On a mission to moderate or absolutely abstain (judgement-free zone). New thread - Autumn 2025.

[ForeverTipsy]

Hello, here's a shiny new thread for us all - took the liberty after gaining permission from The Original OP @nowstrong! Please tag anyone from the last thread I may have missed...hopefully you can all find us here...

@horrorfan81 @BezMills @hohofortherobbers @addictforanex @alertcat @harriethoyle @StrongLikeMamma @LillyPJ @ohthejoysoftoddler

Hello! Can I join please? I’ve been lurking on these boards for ages but I need to make a concerted effort to cut down. Perhaps I need to quit altogether, I’m not sure.

Briefly, my story;
I was a bit of a wild child - always going over the top with drink and drugs. In my late 20’s I found exercise and my excessive tendencies found a more positive outlet. I also met my now DP (and father to my 2 kids). That basically saw me through to my late 30’s. Drink was largely a non-issue and I didn’t drink much at all. In my late 30’s I had two kids, obviously didn’t drink whilst pregnant but once I had them I found the transition to parenthood really hard. There’s lots of reasons for that but I started to consider a couple of glasses of wine at the end of the day, the only thing that was ‘mine’. The frequency and the amounts have crept up and although I don’t drink every day, I probably do get through a bottle of wine, or equivalent, 5 days a week. I feel grumpy, tired and totally overwhelmed by life most of the time. I need to take back control of my life.

Hope you’re ok @BezMills - it was five years in August since my mum died and I couldn’t believe how quickly it had gone.

Checking in for a new week. Managed abstinence Friday and Sunday and the latter included lunch at friends so that felt like a real win. Shared a bottle of wine with DH over dinner on Saturday and then went back to zero tanquery.

Aiming for a sober week and toying with a dry Friday - we’ve got friends staying Friday-Sunday but I was thinking of sticking to softies on the basis of Saturdays early gym class to make sure the weekend doesn’t get away from me!

@nowinetimeforme welcome! You’ll find those on this thread a supportive and inspiring bunch. What are your plans?

Been religiously logging my drinking on my app and aiming for a low alcohol September to make up a bit for the summer when I was a bit less restrained.

Checking my stats I had an average of 7.7 units a week in September vs 22 per week across June/July/August. So am happy with that.

So sorry for those that are grieving :(

How’s everyone doing? I had a bit of a slip and had 3 drinks last, my 13 year old phoned his older sister and told her I was drunk (I wasn’t) so she came and took him and his other sister 14 to stay at hers. I’m working loads at the moment and just felt like something to relax, usually I’d drink way more than that and was actually feeling pleased I’d stopped at that until that happened with kids. I was in bed by 10 and it was just after that she came and got them.
Feeling like a really shitty person this morning no hangover tho just guilt

@Patty16 have you got a strategy for the next time you need to relax? Maybe if your kids see you choosing other things they’ll be reassured? Doesn’t have to be a drink, but there are those Trip drinks, which some people find relaxing.

Welcome!

I definitely found exercise a big part of reducing booze. Some weeks the only sober days were because I was training or teaching in the evening. I completely identify with redirecting focus to some healthier pursuit - at the start of this year I dropped the drink and started hammering the gym. Really feel the benefit now.

We have a nice thread for that if you would like to join in.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/exercise/5411906-keeping-on-exercising?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

Thank you 🙏

Ive got an app and I’m committing to logging my drinking no matter what happens so I can genuinely see what I’m drinking and hopefully my progress. I think I’ve been drinking at least 50 units a week recently so that needs to change. I think aiming for the recommended amount (14 units) seems reasonable but I wonder if I might need to stop altogether for a while for a bit of a reset. I’ve been listening to Alcohol Explained (the William porter book) and he talks about how when you are a heavy drinker, each time you drink your body releases a lot of stimulant to counteract the alcohol (it releases a lot because it’s learned that one drink usually means 4 or 5 drinks so it calibrates the response in anticipation of the drinks to follow). This means that even if you just have 1 drink you get a huge rush of stimulant which stops you sleeping and makes you anxious. That feels a bit like where I am. I didn’t used to feel that alcohol affected me that much but these days my sleep is horrendous and I’m feeling quite anxious, which is unlike me.

Second part of the plan - do as much exercise as possible. I really respond to having an ‘upside‘ to not drinking (you’d think not drinking myself to death would be sufficient but my stupid short term brain needs something a bit more immediate that that!) so being able to get up early and go for a run is really motivating for me.

sounds like you’re doing great - 7.7 units a week is fab. Do you find you think about drinking a lot?

Thank you - I will definitely check that out. I know that if I can get into the habit of exercising more I won’t want to drink in the evening because I’ll be Loki g forward to the morning run. I’ve just gotta get enough runs under my belt to start to feel motivated by it. After years of bad sleep the kids are finally starting to sleep better so I definitely have an opportunity (if I can stay off the booze). I can’t live like this anymore - I’m such a positive person normally but I’m miserable.

Do you find you think about drinking a lot?

Ooh, provoking questions actually. I think I would honestly have to say “yes”. Or at least I think about not drinking a lot. Last night for example I was on a short flight. I was thinking about the drinks trolley for a while before the flight, thinking about whether I would or wouldn’t have one of these little bottles of wine. I don’t usually drink during the week, but I also don’t often turn down the drinks trolley. In the end I took one (alongside a glass of water) and put it in my bag and it’s now in my fridge. It felt insane to turn away free wine so in the end I couldn’t!!

