Support thread for anyone trying to lead an Alcohol free life - Winter 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!
This thread is for anyone who is trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation or a break, there are a couple of really good threads on this board that will be a better fit. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

Morning everyone!

well, I did not do well yesterday. Started strong but then fell into the old habit and Had far too much wine in the evening and spent all of last night beating myself up about it.

BUT! I will not give up. Xmas Day as Day Two was probably a bit ambitious for me, but I am not going to let this take me down. Back to Day One so that next Christmas can be Year One done 💪

I have The Shame today, but have a day at home with DC so am going to focus on fun activities with them and remembering what’s important

Morning!!
New badge claimed :-). I raised a lovely AF mulled wine whilst I was having some cheese and biscuits. Very thankful to you all and Sid.

its probably my 9 sober Christmas, But its the first one in a few years.

DH has a port in the evening, and I had a Tripp in a balloon glass with blueberries and orange and lots of ice.

we were In bed by 10.

twas great.

Mornig all.
Happy boxing day.

Sorry i missed the toast. I had to rest my legs and my phone was downstairs.

Another tidy up today for tomorrow's party.

That's a great attitude to take. I would probably be in your shoes had there been anything to drink in the house last night, and I have been dry for 18 months, but I had a terrible craving yesterday evening.

I have been trying to analyse why I felt like that, as I'd thought my cravings were in the past. I used to be a weekend binge drinker, and my Friday night cravings were terrible when I stopped, but they don't happen any more. I think it may be about habit-forming. I have had the chance to form new Friday/Saturday habits over the months, but as Christmas only comes once a year, habit-forming is more difficult.

Hopefully, you will be able to form new habits now for daily life and they will embed quite quickly if you are strong and push through the initial cravings.

Another who missed yesterday’s toast as we were so busy but a late Merry Christmas to you all 🎄. This is my second sober Christmas and almost 15 months without alcohol (unless you count communion wine on Christmas Eve 😂). I was a bit tempted yesterday as the alcohol was flowing and we have a house full of booze but thankfully the moment passed.

Another busy day for us today as we have loads of the kids and partners landing so about 15. Just M&S style buffet food, sandwiches made from leftovers and cheese so an easy one to cater for. Hope everyone has a good day and thanks so much to you all ❤️

Morning Shipmates!
Massive well done to you @NotTonightDeidre for resisting the baileys. I was also gifted a bottle but I don’t like it so will be dropping it off to a pal who is happy to take it off my hands!
@Changling1 don’t be too hard on yourself. I started writing down how I felt after alcohol and have made a rule I have to read back if I get the urge. It seems to have helped so far. As others have said the TryDry app is good as it shows total AF days and it’s been nice to see that while I’ve got a decent AF streak so far I’ve actually had many more days on top AF than I would have in the past. It helps with that day 1 again despair I always felt before.

I had an early walk this morning which was great and am just about to enjoy a big fry up! Then I’m going to continue reading some of the books I downloaded last night and see what else the day brings! Have a good one all.

Morning Shipmates! Hope your Boxing Day is going well.

Hugs and solidarity to @Changling1, @PhantomOfAllKnowledge and all who went into it yesterday. Treat yourself with kindness. It will be alright. It's hard at the best of times, but well-nigh impossible on Christmas Day in a stable full of booze. You're still here, that's what counts. ❤️ Tomorrow will be better.

Off to see my DN play live later today. One of those treacherous places where drinks can be ordered with the tap of a phone on a table QR-code. But at £17.50 a pop? Rock off...

Here's Sid, sleeping off his action-packed Christmas on a new blanket. Strength and courage to you. All shall be well. xx

@Carpetburn i really wish I’d used that part of the Try Dry app where you journal and write about sleep, mood etc I think it would have been hugely helpful looking back. I’m sure at some point the gremlins will seep in and think I can moderate although I know I absolutely can’t. Normal drinkers in the house have left a quarter bottle of both cremant and a lovely red. Lush me can’t contemplate how they can just leave some in the bottle.
So I stay sober. About to go for a nice Boxing Day walk which is unheard of as I’m usually feeling crap and still eating chocs or pigs in blankets to soak up booze on the sofa.

Does anyone make New Year’s resolutions? For however many years one of mine has always been to cut down on the booze which never happened. Last 2 years I gave myself more manageable ones about decluttering and growing herbs ha but this year I really want to embrace walking and exercise a bit more now that I have the energy to do it.

