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Alcohol support

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Original poster

TW: found my alcoholic brother passed away today. If you are struggling with alcohol please heed my warning

251 replies

twiddlingthumbs69 · 01/10/2025 21:38

It’s not any easy conversation to have and I won’t post here unless someone specifically asks me what happened.

BUT, if you are struggling with alcohol and want to, quite frankly, be shocked into what happened and need that to give you the impetus to try and stop, please ask me

i have the upmost sympathy for anyone struggling with any addiction and am fully aware that it’s only yourself that can truly help you.

OP posts:
caringcarer · 01/10/2025 21:42

What a terrible shock for you. Even if you saw it coming it's still hard to deal with when it happens. One of my best male friends died this way over 20 years ago and he had 2 young DC. I know his wife begged him to stop and get help but he didn't/couldn't/wouldn't. I know she struggled to bring up her DC alone whilst still in shock and grieving. Give yourself time to grieve OP.

mindutopia · 01/10/2025 21:44

I’m so sorry for the loss of your brother. I feel grateful every day that life offered me a choice of two paths to take and I was able to choose sobriety. 2.5 years sober now. It’s a cruel and terrible way to go. I’m sorry your brother wasn’t able to make it out and I’m sorry for what you and your family have and are going through.

Original poster
twiddlingthumbs69 · 01/10/2025 21:44

It’s such an awful ending. Can’t help thinking what a tragic waste. For someone that doesn’t have addiction is hard to understand and I know some ppl just can’t stop no matter what. So traumatic for the families

OP posts:
Original poster
twiddlingthumbs69 · 01/10/2025 21:47

@mindutopiathats fantastic news. Well done you!!! It’s not easy. You’ve actually buoyed me up hearing that you’ve kicked it. One day at a time etc but hoorah!🥳

OP posts:
SpiceGhoul · 01/10/2025 21:52

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. I lost my dad to alcohol, we didn't have a relationship really as he chose alcohol over everything else. He died alone and lay for days with his lovely dog before anyone found him.
I myself have been guilty of using alcohol as a crutch in the past and can totally understand how it can spiral out of control.
I hope you've got lots of support around you ❤️

Original poster
twiddlingthumbs69 · 01/10/2025 21:55

@SpiceGhoul oh im so sorry to hear that. Sounds as if he was found how my brother was, no one should have to witness that.
Ive got support thank you, enables me to support Mum

OP posts:
KimHwn · 01/10/2025 21:58

I'm so so sorry OP. That must have been so traumatic and painful. Giving you a huge hug x

dinglethedragon · 01/10/2025 22:00

It's shit isn't it? I found out recently that an in-law, lovely lovely guy, is drinking himself to death. four bottles of wine a day. His liver functions are right on the edge but he seems unable to stop for more than a couple of months.

Dappy777 · 01/10/2025 22:06

I am very sorry OP. I have nothing but sympathy for alcoholics. Their life is painful and sad, and anyone who thinks they’re enjoying themselves is a fool. Professor David Nutt, an expert on drugs, said that if alcohol were invented tomorrow not only would it be illegal it would be classed alongside heroin and crack cocaine.

LuceeeeeLoobieeel · 01/10/2025 22:09

I am sorry OP. I stopped drinking nearly 4 years ago because I have seen too much alcoholism.

Parentsinlaw · 01/10/2025 22:13

im so sorry to hear your news. But thankyou for being generous enough to offer support to others even during this awful time. You are a hero.

Woundupatwork · 01/10/2025 22:13

Sorry for your loss @twiddlingthumbs69
I lost my dad when I was 15. He was an alcoholic and the Drs said that would have contributed to his stroke.
remember saying I would stop visiting him unless he stopped drinking when I was a young teen, but he couldn’t (I realised quickly) and I couldn’t stop visiting him.

SpiceGhoul · 01/10/2025 22:13

@twiddlingthumbs69 I'm thankful it wasn't me that found him, but I have heard the gruesome details. So I can imagine the scene and how awful you are feeling. His poor dog was so traumatised she had to be put down.

