The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Spring 2026

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the ones I use, I Am Sober and TryDry. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.
Warmer weather is coming. Keep an eye out for that first daffodil waving in the breeze, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

Well done for resisting @WendyWagon and glad you've got an all female team now!

@eekwhatnow I'm sure what you do now will have a good impact no matter what happened earlier - I think it's possible for children to learn from our mistakes so perhaps seeing you make this positive change may actually have a stronger impact than the formative years.

@fairmaidofutopia congratulations, ten years!

@Adsy1988 what a generous employer to give you an extra 30 days A/L!

@WendyWagon the situation with the EA sounds utterly infuriating.

Today I met an old friend at the V&A and we went for a late lunch after. I hadn’t seen her in a couple of years and it was very easy to not have a glass of wine, whereas we’d have managed a bottle before. She asked in passing about my AF beer and me in passing about her AF cocktail, and that was that. We usually meet in a much larger group and in the evening, that would be more difficult. But pleased with the small wins.

Evening shipmates! congratulation @FiloPasty on 6 months! Amazing achievement.
And to @fairmaidofutopia 10 years is truly inspirational and it’s such a motivation to those like me who are starting to move to weeks and months but we’re counting days not too long ago!
@WendyWagon hope the female team does what many men don’t seem to have been able to despite flashy promises and smooth talking! With reference to your earlier post I think what you said to your friend was right. Ultimately we own our own choices and actions. I grew up in a very boozy household and drank a lot as a teenager as well as the various substances available in the 90s rave culture of which I was an enthusiastic participant. However in my 20s and 30s I was pretty much teetotal and it wasn’t until my 40s it all got tricky with the drinking. And my trigger was 100% related to work stress. It’s taken me about 6 years to realise that I can manage work so much better when I’m alcohol free. But I think it’s sinking in!!!!

Morning everyone
thanks @fairmaidofutopiafor popping on and providing inspiration. Amazing. I'm looking forward to not drinking being a habit. There are still so many connections to break but you're right it has got so much easier. I have a work conference coming up. It's a big industry awards thing as well which is normally very boozy and to be honest incredibly boring for it. I'm going to plan for a quick exit.

How are things @elusivehope? Hope you're doing alright.

I haven't started watching the Walsh sisters. They're not at all like I pictured in my head and I feel so connected to them from the books I am worried it would spoil it. Sad to hear it's a bit disappointing so far.

Just keep going. Every lunch when you don’t drink, every even bash you duck out of early, every ‘event’ that you navigate , every crisis when you don’t reach for wine (or whatever) it all builds your resilience . Over time these new responses rewire your neural pathways.
I was a very heavy ‘functional’ alcoholic but I lived with excruciating shame, anxiety, helplessness and fear. I woke in the night sweating and horrified that I could not remember parts of the night before. Everything was on a knife edge, it was awful.
Sonce I quit drinking my life is calm (that took time) I ended a very abusive relationship, got some decent therapy, (that was 4 years well spent- and it cost a lot less than the booze I was drinking ) did a year of AA and worked my steps. Personally I attended women’s groups as I found them less threatening and no risk of the rebound relationships between addicts I saw in the mixed groups. I’m financially stable, I sleep well, im content. My kids can rely on me , im always able to drive !!
it feels a bit cheaty to celebrate an anniversary of something that is just a way of life to me now, but it is not easy in the early days months and even years. It is bloody hard, but the rewards - most of all the lack of shame - are so worth it.
One day at a time, even one 5 minute stretch at a time. Plan, plan plan for every thing you have to do when you know you you previously have drunk; lunches, holidays , weddings etc always have a plan and always leave it it gets too much .
I'm with you - and you CAN do it xx

Morning all.

I have a day with just me and the DD at home.
Peace I hope.

Morning shipmates! Usual cuddles to Sid.

I had a bad night, sleep wise. I've been awake since about 4.00am, and had to get up at 8.30. I am going to have to get through today on around 4 hours sleep, and I have a lot on 😩.

