On a mission to moderate or absolutely abstain (judgement-free zone). New thread - Autumn 2025.

[ForeverTipsy]

Hello, here's a shiny new thread for us all - took the liberty after gaining permission from The Original OP @nowstrong! Please tag anyone from the last thread I may have missed...hopefully you can all find us here...

@horrorfan81 @BezMills @hohofortherobbers @addictforanex @alertcat @harriethoyle @StrongLikeMamma @LillyPJ @ohthejoysoftoddler

@TiA303091you're absolutely right, and I know this. Its just convincing myself! 🤦‍♀️ I'd not think anything of it either, yet here I am stressed to high heaven! Blooming ridiculous.

Just trying to get through the week without a nervous breakdown 🤦‍♀️ Slight exaggeration but I'm sure you know what I mean.
And no more drinking occasions in the foreseeable future so less to worry about there for now.

Well done every one- @ForeverTipsy that was a lovely and very wise post.

i think I was an anxious and insecure teen from a heavy-drinking family; I now believe I have either CPTSD or developmental trauma from my childhood and adolescence. I do often feel like ADHD is supposed to, but I believe that trauma can manifest similarly to ADHD. But who knows? I won’t go on a diagnostic pathway because I do think it’s more likely to be trauma than neurodiversity.

I agree that lots of adults with problematic behaviours often develop those because of some underlying condition that they probably aren’t aware of. And quite possibly, getting to the root of them may be a key part of breaking those habits.

Evening all! Hope you’ve all had a positive day today.

How are you doing @sobermother? We’re all rooting for you. Please come and talk to us if it helps you x

Morning! Like you @ERN79 i had too much to drink on Saturday night and just getting over the anxiety. Was at a 50th. Lovely time and didn’t pour a single drink but just kept getting topped up for 7 hours straight (and didn’t refuse a single top up 🙄).

Also had a medical and I put down that I drank 16 units a week (which is what my app says is my average for 2025, and I was actually pretty proud of that lol) and obviously still got told that’s too much and to cut down to less than 14.

My bloods showed my liver function as normal (phew) but I also have a liver scan next week offered as part of my work health insurance, which I am very intrigued/ slightly nervous about.

Morning @Addictforanex
Well done on the units! And good luck with the liver scan.
I'm feeling quite a lot better anxiety wise this morning, so that's good. Still in the don't want to feel like this mindset too, and now drinks planned now until December. So let's see!

@ERN79 have you got some strategies mapped out for any drinks that you are at? I have found a) driving b) sticking to non-alcoholic drinks that look alcoholic ie lager and zero gin c) being honest with closer friends about wanting to reduce my alcohol intake d) saying that my hangovers are now terrible and I have an early morning commitment the next day have all been helpful. On Friday when we had friends for dinner I stuck to AF lager and tanquery zero all night and they didn't even realise I wasn't on the booze...

@harriethoyleI've not thought further than getting through the week to be honest!
If i drink in the next month or so I think it'll be a couple & that's it. After this kind of episode I can usually moderate for a bit...
I absolutely cannot cope with a hangover like I used to though. So do often use the morning after as an excuse, kids to clubs etc. And can usually get away with it. Have managed to transition from alcohol to alcohol free during the night too without people knowing.
Will see how I go.

Hi all. Haven’t been on much, been working loads. Just caught up and everyone is doing so well! I drank Friday and Saturday but a lot less than usual

Got a cold, an upside of which is I don’t fancy drinking. Haven’t had a drink since my binge last Saturday at a party. Won’t drink tonight, am certain I won’t be tempted since I’m just at home. Sunday I’m going to friends and there will be booze but at the moment I am wanting to stay off it (but a bit worried my resolve will wilt at the slightest suggestion of wine) - might take some nosecco with me as have a bottle of that in the fridge. I have a big day at work on Monday and I really don’t want the slightest sniff of a hangover.

Hope everyone’s doing well this weekend.

@Addictforanex nosecco sounds like a good plan - if you turn up armed with your own AF drinks, people are usually pretty accepting.

Im having a very moderate weekend - 2 drinks on Thursday, 1 glass of wine with dinner last night and planning to abstain completely tonight. My issue is very much moderation so it felt good last night to switch to the moretti zero after wine. Something I wouldn’t have dreamt of doing two months ago!

Back again, some of you remember i did sober sept then have been back to moderate weekend drinking in Oct but I'm not tolerating it, hangxiety is horrendous and it gives me insomnia so I've really got to slash it right down. Friday night's half a bottle of red saw me awake all night in a total state of stress, last night had 1 small 125ml glass as at a party, slept and feel OKish today. This is probably really being more affected as I started HRT last Monday too, so am on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. Also work is really stressful at the moment. So the plan is to not have more than 1 glass of wine and have several AF days (4-5?) in the week. That would add up to probably no more than about 5/6 units a week.
Got to be clear headed for work and not aggravate the hormone avalanche I've started. Well done to all of you who are facing up to this too and addressing it.

