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Support thread for anyone trying to lead an Alcohol free life - Winter 25

985 replies

Lavrander · 20/11/2025 06:58

Hello and welcome!
This thread is for anyone who is trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation or a break, there are a couple of really good threads on this board that will be a better fit. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

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postcard · 28/12/2025 11:56

@Sexentric I’d regift it or make just the chocolate bit, without the Martini.

We’re having a quiet Sunday here. Or as quiet as it gets with all DCs at home. They’ve managed to keep the peace so far, it’s been a while since we were all together. One is leaving later, another one in a few days for a NYE party etc. All is good.

Christmas day was surprisingly easy without alcohol. The host didn’t have AF options and I didn’t bring any, but I was fine on “posh lemonade” (one of those Belvoir things).

My NY resolution is to get back into exercise and sleep more. The house needs a lot of expensive repairs (roof) so spending less will be important too.

Have a nice Sunday!

taylorean · 28/12/2025 13:59

@Sexentric another vote for either regifting, donating to a tombola, or disassembling the gift and using the parts you can for a treat you would like yourself. You can put it to good use!

I do understand, though, because I was a little sorry that I had forgotten to stock up on AF beer - and found that everyone else had forgotten too. It's horrible to feel invisible.

@WendyWagon your DD isn't a neutral judge - and she may see your productive traits (hyperfocus, business creativity, systems thinking etc) as down to you being a gifted individual. Which of course you are, regardless of whether you have ND traits or not.

People don't always benefit from a formal diagnosis, particularly if a diagnosis would not protect us at work (or we're already retired, or self-employed). Or if the cost/waiting list is prohibitive, or if we already know that we could not manage ADHD meds. We can do a lot ourselves to set up the right environments for our needs, without a consultant's holy writ.

Looking back, though, I wish that the lovely counsellor I had in my early 20s had put some of the jigsaw pieces together. High-functioning, but too many blowouts and burnouts 😄

REP22 · 28/12/2025 16:51

Hello Shipmates, Sid and I are safely back home. No overt animosity this year. Bit of passive-aggressive from one quarter, but that I can deal with.

@Sexentric - sorry you've received a problematic gift. I wouldn't bin it, but I do echo the others who suggest regifting (to someone not in the orbit of the original gifter) or offering it as a tombola/raffle prize. Our local scout groups and schools are always after raffle prizes for their fundraisers - they'd welcome your kit with sincere gratitude. Just don't buy a ticket - my M did that once at a local church thing - she "won" back the cake she'd donated. That was a looong evening.

A decent-looking programme on BBC2 tonight about the Titanic. A real interest of mine since they discovered the wreck in 1985. Bit knackered after all the driving today though, so Sid and I might have to iPlayer it tomorrow before the rest of the episodes.

Strength and courage my brave shipmates. We're doing the best that we can and that's brilliant. It will be alright. x

PhantomOfAllKnowledge · 28/12/2025 17:06

Hello all! Had a nice lunch and coffee in Wetherspoons yesterday. It's amazing how cheap it is to stay there for a couple of hours drinking coffee @ £1.20 for as much as you want! I actually go there more now than when I was drinking alcohol, as drinking alcohol always made me want to smoke so I'd be on edge trotting in and out to have cigarettes, whereas I don't get that craving drinking coffee or soft drinks so I can relax for a couple of hours.

I found an amazing charity shop bargain - a Karen Millen coat for £6.50, so all in all a very good day.

Went to the garden centre today as they were advertising 50% reductions, but it turned out this only applied to their Christmas stock, my husband did get himself a discounted calendar though.

We are thinking of braving an Outlet Village tomorrow, wish us luck!😄

postcard · 28/12/2025 18:06

@REP22 thanks for the tip about the Titanic. I went to the museum in Belfast. It’s in an amazing building but the exhibition itself wasn’t amazing. There are a few episodes on The Rest is History podcast, those are very good.

Lavrander · 28/12/2025 19:08

Hi Shipmates
Rather tricky at times this AF lark isn't it? I'm finding just odd moments when it hits now - like just now getting myself some AF mulled wine and just having an odd craving for something much stronger. Whereas all yesterday at a party I was fine. The hosts bought lots of lucky saint. Even some of the usual boozy guests moved on to it as they'd had so many boozy days they'd had enough - on the same merry go- round that I was. So glad I've got off it.

What a bargain coat @PhantomOfAllKnowledge- at my local charity shop they'd never have sold that for £6.50! I'd like to stop buying as much 'new' as possible as a resolution. The other thing I'd like to do is declutter for 15 minutes a day throughout Jan.

I'm back at work tomorrow. Feeling a bit anxious about it but all will be well. Should be an easy few days.