My lovely MIL has gone into a care home, and we are visiting this afternoon. I can't say I'm looking forward to it, but it was her decision and she knows her own mind.

Wonderful words @fairmaidofutopia - inspiring, helpful and I am so glad that you have been successful in pulling yourself free. You deserve every moment of your celebration. 🎉🎉

Sorry to hear about your MIL @ShyMaryEllen - but I am glad that she was able to make the decision and hope she will be happy there. Sometimes, sadly, what a person needs outweighs what they would want in an ideal world. I am surrounded by quite a few people who have elderly relatives who should have been in nursing home care many years ago but have refused, aggressively so, and with actual violence in one case, with the result being relatives (usually female) utterly ground down and ragged. I admire your MIL for making the right choice. I hope the visit goes OK. x

Strength and courage as we head weekend-wards, shipmates. It will be alright. xx

Thanks, @REP22. The visit was ok. MIL does seem settled, and her room is nice - a good size, clean and has all she needs given her limited life now😢. She's been a lovely MIL, and I really want her to be happy. She was doing her own housework a year ago, but has deteriorated rapidly, and I think it was 'personal hygiene reasons' that forced her hand. Mentally, she's sharp as a tack. Unlike a lot of the residents in the TV room when we visited. Life is cruel sometimes.

Morning all.
I had a drinking dream last night! Most bizarre, haven’t had one in ages. I wonder why they pop up like that - I’m not aware of having felt particularly tempted recently.

@Onewildandpreciouslife bizarrely I did too, even more strangely I was drinking with my hubby & brother, both are actually T.total! In the dream once I was suitably inebriated I was surrounded by colleagues & customers & obviously made a fool of myself….woke up with ‘beer fear’ for about 30 seconds before I realised where I was & that it wasn’t real. I do have a real headache though! Day 75 🎉

Morning all.
Up to a dog trying to wake me.
I was out for the count after a bad evening with a painfull hip and numb leg.
Next week is the first treatment checkup so at least I'll find out if there's results (I had one day of mobility, so I doubt it!).

The DD is out later for a cinema marathon so the bff is coming to keep an eye on me. Not see her for two weeks.
We'll discuss at length the new cottage and where my swag will go. I'm quite excited as it my favourite village. The national agent is as keen as mustard for our house so they must need the stock.

I'm thinking of giving up social media my friends. I'm sure my rattlings bore some to tears.
I don't have much advice to give these days and I'm aware long time sober can come across as flippant. I gave up a few threads last year, LGBT and relationships. I didn't feel I had anything new to say. I opened one up this week and it was still toxic.
People on here are lovely and really helped me. I go out very rarely due to my illness and I have a teetotal household. I no longer have the same pressures.

@WendyWagon don't leave us. You have experience and can offer us newbies advice.
I'm sorry the estate agent has been like a wolf in sheep's clothing, well done for seeing through it. Hope the female team will actually work for you. Fingers crossed for some positive news next week at your treatment check up.

@TwoNicePuppies well done on day 75!

@ShyMaryEllen sorry to hear about your MIL it is a difficult decision.

@fairmaidofutopia 10 years that is so inspiring. Thank you for your words of encouragement.

Been a crap week. I've been off work (unpaid) with injured teen (possible ACL or meniscus). Hopefully hear from consultant on Monday and then can see where we go from there. Morale had been fluctuating but we are trying to stay positive. The pain is now being managed much better. I know we have so much to be grateful for but it has been difficult at times to not feel tearful and fed up at the situation. We want to know exactly what the damage is so we can plan properly for recovery.

A little positivity 9 weeks today.