I’ve bought 2 small bottles of wine for later. 2 units in each one, more than 4 units is a binge, I believe. I have also had 2 beers (4 units) and some whisky (unmeasured, probably 4 units or a bit more). So I’m over my target for the week if I drink the wine. Feeling a bit 😔 with being so tired and in pain (the pain wakes me at night) and craving comfort. My head is going ‘oh it’s fine, your parents and their friends always had a few glasses of wine over the weekend, why are you making such a thing out of it, you haven’t been drunk or hungover’ but it’s a lie, it’s not ok, is it? We know it’s not ok.

i was thinking earlier that we’ve all done so well even coming to this thread, it’s not easy admitting our patterns are unhealthy. I really value the lack of judgment and the understanding here. Thank you, and wishing you all a nice Sunday afternoon 💪

Hang in there @DoubtfulCat and @Hohofortherobbers - you’ve got this 🙌🏼

Hope everyone has managed the weekend.
Dry one for me. And mostly over the hangiexty for now!

Morning everyone. I’ve just done my third dry weekend so that’s 22 days alcohol free. I do feel so much better. I’m finding I am so much more productive at the weekends and seem to get a lot done and have time with the kids.although the two older ones tend to do their own thing a bit now but I’ve still got my baby (9yrs) 🤣
how is everyone? I’ve read the posts from yesterday.
@Hohofortherobbers im very much like you. One of the main reasons for quitting for me was the anxiety it caused me. I’m an anxious person anyway but even a small amount of alcohol made my anxiety so much worse. I also started HRT recently too. So we are in the same boat. Xx
@ERN79 glad the anxiety is easing for you. Xx
hope you all have a lovely day. Xx

@TiA303091well done on 22 days! Good going!
I definitely get more out of my weekends if I don't drink.
Have a good day all!

I had one glass of wine over the whole weekend which feels like a massive shift in philosophy. I do have three dinners in a row (Th/Fri/Sat) which will all involve the possibility of lots of booze but I've decided to drive on Friday and on Saturday will have AF pre-drinks at the house and limit myself to wine at the restaurant so that I can really minimise my consumption.

yes @DoubtfulCat same with me. That little voice in your head is a proper git isn't it?

I had two beers on Friday on the couch watching Bake Off on catch up (our weeks are so busy in the evening, that Friday is the only night we have time to sit together). And on Saturday I was sat in with DD on my own and had a couple of large whiskies. You know what, I'm just pleased I managed to keep my hands off the booze on Sunday - I'll call that weekend a score draw. Not a win but I didn't do anything mad and I'm not really annoyed with myself.

If a weekend like that is what moderation could look like for me, I'm not against it, but what is it they say - the price of freedom is eternal vigilance - words to that effect.

Here's to another sober week and I'll play Friday by ear!

@BezMills absolutely this! I completely agree with you.

Hi all, I'm on day 28 here. Pre-menstrual and feeling cranky and knackered, so not craving a drink right now. Well done to you all for all the work you're putting in. Both of my parents were alcoholics (my dad a violent one) and I'm so proud of myself for breaking that chain (my kids say they never want to drink. DH and I both advise them regularly to just never start.).

Good luck to those starting HRT, I'm sure alcohol wouldn't help matters there? It's something I'm considering in the future. I hope it really helps you both @TiA303091 and @Hohofortherobbers (nice to have you back).

Love that expression @BezMills and well done on a very sensible weekend :-)

Thank you @ForeverTipsy currently sat in bed drinking camomile tea stuffing my face dark chocolate digestives, got to to keep those missing wine calories up 😆

Hi, folks. I've been reading your thread - I was actually an OG ( formerly known as Amdone123 - I recognise some posters @ForeverTipsy @ERN79 @Hohofortherobbers @Nowstrong ❤️).
I've abstained completely. I loved this Moderating thread, but it just didn't work for me. My idea of Moderating was laughable when I reflect.
I'm now 135 days sober ( I'm on a current thread which has helped me immensely, too).

I hope that didn't sound negative. I wish I could moderate !

@Goandygo That wasn't negative! Well done! I wish I could moderate too (although I'm beginning to wonder why I'd want to drink at all. The main pressure is peer pressure and I don't understand why my friends want to get me back into it. I'm sure they don't realise how much I drank but whether I drink or not doesn't really affect them.) Trying to moderate was a constant struggle - arguing with myself, promising I'd have less tomorrow, reasoning, looking for excuses... Much easier to just not drink, I find.

@LillyPJ thanks.
I don't really suffer from peer pressure as I don't go out. I go for meals with dh and he drinks af now, too, as he prefers it.
Yes, it was the mental gymnastics that I hated the most - Will I, Won't I.
So much easier to take it off the table ( literally).