TW: found my alcoholic brother passed away today. If you are struggling with alcohol please heed my warning

[twiddlingthumbs69]

It’s not any easy conversation to have and I won’t post here unless someone specifically asks me what happened.

BUT, if you are struggling with alcohol and want to, quite frankly, be shocked into what happened and need that to give you the impetus to try and stop, please ask me

i have the upmost sympathy for anyone struggling with any addiction and am fully aware that it’s only yourself that can truly help you.

How long had he been drinking for, @twiddlingthumbs69

Someone upthread said they were trying to cut back but finding it hard. Cutting back doesn't really work; the best thing is to stop completely, if that's at all possible.

Top tip: I've found sparkling elderflower a good alternative to wine.

And I'm pretty much addicted to tea of all types. Always got a mug glued to my hand. It acts as a crutch in some ways, except it's a harmless one.

Op are you able to access some professional counselling? It must have been very traumatic. I am
so sorry 💐

All very sobering to read. Pun intended
I drank way too much and daily for a good few years, gave it up very easily but find myself in that binge drinking cycle a couple have mentioned. Literally don’t drink at all then go out and drink way too much too fast. I’ve had a couple of episodes of waking up not remembering going home/gettin home etc and it’s frightened me
I’m going out this weekend and i keep thinking about how to control my intake. This thread hopefully is the wake up I needed

I gave up alcohol when I realised both parents were functioning (at the time, Mother fairly rapidly became non-functioning) alcoholics, and that I was becoming dependent on it to have a good time.

That was over 20 years ago - I can have the odd Baileys at christmas but I rarely do as half a glass makes me feel pretty horrible, I do not like feeling the effects of alcohol at all now.

My mother died of it - seizure related to alcohol, she had one, survived it, denied absolutely the truth of what it was the second she got out of hospital. 9 months later she had another and this time we didn't find her for 3 days, instead of 3 or 4 hours. She was alive when we found her, but barely - on her bedroom floor. Had to get the police to kick in the doors, she passed in hospital the following morning having never regained conciousness.

Unfortunately, threads like this won't shock someone into stopping, because they believe it won't happen to them, these are things that happen to other people. They have to really fear it WILL happen to them, and believe it, and actively want to change.

Sadly, my mother did not want to change, told us we were all ridiculous for being concerned, wanting her to stop, we were all outrageous fantasists...she didn't have a problem, didn't drink at all and had no idea why there were sherry and vodka bottles hidden under the mattress and down the side of the bed... We must have hidden them there (she lived alone, we rarely went into her house as she wouldn't let us!).

I am sorry you've had to experience that @twiddlingthumbs69 it is traumatic, please please do seek some counselling/support if you haven't already.

Just been reading through this thread, how awful, all of it

DH is a heavy drinker and they just did some blood tests showing anaemia, the GP is testing this further. Doing some reading I think it may be linked. I am hoping this might be a bit of a wake up call for him.

I'm concerned though, he says things like 'drinking is like breathing' for him and I think it will be hard to stop. I think he may have underlying anxiety which might need treated.

I wish men especially older ones found it les hard to discuss mental health. MH meds would cause less damage than alcohol. Sometimes they can be self medicating things I think.

I stopped drinking myself about anger ago. It had crept up a bit since the lockdowns, and caused some weight gain, I was not drinking the same as DH though.

I found those "Trip" drinks quite helpful when stopping. Quite expensive though. They have some CBD in them. I have chronic pain and convinced myself they helped a little (had found previously alcohol was useful for pain - not a good combination really)

Probably a placebo effect but helpful. Also doing something comforting such as a warm bath in the evening. And getting proper pain meds sorted / antidepressants as well.

*a year, not 'anger'

Sorry to hear this, OP. The same thing happened to my cousin, who was only 40. And she was a single mum to a 13yo who had no contact with the father. It’s all very heartbreaking.

@Matlivestreamhe had been drinking heavily for 25 years. The only time he stopped was once his UC ran out. So I’d say out of every four weeks he was drinking solidly for 2. Always red wine. My mother blames it on his girlfriend leaving but obvs she left because of his drinking.

