Support thread for those trying to lead an alcohol free life - Autumn 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!

This thread is for anyone who is genuinely trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just kindness and encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation, there’s an a long-running thread for that in this board that will be a better fit for you. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on, cheering you on as you do.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

I waited 4 weeks for my first appointment with my support worker.... now attending a weekly auction support session but hopefully a home detox is going to happen soon if I jump through all the hoops to convince them I'm serious.

*addiction not auction!

I do like the question is your life good enough as it is?

Mine is so much better.
I did everything to access. Drinking, eating, shopping. It was all to feel better after a difficult childhood.
I've only bought eight items of clothing this year, half lightly loved. I'm very proud of that.

I would love a cottage and my chickens and if I'm honest to retire and do my own cosmetics line. That's good enough for me.

Hold on @shrunkenhead and @FiloPasty I'm sorry you're having to wait. But you're further on than if you hadn't started the process. Keep inching forward!

I'm firmly in the 'replace one habit with another' camp. I did it gently, by replacing wine with AF the variety at home, and going out as usual but drinking lime and soda in bars and restaurants. Instead of staying up late, drinking until I knew I would conk out when my head touched the pillow, I made going to bed a pleasant ritual. It worked for me, as clearly I wasn't physically addicted, but stopping abruptly like that could be dangerous for those who are, and I don't suppose you know if you're addicted or not until you do stop, when it could be too late.

I think the really important thing is to learn what works for us as individuals, as one size doesn't fit all, so our habits may vary, but the idea of changing them slowly can still work.

@FiloPasty and @LillyPJ (and others who've commented similarly) I'm really taken with the idea of replacing one habit with another. My drinking routine follows the same pattern every night I succumb. Even to sitting in the same place and watching the same programme! So it's time to create different habits of time and place that break the pattern.

Morning all.
Keep picking the wrong coat at the moment- either too hot or too cold!

Just wanted to check in - I’m on day 19 today. Can’t believe it frankly.

@bitterexwife congratulations!

@Onewildandpreciouslife I know what you mean you need a warm coat for the morning and no coat for the afternoon!

44 days today. I am bumberling along. I've noticed each week I've had a couple of big intense emotional reactions to stuff that is difficult but not to the level of my reaction. I have never needed to work out how to deal with these emotions, just quick fix numb and pay the price tomorrow. I have walking now as a way to blow the big emotions away, but I need to build more ways... guess this is 'the work' we have to do that people talk about!

I definitely feel that every attempt I made to stop over the past 18 months has built my resiliency. I remember the first time I tried to stop I just couldn't stop crying. So if anyone is reading this, with a million day 1s do know they can be part of building new habits. X

@bitterexwife - that is great work- congratulations 👏👏

@Womanshour - well done on 44 days! Yes, gradually you will build alternative coping strategies as you find what works for you.

I have 2 questions I ask myself at the moment: Where are your feet? What can you control?

If you watch any interviews with the England women’s rugby team you’ll often find them saying the “where are your feet?” phrase- it’s a great way of grounding yourself in the moment and stopping your brain run away

@Onewildandpreciouslife thank you, I love those two questions. I will add those into my developing tool box! X

Good morning shipmates. Sending love from me and Sid.

I like "where are your feet" @Onewildandpreciouslife - I don't really follow rugby and haven't heard that before. It's a good choice to have in our internal armoury. Similarly the bit about control. I've used something like that many times in the past. I have struggled so, so much with issues that have happened to me in times gone by, and with an often-challenging family member. They are a big part of why I sought bottle-based release. What has helped me is the understanding that I CANNOT change what has happened, and I CANNOT change the attitude failures of those who ought to be and have not been loving and kind. What I CAN change is how I respond to it and how I let it affect me. That I can take power over.

I used to have an American colleague who was hilarious and very straight-talking. She once said to me "unless you're charging them rent, don't let them live in your head". She wasn't wrong; too many unwanted things DO take up space rent-free in our minds and drag us under. I know it's not easy and there are many good reasons why people choose not to do it, but if you're in your lifeboat and someone is trying to pull you down and out and into their depths, you can drop the rope and sail peacefully away into less choppy waters. "Why do you keep returning to the banquet table when YOU'RE the one on the menu?" was another good one.

Thank you for your comment about a million day 1s @Womanshour - I really needed to hear that today. I've been doing OK but struggling, especially at weekends. I was at Slimming World last night and the lovely lady sitting next to me and I had both put on a very, very small amount this week. I said I wasn't going to be disheartened, as we were out, actively trying to do something about it. We weren't at home moaning or wallowing in endless self-pity - we were being proactive in trying to make our situations better. Like here. We're here, still trying to do our best because we want to be better. It's not easy but it IS worth it. We can make it.