Hope you all have happy sober weekends x

Please don't leave us @WendyWagon - you were captain of the ship when I first joined and you have been so, so helpful and supportive. There is a lot of toxicity and poisonous keyboard-warrior-types out there. I am on FB, but my friend groups, a couple of hobby pages and the local board only. I have an X account but don't use it these days and sites like Reddit can f~~k right off. The thing is, there are a core group of folks who will post either regularly or sporadically - and then there are countless others who will lurk but never post. To all of those people, including me, whether lurkers or posters, your words and insights are not boring rattlings and certainly not flippant - they are a lifeline. Support and hope, and lived experience of getting sober and staying true that many of us are unable to access IRL. Of course, no-one would blame you for pulling back for your own sake - sometimes we all need to - but I guarantee that you would be very much missed. 💐

I'm so sorry that things are grim for you @endlesswashing - Meniscus sounds incredibly painful. I hope that the consultant is able to offer some lasting resolution. I have been at a very low ebb in the past as well - crap job, insolvency and a most beloved dying dog. It can feel like life is repeatedly kicking you in the face while you are doing your utmost best to keep going. I can't really offer anything that doesn't sound trite or patronising - but all I can say is that it won't always be this sh~t. We fall and we rise and with your INCREDIBLE 9 weeks victory (🌟) you are rising and will rise higher still. I know it does not feel like that at all at the moment. You really are doing so well. Your teen is lucky to have you in their corner. Sending love. xx

Day 75 @TwoNicePuppies - absolutely brilliant 🌟 A mighty victory. I sometimes have drinking dreams. Usually chaos I've caused. Always a relief to wake up.

@ShyMaryEllen - I think it's often the "personal hygiene issues" that are the catalyst for residential care. It's cruel when our bodies fail us that way, especially when the mind remains intact. I had a very dear older friend, a sort of 'third grandad' to me. He passed away a few short years ago aged almost 102. In the last weeks of his life I was helping him to set up his new smartphone - in reality he needed little assistance, merrily downloading his apps and engaging with his veterans' website, his Scottish clan site and his steam train club without any input from me. For a man whose life began less than ten years after the Titanic sank, to be ending his days fully embracing the online tech world was a joy to behold. He was a very sociable chap and enjoyed the environment he was in in his final years. There were a lots of folks just "parked" in front of the telly, but there were others that he was able to really engage with and he appreciated that a lot. I hope your MIL is able to find some friends in her new home. 💐💐

The sun is shining here and Sid's belly is gurgling, so I will venture out soon.

Strength and courage. We are sober and we are mighty. It's going to be alright. x

@WendyWagon You are inspiring, the fact you are long term sober and share that you still have struggles as we all do, wherever we are on our sober journey. I do hope you will stay with us.

My virus is dragging on and on, feel really crappy, as if someone had been at my throat with sandpaper. We have a sunny Saturday for the first time in ages and I don't feel up to going out, which is frustrating as I've been braving cold, rain and wind for months to keep up my fresh air and exercise.😡

@REP22 thank you for your kind words. I have had plenty of tough times but most of them were numbed with booze. This is a bit of a new experience facing all the emotions and worry in their full glory. I've managed to sleep OK until last night when my head was a total spin. The most important thing is she comfortable as possible and that her case will be reviewed on Monday so one step (bad pun) closer.

@WendyWagon i appreciate your posts so much and the time you have under your belt booze free!
I know this thread is about staying AF and it’s great as new folks come and stay or sometimes bob in and out a few times before it sticks! BUT it’s mainly about living life!
This thread is here for our health worries and life pressures, for our demanding jobs and our complicated retirements. It’s for when our partners do something irritating, for when our children play up, grow up, move out.
It’s for good book recommendations and reviewing the latest tv series.
It’s for weekends away, DIY mishaps, new handbags, fashion faux pas and triumphs!
Yes it’s about the ups and downs of sobriety but to me it’s a peaceful and supportive space in a tiny little corner of the internet where I am truly myself! Shipmates I think we are a cracking bunch and I’m so glad I’m a part of this community of women.

