TW: found my alcoholic brother passed away today. If you are struggling with alcohol please heed my warning

[twiddlingthumbs69]

It’s not any easy conversation to have and I won’t post here unless someone specifically asks me what happened.

BUT, if you are struggling with alcohol and want to, quite frankly, be shocked into what happened and need that to give you the impetus to try and stop, please ask me

i have the upmost sympathy for anyone struggling with any addiction and am fully aware that it’s only yourself that can truly help you.

It’s so sad to see how common it is. So sorry for your loss.

I lost my mum about 12 years ago. She’d been an alcoholic since I was about 9 and I was 21 when she died. We (siblings and I) found her dead one night. She’s tried to get help and been to a counselling service to try and stop drinking, sadly I think this reduced her tolerance and then when she went back to drinking after a counselled missed an appointment with her she then died that night.

I think by this point a lot of damage had been done anyway but perhaps she could have turned things around, we will never know. The post mortem made for very depressing reading.

My brothers bleed out (varices) was lower, he bleed into his lower digestive tract so he bleed out of his rectum. The human body holds a lot of blood. All this blood was mixed with faeces and it was over the whole room. It looked worse than the most gory murder scene I’ve seen on tv but all that blood was mixed with faeces so smelt foul.

Poor guy. What a terrifying end to a life. I’m so sorry you had to witness that. I’m going to recommend that you have some trauma counselling after this.

Firstly,sorry to read about your brother
Secondly want to acknowledge the other posters and what you’ve shared
Alcohol dependency is a difficult disease

This happened with my father in law earlier this year. He was only 51, but we'd all thought it might happen at some point as he'd been rapidly going downhill and wouldn't accept any help, from us, the police or all the other services that tried to help him. Such an awful way to go and such a waste of life. Thinking of you OP

So sorry to hear this. I vastly cut down on my alcohol as it was getting out of control. I had an episode when I blacked out and could not remember anything. Next morning I was covered in bruises.i now try to only have a glass of wine with a meal if we go out to dinner. No drinking at home. One advantage is that I lost a lot of weight (around five stone) as I gave up lots of other things as well. My dad died of a stroke in his early sixties having had a leg amputated due to alcohol.

Oh this is awful. I am so sorry to hear about this and to all the others in this thread who have been through similar. I have just found out that my own mum is an alcoholic and I have been spending some time reading and learning about everything.

I had seen in a documentary that alcoholism often results in death bleeding from rectum. But never heard of what you describe OP. Are these typical deaths of alcoholics? It’s terrifying and should be told to more of the general public to ensure people understand the risks. Thank you for your post to educate.

I am reading your posts in floods of tears. I have witnessed this myself and literally it breaks you. Please take care of yourself. You could do nothing to prevent it. It is so so hard. Sending lots of love and hugs

You sound like a very strong person OP. No doubt you may not always feel like that, maybe after the adrenaline has subsided- go easy on yourself.
My Dad found his alcoholic sister dead in her bedsit. Maybe one positive is my cousins are more careful with their own relationship with alcohol now.

I am so sorry. I used to feel sad and resigned to binge drinking, I kind of assumed that was my life now. Ozempic gave me a total hatred for even the smell and 2 years on, I literally cannot even imagine drinking, it never occurs to me, even in times of high stress. I am lucky I had such an extreme benefit but what I wanted to say is that I never wake up without feeling a thrill of being sober and not being hungover, the utter feeling of freedom and joy. I didnt really deserve to feel so happy having not had to work for it but please, please know that it can be a happy and joyful life without it xxx

I’m so deeply deeply sorry for this to have happened to you, it must be so traumatic.

I hope you can heal moving forwards. I hope your brother rests now in peace.

Can I just add, as it might be helpful, but if you play Tetris for at least half an hour a day (as much as you can if possible), it’s a safeguard against you getting PTSD from the trauma of what you’ve seen. The eye movements during playing the game helps your brain to store the recent memories in the correct place - and thus they don’t get stuck causing PTSD.

@Salvadoridory of course you deserve to feel sober! It’s a human right. However sobriety came to you, embrace it!

Sorry for your loss, I lost my brother earlier this year to alcohol issues. Its been tough and I think I actually mourn the relationship I wish we had rather than him.

Having heard police stories about dead bodies not found for days and pet dogs yes I can fill in the gaps.

That is absolutely heartbreaking and also horrific for you and your mum to have found him like that. Lots of love to you both x

I was sad to hear your news. I am sorry for your loss. I wish you all the best.

Sorry to read of your loss and thoughts for you at this time.

I had an alcoholic uncle who died aged 65 from what was his fifth heart attack (that we knew of) and his addiction ruined his ability to make use of the undoubted talents and gifts he had, especially musical ones.

I've spent 10 of 20yrs being angry at the death of my boys alcoholic dad. Not quite understanding his "choice" to drink bottles of vodka instead of being the loving father he should have been.
My adult dc will always have that hole in their lives where he should've been.
Outwardly everybody loved him because of his cheery helpful nature, I recognise now that he was depressed and used alcohol as "the crutch".
It is within any one of you who is in the grip of alcohol to stop, I know many who have.
💐

What seriously?

The eye movements of EMDR help with PTSD don't they, so presumably it's connected?

I’m so sorry OP, what an awful shock that must have been and I hope your brother is at peace now. I know you’re trying to help sort things out for him, but don’t forget to take time for yourself to process everything. Take care x

OP - I'm so sorry that you found him like that. If you're feeling angry I think that's a perfectly reasonable reaction to what you know your brother could and should have been, instead of what he was.

My mother died a different sort of alcoholic death, but also pretty awful. She broke her back falling down the stairs when drunk, spent months in hospital recovering, but for the rest of her life (10 years) could hardly walk, was in constant pain and doubly incontinent. She also developed alcohol-related epilepsy, alcohol-related brain damage/dementia and alcoholic fatty liver. Her children and grandchildren had no contact with her, as she continued to drink. She had various bleeds on the brain due to blacking out and knocking herself unconscious. She ended up in a coma when she fell down the stairs again and spent 2 weeks in hospital slowly dying.

Dying in hospital is the only way that you can be an organ donor and the doctors were on hand to remove my mother's organs as soon as she died. We subsequently got a letter however, saying that none of them were able to be transplanted as they were all in unusable condition.

Such a bloody waste. She was 65.

Agree, but, you need to cut back first and gradually reduce to nothing - anything else is very dangerous.

God, this thread is heartbreaking, my love to all of you affected by this. Next week I'm attending the funeral of my bridesmaid, she was 51. She died in a hospice so at least I have the comfort of knowing she had pain relief in her final days. Alcoholism is so cruel.

@FlyingUnicornWingswhat a great idea. I hadn’t thought of that. I’ve got Tetris on my phone but stopped doing it when I started candy crush. That makes perfect sense though. I’ll start again