Happy Boxing Day all and it’s a new day if that’s day 1 or day 101 let’s stay sober x

@Lavrander i ticked mine off too, now tempted to book an all inclusive holiday so I can tick that one off, anyone getting married? :)

@FiloPasty I've tried in the past with new year's resolutions but rarely succeed and then end up feeling bad. I concentrate on celebrating success rather than setting myself up for failure. 🙂

"In the year two thousand, twenty six,
Not one boozy drop will pass my lips..."

That's about as far as I've got so far! x

I’m one of those people who write to do lists with things I’ve already done on too, just so I can tick them off :)

I do think putting something simple and achievable on there is good for the soul when it comes to resolutions. I did well at eat more herbs!

Eat more herbs is good. Always, of course, provided we are not referring to "the Devil's Lettuce"... 😉🥬🤔 x

Well done to all those who’ve had a sober Christmas, I plan on this being my last drinking one, although a Baileys on 24th & only cider rather than wine & spirits on 25th is a win tbh!

Has anyone read the ‘autism & alcohol’ thread and did it resonate? I’m not diagnosed (have been booked for appointments by GP then I cancelled) but “alcohol makes autism autisn’t” really made me think!

I'm autistic (diagnosed) and yes, it does resonate. I first started drinking when I was a student as it was almost the only way I could have a conversation with people.

Now I'm in my 50s I don't feel the same need to meet new people, and I have, over the years, learned the art of 'small talk' if needed although put me in a group of more than three people and I usually end up sitting in silence. People at work have expressed surprise at how 'quiet' I am in social situations, because I project as quite confident and vocal in meetings - I find it much easier to express myself in a formal framework.

If you are seeking an assessment, your best bet might be to go private, as NHS waiting lists are years long. You will save a lot of money when you give up alcohol; this could be something worthwhile to put it towards.

Morning all.
Still got this horrid cold so feeling pretty rough- reminds me of the days that I used to waste to hangovers!

Morning all.

I have two curries to make for the party today.
Loads of people coming. Hopefully all calm.

Thank you for the reply @PhantomOfAllKnowledge I actually cancelled the assessments the GP booked for me for several reasons, but it boils down to I don’t want the label in case it impacts work or my hobby, I’ve paid privately for 2 siblings, 2 nephews & a niece to be diagnosed. I’d never linked it to alcohol before, but I definitely do feel that I can mask so much easier if I’ve had a drink, even just 1 unit so maybe its placebo? Like you I’m very confident in my comfort zone (work meetings, can speak in front of 100s, around my immediate family, training people at my hobby) but anything social, with ‘small talk’ I’m like a little mouse unless I’ve had a drink. This Jan is going to be very interesting as I’m not only starting my sober journey but a new job!

@PhantomOfAllKnowledge & @TwoNicePuppies I resonate a lot with your posts.
have my adhd assessment tomorrow after 6 years of waiting, the more I think about it though I definitely have some autistic traits. Looking at my elderly mum she 100% does. Will see what they say. I spent most of my youth full of drink & drugs not that you’d know it, but it was definitely a coping method. I always just loved clubbing, I’ve read though that dancing really helps regulate ND people. If I look back I only really made proper friends once I started drinking maybe it made me a bit more likeable/normal.
I initially wanted a diagnosis because I think my children need a diagnosis. That was a giant brain fart as my posts often are. I will see what the psychologist says,

It's not uncommon to have autistic and adhd traits side by side - 'AuDHD'. People's experience of receiving a formal diagnosis varies wildly - @TwoNicePuppies I actually wanted mine to help me with a couple of adjustments I needed at work, I felt more confident requesting them with a diagnosis to 'back me up'. I've been lucky that the line managers I have had have been supportive.

I don't miss the days of drinking in order to be able to talk to people. The blunt reality was that I didn't know when to stop and went past the stage of relaxation to the stage of being embarrassingly drunk, and the 'fear' the following day was absolutely horrendous, lying on the sofa with a hangover trying desperately to sleep to stop my brain replaying the previous night to me. No 'good time' is worth that.

