Hello Shipmates,
Fantastic to hear about the milestones being shared. It's always so encouraging, be it one whole day or several years. It gives me such hope and encouragement.
Sid thanks you for your kind compliments @endlesswashing - you've made his day! ❤️
Glad you had a better night @WendyWagon - I know the paperwork is so tiresome, but how exciting to be so nearly there with DS's house. ❤️
I did try AA myself - they were lovely people and well-intentioned, but it wasn't for me. I have to agree with @HarvestMouseandGoldenCups that it can (particularly the blue book) seem very patriarchal. I think if it's approached in the right mindset, as @FaithHopeCarnage excellently puts it, it can be very helpful, and has been the saving of many. As for me, it was helpful in my journey towards needing to accept help, but it was at a stage in my life when my M was following me around, shadowing almost everything I did (and I was well into my 40s at this stage) - including to AA meetings (she's teetotal, always had been and VERY intolerant of others who struggle). Yes, she followed me to AA meetings.
Quite apart from that, my views were coloured by it in ways similar to those @WendyWagon describes - it put the thoughts in me along the lines of "well, I can't be THAT much of an alcoholic, because I'm nowhere near as bad as these poor s~ds". I'm sorry; that makes me sound callous and unkind. I know FULL well in my heart that I am no better whatsoever than the shambling fellows who regularly end up face down in the flowerbeds in the local park. In fact, they are probably more honest than I am, because they no longer take steps to hide what they are.
And also, like WW, I struggle with the concept of forgiveness in some areas. One in particular. Al-Anon (for families of alcoholics - a genuinely worthy organisation that provides untold support where it is needed) has as part of its mantra of the Three Cs "I didn't cause it". Of course that may be partly (or wholly) true in many cases. But simply not true for me. Mine is a cause in part and almost in full the reason for its sad perpetuation. I did SMART recovery myself instead, and found it immensely helpful, in many ways. Not least because I could not be followed into there - they had an access buzzer. Although that only worked for a while. Yes - I was followed even unto the SMART recovery providers. Although not for long...
But I'm safe here - and you are my tribe. I am proud to walk alongside you, each and every one of you. @ShyMaryEllen is absolutely right. We are Queens of Destiny (or Kings, if you are a reader of the "more involved pant-admin" type). Sid is a queen too, but of an entirely different sort. Sorry ladies. He has a wide cohort of interested canine lasses in the neighbourhood, especially Jade, Polly and little Olive, who wags furiously when he approaches and keenly raises a little supple back leg to display her charms. Sid generally takes a quick peep and then turns back to me with a look of alarm, bafflement and dismay, as if to say "she hasn't got one! Where is it?!" Poor Olive. 💔
I was so grateful to you yesterday @Onewildandpreciouslife, for posting that image. I had an absolutely exhausting day at work yesterday. Non-stop, stressful and didn't finish till late, then had to go to big shop because M demanded medications, then back to walk Sid and home with 3 minutes to go before Traitors started. When I was shambling along with Sid feeling very aggrieved indeed, your post flashed in my mind's eye and I felt instantly much better. "Shit day? Yep, Sober? Yep. You win." Dear god, I needed that. Thank you. ❤️
Heading into another weekend and feeling strangely calm about it. But I know that's not generally the case. I am sorry if you are struggling - I'm willing you all the resilience I can to help you through it with me. Do you know some of the bravest things I have seen committed to text? I will share some examples, the words take many forms but the sentiments are much the same:
- "Hi, just found this - please can I join? I think I might have..."
- "Hi, been lurking for a while, thought I'd jump on to say that I..."
- "Hope you don't mind, is it OK if I post on here? I..."
and
- "Sorry guys, day 1 again for me, had a massive slip last night and I hate myself, sorry, please don't hate me, but I..."
All of them posted on here (going right back to the original first thread by DryBird), by one of us, at some point, in one shape or another.
Do not underestimate or discount the amount of courage it took to do this. To not only face up to our most challenging persona - ourselves - and admit that we might have a bit of a problem - NOT ONLY to do this but to then take the plunge, post something and take that first step to ask for a bit of support - this is mighty. 💪🏻 It is hard. It is horrible. But by being here reading this, you, right now, you have shown that you ARE brave, you ARE strong. You can do it. You truly can. Even if it doesn't seem like it at the moment. We are warrior queens and the battle is for our sobriety and happy future. We shall not be defeated. I believe in you. Sid believes in you. It will be alright.
Blimey, that was a bit of a long one, wasn't it? Sorry about that and hope I haven't sent you into a spiral of boredom. I hope you have a lovely weekend. @FiloPasty Sid and I will also be off to the Turret tonight, and there's a bottle of raspberry Yoplait with my name on it. Also we have plans for Saturday - to assemble and use the Vax cleaner that you recommended back in October, and which has lain untouched in its box since we got it home. 😳 Oops!
Well, I already dangled the fact that Sid has a crown. I suppose I ought to deliver the goods to back this up. Although I'd only had Sid for a few months at the time this pic was taken - he was not as cynical and well-versed in the offices of donning outfits for others' amusement as he has resigned himself to these days. Delight in his happy, laughing, face. 🙂💐 x