Support thread for those trying to lead an alcohol free life - Autumn 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!

This thread is for anyone who is genuinely trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just kindness and encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation, there’s an a long-running thread for that in this board that will be a better fit for you. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on, cheering you on as you do.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

Thanks, @Lavrander. It's more of a forum, I think. I'm not sure that I will continue after the 100 Day Challenge, but I quite like that commitment, and will log in every day for accountability. Like everywhere, much depends on the people using it though, and I've just had a very patronising comment suggesting I tour a liver ward (!!) to scare myself by seeing the state of the patients, and 'do my homework' about liver damage. Otherwise, people have so far been nice, but it's not as supportive as here, probably because there are more people and they don't know one another as well.

I get that it's difficult to get the balance right between being supportive and enabling, though. Years ago I posted on Bright Eye, which doesn't exist any more. It was a great community, but insisted on total lack of judgement or criticism. That's fine up to a point. Nobody needs, (or is in a position to dispense) judgement, and when people are vulnerable, criticism can push them over the edge, but every Monday a large number of people would post to say they had 'slipped' over the weekend, to be met with 'poor you, don't worry about it, we've all been there, it will be ok' comments. I found that incredibly hard, as i was reeling from being told I had cirrhosis, and knew it would NOT necessarily be ok, that drinking every weekend was not a 'slip' but a pattern, and the constant narrative suggesting the forum was a big family who got by with weekly 'slips' and would be fine until a ripe old age was unhelpful. There were sections for people who had got to various points (eg 3 months, 6 months, a year) and posters would drink but continue to post in the group they were used to, which defeated the object of striving to move on (IMO, anyway). At the same time, shaming someone who has been trying, but has let sobriety slip is pointless and just as unhelpful. I get that.

I don't want a form of AA - I don't want to be thinking about drink all the time. A quick post for accountability is one thing, but constant confessional is really not for me.

You asked about why I 'dabbled'. I was told I had cirrhosis based on an US and bloods, then about 18 months ago had a fibroscan and was told it was fibrosis, but they would not alter the diagnosis on my records. I really struggled with that. It is madness, I know, as of course fibrosis can progress to cirrhosis, and it was insane to decide to drink again, but I guess I thought I could have an occasional drink as my liver damage wasn't as bad as we'd thought. It quickly progressed to an occasional binge though, and I've now decided to dial it back, and hope I haven't passed the point of no return.

Good luck at the hospital, @WendyWagon! We'll be there with you in spirit.

Good morning shipmates. Very damp here today.

On Sid's morning walk earlier a complete kn~bjockey in a big Audi deliberately sped up to go through a puddle and give him an utter soaking. He was livid. He's normally a very well-mannered young man but, dear lord, he turned the air Chelsea blue. No lasting harm done though, and I suppose it rinsed his ears out (Sid's a martyr to his ears).

I'm sorry you've had a trying time at work @Carpetburn - hope things get better soon. You're doing so well. I have bonkers dreams too - sometimes utterly mad but with just enough plausibility in them to make me wonder if it WAS a dream for a few seconds upon waking. Sid has vivid dreams too, paddling paws, barks, and a selection of hits from his favourite stage musicals get belted out most nights in his sleep. If I was a mean-mommy I'd record him and play it back to him when he's awake, but I'm not, so I won't.

Great to hear from you @LillyPJ and glad you're still doing great. Oddly enough, Christmas booze doesn't worry me, because I don't buy it myself and there are so many things that I need to be 'in the moment for' that I don't crave it. Different story when alone though. I can well understand why you are concerned. Can you make it a rule that any undrunk booze in bottles goes home with a guest afterwards? Then there won't be any dregs hanging around the house that "need finishing off"...! There's luckily still plenty of time to come up with battle plans and strategies.

Wonderful news about DS's house @WendyWagon - that's been a long time coming. Will you get to pick and plan the decor? Hope all goes well for the hospital. As @ShyMaryEllen says, we will all be with you in spirit. Sid too.

Strength and courage lovely friends. We are going to be alright. x

@ShyMaryEllen alcohol is so insidious, how it sneeks back in and trys to be fun, helpful and whatever else when its just poison. Sounds like you have a good plan, I hope it works out for you. I still do something most days to keep my mind focused, sober book or podcast work well for me.