Funny how people always seem okay from the outside looking in @Adsy1988. Hope she realises the benefits.

IWNDWYT

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WendyWagon · 28/12/2025 19:17

@taylorean thank you for that insight. I definitely do odd things and I have to please / deliver.
I was looking forward to the celebrity escape but they pulled it.
I had my meal lunch time. I titivated yesterday's curry as i got quite flustered. My older brother does that to me. He arrives first and asks too many questions. I fancied running upstairs. I stayed the course and they left after five hours.

PhantomOfAllKnowledge · 28/12/2025 19:23

Rather tricky at times this AF lark isn't it?

I'm definitely finding this Christmas harder than last year - I think last year I had only been a few months dry and I was still in the 'yaay, no hangover' novelty stage. The upcoming New Year is a worry for me, although in the past I've had some horrendous NYEs entirely due to alcohol - drunken rows with my husband or becoming morbid about the past and crying myself to sleep - I'm hoping those bad memories will help keep me strong this year.

Carpetburn · 28/12/2025 19:26

Back to work tomorrow too for me. Even though work is my biggest trigger for drinking I actually find the routine of it easier in some ways. Plus we are heading to dry January territory soon which makes not drinking so much easier to explain than Christmas.
I did have a bit of a struggle earlier when DH expressed surprise that I didn’t want to go out NYE. He still wants to meet people and socialise and told me he would never want to drink at home by himself. Although if we were with friends he would drink even if I didn’t. So if we stay in we will both be AF. But it made me think that when I was drinking it was ALL about doing it by myself. And even if I was socialising I’d have topped up before, during and after.

Cartooner · 28/12/2025 23:03

I hope you all had a great Christmas. I'd say ADHD for definite underlies lots of over drinking anyway and naturally autism is likely to be similar, although maybe without the biological side of it, if that makes sense.

I'm now sliding through month one post the first year off. I had no plans to do a year and now that I'm in year two feel why stop.... But somehow the pasy few days have felt hard... the lack of having had any 'major' issue with alcohol has my mind popping up saying sure you've done the year etc. It was something I started out as taking a break as the habit was creeping and I didn't like the headache after two glasses and so on..
a 100% rule just cuts out the moderating noise. I'm so full on happy with this decision....and yet..... the thoughts ramped up this week.

Hope you're all able to wave them away and think of the gains!!! The gains!!

ThistimeImdone · 29/12/2025 05:32

Hi @Cartooner - I did this, did a year AF then started thinking about moderating - so tried it and here I am! I realised I've spent twenty years trying to moderate, twenty years thinking about the next drink, counting and wanting more - I don't want that anymore. That noise. That wanting. For me, it's not worth that one glass of wine. Hope that helps x

Lavrander · 29/12/2025 07:21

What do you have planned for NY @PhantomOfAllKnowledge? I'm not going anywhere this year which is actually more dangerous as I used to drink more with my husband than anyone else but we talked yesterday about just renting a film - need to find a good one. It's going to feel hard again. I thought I'd got through the worst of it too!
But, what I do know is hangovers are the worst, being tipsy/ drunk doesn't feel good, and I can't think of anything good that comes with alcohol that can't be replaced with the same feeling as an AF alternative so I'm sticking with it. Also, got myself a mission badge to collect!

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Onewildandpreciouslife · 29/12/2025 07:50

Morning all.
This time of year is so hard, it’s just one darn trigger after another! Last night I got a stab of jealousy when I saw DH watching television in bed with a glass of wine. On the other hand, he needs sleeping tablets to get a good nights sleep,

The way I look at it - we’ve got 3 more days to last, then half the world is going to be doing Dry January. We’re on the home straight really!

PhantomOfAllKnowledge · 29/12/2025 08:37

Lavrander · 29/12/2025 07:21

What do you have planned for NY @PhantomOfAllKnowledge? I'm not going anywhere this year which is actually more dangerous as I used to drink more with my husband than anyone else but we talked yesterday about just renting a film - need to find a good one. It's going to feel hard again. I thought I'd got through the worst of it too!
But, what I do know is hangovers are the worst, being tipsy/ drunk doesn't feel good, and I can't think of anything good that comes with alcohol that can't be replaced with the same feeling as an AF alternative so I'm sticking with it. Also, got myself a mission badge to collect!

This will sound boring but my husband and I have lined up a board games night at home 😁

It's a long time since I have been out on NYE. I decided about 30 years ago it wasn't worth the hassle of paying over the odds to be out in the freezing cold, with all the 'joy' of trying to find a taxi at 2am. I did try a local pub once with a work friend - and I caught a really bad cold because everyone got very touchy-feely at midnight and it was impossible to escape those who were coughing and sniffing - that must have been over 10 years ago now, and was the last time I went out.