Sorry I haven't namechecked all the new friends on here - I know it's not a prerequisite for here, but I am pleased that you have found us and hope you will stay awhile. You are very, very welcome here. ❤️

Right - in amongst my other tasks today, I shall be researching the cost to hirs a carpet steam-cleaner. One member of our household has made noxious expulsion on the hall carpet and remedy must be made. 🤢 Cabin Boy/Powder Monkey Sid was pressed for his views. "It must have been one of the others." he maintains. "But only you and me live here..."

He did his best 'wasn't me' looks and barks that he "has no further comments to make at this time". We shall see. That carpet cleaner cost will be coming out of his Christmas money...

Strength and courage. It will be alright. xx

https://www.vax.co.uk/carpet-cleaners-and-washers/spot-cleaners/vax-spotwash-home-pet-design-and-car-plus-solution-bundle-deal?fbclid=PAVERFWAM-iohleHRuA2FlbQIxMQABpwUHvaxbVftvrxHDRyhPngPR7olmXpvBuiwX_asEHmJdSFOW7z-f1Ls4Ssyr_aem_iJCfzZcZ7hRhdFrnCj4Seg

I saw this last week and thought it was a good buy @REP22 according to my TryDry app I’ve saved enough money for it!

How are you finding slimming world, I was tempted to go back after a few failed attempts that were mainly calories and then snacking from the drinking.

Im being kind to myself, not putting myself on a healthy eating or exercise routine as at the moment just not drinking is enough for me, I do hope that I can take those on.

I’m still struggling to go to bed at night, need to get into a better routine.

@FiloPasty Being kind to yourself is a good idea. I treated myself by buying food I'd usually deem too expensive (very dark chocolate, mangoes, Marmite, cherries) and new AF drinks. I also bought new bedding and bedside furniture which makes going to bed more of a treat. And I've put the money I've saved by not buying booze aside. I just counted it and it will cover my spending money on holiday next month.

Oooo - thank you @FiloPasty - that looks like just the sort of thing I'm after! ❤️ It does look like a very good price. The hire of one seems to be @£30 for 24 hours, plus the cost of detergents and the journeys to collect and return it. See also the cost of mortification of having to hire one from the store and manhandle it into the Sidmobile... 😳 That could well be a better option. Not so time-critical either. Thank you. ❤️

I did very well at SW to begin with - lost about 3.5 stone quite quickly, then it took me a while to get to 4 stone, then I just plateaued and put almost a stone back on. I had a couple of drinking blips (and the inevitable pushing of the "F~ck-It Button" that that ensues). But I am back and doing well again now. Almost back to my 4 stone and then it will all be further progress. Cutting out too much bread has helped - I'm a devil for a thickly buttered slice of tiger loaf. And keeping on track. They're a nice crowd at my local one, which helps. Sid is a welcome attendee, though he tends to get bored quickly after the weigh-ins and has to be relocated to the car with his colouring books if he cannot keep his remarks to himself.

Maybe you could plan to go back in the new year, or whenever you feel the lure of the scales? Or have a crack at it from the comfort of your own home in an informal way - the SW website has some good recipes. Delicious Healthy Recipes for Weight Loss | Slimming World.

But I echo the wise words of @LillyPJ - being kind to yourself and not too restrictive at the moment is the very best option for now, even if it does cost the old waistline a few extra bobbles. It's important that you don't feel too deprived and thus further "robbed" by booze. Also, there is A LOT of sugar in alcohol, which your body gets used to, so some people actually physically do need something to "wean off" the sugar cravings. I mainlined chocolate milkshake when I was giving up (Sainsbury's TTD white chocolate and raspberry for preference), especially at bedtime. It did help. Or a nice hot chocolate. And, like @LillyPJ - the cherries. Oh, dear sweet lord, the cherries. M&S do massive ones that I occasionally treat myself to. I shall reserve comment on the Marmite (though, to be fair, it is a key ingredient in a SW teriyaki salmon recipe that is absolutely lush and which I make a lot).

It is really important to look after and spoil yourself at the moment. Making your surroundings a bit nicer is also really excellent advice. Just small things that make you feel a tiny bit better about yourself. Even if it's a nice air freshener or scented candle. I bought myself a new loo seat with dolphins on it and a new bedroom lampshade. Money well-spent.

I struggle with sleep as well. I find an audiobook or podcast on quiet loop throughout the night to be helpful. Or back-to-back episodes of Saturday Kitchen (I know, I know. P~rnography for dieters...), something fairly harmless and uninvolving that won't result in me accidentally waking up at 3am to the sound of someone being ritually disembowelled by gangsters, on the BBC iPlayer most helpful as I try to drift off, or if I wake up in the night - that way, I'm not left alone with my thoughts. Of course, if it was up to Sid, it'd be streaming back-to-back episodes of 'Police Interceptors' - but he sleeps on the side nearest the wall so doesn't get to pick, hehe x

I find the timing of the exercise makes a big difference. For instance, I'm much less likely to have a drink if I'm planning on going for a run at 5.30am before the kids wake up. Absolutely won't work for everyone, but might be something to consider for a few. I know I'm always looking for hacks to make this easier!

