Support thread for those trying to lead an alcohol free life - Autumn 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!

This thread is for anyone who is genuinely trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just kindness and encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation, there’s an a long-running thread for that in this board that will be a better fit for you. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on, cheering you on as you do.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

@TwoNicePuppies
We are here for you and trust me when I say that because there have been times when I genuinely thought all hope was lost, and this thread, the people on here, held and supported me in a way not many people ever have in the non-virtual world that we call 'life'....

Checking in with you all my end, been knitting and running like a massive weirdo, but stillridijg the sober train.

Watching the 'Beast within you' on Netflix...well binging it and totally hooked. Claire Danes is definitely my spirit animal 💜

*'Still riding the sober train'

Oooh I'm just picking something to watch and went with All Her Fault instead... I thought the Beast Within Me might be too dark when I'm frazzled!

Thanks, @Lavrander 😊

@TwoNicePuppies, we cross-posted upthread - I wasn't ignoring you. I'm not convinced that counting days/weeks etc is necessarily helpful, although it can be very encouraging at the start. Going back to Day 1 after a decent spell of sobriety is not the same as the first day without a drink for years. This is in no way to suggest that regular lapses don't matter - of course they do - but there is a sliding scale with something like a toast at a wedding at one end, and a three day bender at the other.

For some of us (me included) it is unwise to get on the scale at all, and I know that now from experience, which is not the same as knowing it in theory. I thought I could do the 'occasional social drinker' thing, and I did for a while after 8 years with no alcohol at all. But then it crept up, so I'm going back to hardline abstinence. But I am not in the same place I was in 2017. There are no withdrawal symptoms, there is no fear of lying awake, and no first times doing things sober. Those 8 years count for a lot, as does every period of sobriety. They all flex the sober muscles and make the next time easier.

I agree with @REP22 that this is not the thread to talk about moderation. I step away from it when that (very occasionally) happens, and I wouldn't mention it if were drinking, out of respect to anyone who might be tempted to join me. As I've said before, I find an atmosphere of 'ha ha, we all fall off the wagon, never mind, you're one of us now' very unhelpful, which is not to say that I would want to see anything other than support for those who aren't able to stay sober - the lifeboats are always ready to be launched when necessary. The reason this thread has been so helpful to so many is, I think, that everyone on it is really trying to 'live an alcohol-free life' as the title says. I've been on other threads (elsewhere) where I'm sure people wanted to be AF, but didn't really want to stop drinking. I know that doesn't make sense, but people are contradictory.

Anyway, I agree with everyone that of course you are welcome, and of course you aren't intruding. Not at all. People come and go on here - some stay long after they've kicked the habit, and others move on. If not for newbies we would stagnate, and all shipmates share their different experience with the rest of us. Please don't feel you aren't welcome - you are.

Busy day at my end but just wanted to say well done @Becky3825 - you smashed Saturday! 👏👏

Gosh what a busy day on here!

@TwoNicePuppies I’m pretty new on here and have found it so helpful and welcoming, this is the longest I’ve ever not drunk probably since I started drinking in my early teens. My last drink including alcohol was me putting baileys in my coffee as I’d run out of milk. Now I’m out of the early haze of not drinking I’m quite incredulous that that was normal for me, it makes me feel a bit sad. I also have a boozy job and am surrounded by it a lot, I’ve also always been a big drinker in my group. Initially I said I’ve not been feeling well, driving etc but it’s got easier to say actually I’m not drinking at the moment. Probably helps that I’m middle aged and overweight so people can see that when I say health reasons it makes sense. I’ve found a lot of people are starting to moderate, or cut it out. Like anything it gets easier the more you do it. Anyone who gives you any grief or try’s pushing it on you probably need to look in the mirror. The “a” word if it’s said you don’t need to say it, the answer is “I just want to be the healthiest version of me, I’ve given myself a challenge and I’d appreciate the support if you can give it.
My family and friends have all turned round and said how proud they are of me, it’s only been 2 months and I’ve lost over a stone and I just feel 100 times better.

I think the reason I’ve been successful so far is thanks to this thread but also like @ShyMaryEllen & @REP22 wise words that for me it’s a realisation that I’ll never moderate so for me it’s the camaraderie here and commitment to to be alcohol free. This will be my first Christmas and I agree that this is not a moderation thread and the opening gambit saying that , was what drew that to me. I’ve not slipped (yet) and am desperate not to but I’m very much leaning into the 0% options.

@REP22 That is the most handsome I’ve seen Sid, that one needs a festive frame.