I’m a massive oversharer and a total open book with no filter, I do have quite a wide circle of friends but reckon pretty much most of them are on the spectrum too :)

Afternoon folks. The thing about using alcohol in the way we did is I’m sure it’s to “help” us with whatever we feel is missing! So whether that’s to ease social interactions or help us feel less anxious, to cover up trauma,stress or because it’s just too hard to sit with life as it is we found alcohol as a way to help us cope.
I think recognising and understanding neurodiversity seems to be much more prevalent now which I hope will mean an easier journey for people!
Ive had a fairly productive day today- sorting out Xmas gifts etc and even managed the gym and a decent dog walk. Saw family earlier but stuck to the AF journey. Explained I wasnt drinking for health reasons and nobody questioned it which was a relief. I said I’d drive so DH could have a drink but he had half a beer. I’ve never been able to have half a beer in my life!

I was thinking of you all at 6pm on the 25th! I hope you're having a happy Christmas/holiday season/Winterval.

It's a tiring and stressful time of year. It's not easy to take breaks or 'go slow'!

It was good to enjoy the lunch without worrying about whether I'd had too many glasses of wine and whether I'd fall asleep, dribbling, on the sofa afterwards, with a grinding headache.

And I had more energy for the multiple mammoth clear-ups...!

I didn't find that the company was enhanced after several glasses of wine, and did hear the same stories several times 😂And they were so loud!

However - everyone seemed so tired and ground down after a tough year or few. These aren't great times. I understood.

I'm grateful for my strong foundations now and that I don't need to fear getting sucked into the terrible vortex any more - it's been a fear for most of my adult life.

There isn't a single big secret - but if there were one, it would be sobriety.

Im 2 years in and a family member gifted me a Hotel chocolat espresso martini set. I have no idea why. It wasnt even my actual present just a weird add on. This person knows im AF too. I can only assume they forgot. I can't believe it was intentional. Anyway I found myself thinking 'its only teeny just one drink. I might as well just have it' I really had to work to not drink it and its the first time I've come that close in a while. Not sure what to do with it now. Don't want to keep ut in case I give in. Should I just bin it? Give it back to them?

@Sexentric I would probably just bin it if it were me, or if you have a friend with a birthday in January maybe regift it, if it’s not causing you any problems with it being in the house until then.

Checking in day 160 for me. I was out with friends yesterday in the pub, had two Corona 0%, which was more than enough. I’ve got nine coming to me today, another annual party for that particular group of friends. This will be my first time hosting anyone sober. I’ve offered four people lifts to, and from, my house. I’ve been in their lives for long enough to not question why I’m not drinking, I’ve continued to run with the line of health benefits, which I suppose it is.

I have a day with my hobby group tomorrow, again normally a booze filled day (indoor lawn bowls), but I will be sticking to the 0% drinks, and probably take my car to offer lifts.

Being so new to sobriety I was dreading this part of the year as it is always so busy, but I honestly haven’t wished to be able to be drinking alongside everyone else. I just play it forward, how would I feel tomorrow if I had a drink?

A friend who I chat to occasionally (we’ve been friends for 25 years but haven’t seen each other in a few years, but still like to drop each other a message now and then), was messaging last night. She’s always enjoyed a drink but admitted to me last night that she is concerned about the levels at which she is drinking. I explained that I had quit five months ago and explained the benefits it had made to my life, and that if they ever wanted to talk to me that I would be more than happy to go for a coffee and listen. It came as quite the surprise as whilst she has always enjoyed a drink, I just presumed it was in moderation as her life is perfect to anyone looking in.

Hope you all have a great sober Sunday!

Morning all.
Up but planning nowt.
We had 14 to the curry party.
I cocked up my lamb by not having certain ingredients. My nephew won the challenge.
I saw my late brother's girls which i havent since he died. I'm going to help them with their legal case.

No one asked for an alcoholic drink . They didnt even want the 4% wine! However they did hoover up the mocktail cans from marks (i hid the af G and T ) . More for the cupboard.

Ive no more formal entertaining now. I might pop out with the bff next week for some lunch, we'll see how it goes.

On the subject of ADHD and ASD we have many with neuro diversity in the family. Four of the party yesterday have this diagnosis. I've always felt an odd fish but my DD who is a trainee psychologist says i dont have any traits. I'm blunt and a high achiever but I'm also a big softee. I certainly used alchol as a form of kosh otherwise I didnt use to sleep. My brain wouldn't let me. I now use milk. Less calories!