Busy day shipmates.
Very tired so resting but going to put the pj's on.
I need hot milk and a cuddly dog.

The for sale sign is up. Ho hum. Worse photos I've ever seen!

Exciting, @WendyWagon!

Please say hello to Sid for me, @REP22. I hope his upset tummy is on the mend. He does look suitably contrite, it has to be said. That 'Must Have Ideas' site has a mini steam cleaner on sale for about £90, and I have a code for 20% off that if you want it. I no longer have a canine housemate, but I do have them as visitors, and keep in the plastic bottles of carpet cleaner with a brush and sponge on top, and find them very effective if you don't need to clean the whole room. They smell good too. Dr Beckmann?

Sympathies to those who are struggling. I am feeling rather overwhelmed just now. Nothing overwhelming is happening, really, but I have ADD, and overwhelm goes with the territory. I have a few social things coming up, which will involve being in different places on different days for two or three weeks. Usually that would be ok, but it's making me feel anxious, and last night my sister asked me to do a fairly simple chore and it felt like the last straw. I didn't drink, though - my AF cocktails have arrived, so I had one of those. Not the same, but it was better than downing a bottle of wine and waking up feeling guilty and ill.

Talking about breaking habits I just will share a couple things that have helped me. I used to drink wine and cook. Now I pour a trip (cbd drink, from Amazon) into a wine glass and cook instead. I sometimes will make a quicker meal aswell like a stir fry as my favourite thing to do was to make elaborate meals in order to find an excuse to spend hours drinking in the kitchen. I also eat a lot of sugar. This helps but I’m hoping once the not drinking gets easier I can kick that habit but for now it’s the lesser problem. I also have tried to find other ways to deal with stress such as running or meditation. I also plan my child free nights or weekends meticulously so I don’t end up bored. I always have a book lined up and a series and plenty of snacks around. Connection is also good and I’m trying to meet up with friends and go back to my running club etc.
one thing is I can say I’m really enjoying it but cravings do pop up out of absolutely nowhere and can catch you off guard. What helps me is to immediately eat 🤣
hope everyone is okay :)

Tomorrow, I'm meeting my friend I've not seen for 9 years. We always used to go for a drink and we'll probably do the same tomorrow - but this time mine will be AF. I think he'll be surprised. I'd be amazed if he'd stopped drinking too, but anything is possible.

Morning shipmates. Ahoy from the early girl.

I needed to sleep on the house situation and the brochure is a bit pants. The agent said they'd photoshop any unflattering bits but they didn't. Both the DD and DH studied photography so I'm going to get new photos this weekend. The agent is no David Bailey!

I've had a few days ill health again this week so I phoned the hospital. I don't want to be called in at Christmas.

I've found loads of Nozeco. Always a good shout.

@WendyWagon morning being new I’ve missed this, are you moving house? Stressful at the best of times. I agree about changing the photos, I do wonder what some estate agents are on sometimes when you look at the photos and the order in which they place them.

I’m 2 weeks dry, genuinely this is the longest time in over 6 years which feels awful writing down. I have my 45 minute call this morning with the local drugs/alcohol service. Not sure what I’m expecting and unsure whether I should say I’m still drinking as I’m wondering if I won’t get any support otherwise. Silly really.
Good news I think is on my NHS app I’ve had full panel bloods done for various other ailments and it looks like my liver is ok.
One thing I’d love to happen is to be bumped up the queue on my adhd diagnosis, you’ll laugh but I’m at nearly 6 years on the waitlist for this. I think the main reason I’ve always self medicated.
Im actually feeling pretty positive about my 2 week sobriety, early days of course but I feel quite resolute that I’ve had enough and I’m determined to live a better, healthier life.

I hope everyone else feeling good and positive x

Yes moving @FiloPasty
I live in a three storey house so it's difficult as I have mobility issues.

We moved a few years ago to a new area, are you planning on going far? I found it, well once the initial stress was off - very reinvigorating. Although has lovely open fire which led to excess red wine and brandy…..
Must not let that be a trigger this winter

@FiloPasty three years ago I bought a modern house. Not my style at all. Never owned one before. I love the cheap heat but my furniture is all wrong.
It was the back end of covid and people were still pouring out of London. We'd been gazumped and there was little to buy.
We have to move now as I can't manage all the stairs. My two adult DC live at home so the door constantly rings with deliveries. It drives me potty.
I love an open fire and a beamy house.
I think I've found one but I'm not sure re the location. It's quite isolated from shops. I like having them on my doorstep.