The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Spring into Summer 2026

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the ones I use, I Am Sober and TryDry. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.
Lighter evenings, blossom and birdsong are with us once again. Pull up a chair, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

Good morning Shipmates,

Sid very disgruntled last night. Stage one of our journey was hampered by a severe road closure/diversion (accident on the A419); it took over 6 hours to do a 2hr47m trip, partly through single-track villages. Never mind. We're on our way sea-wards today @WendyWagon - hope you do manage to make it to the coast this year.

A very warm welcome @KittyScherbatskaya - I'm glad you've found us. There are so many wise, kind and understanding people here to support you without judgement. I don't know where I'd be without the lovely crew here. You're doing so well already. The urges are awful, I know. Different things work for different people but, for me, it was important to trat myself with an alternative - chocolate milkshake was my go-to for a while - so you feel a bit less "deprived". None in the house so I can't be tempted (I might think I can moderate; I cannot. If there's any about it will get drunk). Getting into PJs in the early evening, washing my hair, anything that puts an extra couple of steps between the "f~ck, I need a drink" and the heading out to the shop journey, to give yourself longer reconsideration time. And telling myself firmly "no. it's poison. It is going to kill me if I don't stop." Reading quit lit really did help me in the early, worst, stages. Catherine Gray "Unexpected Joy" and Clare Pooley's "Sober Diaries" were the best ones for me. And trying to "play it forward" in the eyes of my friends and family if I'm caught out following the first sip - "domino number one" in the falling-down procession. I do my best to say true for my dog Sid. The look of sadness and hurt in his eyes if I have a slip and let him down pierces my soul.

Someone upthread made a helpful point which stuck with me (apologies - I will link to it in a bit) that we should look at drink like an allergy. It IS a poison that WILL lead to ruin and suffering. They said that people with a nut allergy don't think "just one nut", "a couple of nuts in the pub tonight" - because the anaphylaxis can be fatal. It hit me because I'm allergic to nuts and have had several near misses, one of them particularly serious. I can tell myself that I'm allergic to alcohol because, really, we all are. Problematic drinking only ever ends one way if unchecked. Sometimes a read of other threads on MN in the alcohol - where desperate people are reaching out because a partner, parent or friend cannot stop drinking - provide enough impetus to desire to be different.

BUT - it's SO NOT naught but grim misery, denial, gloom and boredom. The sober life is a full, more fulfilled one. Not wasting a sunny jolly morning whimpering in a darkened bedroom in a pit of mortification, parties where you are lively, in the moment, and with happy memories of a wonderful time, not having made a total tit of yourself. Less of the nagging little aches, nausea, better skin, reduced calorie intake (often with some welcome weight loss and better muscle-tone) and the strength that comes from knowing that you have faced your fear and conquered it. That you are mighty.

Also not leaving yourself to other consequences that have a long reach. A quick squint at an online "morning after calculator" can be chilling. You put in what you drink, when you had your last one, and it tells you approximately how many hours it will be before you are under the limit for driving. A whole bottle of wine, last sip at midnight, could well mean that you're not safely under the legal limit until lunchtime (or later) the following day. You might think you're OK to drive - but you can't control the actions of others - these days, if someone accidentally prangs your car coming out of Lidl's car park, through no fault of your own, and the Police turn up, ALL drivers will get breath-tested as a matter of routine. If you're still a bit over from the night before the result will haunt you for years and may even cost you your job and get your name in the local paper. 🥶

I'm sorry - that all sounds a bit preachy and a bit full-on for early am Saturday. It is HARD to fight the cravings - but I guarantee it is worth it. The freedom and empowerment and the truly better days ahead are amazing.

It's a lovely feeling isn't it @VillageIdiott - the sober morning feeling and freedom from The Fear never gets tired for me. You're doing really well. x

Here's Sid this morning, welcoming you to your bank holiday weekend. Look at his little face - now, that's worth staying sober for, isn't it? It is for me today, anyway, despite his levels of "unacceptable flatus" during last night. 😶‍🌫️

Strength and courage. It's going to be OK. xx 💐

Hi all, apologies for being absent, life just gets in the way sometimes.

Had to check my app today to see how many days alcohol free I am. 306 today, woo hoo!