Those are lovely words @Carpetburn ❤️ This is my best safe space too. The shipmates here are awesome. I honestly don't know where I'd be today were it not for this thread.

Oh, bless you @PhantomOfAllKnowledge - I'm sorry the virus is still haunting you. My lovely manager at work has also got a lingering, low-flying lurgy and it's deeply dispiriting. I really hope that you are on the mend very soon. There will be more sunny days to come for you to enjoy. xx

@Carpetburn you made me cry.
I haven't even got the sapphire bag out yet but it is the most beautiful of my Mulberry.

I think I'm feeling a bit at odds as I'm just too ill to work. I was supposed to start this month but I've fallen over twice and been unable to shower myself. It's shit my friends. I'm frightened if I'm honest because the quacks all say RA and I don't believe them.
I worked so hard not to drink and to lose this weight and Im a cripple with not a lot ahead of me.
I just don't know what to do and my friends think it is social media making me paranoid. It's been helpful I think. Some insights.

Only my own opinion but I think the place would miss you @WendyWagon, you’re a mainstay on here!

A very enjoyable Saturday spent here, went to a Farmer’s Market this morning (why do you need to pretend to be crazy rich at these types of events?!). I picked up some lovely sausages that I’ll do a Toad in the Hole with tomorrow, and some delicious looking cakes, they might not last until tomorrow…

Hope you’ve all had a good Saturday, shipmates!

Evening all!
Support as always to those who are struggling. We do indeed rise and fall @REP22and rise again. You only need to read back through these threads to see all of us on our good days, joyous days and crappy days. This too shall really pass.
@WendyWagonI echo my fellow shipmates for a hearty hazaar to your presence. I do know what you mean re social media though. I used to quite like a bit of chat on other threads here but I've realised over time that I have no truck with adding any other form of frustration or sadness in my life. There is the occasional one that makes me chuckle but they are few and far between.

i no longer have a Facebook account and I don't miss it at all.

Who was saying that they were going to watch the Manosphere? Now that was depressing viewing. What sad horrible boys some of them were. However, one day too they will need help with their own personal hygiene, and all the money in the world won't bring them the love and care they've failed to show others. So that's a heartening thought.

Oh gosh @WendyWagon, as others have said, please don't go! Unless you need to take a break in order to take care of yourself and focus on yourself of course. Your wise words have helped me so much over the past months. You are just very real, if that makes sense. I love reading your updates about what is going on in your life: the cottage hunt, the Mulberry bag and so on. You are warm and funny and extremely kind. I'm very sorry you're facing so many struggles on the health front. It just really, really sucks, if you'll pardon the Americanism. I hope the doctors can find a treatment for you that works.

@Lavrander thanks so much for checking in on me. I really lost the plot again this past week. I drank every day and felt like shite every day. My skin is awful, I look and feel bloated, I am constantly forgetting things and it scares me.

Yesterday was the last day of my teaching term so I'm trying again. I haven't had a drink today. I still have some work stuff to wrap up, but basically, I have very few responsibilities for the next month, so I'm going to make sobriety my number one priority. I know I've said this many times before... but I hope to god that this time I can make it stick.

Today I've felt surprisingly OK (usually when I stop after a series of drinking days, I have stomach pain and nausea). I just have a dull headache and feel massively tired. But I'm so looking forward to having free time to work on the house and garden.

@endlesswashing poor you and your poor DD! Thinking of you both. I hope the review on Monday goes well.

Social media is definitely a mixed blessing. I'm much more addicted to it than I want to be (and I don't use the word addiction lightly). However, unlike most of the other forms of social media I use, I see posting on and reading this thread as a form of self-care.

Wishing you all a restful night!

@WendyWagon i hope today is a better day and there’s sunshine ahead for us all i hope.
@Lavrander it was me who was posting about the manosphere. Was blooming awful. I don’t have sons but I do feel for young men growing up vulnerable to this sort of content. I can see how it would be easy for young chaps who are finding their way in the world to be seduced by that type of narrative. I thought a lot of them came across as damaged and deeply insecure individuals. I did feel sad about the young women who buy into the narrative. The message that young women who are on only fans are “low value” whilst the men profit off the content they claim to despise was interesting.