So we will be getting out the Scrabble and the Trivial Pursuit, watching Big Ben on the telly, and heading to bed once the fireworks finish.

WendyWagon · 29/12/2025 08:48

Morning all.
I've got a bad shoulder. It never ends.

I did two years straight af and didnt fall off the wagon once. I'm now coming up to four years and its still hard work for me (much harder than keeping the weight off). I dont get binges or big booze incidents (bar May 2024) but i really miss celebration drinks. I hate NYE so I swerve that one. I just put myself to bed, much safer.

I dont have the answer my fellow shipmates but I do know I'd be dead or divorced by now if I'd carried on drinking everyday. I even admit to struggling in my job although I only drank in the evenings. I spent most days with a hangover.
I'd never go back and I'm always happiest when there are no 'gift bottles' in the house.
I'm looking forward to 2026. Its going to be a better year. Wishihg you all love and luck.

Crazeechick · 29/12/2025 09:09

Morning all - instead of feeling healthier I've gone down with a horrid cold! Not had one for a long time, but I suspect my susceptibility is due to.all the sweet junk I've been eating to compensate. At least I don't feel like drinking whilst I'm so bunged up 🤞 Have a good day all!

TwoNicePuppies · 29/12/2025 09:09

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1mbe4F3YBqw
50 years ago today Sir Anthony Hopkins took his last drink, this is the day I stop. 30th Dec will be my official day one as I was up until way after midnight at a family party. Finished the Allen Carr book and consciously took my ‘final drink’ on 29/12/25, I’m not waiting until 1st Jan as planned, why poison myself for 2 extra days? Wish me luck shipmates.

- YouTube

Enjoy the videos and music that you love, upload original content and share it all with friends, family and the world on YouTube.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1mbe4F3YBqw

PhantomOfAllKnowledge · 29/12/2025 09:17

TwoNicePuppies · 29/12/2025 09:09

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1mbe4F3YBqw
50 years ago today Sir Anthony Hopkins took his last drink, this is the day I stop. 30th Dec will be my official day one as I was up until way after midnight at a family party. Finished the Allen Carr book and consciously took my ‘final drink’ on 29/12/25, I’m not waiting until 1st Jan as planned, why poison myself for 2 extra days? Wish me luck shipmates.

Good luck! A great day to start in my opinion. You can look forward to starting the year without a hangover (and feel deservedly smug on the morning of 1 Jan).

FiloPasty · 29/12/2025 14:16

I’m feeling a bit deflated not sure why, we still have houseguests and I’m not on top of house stuff. I can’t really be arsed with NYE.

I don’t want to drink though so that’s good.
@TwoNicePuppies it truely is poison, you will feel so much better on the 1st.

REP22 · 29/12/2025 14:50

Afternoon Shipmates, Sid and I have had a lazy morning, getting back into routines and resetting appliances (power cut while we were away, ho ho ho).

I tend to stay off AF options when out and about - like @Lavrander says - I find they trigger in me a longing for the real stuff. My problem also was that I did not drink because I liked the taste - it was to numb reality. I am quite partial to an AF Peroni now and again, but that's it really. I stick to soft drinks generally.

New Years Eve will generally find me and Sid tucked up before the midnight hour. I do like to go out in the street (not in PJs though) and see if any fireworks are going off and say happy new year to my neighbours. I used to go to my local pub every year and see it in in the town square. Probably would be a bit expensive these days, and the new landlords aren't great.

The most memorable one was some years ago now. It was in the pub function room and was a party combined with a wedding reception for some people I was in the church choir (yes, really) with. It was back in the day when my DB and I lived at home with our parents. My DB was only recently 18. I was set on not really drinking as the bride had been an utter, utter b~tch to me and others, including splitting me and my boyfriend of the time up (and then pretending to console me about it, grrr), and I didn't trust myself not to say what I thought when tipsy. And petty, younger me didn't want to drink at the free bar they'd provided.

My DB, however, had no such qualms. He engaged in a drinking competition with his friends, also in the church choir, and the fallout was rapid and epic. Just before midnight I finally managed to haul him out (with the aid of the church organist). We stayed for the chimes, only to witness another boozy herbert try to climb up the town square Christmas tree, getting two-thirds of the way up, before falling backwards out of the tree and landing on the infant school's nativity crib scene, crushing it and being impaled on a donkey. Ambulances were called. I half-marched/dragged my reeling DB the mile's walk home during which he (a) threw up; (b) suggested that we smash the chippie's shop window ("to steal their beautiful chips") and (c) begged me to conceal his drunkenness from our parents (both staunch church-goers and missionary-workers).