Hope everyone is doing well, new and old, let’s kick alcohol out of our lives for good x

@KittyScherbatskaya i think the urge for me was always about trying to escape whatever stress / strain / bad day I’d had and I thought of alcohol as a treat as stress reliever, a pleasure, but it wasn’t and it was making me ill.
It does take a while but there is a mind shift in understanding that it does none of those things and often make it worse. God love my teenagers but I often would be pouring the wine as they were stressing me out. Honestly now I don’t drink, I’m so much calmer and I can’t tell you how much easier it is to function in a healthier body, a well rested and clear headed one too.
I do pretend though though I’ve been known to have a zero rum and coke, order myself a take away and then drink most of a 0% bottle of wine ( @VillageIdiott the M&S £12 Pinot Noir is the best red I’ve found) after a particularly stressful day. It works for me.

Also you need to be ready, have words in your arsenal to protect your sobriety. Have a “ “why” my teens had asked me to stop, I also was starting to get health issues.
So I’ll have a Diet Coke, I’m having so health issues so I’ll just have water, I don’t drink whatever works for you. You might also get asked multiple times. You need to stay firm. Easier said than done but it does get easier. My circle all now know I don’t drink, they often do me non alcoholic versions of cocktails at parties and have been supportive now they’ve seen the big changes in me. I’ve not looked this good in ten years!

You can do it x

That is definitely me @FiloPasty, I turn to drink for relaxation and get it messes my sleep, gives me shame and guilt and has started to affect my health. Fortunately DH isn’t a big drinker and my local social group aren’t at all. It’s likely to be Christmas or family gatherings that put pressure on and those are some way off. Just taking it a day at a time at the moment.

Family gatherings were the things I was most worried about too. But honestly if you can make it through the first hour and become a social anthropologist- aka the Richard Attenborough of family gatherings; you won't want to join them. You can still have lots of fun. Be prepared for family being the worst for the looks of disappointment that you're not joining them. However you are doing this for you. You do not owe them shame and anxiety.

@REP22 you have my sympathies on a horrific bank holiday journey. I only ever do a long one by leaving at 4am as I have had a few 8 hour crying in the car episodes yuck! Sid looks no worse for wear though :)

@KittyScherbatskaya i promise the relaxation will come, I definitely feel more zen these days, not sweating the small stuff.
A few of us have teens on this thread and it is odd trying to manage sobriety whilst watching them start their drinking lives. I’m just happy that I can get in the car at midnight or whatever and be there for them if needed. I wasn’t really before. I was often drinking 2 bottles of wine at night then doing the school run so that’s sobering isn’t it : ( I also want to say I had the best Christmas ever not drinking, I bought my overpriced M&S options and really enjoyed the whole day.

@Lavrander this one, they also do a red at my local. You can go on the co op website as a lot do a click collect thing and you can put in your postcode and see what options in your locals.

Advice for the newbies on how to handle not drinking when socialising - you'll discover that you're part of a trend! You just wouldn't have noticed before...

And you'll notice that the non-drinkers are great fun, and not drinking for a whole host of reasons. Though there's no need to ask why.

For me, AF beer was good at first. Also ice cream and sour sweets. But only for the first month or so - life got busy, I started feeling healthier, and I stopped thinking in terms of having rewards for a horrible day/week!

Thanks @REP22 and @VillageIdiott for the kind words. @VillageIdiott I had very much the same thoughts when my DS was ill last weekend; thank god I was sober enough to look after him and not off my head myself. When the DC were younger I had to call my DH to come home from work a couple of times because I realised I'd become too drunk to look after them. (The room would be spinning and I'd have to go to bed.) I still cringe at the recollection.

@FiloPasty you said, A few of us have teens on this thread and it is odd trying to manage sobriety whilst watching them start their drinking lives. I’m just happy that I can get in the car at midnight or whatever and be there for them if needed. This is so true!

Congratulations @Carpetburn and @Adsy1988 on those long stretches of AF days! I'm in awe.

Welcome @KittyScherbatskaya and well done for having made it to day 17 already.

@WendyWagon going to the sea sounds lovely. I've had some wonderful short breaks in Bournemouth and Weymouth. Would love to go again.

My uni just carries on with lectures and classes as normal over the bank holiday. Very annoying. I've had a day today of just relaxing though. I meant to do some work in the garden, including tying up the enormous climbing rose that is threatening to obscure our front door, but I didn't muster up the energy. Last summer the rose actually came crashing down and completely blocked the front door 😳I'm not much of a gardener and clearly hadn't pruned it properly. It's a gorgeous rose though, a yellow David Austin one. It's just Too Much Rose for our narrow terrace house!