@ShyMaryEllen Wishing you all the luck for your scan and positive news x

@Becky3825 I’m very impressed with how far you’ve come and your crafty habits, we’re all with you x

Sorry not to tag everyone, happy Saturday, I hope everyone has the day off tomorrow and some time to relax x

Hello everyone, it's been a crazy work week, but I'm feeling optimistic. A couple of you who replied to me when I posted a week ago really helped me I think. @Womanshour said good luck with the week ahead. I know you know this, but your post also suggests you want to drink to cope with a really hard week. Ive been there so many times... But not drinking has meant my coping is so much better. And @Onewildandpreciouslife you said something similar.

It kind of dawned on me that I do have this very deep-rooted idea that I need to drink to cope with work anxiety. With any kind of anxiety really, but especially with work anxiety. I think deep down at some level I really believed the alcohol was getting me through, even though deep down at some OTHER level I knew that alcohol meant I was making myself more stressed and less able to cope with my job. Anyway I felt quite depressed over Sunday and Monday and drank. On Tuesday I stayed sober and I still haven't had a drink.

I know it's only day 5 (again!), but I feel like something has shifted. The last few days have been rather chaotic (I'm still moving teaching sessions around and turning up a few minutes late to seminars/tutorials), but my head has felt clearer and I have not stopped telling myself that drinking will not help me get the teaching and marking done. I've got through the few days of morning tremors and evening stomach pain that are familiar to me now as withdrawal symptoms (I know, I know) and I'm feeling physically better as well.

I'm going to take it one day at a time and do my best to stay stopped. My new sobriety date is 11 November, which is Remembrance Day (Veterans' Day in the US) and the anniversary of my dad's funeral years ago, which was a turning point for me in that I started drinking more heavily than I had ever done before. I'm hoping I can make that date a positive turning point for myself now.

I have another mad week next week but I'm going to stay sober, even if it means I have to cancel/postpone the odd teaching hour. I'm tired of living like this. I'm also worried about my health as I know it's impossible to keep drinking almost every day without one's health being affected eventually.

Anyway thanks to all of you here, I'm very grateful to have you! Am going to try to catch up on the thread a bit now; I'm pages behind!!

@WendyWagon I'm so sorry to hear about your bereavement. Belated congratulations on your wedding anniversary 💐And that's fab news about your DS getting the house! Shame about the Marks AF G&Ts. This is probably an obvious option, but have you tried the Gordon's ready mixed ones? They're my favourite and they're often on sale at Tesco.

@ShyMaryEllen sending you strong positive thoughts for your scan. The fact that you did 8 years is amazing. Well done for getting back on track.

@LillyPJ it's lovely to see you here again.

@postcard it's great that you're back on day 5 (not least because I'm also on day 5 ... or rather day 6 now that it's past midnight).

A warm welcome to @TwoNicePuppies and the other newcomers.

@REP22 Sid is looking gorgeous!

@Becky3825 well done on making it through Saturday! It's funny how we're all different in terms of triggers. Saturday is the day I feel calmest because work is far away. Sunday the work anxiety often starts to return, so the cravings return. And on weekdays, I think about drinking even more frequently. It will be so good when my brain stops fixating on alcohol so much. Frankly it's exhausting.

Hang in there everyone and sleep well.

Good morning. So many posts, I'll not reply individually but just to say I'm still reading all posts and finding the thread such a great support. Good luck to all in your endeavours and have a good Sunday!

Another Saturday done
well done all

@elusivehope im so pleased the words helped. I saw it as I recognised ways i have thought. I'm so pleased something has shifted x

Morning
Had some family time yesterday and was on the noughty & Scott 0% sparkling Chardonnay. Would recommend for a Christmas drink for those for which it's normal to start first thing. Thinking now how mad it is that I'd feel whoozy for the majority of the day. I'm sorry @FiloPastybut the coffee thing did make me laugh a little - isn't it absolutely bonkers.
It's so lovely that you've got a date and meaning to hold on to @elusivehope. And as they say, put your own mask, life jacket, [insert life saving device here] on first before helping others.

Great work all for getting through Saturday. We have the Sunday feeling to get through to but we can do it. I'm going to do some at home beauty treatments and listen to some podcasts this evening.

@FiloPasty ”I just want to be the healthiest version of me, I’ve given myself a challenge and I’d appreciate the support if you can give it.”

This is brilliant- I’m stealing this!!!

im on 50 days today and cannot believe I’d ever be here.