@elusivehope im glad you’re here. It’s taken me so many attempts to get more than a week of sobriety but it can be done and life is so much better when you get there. It won’t be long now till I have 4 months under my belt which felt impossible in November!
I know it’s Mother’s Day today which can be lovely but also difficult for many. I hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday whatever you’re doing.

Morning all.

Both DD and DH were out last night so I could watch channel 5 with no guilt!
My mum could lip read/BSL so I find it interesting. I was a monarchist. Not sure I am now!

I'm going to try for a waitrose trip. I've not been out. I need a posh tea.

To all mums. Happy mothers day.
I've had a card (gift not arrived) and a trilogy of books, The Housemaid. I watched the film on a USA link through the DD. Very empowering.

Thank you for all your kind words. We all have sh*t going on and I've got to fight another day in court in a few weeks. I've decided to have representation. I don't think this old Rumpole is well enough to be on her own. I've taken the cost out of the handbag budget!

Happy cake eating my friends. X

Happy mother's day to all who celebrate! And warm thoughts to everyone for whom mother's day might be difficult, as @carpetburn said.

Thanks for the encouraging words, Carpetburn. As I've said before, I feel like a fool coming back here and restarting again and again, but the alternative is to give up, and I'm too stubborn to do that.

My hangover today seems worse than it was yesterday, ugh. Persistent headache that tablets don't seem to touch. Hopefully I'll feel physically better tomorrow. I've had a good day though. I noted that DH and DS2 made an emergency run to Tesco last night (ha!) and I was presented with flowers and chocolate this morning, plus a very sweet handmade card from DS2. Then later in the day I got a text from DS1 with a weblink. If you know the word game Connections, there are sites where you can design your own Connections game, and he'd made a mum-themed one for me to solve. It was quite witty and hilarious, even if not entirely complimentary. One category for example was 'Economic Descriptors of Mum' and the four answers were: 'IN THE RED', INDULGENT (BON VIVANT?), PHILANTHROPIC, PROFLIGATE. 😀😳(I am not known for my frugal spending habits, cough cough.) Other categories included 'Feminist Trangressors' and 'Someone Who Cannot Be Muzzled or Perhaps Silenced'.

DS1 and I have had a pretty bumpy relationship in the past, so I'm more touched than I can say that he made this sweet funny game. Incidentally I'm rather addicted to the NY Times word games. I do wordle, connections and spelling bee every day (Spelling Bee is a great game but a huge time-waster, and frustrating for UK people in that it's hugely biased toward American English).

I'm very fortunate in that neither of my boys have anything but scorn for manosphere-type discourse (I do want to watch that documentary!). DS2 has just written a play script for GCSE drama that is a humorous critique of beauty standards and 'looksmaxxing' (?!). I have to say though that none of their mates are into alpha male / incel type stuff either. We are super lucky (IMO anyway) to live in a left-leaning neighbourhood. It's ridiculously bourgeois in many ways, but our elected councillors are Green, parents cycle their toddlers around on big Dutch bikes, and there are loads of dads doing the school run (as opposed to just mums). It's like a bubble of wokeness 😂

I suspect as you said Carpetburn that it's young people who are already insecure or damaged in some way who are most vulnerable to incel propaganda. I suspect that parental levels of education (and more generally, a community's indicators of deprivation) make a big difference here.

Anyway I'm being long-winded as usual. I do have an enormous amount to be grateful for, which makes my alcohol addiction all the more irrational, but my life as a child was a lot less idyllic than the life I have now, and addiction is never rational in the first place, is it.

Glad you're getting representation, @WendyWagon . Knock it to 'em!

Day 2 done 💪