Support thread for those trying to lead an alcohol free life - Autumn 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!

This thread is for anyone who is genuinely trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just kindness and encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation, there’s an a long-running thread for that in this board that will be a better fit for you. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on, cheering you on as you do.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

@WendyWagon I sympathize! I have my adult DC staying with me temporarily. I love him dearly and we get on really well and it's only be for a few weeks. But even the faint background noise of the TV in DC's room gets on my nerves. I love my quiet solitary life. And, clearly, I'm intolerant and unsociable!

@REP22 im sorry that weekends are hard right now. I agree with you, keeping trying and putting one foot in front of the other is the best thing we can do. For anyone with hard days here is what i am trying to live by:

Good morning shipmates. Thank you for the top tips @ShyMaryEllen and to you and @Womanshour for the good wishes and encouragement ❤️. Sid is grand now. I've got two of those bottles with brush-tops of cleaning stuff, I've used up one already. Our local hardware shop sells them. They must wonder what I'm up to, as I've bought enough to render me liable as a suspect serial-killer or crime-scene cleaner. It's better than it was.

Hope the meeting with your friend goes OK @LillyPJ - all power to you.

Sorry to hear about your ongoing health struggles @WendyWagon - I really hope they can get to the bottom of it and that you're well for the Christmas and house move plans. Look after your lovely self.

Strength and courage my wonderful, brave friends. We can do this. xx

Feeling a bit wobbly today resolve wise - it's a glorious day, I'm in a good mood, and the thought of a glass this evening feels fabulous. I'm telling myself I don't want it and I'll regret it. But the wine voice is currently the louder and nicer one to listen to. Any tips to get me through?!

@Springadorable Any distraction is good. Get stuck into some project - sorting photos, tidying a drawer, drawing up the family tree, clearing a border... It doesn't matter what it is. The important thing is to make a start - that's the most difficult bit. Or get out of the house and go somewhere where booze isn't available. Ask Chat GPT for advice - it can be really helpful.

I just realized I've scored a maximum break today - it's Day 147! (For snooker fans...)

Estate agents often produce the most atrocious photos. My daughter is in the (slow) process of buying her first house, and some of the details she's looked at are hilariously awful. A very basic training would mean that the EE would put loo seats down, move coats from the backs of chairs and get rid of washing up from the sink before taking photos. And who needs to see a close up of the turn on a staircase, unless there is a beautifully carved balustrade (which is really not likely at my daughter's end of the market)?

My sister flirted with the idea of moving house last year and had an equally awful experience. She has a sprawling old farmhouse, with lovely views all round, except for the ones from one window which looks out on a grotty reclamation yard. Guess which views made their way to the video? You couldn't make it up. I'm no photographer, but some of it is just common sense.

It is exciting though. A beamed cottage with an open fire sounds very Homes And Gardens, and would give a wonderful opportunity to go to town on lovely furnishings. I CBA to move, but do enjoy a bit of a daydream about life in assorted places, plotting colour schemes and lifestyles.

@Springadorablesome great advice on distraction for later. I do find that 'winning the argument' helps me as well so don't just ignore it completely. Really think about how you will feel - properly visualise it after two drinks, three, in the morning. Imagine the thoughts and feelings you'll have tomorrow. Your brain is chasing the first sip and ignoring the rest.

Just reflecting that people always say they fancy A glass or A beer, A drink but this is rarely what actually happens. What we actually mean is we fancy 4 glasses, 6 beers etc. Just another way we trick ourselves into thinking we're just having a little something that does us no harm.

And so true on the estate agent photos. It's the toilet seat ones, or open washing machine doors. Just ask the owners to move things if it looks bad in the shot.

@Springadorable - I agree with the advice about distraction techniques from our wise shipmates, as well as @Lavrander's words about 'playing it forward' - and having to face your family/friends afterwards with excuses for why you can't make it to coffee with them or why you are feeling like a cup of cold sick. The look of sorrow and regret in Sid's big eyes is generally enough for me.

Another tactic that has worked for me in the past is having a shower/hair wash and into my PJs as soon as I get home after work. That way, it's more of an effort to get dressed again and head out if you're looking to procure more drink, each stage of which can be used as a lever to give yourself a good talking to. Or tell yourself "it's just for tonight", it'll be alright tomorrow - one day at a time. It can help.

Post on here, if you need to, give it a good vent and share, even if it's 2am. I guarantee you that we, most of us, have been there ourselves and know every single second of the wretchedness you are feeling in the moment.

Failing that, a timely browse of this thread The reality of the end | Mumsnet can be a helpful reminder of why we should stay true. Warning though - it is grim and unsettling reading. Important and very brave of the OP to write it though, I feel.

It won't always be this rotten, I promise. It does get better. xxx

Thank you, this was just the boost I needed. I'm off to pick up my son soon and will make sure I don't detour into the shop...which I absolutely would have done otherwise!! 💪

You've got this @Springadorable!

We've all got this.

IWNDWYT

@ShyMaryEllen The photos that really puzzle/annoy me are the ones that show vase of flowers or something like a 'Live, Love, Laugh' sign or something equally temporary and nothing to do with the actual house. Completely pointless! Unmade beds in photos really put me off - I imagine the house being messy and smelly.

Oh yes - the unmade beds! Why do the agents not just do it if the sellers haven't the wit to do it themselves?