I hope you start to feel better x

Morning shipmates :)

I have the 0% in for tonight, think it’s nearly fire on time with this weather. I found all the missions on try dry last night and had great fun ticking the sober holiday etc box.

Hope everyone ok

Morning all.

Good morning! Day 3 here, 1st Saturday though 😬

Morning all
thanks for the Trydry mission tips I shall have a look.
I am meeting a friend today for lunch but I’m driving so feel confident it’s a social event I’ll manage.
Have been for a long walk this morning and think despite the weather it should be a good Saturday.

Morning All! Another non-alcoholic drink recommendation - Fevertree Ginger Beer. I bought it because it's got no artificial sweeteners, plus I fancied a change. Big lump of ice and a slice of lime. It's quite strong (I'm a wimp with spices and ginger etc) so it was easy to sip rather than gulp it down. One bottle will easily last me at least two days (which is way more than a bottle of wine ever did!)

I have a liver scan on Monday, so wish me luck? I have them every year, and it's always a bit worrying, but this time I'm really scared.

Good afternoon all and welcome to new and returning posters.

I’ve been reading but not posting as I felt flat and disappointed that I ended four months AF last weekend. I felt under mild pressure as I was visiting and had to try a proper Guinness or other local beer etc etc. I’ve been out with friends these past four months, I went on a holiday abroad etc and I said no. This time it was DH, DS, BIL, close family members, I’d have thought it would be easier. So I didn’t have a plan. Anyway, I’m back on day 5 now.

All the luck in the world for Monday @ShyMaryEllen from me and Sid. We'll be thinking of you and hoping all goes well. Sometimes the fear of a thing is worse than the thing itself. x

@TwoNicePuppies - how did the Saturday go? You're doing really well. Weekends can be particularly tough. Sid and I have been out to a local hillfort today for a walk around the ramparts. Would not have been possible when drinking, of course. Did the soul good and the views from the top were great. Sid thinks he would have been a mighty Bronze Age warrior. I think he'd have been the lad who emptied the slops buckets. Not so much a knight in shining armour, more like shining the armour at night...

I might have to investigate TryDry @FiloPasty - I'm a divvul for the Slimming World stickers, and the idea of ticking of missions appeals in a similar way, hehe

Bless you @postcard - I'm sorry your streak was busted. Please don't feel too badly. It's happened to the best of us. You're back up and striding forwards again and that's what counts.

Strength, courage and love to you all. We're going to make it. It'll be alright. xx

@REP22 thank you so much for asking, it didn’t go well unfortunately. Had a lovely long fell walk then stopped at a coffee truck (would usually be a pub but I said I didn’t fancy a pint) I held dogs whilst he got drinks, mine was a lovely baileys hot chocolate. It’s what he’d always get me if it was there, I’d asked for a tea, I drank it. 😫 I haven’t said yet I’m not drinking in case he says the A word at me.

@postcard well done for getting back on the wagon.
Some carry on counting but record a blip. Woukd that help?

Fwiw I announced I was cured at 100 days on this thread. Ho hum I was back within a few weeks but you know I don't feel the same four years on.
My health a some will know is poor and I'm intelligent enough to know the booze won't help.

For me in year two I looked in the mirror and said for lord's sake Mrs W stop your nonsense. It changed me that and the therapy.
Have a good night all. X

Got Guinness 0 for tonight though. I’m not counting the Baileys as a total fail. The last time I did a few days then some 0.5% beers made me think F* it, this time it’s just a blip.

@TwoNicePuppies oh poo! That was unfortunate. But in absolutely no way a fail at all. It wasn't your fault There was a coffee truck at the hillfort Sid and I visited today but sadly they were closing up as we finished our walk. No hot chocolate for me 😖 (or🥳, in Slimming World parlance, hehe). Hope you don't feel too bad. It will be OK.

Hope you have a good night too lovely @WendyWagon xx

Crossed posts, mine clearly isn’t a blip in day 3 if you @WendyWagon & @postcard did 100 days/4 months. Thank you @REP22 🙏
People who’ve been here a while, some on & off, how do you tell people?
As ‘the drinker’ with a ‘social’ job & a very introverted personality who only feels slightly normal with a Prosecco inside, how does one navigate it?
At home with husband & mum I could probably say I’m taking a break, but they’d still be “this wine was on offer, keep it for summer”, “I know you love a sloe gin when you read in front of the fire”, etc. but work & friends are different.