@elusivehope i related so hard to your saying on the one had you “need” alcohol to cope with stress and on the other hand you know it doesn’t help. So so relatable and I’m 100% the same. It’s like having an angel and a devil on my shoulders saying different things!

Morning all.

@ShyMaryEllen wow your post really resonated with me. So many similar experiences. I'm reminded of the post by one of our number saying that sobriety is a relapsing condition. However you're so right about the effects to long term non drinkers.

@elusivehope ive had a few toxic work places and I thought if I drank I'd calm my mind. Of course it didn't. It just made me unable to fight my corner or give my best. You're obviously very clever (and sometimes that's a curse). You have it in you to change. I'm proud of you for your journey so far.

One of my favourite sayings is wine is just rotten vegetation in water. I've got a visual mind and I can see it. The more disgusting cucumbers I see the better! 😄

@WendyWagon I’m also a visual thinker/learner so the rotting veg is a good one and cucumbers are just particularly manky when they start to go!
Pages and pages back now that I mentioned it but now when I’m in the booze section of the supermarket or corner shop I have my internal music playing in my brain of Alice Coopers “poison” so I kind of shout it in my head as I walk past “you’re poison, running through my veins, you’re poison” it genuinely helps! I missed your son getting the house, what wonderful news x

@BountifulPantry glad that helps, other people will notice your skin, hair general energy too it’s such a positive giving it up. The results do show for themselves.

@Lavrander where do you buy that one? I’ll add to my list. I’d often have to have a sleep on Xmas day so I could get up and drink more. What a shitty mum I can be.

@elusivehope I’m also with you that I drank to cope and a rough day, tired day would always mean a glass of wine as soon as I got home. The stresses are still there, I have ND teens and they come home with the energy of their own stressful days at school and I find it a lot. Not to be too woo but I’ve always been a very empathetic person and I feel like I soak up any bad/good energy around me. However, at this point I think I should start being a 0% drink influencer as they’ve really kept me on the straight and narrow. It’s fine to reach for the bottle (0% peroni my favourite) it really does itch the scratch despite being 0%
the stresses/pressures of life are still there but I do feel better in myself to deal with them sober.
I’d say the physical differences are immense energy, skin, weight etc but the mental challenges are just improved it’s not as big a difference as I’d maybe hoped but just because it isn’t huge it’s still tangible. I hope that’s helpful and not too waffly.

I agree @FiloPasty

I've just realised Day 300 happened recently. But I don't think about it often any more 😊

Well done on 300 days, @taylorean. I know what you mean - I stopped counting when weeks turned into months, although I always remembered the anniversary of my last drink, which was a bank holiday, so as each year rolled round I raised a proverbial glass. As with so much on this journey, we are all different, and even then, at different stages we think and behave differently from how we did at others. It's very motivating to count at first, and clock off milestones, though.

@elusivehope I used to work in academia, and fully understand the stresses. I'd guess that way over 50% of colleagues drank to excess, and it was being able to give up work that made all the difference to my giving up the booze - they went hand in hand.

Wow!! This is amazing Congratulations!

You can get it from Ocado or just looked and it looks like Waitrose sell it or online - it's Thomson & Scott Noughty 0% Sparkling Chardonnay. They do a red but haven't tried that one @FiloPasty

Cograts @taylorean

Wow, thanks all!

I'm not bragging about great self control - just think I've been lucky with my precise mix of medication.

But I wanted to send a little signal that it's worth doing (for people who haven't started yet) and worth persevering (for people who are earlier in the arc).

It's been easier than I would have guessed, and better. It hasn't solved everything of course (not that many fluffy bunnies), but it's removed one thing that was making everything else harder.

Fitness next, then finances!

@taylorean well done on 300 days, that's brilliant.
I'm mainly on another thread ( 200 days), but just thought I'd share my progress.
I got to day 165 and was feeling brilliant. Then holiday and I caved the 1st day. Won't go into the whys and wherefors but yes, I caved.
That's the bad news.
The good news is for the last 3 days on holiday I've had a beer and a wine with dinner.
And more good news is I'm home today and determined to get back to my af life, as it was great for me.
Not worried about Christmas.
Next holiday is 5 months away. My aim is to stay af, and cross that bridge when I get there.
I should think I'll probably moderate but I'll see.

Morning!
Got that Monday feeling. Here goes.

Me too @Lavrander - good morning all.

Hope all goes well today @ShyMaryEllen .

Strength and courage. xx

Morning all
another weekend successfully negotiated.
well done to all who also managed.

to all who didn’t, dust yourself off and get back on board.