Quite apart from selling houses, making the bed (ie straightening the duvet) takes less than a minute, but is one of the things I rarely did when drinking, and it made life so much pleasanter when I got into the habit of doing it after I stopped. A nicely scented room, a bit of pillow spray and clean pyjamas on a straightened bed is so much better than falling into an unmade bed in a grotty old tee shirt and finding last night's socks at the bottom of the duvet.

Sorry - that photo shouldn't be there😀. It was posted above by @Womanshour , and I don't know how to remove it in the edit.

I still find last nights socks at the bottom of the duvet @ShyMaryEllen!

I'm so with you on a proper bed time routine though and I appreciate my bed so much more now especially on clean sheet day. Must get some pillow spray. That sounds rather lovely.

Ooh yes, I could get on board with a pillow spray! Any recommendations? I have quite sensitive skin/eyes so have to be a little bit careful

A bit indulgent but I have a neom room diffuser, I got it for Christmas a few years ago and you just need a couple of drops of the essential oil. So lovely x Neom also do a nice pillow Spray. Can sometimes find nice ones in TK Maxx too.

Pleased to report that my meeting with old friend went well. We went for a couple of pints - mine were AF, his weren't. He was pleased, impressed and slightly envious of my abstinence. His drinking has increased since we last met and is certainly at dangerous levels. It made me feel relieved to have managed to stop, and more determined to resist the occasional temptation when it arises. Thanks to all for your support.

I am the room smells expert 😎

I use a Neom diffuser too, and a variety of pillow sprays.

Neom, This Works and Pillow Spray ones (https://www.pillowsprays.co.uk) are all lovely.

Also, Nikura oils are a less expensive alternative to the Neom ones, and work just as well in their diffusers. https://nikura.com Be sure to use their essential oil blends if you are putting them in a diffuser though.

Aromatherapy Associates do lovely oils - both bath oils and ones that also fit in the diffusers. Expensive, but Christmas is coming, and they do have flash sales and a decent points system.

ETA my diffuser uses a 10ml bottle of oil that screws into it, not drops and water. I find the waterless ones are easier as they don't need to be cleaned, and you just change the bottle if you fancy a change of smell. Most brands sell oils in 10ml bottles and the tops seem to be interchangeable. I don't think I've bought ones that don't fit - all the ones I've mentioned do.

That's great news, @LillyPJ.

Sometimes being able to step back and look at what we used to see as normal is really useful. I see a couple of friends who are still drinking, and it's a bit of an eye opener to remember that I used to match them drink for drink.

Good morning.
Up to a tidy house. It's great.

The bay trees came and they are so good I thought they were fakes. I got them off ebay.

I've got some empty gaps on my bookshelves and that is odd. I might try reading some classics again. It keeps me away from the grog.

Morning Wendy, I’m currently reading Eight Cousins by Louisa May Alcott but I’ll read anything, love a good book :)

My house actually really needs a good clean, think I’ve spent so much time these last couple of weeks on not drinking that I’ve neglected everything else. But I’m not drinking so I’m ok with the messy house will have a deep clean this weekend.

Morning.
Travelling this weekend for my little weekend away. A shop coming soon with all my AF goodies. Shame the weather looks rough but I'm kitted out with my waterproofs so will try and make the most of it.

I must get into reading once more. Considering watching the old BBC version of Pride and Prejudice again but could get the book out of the library ready for my holiday. It's one of my comfort reads/ watches.

Pleased your drinks went well @LillyPJ. It's sad when you see problems with other people but I have to say (and thank you to whomever mentioned it on the previous thread) the serenity prayer 'Grant me the strength to accept what I cannot change' helps me a LOT. Particularly as I notice alcohol dependence far more than I ever did before.

@Lavrander Pride & Prejudice is my comfort watch, often I watch the bbc series followed by the Matthew McFadden one. They are remaking it again! Which I’ll probably still watch.

Glad all went well @LillyPJ - you did great. Sorry about your friend though - that must be tough to watch.

Great news about the trees @WendyWagon. I am currently re-reading Jane Austen. Re-reading treasured classics is like spending time with an old friend. I rewatched the 1995 BBC series last weekend @Lavrander - it's currently available on the BBC iPlayer. Netflix are making a new version with a ginger-haired Mr. Darcy, Olivia Colman as Mrs. B, Emma Corrin as Elizabeth. Hmm. Fiona Shaw as Lady Catherine though should be good. There was a MN thread about it where posters were in uproar and the general consensus was that the 1995 series could not be bettered. Probably right. A few years ago I wrote and appeared in (hehe) a play about Jane Austen and her sister. Some of the Austen family came to see it. It did quite well. As a young 'un, Colin Firth was in the same theatre group. A newspaper review of one of his plays at the time referred to him throughout as "Colin Frith", poor s~d.

@ShyMaryEllen I love looking at estate agents listings - at properties I'd buy if I won the lottery. The Money Saving Expert website forum has a long-running thread called "Have a Look at This!", where posters share noteworthy finds of property listings - quirky decorations, odd architecture, utter hovels (sad), those sorts of things. Also stuff like dubious pictures and books on display and, erm, "marital aids" left out on prominent display. And spot the pets is a popular theme - usually cats in one or more photos, but dogs and other more exotic beasties sometimes pop up. And I'm with @LillyPJ on the pointless shots of flowers, ornaments and "love makes a home" sign-type images. These also increasingly feature in photos of self-catering holiday properties available for booking (Sid and I mostly have our holidays in them). I mean, why? Just why?

Strength and courage my friends. It's going to be alright. xx