I'll check in here again tomorrow as Sunday is always a tricky day for me in terms of anxiety and drinking cravings.

Stay serene everyone!

Morning all.
Up later after watching the telly box until late.
We went out for a food top up and I bought the new Waitrose af fizz. I wasn't a chardonnay drinker but I didnt drink gin either and Gordons af I like very much. I'll let you know.

Gardening for us today. No chance of a jobbing gardener, they all want big projects.
I'll struggle but I'll try.

I'm hoping next week will bring some light relief on the house saga. I haven't had my new meds yet. If they don't work I'll need a stair lift to stay here. The dh thinks give it until the autumn and then adapt the house a bit.

@elusivehope sorry I meant to comment on your son at the time, how is he doing now? I’ve told the story before but my daughter had a late night accident where she needed stitches and I was too drunk to wake up, lucky my husband was there, I still feel awful about that. I’ve changed though and they were my big motivation. We’ve got this x

Fingers crossed with the house @WendyWagon often these bank holidays make people realise they want to live so hopefully sonething more positive happens with the market.

Afternoon shipmates!
Got the hound out nice and early but it’s baking hot. I’m not a hot weather creature by nature although do like a sunny day!
But I was sizzling on the walk. Dog was in and out of the river so he had a lovely time and he’s snoozing in a sunny spot now while I do the crossword.
Hope everyone has a lovely Sunday in the sunshine!

Am attaching a photo of the Mad Rose. This is after I had laboured for an hour, trying to tie it up to the (inadequate) trellis, and pruning off a few of the most obnoxious branches. You can now get into the house without rose branches thwacking you across the face.

Once it has finished blooming, I'll prune it back properly. It would look more symmetrical if I pruned it more now, but I kind of like its out-of-control vibe. My arms are covered in scratches but I managed not to fall off the stepladder (benefit of sobriety!).

@WendyWagon Fingers crossed for you that your house will start to get some interest! I agree that sunshine makes people more keen to think of moving house.

@FiloPasty my DS is absolutely fine, thanks for asking. The resilience of the young... As for your DD, she was OK too, and you definitely shouldn't beat yourself up about it. You have done an amazing thing by going AF, and you've stuck with it.

@Carpetburn I'm not a big fan of the hot weather either. My DH on the other hand loves it. That said I do think the sunshine is improving my mood at the moment!

@elusivehope you did a good job with the rose! I bet it smells lovely when you use your door. Rose is my favourite scent and I can’t help but smell any roses I pass. Lectures on bank holiday Monday? Boo! My daughter finished her lectures and just has one last exam this week. She had a lecture scheduled on the first May bank holiday but got an email day before to say it was cancelled!

@WendyWagon keeping everything crossed. I work in mortgage and we are starting to see an increase in applications. Hoping the market picks up over the summer too

This is my first AF bank holiday weekend in as long as I can remember. I woke up at 7:30 after a good sleep, did a workout, took dog out early and been reading in garden ever since !! Read a whole book! I did have a few breaks for food 😝 normally on a hot day I’d be replenishing my alcoholic drinks most of the day. Passing out on a sun lounger at some point , not being able to concentrate on reading etc Today I had some AF sparkling rose from Aldi, iced oatmilk latte and water. I’m currently sat in my garden listening to my neighbours a few house away making fools of themselves. They are so drunk! It makes me realise I don’t ever want to be like that again.

Hope everyone is doing well and having a lovely weekend

FYI there is a bank holiday badge on Try Dry :)

Gorgeous roses @elusivehope i really should go and water my garden.

I’m feeling a bit bloated as have had too many AF beers and Ciders this weekend!

@FiloPasty bloated is better than drunk 😅 I look forward to my badge tomorrow

Happy Bank Holiday . What glorious weather! Especially after the washout of the early May Bank Holiday.

We've been tackling a few garden jobs, had Sunday lunch at MILs and DC are both studying for exams. DS with less enthusiasm than DD but this has always been thus.

I am a ball of anxiety around my DSs GCSEs but he seems to think they have been going ok. I do really need to learn to let go and accept things.

Big week here this week, DH has 2 big meetings regarding potential new jobs. One which will mean quite a bit of change (but is my preferred option even if I might have to find new employment too) while the other maintains the status quo a bit more. Much less disruptive for the DC.

