TW: found my alcoholic brother passed away today. If you are struggling with alcohol please heed my warning

[twiddlingthumbs69]

It’s not any easy conversation to have and I won’t post here unless someone specifically asks me what happened.

BUT, if you are struggling with alcohol and want to, quite frankly, be shocked into what happened and need that to give you the impetus to try and stop, please ask me

i have the upmost sympathy for anyone struggling with any addiction and am fully aware that it’s only yourself that can truly help you.

@NautilusLionfishim so sorry to hear this. I’m sending you a hug and strength. My brother was 59 and had so much going for him too.

@twiddlingthumbs69 I'm so sorry you had to find your brother like this, and deal with the aftermath. Such a sad ending. I always used to feel terrible for alcoholic patients. So often judged but I always used to remember that nobody has their first drink intending to become addicted to alcohol.

@rachelbloomedmy brother was a binge drinker too. He could go weeks without touching it (mainly because he didn’t have the money). I can tell you how it ends in graphic detail but not unless you specifically ask me and I suspect you might know anyway.
Be kind to yourself, your have an addiction and that is the hardest thing to admit to and deal with. When the time is right and you feel in the right place you will stop. The temptation is huge and you have my upmost sympathy

So sorry for your loss. My cousin died recently from alcohol abuse - the biohazard people had to come in and clean the place up after she died. It's a terrible way to go

So sorry for your loss OP. 5 years sober here. I rewatch Rain in my Heart every six months or so

I lost my mum to alcoholism 14 years ago, my ex husband to whom I was married 25 years in March this year ( father to my only child), my best school friend last month and my brother in law is weeks away at best from the same ending , bar a miracle. All from ‘good families’ and in professional roles.
Having managed the clean up of my ex’s house post his death at home, I can only sympathise with what you have gone through OP, I hope over time the memories are easier to deal with.
Alcoholism is a hideous disease.

Yep, I did the clear up too.
Awful.
Love to everyone who's lost someone.
Love too to everyone struggling.

How truly horrible for you OP discovering that. I hope you have the support you need.

@Changedforsafetyomg I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with multiple traumas like that.

I am so sorry for your loss OP. It's such an awful way to go and I don't think that many realise just how horrible the end is. Sadly my father was an alcoholic and died at 51 years old. My sister is also an alcoholic and has end stage liver failure severe ascite, muscle wastage, hair thinning, fatigue, confusion, depression and severe anxiety. Unfortunately she has cut off all family and recently moved to a new area. She has hardly any friends and lives a solitary and very sad existence. She has become paranoid and is distrustful of everyone. She becomes distressed at the mention of my name. We wre sadly unable to track her down and reach out for fear of making her worse. Unless she has a transplant her days are numbered. I wait for a call from the police or a stranger telling me that she has passed away. Not being able to help is the hardest part. She is only 51. It's so sad isn't it OP. She 's my only sibling. Thanks for opening up during such a hard time for you. Sorry for your loss xx

@HangingOverthat’s fantastic news. I hope you are very proud of yourself, I’m proud for you. 🎉

@Nayyercheekyfeckersim so so sorry to hear this. It’s just truly awful. The anxiety and frustration you must feel is unbearable. As another poster said, the bloody stuff should be banned. Sending you love xx

@twiddlingthumbs69my thoughts are completely with you and I agree - if people could only see what actually happens to an alcoholic at end of life, you’d hope the scales would fall from their eyes.

We’re currently dealing with end stage liver failure in our family and the recent crisis was incredibly close to death. And you’re right, the mess and biohazard is insane. But also the mental and physical deficiencies that the person is left with are devastating. Our family member had repeatedly and proudly announced their intention to drink themselves to death (after a cirrhosis diagnosis) presumably thinking that would mean they’d go to sleep one night in a stupor and just not wake up. What it actually means is a complete loss of faculties, independence, intense delusions, violence, frailty and an utter nightmare for the family left behind.