Also, I feel you all know each other & I’m intruding on your post…..genuinely (no offence will be taken!) should I start a new one for new AF/AF trying?! I’m very new to MN & only here for this reason.

I said I wasn't drinking as I had felt grotty for a while (true) and was trying to sort out sleeping and energy levels. After a while, if anyone asked (and mostly people don't) I just said I'd stopped for the above reasons and realised I hadn't missed it so hadn't started again.

It might be surprising how few people care about others' drinking.

Absolutely not. You're very welcome. We're all newbies at some point.
I'm still here as I'm a diary writer and wfh.

@TwoNicePuppies - you are absolutely not, 100% certainly not, intruding here. You are very, very welcome and it's great to have you aboard with us.

There's a mixture of people who are new, and some who have been here for many years. I joined in 2023 when @WendyWagon was at the helm. The thread was originally started in 2020, I believe. Some have been here since then, others joined a few days ago. All are welcome. Some people leave for a bit and then return, under the same name or a new one. Some check in infrequently just to catch up and some people are long-time readers but never post a thing. Every single one is welcomed and valued. Including you.

Some people do start their own threads in the relevant section, but don't feel that you have to. I don't - the support and solidarity I enjoy on here is what really suits me best.

Also, please don't feel that you have to namecheck and reference every previous post if you don't want to. There's no strict rule on what and how you post, only that you're doing your best to stay completely off the falling-down-water. There is a separate long-running thread for those looking to moderate their intake, but that's not for me - I know I cannot moderate and that's not a helpful thread for me to be on.

As for what to say to those encouraging you to partake, I think it depends on the situation and the person. I'm quite comfortable saying "No thank you", "Not for me thanks", or "No, I don't want any of that" and leaving it at that. You don't owe anyone an explanation or justification if you don't want to. "No" can be a complete sentence. Catherine Gray's books "The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober" and "Sunshine Warm Sober" offer suggestions on responses to well-meaning (and less well-intentioned) offers from the humorous to the more serious. I'm a fairly jokey person, so I might laugh and say "Well, I like it, but my head in the morning doesn't, hehe" or similar if I'm trying to keep it light. But I do find that a patient but firm "No thanks, not for me." will do. It's the folks that keep trying to press it on you that can be tiresome (and I can't imagine that people generally say "oh go on - just the one!" when a line of coke or wrap of heroin is declined, but here we are).. Having to drive in the morning, needing to be back and there for the kids when the babysitters, feeling "under the weather a bit" are all reasonable excuses to make. But people should respect your "no" and not force the issue. If someone does put something in your hand that you neither wanted nor asked for, remember that it's OK not to drink it. It can be discreetly put down somewhere out of sight without comment or fanfare.

I'm sure others will have their own advice and tips. We've all been there, where you are right now. The fact that you've joined us and are posting here shows that there is fire inside you to fix this. It takes strength and courage to stick your hand up and ask for some support, very hard indeed. Keep posting and sharing and ask any questions you want. It's helpful to all of us, whatever stage we are at and however long we've been here.

Hope at least a little bit of this is helpful. Here's our wee mascot Sid, wishing you continued success and joy of your evening. xx

@REP22 I have to say that Sid is looking particularly handsome in that photo!

@TwoNicePuppiesI started just by saying I was driving or just taking a break. Now I'm more honest and just say I feel better for it so don't plan to start again.
I do think you have to be clear to people and just have a bit of a plan because it does throw people off a little and it's much harder to start with.

please don't feel you're intruding! We all were 'new' to this at some point. I only started posting back in June. The advice and general natter has felt invaluable. My main advice to you actually would be post every day - the more you do it the more your goals are front and centre. You are so so very welcome - honest!!

@TwoNicePuppies Welcome! It's great to see new faces. I don't care if someone's been here years or just stepped in. We're all aiming for the same thing and trying to help each other. Post when you want to, if you want to, about anything. This thread has been a huge help to me, even I just read the comments and don't post. Good luck!

Thank you all, overwhelming tbh 😭

🙏

Good luck @ShyMaryEllenx