TW: found my alcoholic brother passed away today. If you are struggling with alcohol please heed my warning

[twiddlingthumbs69]

It’s not any easy conversation to have and I won’t post here unless someone specifically asks me what happened.

BUT, if you are struggling with alcohol and want to, quite frankly, be shocked into what happened and need that to give you the impetus to try and stop, please ask me

i have the upmost sympathy for anyone struggling with any addiction and am fully aware that it’s only yourself that can truly help you.

@rachelbloomedyes I can. Hope admin will allow this

My mother hadn’t heard from him for two days.
we let ourselves into his house and there was a strong sweet pungent odour.
we went upstairs.
on the landing there were big black lumps or jelly like substance
he was dead in bed and completely cold and white.
surrounding the bed was a huge amount of the black globular substance. It was up the walls and over the cabinet as well. He had obviously vomited with incredible force.
he was covered in it himself and had tried to clean himself up but must have lost consciousness.
the black jelly like stuff is internal organs, suspected esophegus rupture at this stage.
he’d been complaining about a tummy ache for a few days so suspect he had a tear and it was draining into his stomach.
eventually that’s what made him sick which caused the complete rupture.
although we haven’t had the PM results yet I have seen this before so pretty certain that was the cause.
how long he took to die I don’t know but he was obviously suffering for a time when it happened.
so to summarise, the blood was leaking into his stomach and mixing with gastric acid in there, eventually his stomach couldn’t take anymore and the violence of the vomit ruptured the esophegus bring parts of that up to.
horrendous and very scary and painful.
im so so sorry to write this, i know its horrendous. Sorry to anyone else reading this too.
its not an usual occurrence, so please please let this frighten you enough to stop, or try to stop.

I fear this will happen to me one day. My brother is a so-called 'functioning alcoholic' - while he's not at the 4 x bottles of wine per day stage and to an outsider would seem to live a normal life with a professional job etc, he cannot go a single day without drinking and probably hasn't since he was 15 or 16; he's 58 now. His teenage daughter is always begging him to stop and he just fobs her off and says it's fine, he hasn't got a problem. I'm so scared he will leave her fatherless and she will never get the over the fact that he put drinking before her (which he doesn't really, as I know addiction is a disease, but surely that's how she'd feel). I just get angry that he doesn't even appear to want to TRY, for her sake at least. I suspect he knows he wouldn't be able to do it, and doesn't want to face up to the reality of that being true.

I'm so sorry for what you've had to experience, OP. Just utterly awful.

@MercianQueenthank you, yes, I’ll get in touch with Al Anon. It’s actually helpful talking to all of you too x

Ironically he was actually sober at the time of death and hadn’t had a drink for 5 days!

OP, the description of what you found is bone chilling & must have been truly awful for you & your poor mother. I cannot begin to imagine how you process this. Not only do you have the grief of his death to cope with but the nature of it too. Pls make sure you both get counselling at some point

@twiddlingthumbs69 i Amos very sorry for your loss and thank you for caring about others when you are going through so much yourself.

years ago, I just wouldn’t have understood addiction, but now I think I do. It’s a slippery slope and I now have empathy for those who find themselves there.

sending you love at strength x

That is indeed horrifying, @twiddlingthumbs69. I didn't know that alcoholism could cause death in quite such a way, although there is a harrowing account of a man's death from esophageal varices in This Is Going to Hurt by Adam Kay.

My friend's death did come as a bit of a wake-up call for me, especially as before I found out he was an alcoholic, I used to drink with him. And I have certainly gone through phases in which I've drunk too much. Thankfully, I don't drink very often these days.

So sorry for your loss.

My old friend was on the dry for a few months, relapsed and in hospital, close to death at one stage, for 6 weeks, straight back on a 4 day bender the day she was let out, and so it will continue until the day it will not... 💔

That's hellish to read @twiddlingthumbs69 but thank you for sharing.

I'll give the picture of what happened with my sister, in case it helps anyone.
In her case, her son came home from school and found d the same scene. Only my sister wasn't dead. An ambulance was called. It turned out she'd had the bleed like you described, hers was specifically from her duodenum which is right after the stomach. She'd protectile vomited a mix of blood and shit-smelling stuff everywhere.

She was taken to hospital, the bleed was eventually stopped but the damage to her liver, kidneys was too great. You have to be sober for 6 months to be a candidate for a liver transplant, so she wasn't. She couldn't be stabilised, her blood pressure was out of control, she was bleeding from every orifice, it was un serviveable and we had to switch off the machines.

@twiddlingthumbs69 I am so sorry to read of your dear brother's death and his struggle with addiction.
I hope you and your family can find the support and comfort you need.

