laugh that they tell you can drink alcohol with it!
I'm reviewing my purchases on eBay from 2021 before I gave up the booze. Wowzer. I could spend after a few sherbets.

My mother had BPD we believe. However in those days that didn't give that diagnosis. She was super boff so I suspect she'd outrun any tests as the DD did for ASD.
I was lucky my dad was so lovely.

Good news @WendyWagonon the drugs.
Cant wait to hear about Sid on the high seas @REP22. He'll know exactly what to do.

i don't feel the memes etc are snide. They're to the family group so feels more like family jokes to each other that I just don't find funny that are just exclusive and a bit careless. But I think you're right in that it says more about their own relationship with booze. It's like in the Joy of Being Sober where she adopts this 'I'm mad me' personality from the outside. Except they're all my siblings!

Thank you so much for your kind words of sympathy and solidarity. I'm so sorry too if you've had these issues to deal with. They do seem to be a bit of a theme for some of us with drinking issues. My dad was lovely, but he was a bit of an enabler, sadly. He also had a tragic death and it took many, many months to be able to reconcile M's reactions to it. I won't go into the actual things involving his body, but I wasn't allowed to speak at the funeral, apart from a Bible reading of M's choosing and under strict instructions that I was under no circumstances to "top and tail" it with any words of my own because I was such an embarrassment. I had bereavement counselling but it was more about those things than the death itself. It did help. It's alright now.

@TickleMeElmo1 - I hope your talk with your DD goes well. If you were my mum I would be so, so proud of you.

Top news about the drug @WendyWagon - maybe you could reclaim a bit of money by reselling your online purchases. I recall that Nigella L used to regularly trot out books and purchases that she'd bought late-night online and never used.

All of you shipmates. You're wonderful. Your words each day are precious gifts to me and us all - they revive the soul and boost the flagging spirits in ways that other support sources can't quite reach. I bless the day I found this thread back in 2023. @WendyWagon and @Onewildandpreciouslife were captains then, I think. Thank you all. 💖

I'm dubious as to how Sid will fare on the high seas. I shall be stacked to the gunwales with Sizzlers, just in case. It's only for an hour, so he shouldn't try the patience of his fellow pirates too much. He's had an early trial this morning - to see if he likes it. See? He did very well with his paddleboarding... We shall be buckling the swashes like Jim Hawkins before you know it.

Strength and courage. We're going to make it. xx

@REP22 love paddle boarding Sid! My poor dog got seasick when I took him!
Sending lots of love to shipmates with tricky family dynamics. My father absolutely had a drink problem when we were kids and my mum was and still is mean when she drinks and we have a funny old dynamic these days as a result.

I have to say I’m really settling into my sober life as the months go on. I always loved nature and the great outdoors but I’ve developed an interest in birds which my daughter finds amusing!
Between that and my jigsaw obsession I’m ageing into Middle Aged hobbies quite beautifully!

@Carpetburn im with you, love my birds, jigsaws and the great outdoors. I am a terrible gardener but just need to learn :)

Morning all.
I'm enjoying the bird song and a bit of cool air drafting in.

Morning all.
It was lovely and cool at 6 but got hot again quickly!

For those who enjoy birdwatching (or for anyone really) may I recommend Sam and Ade go Birding on Channel 5? Sam West and Ade Edmonson birdwatching round Britain. Really, really lovely telly.