You have my utmost sympathies and I am very sorry for your loss - and I can hear and understand your anger and frustration. I’ve been recommended Al Anon and I’ll definitely be giving that a go - it’s got to be worth a try.

So very sorry OP, I am glad you know only your brother could decide to stop. It is a horrible horrible illness.

My best friend from school was jilted at her hen night the weekend before her wedding aged 21, and she started drinking heavily. She drank heavily throughout her twenties and thirties. I married and moved away when I was 40 to the NE. We still spoke on the phone but my husband used to get cross, it was long distance charges in those days and she'd often answer the phone drunk and wander off, leaving me hanging on.

She died of many complications caused by her alcoholism aged 52, leaving her 10 year old daughter with her 74 year old Mum. I blamed myself for years but realised she just could not stop. I am 68 now and still phone her Mum on my friend's birthday, we always have a chat about her x

I’m so, so sorry for your loss. I too found my beloved brother dead last year. He was 52. He’d struggled for years with addiction, like our father before him. Addiction is truly awful, and as painful as it is to watch those we love go through it, deal with the lies and broken promises, it must be 1000 times harder to be the person battling it.
Thinking of you x

@MercianQueenthank you and so sorry you are going through this. Yes I really think that they think they’ll just peacefully “fall asleep”. They don’t, it’s violent, agony and horrendous. Yes, they die in the end but the actual process in the last stages is truly horrific. If you keep pouring, what is effectively acid down you in that quantity, something is going to rupture! Sorry I’ve seem to have suddenly got to the angry stage.

So very sorry for your loss, how desperately sad. My mother drank herself to death when I was a child / teen, having alcoholism destroy a loved one’s life is a very hard thing to go through. Take care x

@MercianQueen so very sorry to read your post, best wishes to you all. I befriended a fellow widow dog walker who told me he was hoping to drink himself to death. His son had died from carbon monoxide poisoning on his fishing boat, the following year his wife had died. I did worry about him and his little dog, he walked her legs off, and he often looked very poorly. I hadn't seen him for some time when I was told he'd had a stroke and was paralysed :( His little dog had gone to his 84 year old mother.

I'm so sorry that you've lost your brother.

I lost a friend to alcoholism in 2017. He was in his early 40s. Although it had been a very long slow decline, the end came suddenly as the alcohol had caused his heart to become enlarged. The Police found him dead in his flat and aren't sure exactly when he died.

My friend had his problems and had been bereaved, but he also had many people who cared about him. After he died, I spent a lot of time wondering why he had "chosen" to drink himself to death. It was like a very slow suicide. His dad was very wealthy and paid for him to go to an expensive rehab unit, in which he found himself in the company of celebrities' children. In his final years, his girlfriend did all she could to support him, even though he sometimes drove her away.

I still don't fully understand, but I've realised that no one could have done any more for him. He is at peace now, but he will never be forgotten.

I'm so sorry you've had to join our "club". My DH died on our bedroom floor in March from Gastrointestinal bleed out - which means he vomited pints and pints of blood.

I had to cut up the carpet in sections and bin bag it all.

Could you please tell me

Please could you tell me OP I’ve tried so many times to stop

@twiddlingthumbs69oh I am so with you! We are 4 weeks post “crisis incident” and the anger for me is all-consuming. But I can’t take it out on them, so it’s only hurting me. This is where I hope Al Anon can help, to talk to people in similar situations. And I thank you so much for posting - there are clearly a few of us (probably far too many) with similar experiences, and it has made me feel a little less alone tonight. I hope you feel we’ve got you too

Am so sorry OP am guessing he had varices that burst . A lot of mess and heartbreaking for you. Take each day at a time.X

So sorry you had to find him like that @twiddlingthumbs69 do accept help to recover. I found counselling immensely helpful after my brother died. Although I’ll never get over the impact his alcoholism had on my life it helped me accept and move forward.

I can guess what the scene looked and smelt like My brothers wife found him not quite dead and sent me photos and a comprehensive description of the scene. To everyones surprise including the hospital he survived that time but the damage was done.