@Horsieyour’re right, cutting down doesn’t really work. One drink is too many, two drinks isn’t enough

@LadyWiddiothethirdi also has a friend who developed wet brain. It’s a living death.

Me too

I'm so sorry OP.

As others have said, please look out for yourself as you have experienced severe trauma.

My neighbour aged 42 passed away last year, also at home. Leaving behind a 13 old daughter.

I now have to assume she died violently as there was a fair bit of what I thought were builders at the house immediately after. Only reading this thread now has made me realise why.

I hope that your thread can impact even just one person enough to think twice before pouring another drink.

@rachelbloomedare you ok? I’m sorry I was as graphic as I was but felt it important to be that candid. I don’t think you’ve been on this thread since so just checking on you xx

I ended a 7 year relationship back in May because he is alcohol dependent...some times drinking a bottle of rum a night..my drinking also crept up whilst i was with him but ive brought that under control now.
It is scary how quickly your drinking creeps up and up.

@BMW6 so sorry for your loss. It sounds like a dreadful way for your dh to go and for you have to deal with the aftermath.

I really hope that these honest and graphic posts can help anyone if they are struggling.
when addiction is at its strongest the mind makes up all sorts of excuses to just have one. One won’t hurt. But. One is too many and two is not enough.
im afraid to say it will kill you in the end. You may or may not care about that but your friends and family love you and they are the ones that will grief for you.
my brother was stone cold sober when he died and hadn’t had a drink for 4 days.
the house was clean and tidy and he’d made himself a bolognese for supper and had dates on his calendar for things this week.
his final moments were horrific. If you can stop and want to please tell all your friends and family so they can support you. Do it for your loved ones and all the ppl that didn’t make it but, mostly, for yourself

@myusernamewastakenbymeyes it is scary how it creeps up. In my 30’s I’d been in the pub as soon as they opened and have my first double vodka of the day. No tonic. I was in a group of friends who did the same, it felt normal to me. It slowly crept up to the extent that I’d need 6 doubles to even start feeling the effects.
that’s when I stopped. That was 30 years ago. Very very luckily it didn’t take a hold of me but had I continued it would have done.
i know have a small sherry at Xmas and that’s enough for me.
there is definitely a gene, it runs in so many families. Is it nature or nurture, I don’t know.

Can I just ask, for those of you who had to use the services of a biohazard company, how much you were quoted?
we have someone coming on Friday to quote so a ballpark figure would be helpful. Thank you

Sending love and deepest sympathy - thankyou for sharing this at what must be the most difficult of times for you. I took have an alcohol problem - my family have no idea, and this gives me. another reason to overcome it before they ever find out. Sending you strength and love n the coming days as you deal with this.

OP, your experience is sadly familiar. I had a good friend who died the same way a few years back. He was also 59, an alcoholic for many years.

His friends all knew how it would end. He lived and died alone and wasn’t found for several days when police were summoned by worried relatives to do a wellness check.

The way he had been living had to be seen to be believed. He had given up on recovery and was drinking more than ever. What a waste. He was such a fun guy and everyone loved him.

I am truly sorry for your loss and appreciate your kindness in reaching out to others who may be heading down the same path.

@twiddlingthumbs69 I'm so sorry for you and your mother.

This is exactly what I feared would happen with my mother, who had been an alcoholic for decades. I was aware of what could happen, and wondered if my dad would come home from work to find blood everywhere. Or have to go through weeks of watching a drawn-out, gory, painful death.

Didn't happen in the end. He came home from work to find her hanging. And I honestly don't know if that's worse. At least it was over quickly.

To those still drinking: there is a lot of help out there, if you want it.

@rachelbloomed get help from an outside source; dont wait until you relapse. don’t be afraid to ask for help. It’s not asking that will continue to lead you in the wrong direction.
there is so much tragedy on this thread; don’t be another victim to alcohol. Lots of luck to you. Xx

Wishing you strength as you look to overcome this ❤️

Thinking of you @twiddlingthumbs69 absolutely horrendous for you and your mum to walk into this. The police might be able to help with a cleaner suggestion in your area as they will use them for crime scenes etc.