@nowinetimeforme If you enjoy an early morning run, that sounds like a good idea for you. I definitely think you need to find activities to fill the time you would have wasted on drinking and recovering from it. My sleep has improved enormously since I stopped - it's wonderful to wake up refreshed and alert and not to spend two hours or more in the middle of the night tossing and turning and sweating! For me, it was easier to stop altogether than to try to moderate. Moderating means constantly having alcohol on your mind. Can I have a drink now? Should I stay off alcohol today? How many units have I had? When can I have the next drink? All I have to do is say 'No'. There are even days now when I don't think about drinking at all, which was inconceivable to me before! Good luck!

@LillyPJ@Addictforanex

It’s the amount of brain space and should I / shouldn’t I which makes me think perhaps abstinence might be easier. My DP doesn’t drink much at all but I know for a fact he also rarely thinks about it. I wonder if for me it might just be endless torment. On the other hand, I drank moderately for years… so maybe it’s possible. I guess I’ll have to see.

I’ve recently listed to ‘The Good Drinker’ by Adrian Chiles which was a good listen and is ostensibly making the case for moderation. I’m also listening to Alcohol Explained which is abstinence all the way! Either way, I need to drink much less than I do so I shouldn’t get too preoccupied on where I end up for now.

Abstinence is definitely simpler and needs no mental arithmetic or gymnastics. Many on this thread have gone that way for that reason.

I’m trying moderating for a while as I don’t want to be teetotal, and don’t think I am a problem drinker, I just was drinking when I didn’t need to and more than the government/ NHS would advise before. If I were you I probably would do Sober October or 100 days AF and see how you feel and how it goes, and maybe just carry on AF. I kicked off my moderation year with Dry Jan and it was a good reset.

Thanks to everybody for the kind words - I appreciate it. I had a good wallow at the weekend - it might sound strange but I feel a bit better for having a sad weekend and just letting myself be really sad.

I've been to the gym yesterday and today, as well as teaching my Boxercise class last night and I'm feeling the benefit of that too.

@DoubtfulCat. I don’t have much in the way of strategies. I’m going to try think of some. I’ve heard a few good things about the trip drinks so might give them a go

My ‘witching hour’ is when I’m tired after work and I’m preparing the dinner, especially if I’m not working the next day. If I can get through that to after dinner, it’s much easier not to have a drink (sometimes I brush my teeth almost straight away or I have a cup of tea after dinner). Then I feel good when I go to bed (and in the morning) about not having had a drink. I don’t know if it’s a strategy as such! But a nice fancy drink is helpful to create that dupe in your mind, particularly when I’m in the phase of breaking the habit.

I also find it easier to resist temptation if I have made a commitment like dry January. It’s measurable and i don’t want to fail! Is it worth considering sober October?

I think we have to feel emotions to get through them. Much like the obstacles in We’re going on a bear hunt.

I’m glad you’re feeling better. X

So my 30 days are done ✔️
Not going to extend it into Oct as I have some events lined up where I do want to enjoy a drink. But I hope this break will help me to moderate more successfully and appreciate more AF days.

Aside from pregnancies, I’ve always had a small (150ml max) glass of wine with my dinner. I never thought it was a problem as I’ve never been hungover since my wild days and it’s only ever one small glass. But I decided to see if I could stop on 1 September for me, not for pregnancy reasons.

I have been able to, it’s been easy and I don’t miss it! So I have decided that I’ll only drink alcohol if I go out for a meal (which with a toddler is never).

That's brilliant @Hohofortherobbers - well done. Do you have any particular coping strategies that you found useful?

Patty it's so cliché but also for a reason - it's been successful for many people, including a few right here. Small targets that build on each other successively.

Say to yourself you'll do just one week and see how you go. Then keep going until 'just one month' and then 'just six weeks' etc.

What's the best way to eat an elephant? One bite at a time!

I made it to 5.5 months and it just got easier over time. Not going to lie, the first weeks were sometimes hard but once I had a few days sober, that became its own reason not to crack.

Good luck, and we'll support you!

Holding on tight between 5pm and 7pm, knowing the craving will pass. Im a determined person so I knew I wouldn't cave having committed to the month but didn't find it easy. The better sleep, feeling less anxious and more energetic was worth it. Also knowing i was available to drive should i need to pick kids up was good. No plans to drink straight away but I expect I'll greet the wine witch on Friday evening .

Yes, me. Hi am new here 👍 vodka does this to me too.

Thank you @DoubtfulCat.
@Catsknowbest I always say I’ll avoid vodka but find it hard

I’m contemplating the weekend. We have friends staying Fri-sun and DH has been away all this week and back Friday. Was thinking “yay, I can celebrate with wine!” But then thought actually I’ve got gym classes first thing Saturday and I’d prefer to have a clear head… which I won’t have if we have drinks Friday night.

is it better a) to stay completely abstinent Friday evening (bearing in mind I can struggle with stopping once starting!) or b) try and achieve moderation with a pre-set limit? And if I do a) how do I reframe that so I don’t feel like I’m missing out…

any ideas welcome!

Hello. Plse can I join. I’ve been wanting to give up for a while now. It’s just a habit I’m in of having a drink on a weekend. I didnt even fancy drinking last weekend but I still did. I am committing to sober October. I still would like to occasionally enjoy a drink but in moderation and right now I just want a break from it.