I quietly got him settled in the recovery position on the downstairs sofa, placed an Alka-Seltzer on the table and a bowl by his head and crept to bed, grateful that peace had finally descended undetected. Only to hear him, about 20 minutes later, kick open my parents' bedroom door and loudly bellow "GUESS what I've been doing?!!" No fewer than six letters of apology had to be written (by him, in extreme mortification) to various members of the church community (including clergy) for what he'd (unknown to me) said to people during the party. A rare occasion where I was not the drunken miscreant; but nonetheless terrible to behold.

There's a lesson there, kids. 🙄🤔

Thank you for the info about the Titanic Museum in Belfast @postcard - I'm sorry it was a disappointment. There's a company offering a "fully interactive VR Titanic experience" in London at the moment. There were posters all over the tube for it when I went to the V&A a few weeks ago. I was sorely tempted but upon visiting the company's OWN website it looks woefully poor, bordering on offensive. I will definitely check out the history podcast though. Below is a part of my own little collection - a memorial postcard from 1912 that was sold at the time to raise money for the survivor relief funds. A distant relative of Sid's was aboard the Titanic. He, like many of the unfortunate humans aboard, survived the sinking but perished in the icy waters after she'd finally gone under.

Strength and courage shipmates. We have lives worth living, and living free. We're going to make it, you and I. It will be alright. xx

Support thread for anyone trying to lead an Alcohol free life - Winter 25
HorrorFan81 · 29/12/2025 15:19

Morning all! Sounds like we are all getting well prepped for NYE. We always spend it with another couple and our kids, we are hosting this year. For the last 3 years I don't actually remember midnight so I am excited to actually have memories of the whole evening! Have plenty of AF options lined up included 0% Kylie (white and rose), AF beers and some mother root.

I've been struggling a bit recently with how much danger I put myself in with the volume I was drinking. I've calculated that in the 12 months before I gave up, I was regularly putting away up to 30 units in one drinking session. I was probably doing this once a week. (Plus another night or two where i wouThat amount of alcohol could have killed me and the fact it didnt speaks to the tolerance I must have built up. I would regularly blackout. Occasionally vomit. But I can't stop thinking about how I could have died from alcohol poisoning and the kids would have lost their mum, because I couldn't stop drinking after I started. I know its pointless worrying about it now and I know I will never, ever drink again so I will never again put myself in that position but fucking hell what an idiot

HorrorFan81 · 29/12/2025 15:48

Realised I half finished a sentence in the 2nd paragraph-
(Plus another night or two where I would drink 10-20 units)

Lavrander · 29/12/2025 16:29

It's worrying @HorrorFan81but it just shows what a terrible drug alcohol really is. Let the guilt serve as a warning for you not to start up again but that's all it should serve. You've made a brilliant choice now for yourself and your family and you make that brilliant choice every day you stay sober. No point thinking back to the bad ones.
That being said I feel like my synapses have fired up a lot lately - awkward cringey memories that are perhaps a result of being surrounded by drunk people. I have a couple of funny stories that I still share with people but many others are the little moments that stay with me.

I watched the start of that titanic programme. It wasn't for me. I think I prefer my history programmes a bit more traditional. Didn't like the glossy actors reading out the statements - made it seem less real than more real.

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HorrorFan81 · 29/12/2025 17:10

Thanks @Lavrander. I am with you on the cringey moments, they hit me at times and I just want to hide. But I make sure I sit in that discomfort for a while to remind myself never to romanticise my drinking history- for every fun start to the evening of laughing with friends, there is usually a painful end where I would slur or fall over or be put to bed by my DH. I am actually amazed he put up with my behaviour for so long

Carpetburn · 29/12/2025 18:44

Evening shipmates! Managed the gym again before work and due to most people being off so no meetings I was ridiculously productive and got loads done. My smugness levels were off the charts today! But I’ll be back down to earth with a bump next week when everything goes back to the usual chaos and back to back meetings.
Im planning a nice dinner and movie night on NYE. Im certain that my level of smug insufferability will triple when I wake up on New Year’s Day sober! So I might just keep it to myself.
But after a long time of despising the person I became I think I’m due a bit of smug! It’s also made me realise just how much more chill I am without alcohol. I just feel like I can cope better. And it’s not that the urge isn’t there-it pops up but it’s just sticking better this time.
@Lavrander i get what you say about the synapses firing up a few unwelcome memories. I had one about a party I went to 2 years ago that just popped into my brain and I felt mortified. Hadn’t thought about it at all for a long time. But it did make me think -well I won’t be doing that again. Day 36 done.