I’m so sorry for your loss x

I‘m grateful every day I stopped poisoning myself with this muck over 4 years ago and hopefully spared my family dealing with what you have x

I’d urge anyone wanting the impetus to stop drinking to look at the British Liver Trust website, and their forums in which people with liver failure are very honest about their symptoms. They also have a good overview of the 3 main conditions that liver failure encompasses: ascites, varices and hepatic encephalopathy.

@twiddlingthumbs69 sounds like your brother had a massive haemorrhage from varices, and I know when it’s in the upper respiratory / digestive system that’s pretty final. I’m so sorry. It’s what I thought you must have experienced and I can’t imagine what that was like for you. I know you want to support your mum (and I’m the same), but please remember to put your own oxygen mask on first - easily said but very hard to do!

Sorry for your loss @twiddlingthumbs69.

It's coming up to two years since my BIL was found by my FIL after basically drinking himself away.

The same day DM went to hospital feeling unwell after a week long drinking binge. She had developed blood clots, was in ICU within hours, and ultimately died from a massive stroke. A big factor in her initial condition was not eating or looking after herself due to drinking.

One weekend and we lost two wonderful people to alcoholism. It's a real shame they couldn't see themselves how their loved ones saw them, and not what how they saw themselves.

This is how I fear finding my Dad.

I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for your bravery and candour in sharing.

I'm so sorry OP. Seen three people die of varices and it's awful, for them but also for everyone who loves them or is even is near them. I remember cleaning the bathroom of one person after he'd been projectile vomiting blood.

@mindutopia just to say, bloody well done. I gave up two and a half years ago too. It was a great deal harder than I like; dependence creeps up, specially when you're using alcohol to cover up pain.

Heartbreaking 💔
Just want to send all of you all my love, for what it’s worth. Which isn’t much, I know.

I’m so sorry OP 💐💐
My brother is alcohol dependent. He’s had pancreas bypass surgery. He’s about to undergo his second detox. He’s quite functional so not your typical vision of an alcoholic. We hope and pray he stays off the drink this time.

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. My brother died at 38 in exactly the same set of circumstances. He had been an alcoholic for 10 to 15 years. Mercifully he had no wife or child.

My mother found him dead in his house in his bed having had a massive variceal bleed out. My mother was in denial and still is as to the extent of his alcoholism, she was proud of the fact that the post-mortem showed that he hadn't been drinking at the time of his death. To be honest that was of little consequence as the damage had been done over the previous years. He had been in and out of rehab and recovery, attended AA and had been kicked off planes because of drunkenness. He lost jobs and relationships but nothing deterred him. The police phoned me on occasion and came to my house to discuss his welfare. Alcoholism affects the whole family whether the family likes it or not.

The selfish nature of problem drinking makes it everyone's issue. I could not separate myself from the impact of my brother's drinking. I still have to grieve the loss of my relationship with my brother and support my mother and father through their grief. My brother drank himself to death and that is the reality.

My partner is an alcoholic who hasn't had a drink for twenty years. Luckily, he knows the risk is too high. He goes to meetings every week. Even when we go on holiday, he finds one or goes online.
I've been with him three years and have never known him drink, but it still impacts me - I still worry about it.

For those of you struggling - I hope you find a way to stop. Wishing you strength and courage.

OP, and others, I'm so sorry for your loss. It's a cruel disease.

When I was a teenager my parents got through 13 bottles of wine and 7 bottles of gin every week.

The shadow this cast over my self esteem and my relationships was huge. I knew I would never marry into a family such as mine, so felt I could never hope for anyone to marry me.

I’m probably a low level alcoholic myself. But against my parents’ benchmark, I’m a light drinker. No spirits. Usually no more than 1/2 bottle per night, though one bottle tonight. I wish I could stop completely, but I can’t.

Alcohol numbs me from the pain and loneliness that alcohol brought into my life, that’s the long and short of it.

Am so sorry for your loss, horrible news.

Addiction is an absolutely horrendous disease. I am so, so sorry for your brother, and deeply sorry for your loss. Sending you heartfelt condolences. 💐💐💐

So sorry this has happened to you.A lot of alcoholics die in a horrible way.My mother was an alcoholic and died young,she had a wet brain,it came on quickly.I followed in her footsteps.I have been sober over 22years now and still attend AA meetings.I was desperate to stop drinking.My mother never wanted to.

I do hope you get to Al-anon OP.

I am sorry for your loss @twiddlingthumbs69that is very sad and you are in my thoughts. I worry for a family member who is a functional alcoholic and honestly I could do with cutting down or maybe cutting out completely. Thank you for sharing, I really do feel stark truth can help people question whether a drink is worth it.

I am so very sorry op, for you and everyone else affected and those sharing their stories tonight.

This thread has confirmed what I wondered, that my friend's death was in fact as a result of her alcoholism. She died in similar circumstances to those described here. Her daughter was in the house & found her.

Unfortunately, in her case we know she suffered terribly.

She was a beautiful person, inside & out, with a heart of gold - funny, caring, fierce and is greatly missed.