Tulips, Snowdrops and Brownies! Thread 4 for those wanting a coffee not a cocktail🌷🧁☕️

[AFmammaG]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5147598-day-1-or-100-tulips-and-snowdrops-say-browniesnotbeer

Boldly starting Thread 4, link above to Thread 3. Hoping some of the oldies will join and always open to newbies. This thread is for anyone looking to chat and support those trying to lead an alcohol free life ❤️

I came across this post online and it really resonated with me. I haven’t cracked everything in my life yet but the pieces are coming together. I know I said 100 days was a bit of an anticlimax for me but actually this time last year I had long since given up (again). Repeating the same cycle and feeling utterly desperate at times. So desperate I didn’t want to be here 😢 honestly, the fact you are still posting, still trying, it says so much about your strength of character. So many have disappeared off the thread or just accepted the cycle as their life. You can do this @SadMama87 and when it clicks, life truly can be wonderful ❤️

I too think it sounds like you need some RL support @SadMama87, someone who can lift you up like @AFmammaG‘s sober companion (sounds amazing btw!). Someone whose judgment and support you’re not remotely afraid of. Your husband doesn’t want this mirror reflected on him so it’s in his interests to minimise and your brain will accept it because it’s easier too. When really it is an oh my god moment which you can, if you choose, use to make a concerted effort to break free of this.

I really like the motivational poster. As a fan of trudging up hills it’s much the same. You plod and plod, eyes forward, head down and just hard work in front. But, if you turn around and look back, you’re up in the skies and oh so far from your starting point below! It’s a wonderful metaphor.

Thanks ladies @AFmammaG and @TimesaChangeling . Yeah I’m under no illusions that my DH is happy for me. He is able to “control” his drinking much more than I am (he has his rules he sticks to 🙄) and just says “well drink less”, “then only drink beers”, etc etc.

I have done AA and it’s not for me. I will research things in my area and/or online.

Last night my DH was being very sassy with me. I called him out and he said he’d been going non stop since he woke up and I was sassy the night before. I told him that’s what I do every single day, and that he was sweet all day and only now (after he’d been drinking) was he being rude. He immediately went to bed and left me to take care of all the nightly tasks.

I hope this is just a bump in the road but the doubt is creeping in. There’s cracks in the foundation and he’s been teaching me how to live without him quite frequently these days.

I love that metaphor of plodding up a hill @TimesaChangeling
Sobriety is one day at a time, and the view really is magnificent.
I think that stopping alcohol really can put a strain on relationships. Alcohol numbs our emotions and stopping (or discussing stopping) brings all these things up to the surface.
You have a young family and life is hard in those early years, sometimes alcohol is the one thing that you can have “together” which is fine if it’s healthy but it sounds like it’s causing real issues in your life and how you feel about yourself.
@AFmammaG is right - do this for yourself, be stubborn about it. So what if your DH wants to drink, let him. You are choosing another path. No need for big decisions when emotions are high. Just tell him that you’ve decided to stop for a while, do the inner work and make those little decisions that help you towards your goal every day, a nice cup of herbal tea instead of wine. A glass of cold soda water in a wine glass.

It’s a process and it doesn’t happen overnight but sometime in the next few weeks you’ll look back and see that view. Slow and steady wins the race. We are all works in progress but it gets easier, I promise you that. I can’t believe my new normal is a herbal tea.

One thing I did - and I don’t know if this is right or not - but when I was getting pressure from DP about having a drink at weekends, was to say I felt a bit nauseous, a white lie but it worked and he left me alone.

I also use the Try Dry app, it’s got a section for journaling which is useful for noting down thoughts. Also I love ticking off each day, it’s a nice sense of achievement.

Had my first sober weekend in weeks where I actually don't feel like I missed out on something because I didn't drink. Woke up to a nice clean house, which I worked on yesterday, when I would usually be passed out on the sofa hungover.

I think the nice weather is helping as the sun gives that little mood boost, (although that comes with the thought that it would be nice to enjoy a bottle in the sun). Started a night time ritual of having one CBD drink a couple of hours before bed which seems to help me relax and wake up more calm. Also begun reading a book called 'The Compassionate Mind' which is really resonating with me. I think the second half of the book goes into training your mind how to relax and be kind to yourself, which is something I've never understood and was using alcohol to compensate for.

Hope everyone has a great day; all we can do is take each day as it comes

I’m day 60 today. Feeling quite proud but sad that I still think of alcohol every day.

Well done on your sober weekend @bigfoot40
Where do you get those CBD drinks?

Happy Birthday @Cantdoitalll, I hope you have a wonderful day.

I feel similar about drinking. Over 100 days and still think about a cold glass of white wine most days. The urge to drink is weaker undoubtedly but it’s still there nonetheless. I guess we just keep at it. Keep trying. Keep reminding ourselves of all the benefits of not drinking.

@bigfoot40 well done on your sober weekend. I agree with the importance of being kind to ourselves. It does make a difference.

I’ve had a tricky week. Been feeling quite down, not eating well, not exercising well. I saw a photo of me taken today and I look awful. Years older than I am. I haven’t slept well this week which also hasn’t helped.

I won’t bore you with all the details but it’s the Easter holidays killing me. The kids fighting. My DS is all over the place without his regular routine. It’s getting me down. I know it will be better next week and I know not everyday is going to be a good one. It’s just hard you know? Quitting drinking isn’t like waving a magic wand (sadly).