I know you say you must support your mum, which is lovely but please don't underplay how traumatic this has been for yourself being the one who found him. I know my aunt who found my dad focused on supporting others and not processing her own trauma and it ultimately made her very, very unwell and she needed a lot of therapy in the following years.

Wishing you all the best and hope you have some fond memories you can cherish of your brother x

StewkeyBlue · 01/10/2025 22:15

I am so sorry OP, and send love and strength to you and your Mum.

Dollymylove · 01/10/2025 22:24

Sorry to hear this. My sister has long term alcohol issues and I fear she will go the same way. I have tried to help her but addiction is an illness that needs professional help.
I do what I can but I cant cure her illness x

TherapyMe · 01/10/2025 22:25

I’m so sorry for your loss OP. I lost my father through alcohol, he had a fatal accident while very drunk.
He had descended into alcoholism when I was very young. Thank you for reaching out to others even through what is a very difficult time for you.

RainbowLife · 01/10/2025 22:34

Thank you fir this thread@twiddlingthumbs69. My heart goes out to you.

When my husband relapsed into catastrophic drinking I knew he was risking a serious or even fatal medical event that would be traumatic for our son to witness. This thread makes me feel I was right to keep my son as safe as I could from this by initially preventing all contact and then facilitating short family outings with me there.

H skated over thin ice and survived this time but has done himself tremendous further damage. He is now in supported recovery housing several hundred miles away.

I have found Alanon Family Groups very helpful.

onlymethen · 01/10/2025 22:35

i struggle with alcohol and am at this moment trying to reduce, your words spur me on.

TheSpottedZebra · 01/10/2025 22:38

I'm so sorry to read this. Sorry for your loss.
My sister died from alcohol 14 months ago today. I'd no idea her drinking was anywhere near that bad - she hid it so well.
She didn't die straight away. She was in its and we had to switch her off as there was no hope. Absolutely the worst thing I've ever had to do.

Please do take care of yourself. X

Original poster
twiddlingthumbs69 · 01/10/2025 22:39

Such sad sad stories. You can talk to them, shout at them and cry with them all you like but I think it’s a case of them thinking, it won’t happen to me. We’re all guilty of that, one way or another.
its still so raw at the moment, there’s a lot to do and also to clean up. We’re getting biohazard ppl in to deal with the worst of it but his final moments must have been horrendous. (Although, maybe more so for me as the brain tries to fill in the gaps of what happened, I suspect he knew nothing about it)
but GOD, the mess!!!
thank you all for your very kind thoughts.
to those of you who lost a parent or felt that they chose alcohol over you, they didn’t! They just weren’t strong enough. 😢

OP posts:
NautilusLionfish · 01/10/2025 22:42

What a shock. Am so sorry you are going through this. My brother is an alcoholic since his teens. He lives in a country with hardly any medical care or rehab. He doesn't want to go to rehab anyway. Every day these last few years I have expected the call any day. It sounds like his liver is gone. We know his pancreas is affected. His stomach is gone. His heart it failing. He is so young. He was so so handsome but is so bloated now, in and out of hospital. What a waste. Am so helpless and hopeless about it.
Am so sorry this has happened to you @twiddlingthumbs69

Harriet9955 · 01/10/2025 22:44

I'm sorry to read this op. I have two colleagues who have both lost siblings to alcoholism in recent years.

Original poster
twiddlingthumbs69 · 01/10/2025 22:46

@onlymethenyoure doing so well in reducing it all helps. It’s a tough road and I have so much admiration for you. You are obvs a strong person simply by acknowledging the addiction. I wish you all the luck in the world. Xx

OP posts:
rachelbloomed · 01/10/2025 22:46

I’ve been struggling for 24 years and it’s hard. I don’t feel like an alcoholic because I can go days without drinking but I’m a binge drinker and I can’t stop until I pass out.
I tell myself every time that was the last but it only takes someone to say drink and I’m grabbing a glass. I think I need a good shake and a wake up.

SpiceGhoul · 01/10/2025 22:48

@twiddlingthumbs69 if it's any comfort at all we were told despite the mess my dad almost certainly passed peacefully in his sleep. The mess was due to gases after he passed. Whether that was to try and make us feel better I don't know but I know that he was laid on his sofa so sounds plausible. I try not to give it too much thought.