Both carry a certain amount of risk.

I can't go into details but there are some really toxic relationships that we would be well clear of.

If it comes down to a choice, I worry that his sense of duty will keep him from making the bigger change.

In the meantime I feel like I am stuck in limbo.

I have had fleeting thoughts about drinking (one week to my 2 year sober birthday). They are interesting to observe - which in itself is weird.

My brain goes something like this,

Brain: "Wouldn't it be nice to just not care about all this shit? A large G&T/SauvyB would.sort that right out."

Me: "But it would solve anything, you just want to escape, and anyway you'd end up disappointed with yourself, not really being able to think through your problems, have a hangover, and they will all still be there tomorrow."

Brain: " But you could forget about them for just a little while"

Me: "Shut Up"

The strange thing is, I don't crave or want a drink, it's not an emotional feeling. Just this weird internal conversation.

Morning all.
Good to hear from you @EastCoastDamsel. You sound like you’ve got a lot going on.

That internal conversation sounds so familiar! My health issues take up a lot of mental space, and I do sometimes toy with the idea of escaping the noise by drinking, but I know that it wouldn’t help really. Even my therapist said recently “it’s a shame you can’t get wasted”!! (She knows I’m secure enough to take it as the joke it was).

I’ve been thinking a lot really about how we’ve been sold the lie of consequence-free drinking (I think Catherine Gray has a section on this). I’ve watched a couple of TV shows where the female leads drink large quantities of whisky - it’s a handy shortcut to show how hard-bitten they are. But they’re never drunk or hungover.

Fading effect bias being what it is, I find it very difficult to remember my hangovers (which were hideous), but all too easy to remember that instant relaxation from the first sip of wine.

Well done to everyone navigating Bank Holiday sober - you will thank yourself tomorrow

Morning all.
Ooh the rose is lovely. My mum had one like that over her back door. We used to snigger as kids as it had a saucy name!

Congratulations to all those milestones reached. I bought the fizz but didn't fancy it yesterday.
The dog has had his walk and we're going to try to do a few jobs. Hang a few pictures etc. I hate the heat.

I've been following the coke/booze/ safety thread and it's really sad. The young people involved think they'll never get hooked. It's just a bit of fun until it isn't. Not one person took any notice of the sats for SA whilst inebriated. It's 27% and climbing.
Perhaps we're lucky our DC are not into drink or drugs. Not a carton of juice remains full for long though. They drink it by the pint!

Enjoy the sun my friends.

Good morning shipmates from our little holiday cottage. Worth the nine-odd hours in traffic it took to get here.

@EastCoastDamsel that sounds like the dialogue that goes through my head often, almost word-for-word, along with its craven allies "you deserve it" and "you've EARNED it". B~st~rds. But there's one thing worse than giving in and waking with evil hangover and being a few more steps down the turd-strewn path towards cirrhosis and Wernicke-Korsakoff's, and that's waking with evil hangover and being a few more steps down the path towards cirrhosis and Wernicke-Korsakoff's in a heatwave. Hope your DH's job situation resolves in the best way possible for you all. One of my more sturdy and resolute colleagues (a beefy ranger) is in absolute bits at the moment because his first DD is doing her GCSEs. He nearly had a meltdown last week - until his spend-tracker on his phone pinged to inform him that she'd just spent £14 in Starbucks. That took the edge off for him, I think! But it is a mind-churning time. Sending all the best for that too. @Onewildandpreciouslife and @WendyWagon are right - there are always consequences; only in fiction can ladies surf unimpeded through life on a wave of cosmopolitans.

Those roses are exquisite @elusivehope - they are my favourite scent too @TickleMeElmo1 - if I could, I'd have an entire garden full of perfumed tea-roses. But I am no gardener. I can kill a plastic cactus from 50 paces. I do have SOME roses, and some honeysuckle - but they survive through their own determination and sheer bl~~dy-mindedness rather than any endeavours of mine or Sid's. Funnily enough, a quote about roses appeared in one of my friends' FB threads this morning - it said "We can complain because because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorns have roses" (Alphonse Karr - A Tour Round My Garden, 1856).

Well done on staying true. I'm managing well, despite occasional extreme provocation. Yesterday's b~ll~cking was for daring to say that gluten-free bran flakes don't taste exactly the same as normal ones. A screeching rebuke from one who proudly announces to anyone who'll listen (and a few who won't) that "since my accident [2019] and Covid [2021] I haven't been able to smell or taste anything AT ALL!". Happy days. 😀 There's a complimentary bottle of wine in the fridge. It's bl~~dy staying there. Strength and love to everyone who is struggling today, in the heat or otherwise.