I also think about wine every day but I also think about deceased family, exes from donkeys years ago, cigarettes (I don’t smoke now although I vape), cake, chocolate, and a million other things every day as well. The mere fact you are thinking about it is fine, if you can dismiss it. I quite like the analogy re the ability to dismiss it as easily as the prospect of a sandwich for dinner. I mean I am pretty certain that the millions of thoughts I have per day probably do include sandwiches but it doesn’t mean I am failing at giving them up! It’s there, acknowledge and move on.

(I say this whilst I have in fact been wanting wine all week so I am in no way saying I have mastery).

Update: Day 4

I feel a lot better, even though DS is home with a fever and kept me up until midnight. I still woke up feeling much more rested and “clean”. I also have a lot more energy and it seems like my brain is functioning a lot better.

Preparing for Easter, and I’m so excited to celebrate with my beautiful children (DH is not a Christian). We’ve invited some friends over (the husband passed away this Christmas suddenly he was only in his 50s). The wife and daughter are such lovely people it would be nice to get to know them better!!

I am so excited ladies, we may be adopting a kitten for our DD’s birthday. We are cat (crazy) people 🤣🤣🤣

That’s a lovely update @SadMama87, well done you will have the week under your belt before you know it!

@TimesaChangeling I also think about cake everyday 😆

DH has opened a bottle of wine. I had to check what day of the week it was. He isn’t working tomorrow, that’s why. I’ve had the DC everyday since they broke up for Easter (3rd April) so I told him I need the day to myself tomorrow. He wasn’t thrilled by the prospect of solo parenting plus it means we don’t spend the day as a “family” but I need a day.

Going to take a leaf out of your book @TimesaChangeling and head out for a hike. I’m pretty excited I’ve already made my sandwiches! Heading off to a viewpoint I’ve never been to before so cross your fingers I don’t get lost and have to call 999… I shall report back tomorrow evening!

@AFmammaG good for you!!! Your DH is more than capable of solo parenting so you can refill your own emotional cup. It’s not easy to say what you need and follow through on it. Hasn’t been for me anyway!!

This weekend I told DH I needed help with the laundry. That it was too much for me and I shouldn’t have to do it all. Him and the kids folded and put away about 10 loads.

Sorry I probably didn’t write properly, I’m 60days AF today, not 60 years old (although I feel it as I’ve done something to my back and hobbling around!)

Well done @SadMama87
That is such an encouraging start!
Its great to have that fresh energy and vitality.

@AFmammaG your day out sounds blissful.
Some fresh air and being away from home for a few hours will be just the tonic. Of course your DH should take the kids for a day, and don’t feel a bit guilty about it!
I am back to work this week, it’s busy and I have another assignment due for my course. It’s looming over me..
In other newsi have just treated myself to some new sandals for summer with the money saved from not drinking, i had set up a little pot on by account and had accrued £120!

🫣 I did miss read your post!

Yes to the new sandals @Cantdoitalll! I’ve been looking for a new pair for the summer but need closed toes as my feet are sadly not my best feature.

I’ve been pumicing my feet every other night and it’s worked. Also, I used a weekly treatment on the fungal toe nails and they’re almost clear - I guess alcohol makes us more “yeasty” which won’t have helped. I might even get a pedicure with the money saved! It’s my “reward” money 🌷

Congrats on 60 days @Cantdoitalll, I hope it’s a wonderful hike @AFmammaG and I hope you know kittens photos are obligatory…@SadMama87

Morning all. Thanks for thinking of me @AFmammaG and sorry I’ve been off the thread for a while. You can prob guess that it was because I slipped. I made 66 dry days and then visited my parents on my mum’s 86th birthday and they had a bottle of champagne at the ready. It felt so absurd not to be able to have a glass with them. That was in March and since then I have had a drink a couple of days per week only when out with friends. I wasn’t drinking to excess at all but still worried it will creep back so I have decided to stop again and aim for another long streak. I am now on day 8.

Hope you enjoy your hike today, it’s beautiful weather here today and I am going for a walk (only an hour or two) with a friend later. And congratulations on your 100 days - that is incredible.

Hello to everyone else and sorry for those struggling with unsupportive partners. I am single which I often felt meant there was no one to help me regulate/stop. I know drinking at home alone is something I don’t want to do again. My teen DD is hopefully off to Uni in Sept and I know I need to have replaced alcohol with healthy habits before then.

Hope everyone has a good day

I made the climb! My legs are killing me 😆 here is a photo from the top, I was trying to be clever with the angle so it doesn’t look that impressive but trust me, it was high!

DH messaged me 15 times when I was out. I counted when home because the phone kept buzzing all day. It’s a bit frustrating, especially given I was home before 5. I don’t mind updates on how their day is going but it felt excessive.

All that being said, I had a good day. I enjoyed the time away and felt really proud of how far I walked.

@Limeandsoda2023 I felt sorry reading your update. 66 days are an amazing achievement but I seem to remember you were quite keen to go for the 100? Do you think you’ll go for a hundred again?

Walking today I didn’t think about alcohol much. Despite DH being out tonight and me having the opportunity being alone in the house. In all honesty it didn’t cross my mind until I came on here to update. Looking forward to that becoming my normal 🤞