And here is a little something from yesterday - for anyone who wishes to see Sid beside the sea side. 😉

Strength and courage. It is going to be OK. xx

Lovely Sid. I hope you have a great holiday, @REP22, and that you manage to refrain from justifiable homicide😉. Does Sid like the sea? My older grandpuppy hates water - won't set paw in a puddle and loathes a bath, but runs happily into the sea, and romps about in the waves like a mermaid.

My son, DIL and younger grandpuppy have just left after a BH weekend with us. We all went to a tapas bar on Saturday, and all but me (and the dog) were knocking back Sangria and similar. It was interesting to see how the conversation changed as the night wore on, and how the diners/imbibers at other tables got louder too. Neither of my children are regular drinkers, but both tend to binge when they do. Learnt behaviour, probably 😔.

Your house looks gorgeous, @elusivehope. I an imagine Miss Marple inside, knitting and solving crimes.

@elusivehopeI think that beautiful rose (I remember you saying it’s a David Austin) might be The Pilgrim. It is stunning. I love roses and a few years ago we used a part of our garden which was used by the previous owners as a dumping ground, to create a new rose garden. It is just about to come into bloom. I think we have 23 David Austin roses in it and dozens more in different parts of the garden 😍. Our garden is something that genuinely brings me so much joy, much more than alcohol ever did.

Thanks @ShyMaryEllen - I have almost committed justifiable homicide this very day. Screeched at for not going out in the heat. Went out in the heat. Drove for 20 minutes in tiny lanes. Screeched at. Sid unhappy in heat. Screeched at. Car park machine indecipherable. My fault. Paid for 4hrs parking. Dogs not allowed on beach. My fault. Sid miserable and tries to hide under parked car to get shade. Unacceptable. Screeched at. I suggest an ice cream. Unacceptable to have ice cream without DB (DB sensibly legged it on a walk before breakfast). B~gg~r that. We had ice-cream (and so did Sid). Back home after about 2 hours. Now helping to prepare a vast roast. Because a full roast we must have, on the hottest day of the year. It's a wonder I'm sane. Oh, no wait, hang on...🤪🤪

On the plus side, I have absolutely NO desire to crack into the wine. None whatsoever. This is thus a happy day for me and a true win. AND a lucky family got 3hrs free beachside parking with the ticket I passed on to them.🙂

This is as close to the sea as Sid has got thus far. He is indifferent at best. He DOES love a river, though. A pity - he'd make a cracking mermaid. Maybe that's how seals started - one of Sid's ancestors took a fancy to an alluring and seductive prawn by the silvery moonlight, and a new marine species was spawned...

Strength and courage. We smile on. xx

That looks like Cornwall @REP22? I hope the roast dinner was worth it.

I am also a big fan of roses. @elusivehopeill echo what others have said - yours is lovely.

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed being sober this weekend. I feel like I’ve done just the right amount of stuff and resting. I’ve started and finished a book too over the last 3 days. I haven’t finished a book so quickly in ages.

I’ve really enjoyed being in my garden and all the hard work I’ve put in (and £) has been really worth it.

Back to work and reality tomorrow sadly.

@REP22 what a great quote about roses- thanks for sharing. Loving the pics of Sid, what a sweetie. How was the roast? I couldn’t bear cooking anything today so just had picky bits and lots of unhealthy snacks ooops.

@TheMentalMentalLoad fab about finishing your book. I read another one today! So two novels this weekend. kindle unlimited crime novels- part of a series. I’m super happy to be back into reading again. I love to read and not having a fuzzy brain from drinking is a huge factor here

I was craving an alcoholic drink today, like really craving! Didn’t have one but I didn’t like the feeling. I actually tried the ‘play it forward’ technique and it worked. I think I was just feeling sorry for myself today. Ended up having two ice cream lollies instead and lots of cold drinks.

I’m just just putting together a 50 before 50 (fifty things I want to do before turning 50) when I was looking at suggestions online one said 100 AF days…. I’m not putting that down. I know in my heart I will still be sober - I have another 3 and a half years of my 40’s and I want to enjoy them, be healthy, be active and not ruin them with alcohol, shame and regrets!!